A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight.
    

"What? Ally..." Justin stares at me, his mouth hanging wide open, a look of complete and utter confusion on his face. He's still kneeling in front of me, and that damn box still in his hand.     

"Justin...get up...please." I beg him, but he shakes his head angrily.    

"I'm not moving until you explain..."    

"I don't want to do this here." I stand up and grab my purse before hauling ass out to my car.    

I don't know what the hell to even think, much less, say to him right now. Has he lost every damn brain cell he's ever had? Maybe his past drug use was a little more extensive than I thought.     

I finally make it out to my car, and I can hear his quick, heavy footsteps behind me. He grabs me by the arm and whirls me around to face him.     

"Ally...what the hell?"     

I'm having a really hard time figuring him out right now. He's bouncing back and forth between hurt and angry so rapidly, it's impossible to keep up. Maybe I'm in shock...because I can't wrap my head around any of this. What on God's green earth, made him think now was the time to propose?    

"Look...let's talk about this." He pleads with me.    

"There isn't anything to talk about....are you out of your fucking mind?"    

"You're seriously pissed that I asked you to marry me?"    

"No...I'm not pissed. I'm confused as all hell, Justin. This doesn't make sense."    

He gives me a condescending look and rolls his eyes, like I'm some silly little girl who's just hassling him for the fun of it. Slapping him would definitely make me feel better, but I doubt it would help anything.    

"I love you. You love me. What doesn't make sense here?"    

"I want to know why, Justin. Why now?"    

He takes a deep breath, and his steel blue eyes settle on mine. "I know everything's fucked up...but this could fix it, Ally."    

"Fix it?!?" I laugh bitterly and roll my eyes. "How would us getting married fix the fact that you're going on tour? How does it fix the fact that you can't trust me around my boss? It doesn't fix anything!"    

"I trust you, Ally. I've told you that a million times."    

"And you can tell me a million more, but that still doesn't make it true."    

He lets out a long sigh, and shoves his hands in his pockets. He looks like a little boy, who was just scolded for eating cookies before dinner, and I can feel myself crumbling. Any minute now, the intensity of this whole thing is going to hit me, and the water works will start.    

I absolutely hate crying. My face always scrunches up into this awful grimace, and seems to stay red and blotchy for hours. It's not a pretty sight, but most of all, I hate the way it makes me feel. I know, people have always said there's nothing better than a good cry, but I think those people are full of shit.     

There's nothing enjoyable about that completely empty feeling you're left with once your tears dry up. Not to mention, the massive headache that normally sets in.     

"I just...I know this can fix everything, Al. It'll keep us together...Trace and Lauren won't ditch us for their married friends, and fucking Charlie will back off."    

Oh my God. He's unbelievable. His proposal has nothing to do with loving me. It's all about him, and what he wants. He's so terrified of change. He knows the life he's led for the last 25 years is fading away, and he's desperately trying to hold onto it. It's so incredibly selfish...and I just...I'm speechless. I never thought he'd stoop this low.    

"Justin...marriage isn't going to fix any of those things. Our biggest problem is that you don't trust me, and we can't get married if you don't trust me."    

"God damnit, Ally...how many times do I have...you know what? Fuck it. You're right. I don't trust you. And you want to know why? It's all that little shit you do behind my back. You didn't tell me when Lauren's replacement was starting. Any time your phone rings, you hide the screen, so I can't see who it is. Even though, I know damn good and well, it's Charlie."    

His face is getting redder by the second, and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was about to take a swing at me. I don't recall ever seeing him this angry, about anything, and it's a little scary. I always knew he had a temper...I just never expected to see it directed at me.    

"And honestly...he's our biggest problem. Do you have any idea how you fucking look at him?"     

As he stands here, screaming at me, I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and it's a matter of seconds before they'll start to fall. Even though he's finally being honest, and confirming everything I already knew, it still hurts like hell. He's standing here, breaking my heart, and all I can do is watch.     

"I swear Ally, even I think you've got a thing for him. God only knows what other people think.  And don't you dare start thinking they can't see it, because if I see it...you better believe, they sure as hell do too."    

"This isn't solving anything, you know."     

"Maybe not...but I feel a hell of a lot better. You need to make a choice, Ally. Right here and now."    

"Justin, what are you talking about?"    

The tears are streaming down my face and I couldn't care less. I've always believed crying was a sign of weakness, but I want him to see, just how bad he's hurting me. Unfortunately, he's so hell bent on screaming like an idiot, and making himself out to be the victim, he hasn't even noticed.    

"It's me, or him, Ally. I can't do this anymore. I can't be second best to some other guy. I just can't."    

"Are you breaking up with me?"        

His expression softens, and I half expect him to take me in his arms, and swear he didn't mean any of it. Instead, he fishes that little blue box out of his pocket, once again, and holds it up.     

