This is what you get.
This is who I am.
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can.
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand.
If you're thinking about changing my direction,
Don't mess with imperfection.
         

I've never quite understood where all this wedding insanity came from. Sure, it's something to be happy about and to celebrate, but why so much hoopla over an event that's only going to last a day? I mean, come on...engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, fittings, food tasting's, DJ auditions. Does this madness ever cease?    

I swear I'm not usually this cynical, but I guess the tomboy in me just doesn't get all of this stuff.     

I grew up with three older brothers, so the girly stuff doesn't come so naturally for me. Sure, I love clothes and make up as much as the next girl, but all the Barbie, fairy tale stuff just ain't my thing.     

Of course, I'm sure that if I hadn't been forced to attend this particular engagement party alone, I'd probably be in a much better mood. But, here I sit at the open bar, tossing back long island's and feeling absolutely pathetic.        

Lauren and Trace are off schmoozing their guests, while Justin and girl of the month are on the dance floor, practically humping each other.     

I wonder what Lynn would say if she saw her precious baby boy out there making a complete tool of himself.    

Well...scratch that. It seems Momma Timberlake rather enjoys getting her freak on in front of an audience as well.    

I really shouldn't be criticizing my best friend or his mother for enjoying themselves. After all...this is a party. Having fun is kind of the point.     

But, I guess I'm just drunk enough to be bitter about my seemingly permanent single status.        

It's not like I haven't dated around...there just hasn't been anyone lately that held my interest past a first date. There's been a few serious relationships in my past, some ended amicably, some didn't. I try not to dwell on it.        

I guess sitting here alone all night has made me realize, I'm kind of tired of being single....or I'm just drunker than I thought.    

Hopefully it's the latter because I sure as hell don't have time to date while playing slave girl to the king of pop.    

"Ya know...I'm almost sad this is an open bar. If you were paying I'd have made my quota for the night off of your tab." The bar tender smirks at me and I feel even more pathetic than I did 30 seconds ago.    

"Too bad for you, I suppose." I shrug and gulp down the rest of my drink.    

"Eh...not really. I get paid either way." He grins again and I can't help but laugh along with him. 

"Always a bonus. How much are you making off of this gig anyway?"    

"I'm cleaning up nicely. We'll leave it at that. So...does the bride to be know that her maid of honor is on the verge of needing a 12 step program?"       

I giggle and shake my head. He's cute in that so not my type way. I've never been fond of that California surfer dude look, and Mr. Bartender looks about ready to start a Beach Boys cover band.     

"Nah...I'm usually not much of a drinker, but all the romantic festivities seem to bring out the raging alcoholic in me."    

"Happens to the best of us." He chuckles and moves to a new customer.     

Once again, I'm alone with my drink. Beach boy bartender was a nice distraction for a few minutes, but I was kind of starting to enjoy my sulking. I grab my now re-filled glass and head for an empty table in the corner.    

I know I should be out there having a blast with my friends, but I just can't get into the party mind set. After the hellacious week I've had, I'd love to just go home, crawl under the covers and hide from the world for awhile. But I know that's not going to happen.    

Between helping Trace plan this little shindig(which was no small feat), flying his and Lauren's families out, hiring a bartender, DJ and caterer...I also had my real job to focus on.    

Some of Justin's new material leaked online several days ago and I've been doing major damage control.     

Justin, being the stubborn jackass he is, has decided to scrap every song that leaked and start all over. I swear, this album will never get finished.     

To say I've been stressed out this past week would be the understatement of the year, so naturally...partying is the last thing I really want to be doing.    

"Well, look at this little ray of sunshine." Trace cackles and plops down next to me.     

"Shouldn't you be out there kissing ass to get good wedding presents?" I ask wearily.    

He grins and shakes his head slowly. "Nah...I've kissed enough ass for one night I think. What're you doing over here alone anyway?"    

"Just hanging out." I reply nonchalantly, as if being alone all night has been great.     

I really shouldn't be pouting about this. It's my own damn fault I'm here alone. With all the chaos this past week, I waited until the last possible second to find a date and of course...all of the guys I know, already had plans for the weekend. If I'd planned ahead, this all could have been avoided.    

"Oh hell no...the maid of honor is not sitting in the corner at my engagement party." Trace stands up and practically yanks me out of my chair. "You're dancing with me."    

Oh joy of joys...I get to dance with the midget who has two left feet. Before I know it, I'm in the middle of the dance floor with Trace, who is alternating between the running man, and the cabbage patch.    

