She laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive

You stupid boy    

It's been two weeks, three days, eight hours, and 42 minutes since I did quite possibly the dumbest fucking thing, I could have ever done.     

I broke up with Ally.     

And I know, I'm a complete fucking moron for it.     

Honestly, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I guess, maybe I was just so hurt that she shot me down. I was so sure that proposing would work, and that she'd say yes. I really should have sat down, and looked at it from every angle. Maybe then, I would have seen what a huge mistake I was making.     

I know, hindsight is 20-20, but I really wish someone would have stopped me.     

Lauren still thinks I made the right decision, but Trace...well, he isn't saying much about anything lately, so I have no fucking idea what he thinks. Him and Laur have been at each other's throats the last couple weeks, so I can only assume that either, the stress of the wedding is hitting them, or they disagree about something.    

I don't want to think they'd start fighting because of Ally and I, but it sure as hell seems like a distinct possibility right now.     

I know I was the one who ended it, but this is killing me. I just...I can't function without her here. Nothing feels right anymore.     

I should have listened to her. I was pushing too much, and she was trying so hard to tell me, but I thought I knew better. I thought I'd come up with a solution to everything, when in reality...I just created a whole new set of problems for us, and I'm not so sure there's any way to fix them.     

Granted, it's not like I'm trying, either. Not once, have I tried to call her. I haven't asked Trace to say anything to her. He thinks I don't know, but I do. I know he's seen her numerous times during the last two weeks. But, I'll let him keep pretending. I don't need to start a bunch of shit with him now.     

I guess, I kind of expected her to be home when I came back that night. I went out to the beach, and sat there for hours, that night. Just sat there, like some pathetic ass loser. I don't even really remember thinking about anything...I just sat there.    

But, I really thought she'd be here. I thought I'd come home, we'd talk, and clear things up. Never, in a million years, did I think I'd come home and find that she'd packed her shit, and took off.     

I don't know where she went, or where she's been for two weeks, but I'd bet she's at Charlie's. And no, I'm not saying that because I'm a jealous, paranoid freak. She wouldn't have had anywhere else to go, so either she's there, at a hotel, or sleeping in her office.     

I really hate knowing that I drove her out of her home. But, I understand why she left. I was probably the last person she would have wanted to see, so I don't really blame her.    

I just...I wish she'd come home.     

I know...a phone call, or something...would change the fact that she isn't here, but every time I try to call, I can't go through with it. I don't think I could handle it, if she shot me down a second time.     

Call me a chicken shit, but it's true.  If I called, and she refused to talk to me, or see me...I'd lose it.     

I guess it's kind of stupid, but I just keep wondering what we're going to do about the wedding, now. I mean...what if this is permanent? What if she never comes back?    

I know, no matter how she feels about me, she'll be at the wedding. She'd never turn her back on Lauren and Trace. I just...we're the best man and maid of honor...there's the rehearsal dinner...the ceremony...the reception.    

How am I supposed to celebrate, when she'll be there, hating me? How am I supposed to walk down the aisle with her, knowing that she doesn't want to be anywhere around me?     

How the fuck am I supposed to get through the rest of my life, without her?    

I had everything I wanted, and I blew it. I let fear, and my own stupid insecurities take over, and I completely ruined the best thing in my life.     

I guess...I was just so scared that one day she'd realize, she didn't need me, or that she could do better. I think maybe, proposing, was my way of keeping her. She's always said the first time she gets married, will be the last, and I can't stand the thought of her with anyone else.     

I can't predict what's going to happen...I can't even really guess. But, I'm praying this will get turned around. I need to swallow my pride, and do the right thing.    

But, God...please...let her take me back. 

**************************************************************    

"So, the wedding is a month and a half away...I'm thinking we can do the bachelor and bachelorette parties the week before?" Lauren looks between Trace and I, a pen and paper in her hand.    

"I don't see why not. We aren't doing anything major though. A bunch of us are just hanging out here." Trace shrugs and looks over at me. "That's still the plan, right?"    

"Yeah man, whatever you want." I force a smile and it actually makes my face hurt.    

