"She's in fucking Memphis?"     

"Trace Ayala...you better watch that mouth, there are ladies present." My mother shoots Trace a warning glance, then turns back to me. "Well, Justin? I'm waiting."    

"I don't know Momma." I shrug. "I haven't talked to her in a few weeks."    

"So, it's true?" She asks wearily and takes a seat next to me on the couch.    

Lauren and Trace suddenly disappear, but my Mom doesn't seem to notice, or really even care, for that matter. Obviously she's here for one reason, and nothing's going to stop her from having a major bitch fest at my expense.     

"Depends on what you heard, I guess." I wince as she rolls her eyes and rests her head in her hands.    

See, this is the biggest problem with small towns. Too much damn gossip. I'm half way across the country, but they still know my every move. Even the really stupid ones.    

The funniest thing though, if the media approached anyone in that town, for dirt on me, they'd damn near defend me to the death. When it comes to outsiders, they're overly protective, but they'd have no problem telling the local barber all of my dirty little secrets.     

"Just...please tell me you didn't propose."    

"I've never lied to you, Momma. I'm not about to start now."    

"Oh, Justin....baby, what the hell were you thinking?"     

"So you think it was a bad idea too? Great." I smile sarcastically.     

"Of course I do! Who honestly thought it was a good idea?"
    

"Me...Trace...Lauren." I shrug lamely as she rolls her eyes and chuckles.    

"Well...Trace doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, and Lord knows, Lauren's about as goofy as the day is long. I love em both like they were my own, but they ain't the sharpest tools in the shed. You oughta know that by now."    

I can't help but laugh at her. As much as she's traveled the world with me, she's never lost one bit of her country edge. Her accent is still as thick as it ever was, and she's still convinced that no one has any common sense.    

Which, in this case, she's actually right.     

"We've been having some problems, Ma. I thought it would fix it."    

She rolls her eyes again, and shakes her head. "So, it was bad to begin with...and you thought marriage would fix it? I did not raise you to be this stupid, Justin."    

"I know, but..."
    

"Just listen, ok?" She cuts me off, and I simply nod.    

I know better than to interrupt my Momma, so I'll keep my mouth shut. I may be a grown man, but she's not afraid to bust my ass, if she needs to. Life is much easier and a lot less painful, when you just cooperate with her.     

"You have to constantly work at a marriage, Justin. It takes everything you have to keep it on track, and you definitely don't have to the time to do that, right now. If you can't keep a simple relationship together, there's no way you could handle a marriage."
    

"I know, Momma. I just...I don't know. It seemed like a good idea. Ally has this boss, and..."    

"Say no more." She smiles sympathetically and pats my knee. "Let me guess, this boss is some young, good looking guy, and you're convinced he's going to steal her away, right?" I nod slowly as she chuckles. "Justin, you've got to learn to trust people, and let fate run it's course. If it's not meant to work out, then it won't. But don't you dare, walk away without atleast trying first.  If you ran your career the way you run your love life, you'd still be in Memphis, working at Lawson construction, and thinking about what you could have had."    

Ok, so my Mom could be a motivational speaker. But, as inspirational as her little speech may have been, it's not exactly helping. A lot of things need to be taken into consideration before I can go chasing after Ally.     

Number one, I need to figure out if she even wants me back. She could have already moved on, and found someone else, for all I know.    

I don't want to go back to her, on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness, only to find that she's had enough of me and my bullshit.    

Plus, I've got my own issues that need to be dealt with.    

I need to learn to trust her, and I know that. Honestly, part of me does completely trust her, but the other part can't stop thinking about the shit other women have put me through.    

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, or gain sympathy from anyone, but a lot of girls have dicked me over.  I've been cheated on. I've had women use me to further their careers. I've been used for money, publicity and numerous other things. I could seriously go on for days here.    

I know it comes along with the territory, but it still sucks, and it still fucking hurts, no matter who you are.     

I know it's not an excuse for the things I've said and done, and I know Ally would never do any of those things, but I've had my guard up for a really long time, so it's hard to let it down so suddenly.    

Maybe the biggest problem, is that we didn't stick to taking things slowly.     

At first...we did. We stopped sleeping together, and we were so careful about how we acted toward each other, but once we told everyone we were together, it all changed.    

We dove into this thing head first, and suddenly, it was more serious than either of us ever intended. I was getting jealous. She was getting irritated, and it was all downhill from there.     

I'm not placing the blame solely on her, but I don't think I'm the only one who made mistakes. We both ran our relationship into the ground, and it's going to take both of us to fix it.     

But first, I have to know that she's willing to try.    

Of course, how am I going to know if I don't try talking to her? I can't be held totally responsible for our lack of contact. For three and a half weeks, I've had no fucking clue where she was, and when I finally find out where she is, and try to go after her...I get there, and find out she's disappeared again.     

Our problems aren't going to be fixed over the phone. It has to be done in person, and I refuse to try doing it any other way.     

"Justin...the smart thing to do here, would be go after her. Make the big romantic gesture. Let her know that you know you were wrong."     

Momma gives me an encouraging smile, and I nod slowly, before grabbing the phone and booking a seat on the first flight I can get.

