We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought
We used to know
At least there's you, and at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back to how it used to be?
    

"What about this one?" Lauren twirls around in front of me, a huge smile on her face.    

"It's good...but that's not it."    

"Yeah, I thought so too." She frowns and heads back into the dressing room.    

We've been out looking for her wedding dress all morning, and so far...it's not looking too good. Originally, she had planned to have one designed specifically for her, but it would have shot the budget to hell, so off the rack it is.     

She knows pretty much what she wants, it's just a matter of actually finding it, and with the wedding a little over two and a half months away, there isn't a whole lot of time.    

Even though I've become her personal wedding slave once again, I'm so glad she's home. For the two months all three of them were gone, I was totally on my own. The first few weeks, were great. The house was so peaceful and quiet, which after five years of absolute chaos, was a welcome change.     

But, the more time dragged on, the lonelier I got, and I found myself calling each of them several times a day. This last week of having Lauren here, has been great for me. I finally don't feel like a completely loser, who has no life outside of work.     

"Alright, I give up." Lauren lets out a frustrated sigh, and grabs her purse. "You hungry? I'm hungry."    

"I could eat." I shrug. "But, I need to swing past work first. I've got some paperwork I need to drop off."    

"Fine. Whatever. Just feed me." She giggles as we leave the shop and head for my car. "Did I tell you Trace is still pissed?"    

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Justin's mentioned it a few times. I get it though, ya know? You should have told him, Laur. And pulling me into it, didn't help."    

"I know." She nods sadly. "But, I just didn't want to deal with it. I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of coming back here, and there's so much going on now. I didn't need him freaking out."    

"Yeah, because he didn't freak out when you just up and left." I snort and roll my eyes for the millionth time.     

"That's different, Ally. I can handle him wigging out for a couple hours. But a month? I think not. He had this whole big plan worked out, that we'd both quit right before the wedding, then after, we'd move into the house. Apparently I ruined the entire thing. He's such a drama queen."    

"Oh please...Trace is probably the most laid back guy on the planet...when you don't hit him with shit out of nowhere."    

She rolls her eyes and groans as I pull into the parking lot. "I just want it all to calm down."    

"It will, eventually. Just chill out."    

"Oh, easy for you to say, miss I'm in love with the perfect man, and everything's wonderful. You just wait until Justin proposes, and everything goes all crazy at once."    

As we enter the building, I don't say a word. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but she's right. I've been acting like everything in my life is sunshine and rainbows, when really...there's a little bit of tension between Justin and I.     

I thought maybe if I ignored it, it would go away. I mean really...it's ridiculous for him to be intimidated by Charlie. He's said countless times, he's not worried, but I know he is. He's doing a good job of putting up this front, like everything's just fine...but I know, deep down, it's driving him crazy.     

I kind of understand, I guess. If he was working with a woman, who I didn't know, and had only met once, I might be a little concerned, but I don't think I'd let it become this all consuming thing. I trust him, and if our situations were reversed, I'd have to believe that he wouldn't break that trust.    

I know that, that's our problem. He doesn't trust me as much as he should, and I know it's not completely his fault. He hasn't been able to trust a woman in years, because of things that were done to him in previous relationships, I get it. But, there comes a time where you just have to let the bad shit go, and for some reason, he can't seem to do that.     

And, the marriage stuff? Lauren's out of her damn mind if she thinks we're even remotely close to taking that step. We haven't discussed it, what so ever, and I don't see it happening any time in the near future.     

I don't understand why, but it's like everyone around us is trying to push us into taking those giant leaps, and quite frankly...it's starting to grate on my nerves. Things are mostly ok the way they are, we don't need to go any further until we're both ready, and Justin can get over this Charlie nonsense.        

Marriage and babies are light years away for us. Everyone else just needs to realize it.     

We finally reach the eighth floor, and step off the elevator. We're met with the thunderous sound of Nirvana, and I can't help but laugh.     

Anytime Charlie has the office to himself, he cranks the stereo as loud as he possibly can. Personally, I'd think it would be a huge distraction, but he claims it helps him work. We find him in the editing room, and I immediately turn the music down, then set the paperwork down in front of him.    

"You...are a life saver." He grins as he quickly flips through it. "This is great. Thank you."    

"It's nothing." I give him a small smile. "So...how's all this going?" I gesture to the screen in front of us. Charlie rolls his eyes, and runs his hands through his hair.    

"It's a disaster...and it's supposed to be ready by eight a.m tomorrow." He shakes his head slowly. "So basically...not so good."    

"You look like you could use a break. We were just about to get lunch. You're more than welcome to come with." Lauren smirks at me, then turns to smile sweetly at Charlie.    

What in the hell is she doing? I don't want to hang out with my boss! It'd just be awkward and seeing him at Justin's release party was weird enough.     