Lauren and Trace finally forced me to stop being a pathetic piece of shit, and I'm slowly but surely stepping back into reality.  I'm beginning to accept the possibility that Ally may not ever come back, and as much as it tears me apart...I'm going to have to live with it. I don't have anyone to blame but myself.    

"Who do you have coming?"    

"Jace, Joe, my brother...uhh....fuck...I don't know, Lauren. Why does it matter?" Trace rolls his eyes and huffs.    

"So you can send them gifts, you idiot."    

"You only do that for the groomsmen, Laur." I say quietly, even though I know, I should probably just keep my mouth shut.    

"Yeah, and that's already taken care of. I got that shit a month ago." Trace rolls his eyes again, and leans back in his seat. "Stick to picking out flowers and shit, and let me handle my own stuff."    

"Oh that's a great idea. Since you're the expert." She gets up and stomps up the stairs, without another word.    

Trace lets out a relieved sigh, and chuckles. "Dude...you better fix this shit with Ally. Cause if you don't, that girl won't live to see her wedding day."    

"Me and Ally don't have anything to do with Lauren turning into the wedding nazi."    

"Oh yes you do." His head jerks toward me, and I have to fight to keep from laughing at him.    

I don't know why, but Trace, trying to be serious, is one of the funniest things in the world. Always has been.    

"She's lost her damn mind, man. She really needs Ally's help this next month, and since Al's awol, Lauren is freaking the fuck out. So, it gets taken out on me. Plus, she's convinced you said something stupid, and that's why Ally really said no. She's honest to God, mad at you because Al turned you down."    

"Oh that totally makes sense. Tell her to get a life."    

"Hell no. Are you crazy? I don't want to piss that off. It's bad enough as it is. She just needs Ally back here."    

"So, call her." I say bitterly, and shrug.  A look of defeat washes over his face, and he hangs his head.     

"I kinda figured you knew. I'm sorry man...but I wasn't going to let her go through this alone. She needed somebody."    

"I get it. It's cool." I nod, and he cracks a small smile. "How is she, anyway?"    

He lets out a loud sigh and shakes his head sadly. "It ain't pretty, man. Most days, she can't even get out of bed. Charlie made her take a leave of absence until she can straighten herself out."
    

"So, he's moving right on in there, huh?" I laugh bitterly and shake my head.     

I so saw this coming. I knew as soon as I was out of the picture, he'd make his move. Slimy bastard. What kind of guy goes after a chick, who's on the rebound? I mean seriously, if you're looking for an actual relationship, that's the worst possible thing you could do.    

But then again...who says he wants a relationship? For all I know, he could want one thing from her, and if that's what he's looking for...a girl on the rebound is the perfect way to go.     

He's going to get in her pants, I just know it.    

"Justin...you better get over that shit real quick. I invited him to the bachelor party."    

My eyes widen slightly, and I could so strangle him right now. What the hell is he thinking? What possessed him to invite Charlie, of all people? I bet Ally told him to do it, just to spite me.     

Or, if Lauren's mad at me, like he says, it could have been her. Nobody ever suspects it, but she can be one evil bitch sometimes.     

Or, Trace is just a short ass traitor, and that's all there is to it.    

"He's cool. So get over it."     

"Yeah...the guy banging my ex-girlfriend is real cool."    

"Dude...you're fucking nuts." He shakes his head and laughs. "If you honestly believe Ally is already sleeping with someone else, number one...you need your head examined, and number two...that means you never knew her at all." He gets up and leaves the room, shaking his head and laughing to himself, the whole way.     

I really want to believe him, but I just can't. Deep down, I know Charlie would be better suited for Ally, than I ever could be. And, maybe that's why I was always so worried about the time she spent with him.     

Deep down, I know he's a decent guy, and would probably treat her like a fucking princess. He'd have the time to be with her. He could take her out and do things I never could. He's better looking than I am, too.    

I think that's the worst part. I know he isn't the womanizing bastard, I like to think he is, and I know, Ally's going to see that.    

She's going to realize that Charlie, is all of the things I could never be.     

And, when she does finally see it, there's no way I'll ever have another chance with her.  

******************************************************************
    

I don't know how Trace talked me into this. I know...I need to do something, but I'm not so sure this is the right way to go.     