"Are you turning this down?"    

I swallow the lump in my throat and meet his steady gaze, head on. He's not going to charm me into doing what he wants, this time.     

For six months, I've bent over backwards to please him. I've turned into a person I can barely stand, because I thought it was what he needed. I've ignored his mood swings, and jealous tendencies. I looked past all of the negative and hurtful things he's said about Charlie, because I thought it would help him feel better and less insecure.     

But, I've had it.    

I can't do this anymore, and I sure as hell can't marry a man who doesn't trust me.    

"Yes, Justin. I'm turning down your proposal." I take a deep breath, and wait. I know exactly what he's going to say, but I don't think anything in this world can prepare me for actually hearing him say it.     

"Then yes, Ally...I'm breaking up with you." His voice cracks on the last four words.    

He turns away from me, and heads to his own car. Without a single look back, he climbs in, and tears out of the parking lot, leaving me completely alone, wondering exactly what the fuck just happened.

******************************************************   

I dial the all too familiar number for what feels like the millionth time in the last two hours, and get no answer, once again. I snap the phone shut and toss it into the passenger seat.     

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I just...I don't know.     

Part of me thinks, any second now, I'm going to wake up and realize this is some stupid nightmare, and in reality...everything's perfectly fine.    

A time machine would definitely come in handy right now.     

Great...now I just sound like a psycho.     

I pull into the driveway and breathe a sigh of relief when I don't spot a single car. Lauren and Trace had made plans for the evening, and there's no telling where Justin could be. Honestly, I'm not sure I even want to know where he is.     

When he's angry, he gets irrational, and when he's irrational, all of his common sense goes out the window. It's been two hours since he left me, crying in that damn parking lot. For all I know, he could have hopped on a plane and is on his way back to Memphis right now. Which wouldn't really surprise me. I thought about booking a flight there myself.    

However, I have a job and commitments, and I can't just pick up my life and take off like I did five years ago.     

I quickly climb the stairs to my bedroom, and grab the first duffle bag I can find. What do you take with you, when you don't have anywhere to go?     

I grab the basics, bras, underwear, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, hair brush, socks and shoes, then move to the closet. I grab as many pairs of dress pants and blouses for work as I can, then go back for my jeans and T-shirts.     

I jam it all into the duffle bag, and cringe at the thought of just how wrinkled my work clothes will be.     

The front door opens and slams shut, and I freeze. If there truly is a God, that won't be Justin, and I can get out of this damn house without incident.     

I don't really know why I felt the need to come back and get my stuff so soon. I know, I should sit here and wait for him to come home, so we can talk this out, but I want to be as far away from Justin Timberlake, as humanly possible.     

I hear two sets of footsteps and know that Justin's nowhere around. Although, I'm not sure I feel up to dealing with Lauren or Trace either. However, as luck would have it, my friends aren't the 'let sleeping dogs lie', type.     

My bedroom door opens slightly, and Trace sticks his head inside and gives me a curious look.    

"What are you doing here?"    

"Packing." I sniffle, and do my best to wipe the tears from my face.     

"Huh?" He steps into the room, and closes the door behind him. "Ally...are you crying?"    

"Of course not." I scoff at him, and move around the room, trying to collect the rest of my crucial belongings.     

"C'mon Al...don't lie to me."    

"I'm fine. Everything's fucking perfect, ok?"    

"You shot him down." He states, and folds his arms over his chest.     

"Yes, Trace...I shot him down. I'm the evil bitch from hell, who refused a marriage proposal from Justin Timberlake. Go grab your pitch fork and torches so you can burn me at the stake."    

"I'm not here to criticize...what happened?"    

I look over at him, and see nothing but concern on his face, which for Trace...is pretty strange. He's not an emotional guy, and usually avoids serious discussions, yet, here he is...checking up on me. If I wasn't so wrapped up in being pathetic, I'd tell him how proud I am, of him.         

"He did it for all the wrong reasons, Trace." I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "I don't know why, but he got this idea in his head that if he tied me down, suddenly, he wouldn't be going fucking nuts over Charlie...and you and Laur wouldn't move away...I don't know what the hell he's thinking."    

Trace lets out a long sigh, and shakes his head sadly. "This is my fault."    

"It's your fault that he's gone completely off his rocker?" I laugh and roll my eyes. "You can't bail him out of this, Trace. Don't even try."    

"No...it's my fault for letting him think it was a good idea. He was just so damn happy, Al. I couldn't look at him, and tell him I thought he was fucking up, royally. If I would have just...if I would have told him the truth..."    

"The truth doesn't really matter, Trace. He dumped me."    

"He dumped you?" He asks, his voice raising a few octaves.     

"Yeah...he dumped me. I came back to get some stuff...I think I'm going to stay in a hotel for a few days."    