"You sure you guys don't mind?" Charlie gives me a skeptical look, and before I can even open my mouth, Lauren butts in.    

"Of course not. Let's go." She grins, and disappears down the hallway.    

"You sure it's cool, Al? I don't want to impose on your plans or anything...and I know hanging out with your boss can be kind of odd."    

Against my better judgement, I nod, and turn to follow Lauren. Charlie is just way too nice, and I don't think I could bring myself to tell him no. Besides, I've had lunch with him plenty of times. Why would this be any different?    

Once we get outside, Charlie opts to take his own car, and I silently thank God for this small miracle. He definitely doesn't need to know that his assistant drives like a nutcase.     

We're quickly seated at a table in the front of the restaurant, and Lauren plops down next to me, leaving Charlie to sit on the opposite side, alone. We place our drink orders and the table is taken over by awkward silence. Charlie drums his fingers against the table, and studies the traffic going by outside, while Lauren browses the menu.    

I grab my phone and text Justin, hoping he'll be able to offer some type of distraction and I can get through this lunch as quickly as possible.    

"So, Charlie...how did you get into the whole video thing?"    

He chuckles softly and shrugs. "I kind of failed as a musician. I'd taken some film production classes in college, so it seemed like the next best way to stay in the business."    

"Musician, eh?" Lauren raises an eyebrow and smirks. "What do you play?"    

"Guitar mostly. A little bit of piano."    

"Justin plays both of those." I mumble, but it seems to go completely unheard.    

"No singing?"    

"Oh God no." He laughs and shakes his head. "I wouldn't wish that sound on anybody."    

"Oh, I'm sure you're not that bad. You definitely can't be as bad as Ally. Normally, she sounds like a dying cat."    

I kick Lauren under the table, and she sticks her tongue out at me. Charlie and I are barely even friends, so I really don't think he needs to know every embarrassing detail about me. And, I really don't get Lauren's sudden interest in him.    

At the release party, he could have dropped dead, and she probably wouldn't have even noticed.     

If I didn't know better, I'd swear she's trying to flirt with him.     

My phone finally vibrates and there's no hiding the frown that takes over when I read the message.    

"It's Trace. He's in an interview...what'd you need?"    

I ignore the message, and toss my phone back into my purse.     

"Is that lover boy?" Lauren giggles and rolls her eyes.     

"No, apparently he's in an interview."    

"Ya know...I've actually gotten a few treatments for his second video already. He seems to have really hit his stride, and he's got a lot of people interested in him. Pretty much the entire industry is blown away by that album."    

I smile proudly and nod. I can't help it...I really like hearing that my boyfriend is a musical genius.     

We spend the rest of our meal discussing the various video treatments that have been sent to Charlie, and before I know it, Lauren and I are back in my car, headed home.     

"Good Lord, Al. It's a good thing you've got Justin." She shakes her head and chuckles. "Cause if you were single, working with that everyday, and weren't interested...I'd have to question your sanity."    

I scrunch up my nose, and shake my head. "Nah...he's nice, and yeah...he's not bad to look at...but he's...I don't know...he's more like, big brother material."    

"I'm gonna have to disagree." She laughs as we pull into the driveway.     

Her phone starts to ring before we get inside, and judging by the way her face lights up, I'm assuming it's Trace. It must be nice to have a boyfriend who can call you whenever the hell he feels like it.     

I'd promised myself that I wouldn't go into clingy girlfriend mode...but damnit, I miss him. Even though things aren't exactly perfect right now, I still want him around.     

I know he's convinced Charlie's going to sweep me off my feet or whatever, but it doesn't matter. I know it's not going to happen, so he can be as over protective and paranoid as he wants...I just miss him and want him back here with me.     

Right now, I'd settle for a phone call, a text message, anything.     

And yes...I know it's absolutely pathetic and I'm a disgrace to womanhood or whatever, for being so desperate, but I can't help it.     

I pull out my phone, and try calling him. Just as I suspected, his phone goes straight to voicemail, and I follow Lauren into the house, listening to her chirp happily to Trace.     

Wordlessly, I drag myself up the stairs, and into Justin's bedroom. I quickly change into one of his T-shirts, and a pair of boxers, then collapse into his bed. I can still faintly smell his cologne on his pillow, and it isn't long before my eyes start to get heavy.     

Maybe it's just the distance. I've heard him say millions of times, that the distance has always put a strain on his relationships, even with his friends and family.     

But, deep down...I know, we have a much bigger problem. Even if neither of us can admit it.

****************************************************    

"Ally...what the hell are you doing?" Lauren tries to suppress a giggle, but doesn't succeed as she shakes my arm.     

I roll over and push my hair out of my face, then glance at the clock. It's nearing midnight, so...I've been asleep for the last...almost eight hours. Not to mention the fact that I am currently all snuggled up in my boyfriend's bed, wearing his clothes. I seriously need a life.    