Then again, I thought proposing was a good idea, and we all know how that turned out.    

I just...I almost feel like I'm invading her privacy or something. She came here to escape me, and all my bullshit. Me, showing up here unannounced, is like disrespecting her need for space.     

The elevator finally comes to a halt, and I follow Trace down the hall. I can feel the knots getting tighter in my stomach with each step, and I honest to God, think I'm going to throw up.    

I'm so damn nervous, my hands are shaking.    

Trace stops abruptly in front of me, and I almost run into him.     

"Dude...what the hell?"   

He turns to look at me, worry written all over his face. "That's her room." He points, and I look to my right, expecting to be met with a closed door.     

Instead, it's standing wide open, and there's a maid inside, cleaning every visible surface. We step inside, and she whirls around to face us.    

"Can I help you, boys?"    

"We're actually here to see the person staying in this room."     

"I'm sorry hun, but this room is empty. Whoever was staying here must have checked out." She smiles, then turns back to her cleaning.     

"We'll check with the front desk." Trace mutters, and we quickly make our way back downstairs.     

I'm not going to get my hopes up. Just because she left this hotel, doesn't necessarily mean she went back home. She could be anywhere, for all I know.     

Trace heads to the front desk, and I keep my distance. If anyone's going to tell me she's gone, I'd much rather hear it from him.         

He returns a few minutes later, his mouth set into a deep frown. "She checked out, and they have no clue where she went."    

As much as I hate to say it, I have a funny feeling I know where she could be, and it's probably the last place I'd want to find her.     

I wish I could say I'm surprised. I guess, I should have known that all my bitching and complaining the last several months, would have just pushed her toward him even more.    

I really am a fucking moron.     

If I would have just listened to her, and trusted her...everything would still be fine. If I would have accepted the fact that things are changing, and dealt with it, like an adult, she'd still be here.     

I don't know what the hell I was thinking...proposing was a huge mistake. I think, in the back of my mind...I knew it,all along. But, I guess...I was just so set on the idea that would help.     

I should have seen, by the look on her face, that she didn't want it.     

"Well...now where to?" Trace asks as we climb back into his car. "Maybe she went back to the house?"    

"She's not at the house, Trace."     

"You don't know that."    

"Yeah, I do." I sigh and roll my eyes. "Do you know where Charlie lives?"    

"Oh come on, Justin...you can't be fucking serious."    

"She's there. I know she is."    

"Fine, I'll take you over there...but if we don't see her car, we're not going in. I'm not having you go in there like an idiot, and start a bunch of shit." He turns the key in the ignition and pulls out of the hotel parking lot.    

I know she's there. She has to be.

**********************************************************    

"But, does he listen to me? Oh hell no. I specifically told him that if we didn't see her car, we weren't going in. I drove around that damn parking lot for 10 minutes looking for her car, and even though it wasn't there, his stupid ass still had to go in. Thank God, Charlie wasn't there." Trace rolls his eyes and shoots me a disgusted look. "Get a fucking grip man."    

"Dude...I guarantee you, if she's not staying there, he knows where she is. I wasn't going to start anything...I just wanted to talk to him."    

"Yeah, and we all know how well you talk to people."    

"Trace...shut up." Lauren says suddenly. "He's trying, ok? And if you're going to bitch about every little move he makes, maybe you need to stay out of this."    

"J...I'm not trying to be a dick...I'm being honest. Letting you think you were fixing things, didn't work before, so I'm sorry...but I think you need to hear the truth." He smiles, but I know he'd love nothing more than to strangle me.    

Honestly, I can't blame him. I can be pretty aggravating.    

All three of us jerk our heads toward the font door, at the sound of keys turning in the lock. Only one other person has a key to this house.    

The door opens and closes slowly, and I can hear footsteps in the hallway. Finally, she appears in the doorway, and glares at me. I definitely wasn't expecting this, and I'm sure my jaw is about ready to hit the floor.    

"Ma?"
    

"Justin Randall...I want to know why that girl is back in Memphis, and I want to know right now." My mother stares at me angrily, and folds her arms over her chest.     

Oh shit.

"Stupid Boy"-Keith Urban