Laur would absolutely murder him if she saw this, but I'm not gonna lie...it's hilarious. Clearly, he's had a few drinks and is feeling pretty damn good. Drunk Trace is always an experience.    

One minute, he's bouncing of the walls, acting like a moron, and the next he's completely chilled out. It's never dull, that's for sure.    

"Come on woman..you can do better than that!" He shouts over the music.    

Normally, I'd be all for making a fool of myself with him, but the sight of his horrendous dancing and silly facial expressions has me laughing too hard to even breathe, much less dance.    

Finally the music cuts off and Trace lets out a loud whine, followed by "Man...I was just getting my groove on!"    

I try to suppress my giggle as Justin hops up on the small stage, champagne glass and fork in hand. He clangs them together several times, then chuckles to himself.    

"Sorry...I always wanted to do that." He receives a few laughs from the guests, then clears his throat and starts to babble.    

"Anybody seen Ally Lynn? I think she needs to be up here for this."        

I groan inwardly and force my way through the crowd. Public speaking is a small phobia of mine, so hopefully Justin will yammer on like he usually does and I can just stand here and pretend to look pretty, which in my very buzzed state probably won't be happening.    

Lucky for me, I know my best friend all too well. It's been almost ten minutes and he's still yapping away. Finally, he raises his glass in the air, and I follow suit as he toasts Lauren and Trace.    

"It's gonna be a wild ride guys." He smiles, then takes a long swig of champagne before hopping off the stage and waiting for me to follow.    

I climb down as quickly as my skirt and stilettos will allow, then smile up at him. "Good speech."    

"Nah...it was so corny."     

"Indeed it was...but corny's good sometimes."     

"So, where have you been all night?" Justin asks, replacing his champagne glass with a fresh bottle of Corona.    

"Around."    

"Ah...you've been moping."He smiles knowingly.    

It's always been obvious to anyone around us, that Justin and I have always been the closest in our little group..at least until Lauren and Trace hooked up, anyway.     

I don't know why, but we've always just clicked. He doesn't judge me for all of my little quirks or imperfections, and vice versa.    

Sometimes, I swear he knows me better than I know myself, and that's a little scary. I don't think anyone ever wants to be that vulnerable with another person, no matter who they are.    

I've never had to hold anything back with him. He deals with my mood swings and listens to me whine when I feel like the world is turning it's back on me. Justin is my best friend in the truest sense of the word.    

"I wouldn't say moping exactly..."    

"Right...I told ya...I'd have gladly canceled on my date...but oh no..little miss independent had to come alone." He shakes his head and laughs softly before slinging an arm around my shoulder.    

As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. The entire week leading up the party was full of arguing. He wanted to cancel his date, I wouldn't let him. We went round and round on the subject before he finally relented. I probably should have taken him up on his offer..but I'm just way too stubborn for my own good.    

"You're a trip, Ally Lynn."    

Have I mentioned yet how much I despise his little nick name for me? I don't even remember how it started, but he's called me that as far back as I can remember, and he's the only one who gets away with it.     

To everyone else, it's Alexandra...Alex...Al, and more commonly, Ally. Never Ally Lynn.     

It just sounds so....country.         

Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but I've never been as into the whole "from the south and proud" thing the way Justin and Trace are.    

I'm not ashamed of my roots, but I don't flaunt them either.    

"So...I think I'm gonna stick my date in a cab and hang with you the rest of the night."    

"Justin...don't be rude." I scold him and he scrunches his nose up at me. Believe it or not folks...he is indeed, a grown man.     

As much as I'd love to see him ditch the skank he's referring to as his date, I don't want him doing it on my account.  Sure, I've sat around pouting all night, but it wasn't for attention. I just genuinely didn't want to be here. What can I say...lack of sleep makes me cranky.    

He dismisses me with a wave of his hand. "It's not rude. Besides, she's wasted..making her completely useless to me now." He laughs, then saunters off to get rid of his date.    

I head for the bar, this time for a water.  I've had about all the alcohol I can stand for one night, and don't see myself drinking again for quite awhile.    

The party's starting to wind down a little, and even though I was a complete downer all night, I have to admit it turned out perfectly. Everyone seemed to have a great time. The food was incredible, and I'd say 90 percent of the people who'd been here left with a good buzz.    

Overall, I think the night was a success.     

After several minutes of people watching, Justin rejoins me at the bar and orders another beer.     

"I take it that went well?"  

He shrugs and sets his drink down. "I wasn't all that into her. I doubt I'll see her again."     