"Where the hell is he?"    

"Couldn't tell ya." I shrug. "He left me at the restaurant...his phone's off. He could be lying in a ditch somewhere, dead, for all I know."    

"Ally...don't leave. Stay here, wait for him, and talk about this when he gets back."    

"No. I think we both need some time to chill out." I zip up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, before walking past Trace, and down the steps.    

I should have known the midget wouldn't give up so easily. He's right on my heels, as I head into the kitchen and grab a Coke. I know he's just trying to help, but right now...I need to get out of this house.    

"Look, just...be careful, alright? Don't do anything stupid, and if you need anything...give me a call, ok?"    

"Yeah...thanks." I give him a small smile and head for the front door. "Just...don't tell Lauren, ok? I kind of just want to be left alone tonight."    

"I get it." He nods slowly. "Like I said, just be careful, and call me. I'm sure this will all be straightened out in the morning."    

He hugs me tightly before I step out of the house, and as I make my way to my car, I can't help but think how wrong he is.     

I'm not sure this will ever get straightened out.

****************************************************   

It's been nearly an hour since I left the house, and I have yet to check into a hotel. I've passed dozens of them, but I can't actually bring myself to go in one. I guess, in the back of my mind, there's this hope that Justin will call, begging for forgiveness, and everything will return to normal. But, the realistic part of me knows, that isn't going to happen. Justin's too damn stubborn for his own good.     

 In a weird way, I don't think the events of the last few hours have fully hit me yet. Granted, I haven't stopped crying since I left that God forsaken parking lot, but none of the normal break up emotions have sunk in. I'm sure, in the morning everything will hit me full force, and God only knows how that will turn out.    

I pull into the lot of a vaguely familiar apartment complex, and park in the first open spot I see. I know, this is the absolute last place I should be, but I just didn't know where else to go. Sure..the hotel option is still there, but I just can't do that.    

I make my way up to the building and hurry inside. I take the stairs, instead of the elevator, in case I decide to turn and run the other way. This is probably going to be the most awkward thing I've ever done, so I definitely want an escape plan, should I choose to leave. Plus, it's going to take me a few minutes to build up the nerve.     

I finally reach the sixth floor, and take a deep breath as I exit the stairwell. I don't even really want to be here.    

I come to a halt in front of 52B, and knock, without hesitation. Hopefully, the person on the other side of this door, isn't asleep, or otherwise occupied. I can't explain it...but I have this strange need to be alone, and around someone at the same time.    

I swear...I'm losing my mind. I can't even make sense of my own damn thoughts.    

I hear footsteps on the other side, and brace myself. The door swings open, and I force the best smile I can muster, through my tears.    

"Ally...what's wrong?"    

I don't know why, but at the sight of him, I break down. I start sobbing, and if he wasn't there to catch me, I'd collapse into a heap on the floor. I really am a pathetic mess.    

He leads me inside and over to the couch, then sits down across from me, on the small coffee table. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor as I sit there and bawl like a four year old.    

I just...I don't understand how Justin could do this. What could possibly make him think that a rushed marriage, would be the answer to our problems? I had a million reasons for saying no. He couldn't have honestly believed I'd say yes...could he?    

I mean seriously...let's look at our situation. We've been friends since we were in diapers, and it's only been six months since we went beyond the boundaries of friendship. Who, other than crazy people, gets married after just six months?    

I love him with all my heart, but this is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever seen him do, and I've seen him do a lot of dumb shit.     

As stupid as it sounds, part of me kind of understands why he did it. He's so afraid of how much everything is changing, I don't blame him. I'm dreading the thought of Lauren and Trace moving. To a lot of people, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the four of us have been together practically since birth, and losing those two, is like losing a piece of yourself.     

I completely understand how he feels. It's scary as hell, and nobody wants it to happen. But change is a part of life. It happens, you deal with it, and you move on.    

I finally get my tears, and my breathing under control, then look at the man across from me.    

"God...Charlie, I'm so sorry. You probably think I'm a total whack job."    

"Nah." He chuckles softly. "Not totally...about 40 percent maybe."    

I roll my eyes and crack a small smile. "Gee, thanks."    

"Honestly...I think something is seriously wrong...and you probably need to talk about it."    

I nod slowly, and before I know it, I'm telling him the entire story, even the parts about him, and he seems unfazed by all of it. He just sits quietly, and listens, as I play out the whole night, for him.     

Right down to a detailed description of that stupid ring.     

I guess one good thing did come of this...atleast the idiot picked out a gorgeous ring.     

"Ally...I...I wish I knew what to say...but I'm really no good when it comes to this stuff." He shrugs and looks at me blankly. "I mean...are you alright?"    

"I don't know." I mutter pathetically, and a whole new wave of tears start.     

