I used to adore you
I couldn't control you
There was nothing that I wouldn't do
To keep myself around and close to you
I thought you were special
I thought you should know 

        

I pull into the parking lot, of my soon to be, former office, and let out the breath I've been holding, since I left the house.    

I haven't seen or spoken to Charlie, in the three days since the wedding, and I'm a little nervous about coming back to work. Even though we talked, and agreed to remain friends, I've got a funny feeling it won't be that easy. He just looked so...hurt, when I told him what I planned to do.    

I feel horrible for what I did to him, but I don't think I can be with anyone else, until Justin and I figure things out. If I just went on with my life, I'd always have Justin hanging over my head, and that's not fair to me, or anyone else.    

Although, I'm not entirely sure I made the right decision, but Justin atleast deserves the chance to prove me wrong.     

Johnny wasn't all that thrilled with me. For starters, I breached a major part of my contract, and all of the back and forth job stuff, isn't making anyone happy.    

I finally climb out of my car, and head inside. I make my usual stop, at the mailboxes in the lobby, before taking the elevator. As soon as I step onto the eighth floor, the crashing sound of Bon Jovi, hits my ears and I cringe.    

The stereo is so damn loud, the floor is vibrating. This is one thing, I definitely won't miss. Sure...Justin has a tendency to play the garbage he listens to, fairly loud, but it's nothing like this. I don't think he's ever caused objects to fall off of a table with the vibrations from his stereo.    

Paper work, and files are scattered everywhere. The office is one giant mess, and I've never seen it like this. Charlie is organized, to the point of being obsessive compulsive about it. So, this is just way too weird.    

I enter his office, and find him seated, with his feet propped up on his desk, typing frantically on his laptop. He turns the stereo down, and nods in my direction, his eyes never leaving the computer screen.    

"What the hell happened out there?"    

"I lost the boards for Justin's video." He sighs and shakes his head. "I've turned this place upside down, and they aren't here. Johnny moved the shoot up to tomorrow morning, and I have a meeting with the director, in an hour. We have to find those damn things."    

"Are you sure you didn't take them home?" I ask, and he frowns at me. He has a tendency to take a lot of his work stuff home, and on a few occasions, he's left it there. I really wouldn't be surprised, if that's the case here.    

"Positive."    

I know, it's probably really stupid...but part of me can't help wondering, if he lost the boards on purpose. I don't want to think he'd be that vindictive, but people are capable of almost anything, when they're pissed off.    

"Alright...I'll look around. Maybe you just missed them." He shrugs, as I turn to leave.    

He's being pretty flip with me, and honestly...I don't blame him. If I was in his position, I'd be just as angry. I don't even like myself very much, for what I've put him through. But, it's too late to change my mind now.    

I made this bed, and I'm going to have to lay in it.     

Atleast this awkwardness, and tension won't last long. Once the video is filmed, there's a distinct possibility, that I'll never see Charlie Walters again. I'm just not sure that's what I want.    

I search the entire floor, and just like Charlie said, the boards are nowhere to be found. Someone has to have them. This kind of stuff doesn't just disappear.    

Charlie finally steps out of his office to let me know he's leaving, and before I can respond, he's gone. Even if I can't find the boards, I'm atleast going to clean up the mess he left.    

Under normal circumstances, I'd be going to that meeting, with him. I guess, since I'll be gone in a week, there's really no point, in me tagging along. Then, throw in the fact that I major screwed him over, I'd be willing to be that he doesn't have much use for me.    

Like I said before, I can't really blame him, but I thought he'd keep the work stuff, separate. Obviously, I was wrong.    

In a way, I'm kind of glad to be going back to work for Justin. I won't be spending the majority of my time, holed up in an office. No more 18 hour video shoots, every few days. And, the best part...no more heels, dress pants and blouses.    

I know, it's silly to be excited about something like that, but business casual, just ain't my thing. I'm much more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt.     

That's probably the biggest advantage to working for Justin. I can do pretty much whatever the hell I want. Wear what I want. Take time off, when I need it. Go where ever I want. Act how I want.    

When you get right down to it, working for Justin, is ten times easier than working for Charlie.  But, I'm also kind of taking two steps backward. Working for Charlie, was like, my launching pad. It could have led to bigger and better things. It got me out there, with other artists, constantly surrounded by the big wigs.     

Going back to work for Justin...I'm back to following my best friend around the country, and that doesn't do much for the ol' resume.     

On the plus side, this is my opportunity to straighten out the mess, that has become my life. Everything is just so tense and dramatic, and it's wearing everybody out. I know, some of it's my fault, but it's just gotten so old. Hopefully, this is going to work. I don't think any of us can handle anymore crap.    

It takes me, a little over two hours, to get the office back to normal, and I still haven't found those damn boards. Really...I don't see what the big deal is. If everyone involved, knows how the video is supposed to look, why do we need story boards?    

There's no story in the damn video, anyway. But hey...what do I know? I'm just an assistant.    