Justin and I have never really gone into detail about our love lives with each other. Nine times out of ten, I don't even know if he's dating someone. Granted, I knew every bit about the Britney drama, and flew my ass across the country to help Trace straighten Justin out when they broke up. However, since then, we've kept the relationship talk to a minimum.     

In a way, I think that break up messed with him a lot more than he'll ever admit.  Number one, it took a huge toll on how he looked at and treated all women.    

Before, he was respectful and sweet. He treated any woman he came in contact with like she was the most important thing in the world. After...he viewed all women as inferior beings, who should count themselves lucky he allowed them to breathe the same air he did.     

Naturally, Lynn gave him a major attitude adjustment after several months, but there is still an issue with how he treats the women he dates. I can't even begin to count how many times I've listened to him spout off about his three F's theory.         

"Find 'em. Fuck 'em. Forget about 'em."    

Justin has always been incredibly guarded. Growing up in the spotlight forced him to be extra cautious about who he let enter his life. After the break up, he almost got to be too paranoid. For almost a year, he wouldn't socialize with anyone outside of his family and close circle of friends.     

He didn't trust anyone, and to this day....it's virtually impossible for him to trust anyone new who enters his life.    

His hatred for the media grew to epic proportions. After months of seeing his and Britney's face splashed across television and magazines, I can't really blame him. Everyone had their assumptions about what had happened. The demise of the perfect pop star couple was the big story, and every outlet had to have their say.    

Fortunately, with a lot of time and work...he's moved on. For the most part, I'd say he's almost back to normal Justin, but every so often shades of that heartbroken 19 year old boy show up.     

He hasn't been in a serious relationship of any kind since Britney. It's almost like he avoids letting a woman get close to him. They're usually pretty lucky if they make it to the two week mark and I have yet to see one make it more than a month.         

Unfortunately, his revolving door of a love life just makes him look like a big ol' man whore, and that's just not good...no matter who you are.     

I'm kind of amazed he's stayed seated and quiet this long. Normally, he's got to be up and doing something constantly. The boy never sits still. I swear there's a major attention deficit issue there.     

I look across the room to see Lauren and Trace huddled up in a corner, talking and giggling to themselves.  They really do make a great couple.  Where Trace is overly laid back, Lauren is intense. Where Lauren is unorganized, Trace is the king of organization. They just balance each other out.    

They're constantly smiling and laughing together. In the almost four years they've been together, they've fought only a handful of times.     

It's almost sick for two people to be that happy together. They're that couple that is toothache inducing.    

"Ya know...I'm really happy for them." Justin says suddenly. What is he, a freakin mind reader?    

"Yeah...they both deserve it." I smile as I watch Trace kiss Lauren's forehead.

They've both been through a lot of shit as far as the opposite sex goes, so it's amazing to see them both with someone who treats them how they should be treated.    

"It's still weird though, ya know?" He glances at me and takes a sip of his drink. "I never saw it coming, but when it did...it kind of made sense. Even though everybody always said it'd be you and me."    

"Yep...they did." I chuckle and shake my head. "Shows what they know."    

It's true. From the time we were born, practically everyone in Shelby Forest had their mind made up, that one day, me and Justin would be walking down the aisle. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that we were such complete opposites, even as kids.     

He was the musical one, I was the athlete. His grades started to slip, I had straight A's. He was popular, I was fairly quiet and kept to myself. His parents were divorced, mine were happily married.    

Of course, I'm sure the fact that we bickered constantly just furthered those assumptions about us. It wasn't that we didn't like each other...we were best friends, who just happened to enjoy pissing each other off. I could say something as simple as, "the sky's blue", and he would disagree, just for the hell of it.     

Even now, 20 some odd years later, we can easily fall back into that bickering, but it's always in good fun.    

"Oh please Ally Lynn...you know you want this." He smirks proudly and puffs out his chest.    

"Oh yeah, about as much as I want the countless STD's I'm sure your date has." It's my turn to smirk as he sticks his tongue out at me and finishes the rest of his beer.    

He shoves me playfully and before I know it, we're pushing each other back and forth to see who will fall off their stool first.        

See? I told you we could easily go back into that childhood bickering.    

"You guys ready to head out?" Trace and Lauren approach us hand in hand. Lauren looks about ready to drop where she stands, while Trace still seems to have a good buzz going.     

This should make for a fairly interesting ride home. Trace, Justin and myself are three sheets to the wind, while Lauren just wants to sleep.    

But then again...when the four of us are together, it's always interesting.

"Imperfection"-Saving Jane