********************************************************    

"She's staying at Jack's." Lauren grins as she strolls into the kitchen. "He's on vacation. Apparently, the sitter bailed at the last minute, so he called Al to see if she'd stay with J.J."    

"She actually talked to you?"    

"Well..no. I called my sister."    

"Why am I not surprised?" Trace rolls his eyes and snorts. "I bet she knows exactly what Al was wearing when she showed up, too. Nosey ass woman."    

"Hey...if Leigh wasn't so nosey, we wouldn't know where Ally is, now would we?" She smirks as Trace lets out a grunt.    

I glance at the clock and realize, I have roughly five hours until I need to be at the airport. I know, this is what I need to do, but for some reason, it doesn't totally feel right. Maybe it's just nerves, or something.     

I really don't even know what I'm going to say to her. How do you tell someone, you know you were wrong, but you don't feel like it's completely your fault?    

I think my biggest fear right now, is telling her how I feel, and having her get pissed off. I know she's going to have questions, but what if my answers aren't good enough?    

What if, I get up there and realize, maybe we just aren't supposed to be together?        

I've had my mind clouded by good sex before. I've thought one night stands could turn into something real...what if that's all this was? What if, we forced ourselves into believing we loved each other?    

I really need to just stop thinking about this so much. I just keep running around in circles, and end up beyond confused. I can't come up with any solutions, and I can't make sense of anything.     

I don't understand why, one minute...I'm dead set on getting her back, and the next...I don't know what I want. There's way too much back and forth going on in my head.     

I know my Mom came here to straighten me out, but if anything, she just put more pressure on me. Plus, she made me feel like a complete moron. I think she gets some type of sick pleasure out of making me look like a jackass.    

In a way, I'm glad she showed up. I think I needed someone to lay it all out there and be nothing but honest with me, and she did just that.    

My Momma's never been afraid to speak her mind, especially when it comes to me.     

But, for the first time in my life, her advice didn't magically clear everything up.    

"When you get there, can you do me a favor?"     

"Lauren...I'm not going to see either one of your crazy ass sisters. Lucy always tries to molest me." I shudder at the thought of Lauren's older sister.     

She's a nice girl and all, but she's just a little too friendly, if you catch my drift, and her goofy ass husband never seems to notice, or care.     

Two Christmases ago, she got completely shit faced at our big Timberlake-Lawson-Parker-Ayala bash, and spent the entire evening finding various ways to grab my ass. Even when I would catch her red handed, she acted like she hadn't even seen me standing next to her. She creeps me the fuck out.    

"Very funny." She rolls her eyes and smiles sarcastically at me. "Just...Tell Ally, I'm not mad at her."    

"Oh, that's right...because you're just mad at me."    

I swear, I meant it as a joke, but as Lauren's nostrils flare out, and her eyes widen, I realize, she doesn't think it's as funny as I do.     

Really, it didn't bother me that she got mad about my failed proposal. I'm kind of used to her siding with Ally, so it came as no surprise that she'd think the whole thing was my fault.     

She turns to Trace, narrowing her eyes at him. "You told him?"    

Trace chuckles and gives her an indifferent shrug. "Yeah. It was funny."    

"I was not mad!"    

As soon as the two of them start to bicker, I take that as my cue, and leave to go pack.    

It doesn't take me long to throw a bunch of neccessities into a bag, and before I know it, I'm standing in the airport with Trace, waiting for my boarding call.         

"You didn't have to come down here, ya know. Just go back home, man. Laur needs you there to finalize all the wedding shit."    

"Nah, it's cool." He shrugs.    

And, that's when it hits me. Ally and I are being so incredibly selfish.     

The two of us, and all of our drama is completely overshadowing the fact that Lauren and Trace are getting married in a little over three weeks.     

The four of us should be together, celebrating, and instead...everyone's on edge, fighting, and it's mine and Ally's fault.     

Lauren and Trace can barely stand to be around each other anymore, because they can't agree on whether Ally or I, were right or wrong.    

Suddenly, it all seems so stupid.    

"I can't do this." I say suddenly, and I can't hardly believe the words are coming out of my mouth. It doesn't even sound like my voice.    

"You're just nervous, man. Don't worry about it. You'll go back there, sweep her off her feet, and everything will be cool."     

"No...I just...I can't do this. And how can you stand there and not want to knock me the fuck out? We're ruining your wedding."        

He laughs at me, and shakes his head. "J...don't be such a girl. This doesn't have anything to do with the wedding."    

"Yes, it does. All this bullshit has you and Lauren fighting...Lauren is so upset that Al won't talk to her...it's all so fucking stupid."    

"We're fighting because we're stressed out. We just want to get married and get it over with, it's not about you guys...trust me. Just get on the plane, and bring Ally back."        

I shake my head, and glance out the window. The plane is right there, and people are lining up to board, but I just can't bring myself to get in that line.     

"You've already got your ticket, man. Just go." He says impatiently, and all I can do is stare at that plane. "You know, your Mom's gonna kick your ass if you don't go."    

"I can't do it."    

"Fine, then I will." He snatches the ticket out of my hands, and stalks toward the line, leaving me there, with my mouth hanging open.