The phone in my office starts to ring, and I drop the stack of paper work I'd been sorting, to go answer it. With any luck, it'll be someone who knows something about the missing boards, and I can save the day. But, things never work that well for me.    

Before I can even say hello, a frantic voice practically screams my name into the phone.    

"Lauren? What the hell?"
    

"Ally...oh my God...you have to come home. Like, now." She chokes out through her sobs.    

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"    

"No!" She wails, and I have to pull the phone away, before she ruptures my eardrums.     

"Laur...calm down, and tell me what's wrong. I can't leave work. I'm the only one here."    

"I need you here." She sniffles. "Everything is just...wrong."    

"Ok...chill out, and I'll be there as soon as I can, ok? Is Trace there?"    

"No. He's doing some stupid William Rast thing. I don't want him here for this anyway."    

"What about Justin?"    

"Are you insane? Justin's an idiot!" She cries. "Besides...he's at rehearsals."    

I roll my eyes, even though she can't see it, and let out a breath. "Alright. Give me a little while to straighten some stuff out, I'll come home, and you can tell me all about it." She agrees, and quickly ends the call.    

I'm almost positive, that whatever is going on, is some small, insignificant thing that she could totally handle on her own, but she tends to think with her emotions, rather than her head, sometimes. Most of her meltdowns are because she's just blowing things out of proportion. I'm still amazed that she handled all of the wedding stuff so well.    

I finish re-organizing the office, leave Charlie a voicemail, and head home, hoping that Lauren will have calmed down some, by the time I get there.

*********************************    

Lauren stares at the shelf in front of us, then looks over at me, and shrugs. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've never had to do this."    

"Like I have?" I roll my eyes and laugh. "Just grab a few different ones, and let's go."        

She grabs the boxes, and we quickly make our way up front, pay, and head back to the house. The whole way home, I can see her shaking in her seat. She's trying really hard to keep herself calm, but I know she's on the verge of a complete freak out. I get it, though. If I was in her shoes right now, I'd probably be ripping my hair out.     

Babies are scary. Plain and simple.     

I've never been in a situation, where I thought I was pregnant, but I'd imagine it's pretty terrifying. I love my nephew more than life, but the thought of having my own kid, makes me want to run screaming in the other direction.     

It's one of those things that completely changes your life. Who you are, where you can go, what you can do, everything around you.    

Lauren has enough life altering shit going on. She definitely doesn't need to throw a baby in the mix. Although, she's the type who always sees the silver lining. If she is pregnant, once the shock wears off, I know she's going to be thrilled.  Even when we were little, she couldn't wait to be a mom.    

Trace, on the other hand...still has some growing up to do, I think. Lord knows, he's totally turned himself around the last few years, and marriage was a huge step for him, but I don't think he's on Dad level, quite yet.    

Or, maybe he is, and it's just really hard for me to see it. I had a really hard time seeing my brother, as a father, but that has turned out beautifully.     

We finally reach the house, and Lauren bolts inside, clutching the plastic bag from the drug store. She's up the stairs, and in the bathroom, before I even get to the front door.    

I know she's nervous and scared, but I think she's being a little extreme about the whole thing. This is something that's probably easier to deal with, if you're calm and rational. Since Lauren is neither of those, this is going to turn into a huge ordeal.     

"Who lit a fire under her ass?"    

I jump at the sound of Justin's voice, and spot him, sprawled out on the couch. "I thought you were at rehearsals?"    

"I got home a few minutes ago. Haven't even showered yet." He gives me a cheesy grin, and all I can do is roll my eyes.    

"You're disgusting." I mutter, and make my way upstairs.    

I don't know why, but Justin has this phobia about showering in strange places. He has to be at home, or in a hotel room, otherwise, he won't shower until he's in one of those places. Trace thinks he's afraid of someone walking in on him, and taking pictures, or something. Personally, I think he's just a fuckin weirdo.    

But, atleast Trace's theory makes sense.    

I find Lauren in my bathroom, reading over directions for one of the tests. She looks up at me, and the fear in her eyes, is clear as day.     

"It's going to be ok, right?"    

"Course." I shrug and sit down on the edge of the bathtub. "If you aren't... everything stays the same, if you are...you get a head start on the family stuff."    

She smiles and shakes her head, wiping the tears off of her face. "Sorry I made you leave work."
    

"Don't worry about it. This is more important."    

"What the hell are you two doing in there?" Justin knocks loudly on the door, and I have to fight the urge to go out there, and strangle him.    

The boy really does have awful timing.    

"Nothing. Go away." I call out, as Lauren giggles. "You...do your thing. I'll go get rid of him." I stand up and exit the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind me.    

"Everything ok?"    

"Yeah. Laur just doesn't feel good." I shrug. "She's kind of throwing up everything she's eaten for the last three months...it's not pretty."    

He scrunches up his nose, and starts to slowly back out of the room. "Ok... well...you have fun with that." I nod and smile sarcastically, as he turns to leave.     