"Well...it may not be much, but if you need somewhere to stay for awhile, my couch is all yours."        

"No...I couldn't do that." I shake my head. "I'll get a room at a hotel, really...it's not a big deal."    

"Well...my offer's on the table whenever you need it."        

"Thanks."    

"So...have you talked to him or anything? Maybe you just needed some time to cool off."    

I shrug lamely, and start to pick at my fingernails. "Talking to Justin...never works. He's hard headed, and egotistical...and just...it's impossible to reason with him. And of course...he's never wrong. Nothing is ever his fault. He's perfect, and he's always the victim." I roll my eyes and snort. "Sometimes, I really can't stand him."    

"No offense or anything, Al....but why stay with him?"    

I smile sadly, and shrug. "Because...as stupid as he can be, and as much as he pisses me off...he's perfect for me. Even if I don't like him all the time, I do love him. We just...we aren't ready to get married...he has to know that."    

Charlie listens to me vent my frustrations, watches me cry, tries to give me advice, and before I know it...it's almost dawn.    

I finally leave Charlie's, and head for the first hotel I see. I check in, drag myself to my room, and practically fall into bed.     

It's not an uncomfortable bed, but it's not Justin's. It just doesn't feel right.  As exhausted as I am, and as achy as I feel...I doubt I'll get much sleep.      

I stare up at the ceiling, and like a blow to the head...it hits me.     

Justin and I, are over.     

I know, that sounds so stupid, like I didn't realize it was over when he said it, but for some reason...that feeling of finality has settled in my head, and it brings on a whole new set of emotions, and once again...I can't control my sobs.     

I don't know where he is, what he's doing, or thinking, but one thing is for sure...he can't possibly feel half as bad as I do, right now.

****************************************************  

"You look like shit." Trace observes as he takes a sip of his coffee.    

I slide my sunglasses off, and narrow my eyes at him. "I've spent two days straight in bed, what'd you expect?"    

"Honestly? I expected you two to go running back to each other after about an hour."    

"Yeah well...that didn't happen, now did it?"    

"Ya know...he's not doing so great either, Al."     

"Trace..." I sigh and rub my forehead.     

"I know...you don't want to hear about it...but you can't ignore this forever. You can't live in a fucking hotel room for the rest of your life."    

"Why not? Plenty of people live in hotels."    

"Ally...stop being a stubborn bitch, and just listen, alright?"    

I nod slowly and wait for him to continue. I'm sure he's convinced that he'll be able to talk me into going to see Justin, and straightening this out, but laying in bed, alone, for two days, has given me a lot of time to think.    

I've come to the conclusion that I didn't really do anything wrong. I may have hurt him by refusing his proposal, but I swear, that wasn't my intention. I would never do anything to deliberately hurt him, in any way, shape, or form.     

I almost wish I could have said yes. Part of me knows, that we could spend the rest of our lives together, and be insanely happen. Just...not yet.    

If we got married now, I guarantee there would be a divorce within two years.     

I think you have to know someone inside and out, before you can commit yourself to them for the rest of your life, and right now...Justin and I are still learning about each other. Even though we've known each other all our lives, we're still really new to the whole couple thing, and there's a lot we still don't know about each other.     

"Lauren's really worried...about both of you. You won't answer her calls, Justin won't talk to anybody. I get that you turned him down...but why did he break up with you? Why won't you come back to the house? What the hell happened, Al?"    

"Well...you'll have to ask him why he broke up with me, because honestly...I don't know. I can't go home....I just can't. If I have to see him, Trace...I don't know what the hell I'll do...I'm barely keeping it together here. He broke my fucking heart and...I just can't face him. I just want this whole thing to go away."    

"Well, that's not going to happen unless you talk to him."    

I know he's right. Even if I don't want to admit it, I know he's right. Justin and I desperately need to talk, but my pride won't let me go to that house, or dial his number, no matter how badly I want to.     

Even if our relationship is over...I want to save our friendship, but I don't know where to even start. We swore, that no matter how, when or why this ended, we'd come out as friends.    

It's almost kind of funny. In a way, this whole thing between Justin and I, has come full circle. Our relationship takes a turn, and suddenly...I'm worrying about whether or not, I'll lose my best friend.     

"He's a mess, Al. He won't eat...he won't sleep...he won't even talk to his fucking mom."    

"What am I supposed to do about it? In case you forgot, he ditched me, Trace."    

He rolls his eyes at me, and shakes his head. "So I've heard. Me and Laur want you to come see him. Even if you guys don't want to be together, I'm not letting you just walk away from 25 years of friendship. Fix this shit, Ally. Or I will."     

He slides out of his chair, and stalks down the street. He finally disappears into the crowd, and once again, I'm alone, trying to figure out when the hell my life got so complicated.

"It Ends Tonight"-All American Rejects