"I was tired." I shrug and sit up.     

"Well...Justin's called about a thousand times...and wants you to call him back. Anyway...there's grilled chicken on the stove...I'm heading to bed."    

"Alright...thanks." I call after her as she leaves the room.    

I could really care less about eating at the moment, so I grab my phone from the night stand and sure enough...there's seven missed calls and four voice mails. I dial his number as fast as my fingers will allow. After four rings, someone picks up, but it isn't Justin.    

"Hey...it's me."    

"Oh, hey Al. What's up?"    

"Nothing, Trace." I sigh in annoyance and hop that his short ass gets the hint, that I don't want to talk to him.     

I hear a familiar voice behind him, demanding to know who's on the phone and I can't help but laugh. "Trace, put him on the phone."    

"Nah...watching him freak out because he doesn't know who it is, is way more fun."    

"Damnit Trace, if that's Ally...I'm kicking your ass."    

"Threats of bodily harm do not scare me." Trace chuckles and returns to our conversation. "So, how was your day?"    

"Trace..." I roll my eyes and laugh. He really can be a pain in the ass, when he wants to be.    

"Yeah, mine wasn't so great either. I have this boss, who's a total dick when he doesn't get to talk to his girlfriend. It's pretty pathetic."    

There's a loud crash on Trace's end, followed by numerous swear words, then Justin's smooth voice is in my ear.    

"Hey Al."    

"How'd you know it was me?"    

"Because he only acts like a retard when you call."         

I chuckle and let myself sink deeper into his bed. I know it probably sounds weird, but laying here in his clothes, actually makes me feel a little bit closer to him. His bedroom is just so...him. From the mess scattered all over the place, to the posters on the walls...the room just screams Justin. Which is probably why I've spent so much time in here, the last couple months. I can't even remember the last time I slept in my own bed.    

"Dude...what the hell? I'm bleeding!" Trace calls out, and I can just see Justin rolling his eyes.    

"Barely. I think you'll survive. Now, get the fuck out."    

"You two really shouldn't be left alone." I say and receive a snort.    

"Tell me about it. One day, I'm going to kill his little ass." He chuckles softly, then clears his throat. "So...I got some news today."    

"Oh yeah?"    

"Yeah...we have two and a half weeks of promo left, then I'll be home for tour rehearsals and the wedding. I think it's a week or so after the wedding, that the tour actually starts."    

"I swear to God....if you're kidding..."     

"No joke, baby. Johnny told me today." He says excitedly, and I can't stop the huge smile that's taken over my face.    

This is probably the best news I've gotten all week. We'll have more than two months together before he leaves, and I couldn't be happier. It was starting to feel like I'd never see him again, and I don't even want to imagine what a world without Justin would be like, whether he's my boyfriend, or just my best friend.     

"So..." He drawls out.       

"So..." I mimic him, and he laughs.    

"I really miss you, Al. I think seeing you last week just made it worse."    

I smile stupidly, even though he can't see it. I will never understand how or why, but he knows the perfect thing to say at any given moment. I swear, the boy was put on this earth to make women swoon, and he does a fantastic job of it.    

"I miss you too. And, believe it or not...I actually miss Trace."    

"I'll be more than happy to stick him on a plane, and send him your way. He's useless without Lauren here. Either he's moping, or he's on the phone with her. So, basically...I have no assistant anymore."    

"Oh don't even....like you haven't been just as bad as he is."    

"But they're old and married." He whines.    

"Anyway...Johnny will find you an assistant, just chill out." I roll my eyes and switch the phone to my left ear.    

Lauren definitely had it all wrong when she said Trace was a drama queen. If anyone around here has a flare for the dramatic, it's Justin.     

He can take the smallest, most insignificant thing, and blow it so out of proportion that it seems like it's the end of the world.    

And, that's exactly what he's been doing with this whole Charlie thing. He can't get a grip on his jealousy, or trust issues...so he's taking it out on me. Maybe it's escalated, because I've let it go on this long, and haven't said anything. Maybe I need to sit him down, and tell him how it is, and if he doesn't like it, then maybe we need to re-evaluate exactly what it is, we're doing here.     

I can't stand back and watch him do this, because it's only going to push us apart, and I don't want that happening. I love him more than anything, but I'm tired of justifying his actions. It's time we settled this, once and for all.     

As much as I don't want to start a fight, I know it needs to happen.     

"Jus...when you get home, I think we need to talk about some things." I say quietly, and I can hear him take in a sharp breath.     

"Yeah...we do. Everything's really messed up, isn't it?"    

"Kind of...but we'll fix it."    

"Yeah...we will." His tone lightens and I breathe a sigh of relief. "I know exactly how to fix it."  

"Used To"-Daughtry