I know it's kind of stupid, but with the possibility of Lauren and Trace about to become first time parents, I can't help but wonder, if Justin and I had kids, how would they turn out?    

Would they look like him, or me? Would they have his musical ability? My sarcasm?     

I shake my head, and roll my eyes at myself. I really shouldn't be thinking about having babies with a man, who isn't even my boyfriend.     

Lauren comes out of the bathroom slowly, plops down next to me, and sighs. "It takes about ten minutes." She says quietly.    

I pat her knee reassuringly and smile. "It's going to be fine."    

"I know. It's just...it's scary, ya know? I haven't even been married for a week. We were going to wait a couple years before we got into all of this stuff. This is going to change everything we had worked out."    

"And you didn't see that coming?" I chuckle and shake my head. "Has anything in our lives, ever gone according to plan?"    

"Good point." She giggles. "Speaking of plans...what's going to happen with you and Justin, once the tour starts?"    

"I don't know. I just want to get through the video shoot."    

"Yeah, that should be interesting."    

We sit in silence, until the timer echoes through the room, and Lauren turns to me.    

"Can you do it? I just...I can't look at it."    

"You sure?" She nods quickly, and I head into the bathroom.    

The white plastic stick is laying on the sink, and suddenly, I'm as nervous as Lauren is. Even though I tried to stay calm, I know what a big deal this is. She hasn't even had time to adjust to being married, how is she supposed to be prepared to be a mother already?    

I look at the test closely, and walk back into the bedroom. Lauren sits up a little straighter, and looks at me expectantly.    

"It's positive."    

Her face goes blank, and all of the color drains immediately. This is pretty much the reaction, I was expecting.    

"But...you know these things aren't all that accurate. Take another one, and see what happens." I offer, and she shakes her head.    

"You know how sometimes, you just know something? That's how this is....I just know." She rolls her eyes and chuckles. "I forgot my birth control one time...once. How crazy is that?"
    

"Go to the doctor before you do anything, alright?"    

"Yeah. I'll make an appointment in the morning. How long are we on set tomorrow?"    

"No clue. I'll get Justin ready...just get to the doctor."    

"You are a lifesaver." She smiles and pulls me into a tight hug.    

A baby.    

Lauren and Trace are going to have a baby. But, for some reason...all I can think about, is how things would be, if it was me and Justin.

*************************************    

"Find the boards?"     

Charlie shrugs at me, and doesn't even bother to look up.     

"We're due on set in a couple hours. We kinda need them."    

"If Justin's such a professional...he can handle it, without them."     

"It's not necessarily Justin, who needs them.  What about the director? The crew?" He shrugs again, and I head back to my office.     

Yesterday, he was ready to turn this entire building upside down, looking for those damn boards, and today...it's like he couldn't care less. I'm convinced now, more than ever, that he did something with them.    

But, whatever. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and get through this day, without incident.     

Lauren should be on her way to the doctor fairly soon, and hopefully, it won't take too long. Fashion isn't really my forte, and Justin will undoubtedly murder me, if I make him look like an idiot.    

But then again, it's not like it's difficult to find something that looks good on him. He could probably wear a trash bag, and women would still swoon. He seems to have that affect on people, no matter what he does    

Over the years, I've heard thousands of theories on what it is about him, that is so appealing. It's just my opinion, but I think it's his smile.    

Not the voice, or the dancing. Not the eyes, or the way he carries himself. Not the charm, and not the sense of humor. It's that smile.    

When he smiles, there's this boyish innocence about him, that is completely irresistible. Everything around you could fall apart, but when he smiles at you, it's like you forget about all of it.    

Or, maybe that's just me. Who knows.    

I spend the two hours before we leave, clearing out my office. I shove all of my things into a few small boxes, and stack them in the corner. I'm actually a little sad about leaving this. I've never had my own office, so it's a little hard to give it up.     

Before I know it, Charlie comes in to let me know, it's time for us to leave. I follow him out of the building and to the car, but before either of us get in, he stops and turns to face me.    

"I forgot my laptop, can you go grab it?" I nod, and hurry back inside.    

His laptop is still perched on his desk, but the case is nowhere in sight. I go through several of the drawers in his desk, check the filing cabinets, then finally check the closet.    

As soon as I open the door, several large, white, poster boards fall at my feet.    

I fucking knew it.    

I knew, there was no possible way these story boards mysteriously disappeared. Charlie is far too organized to misplace anything he needs for work.    

I just...I don't understand why he'd do this. It's not like the video couldn't be made without them. The director drew them up himself. It's just so stupid.    

I don't know what to do. Do I take the boards down to the car, and confront Charlie? Do I shove them back in the closet, and pretend I never saw them?     

Charlie could probably lose his job for this.    

I quickly shove the boards back in the closet, grab the laptop, and make my way back downstairs.     

Justin is going to be furious if he finds out about this.

************************************    

Charlie and I walk onto the set, and I have to squint to avoid being blinded. The set is just a plain white backdrop, but with all of the lights, it's extremely bright.    

Charlie immediately makes his way over to speak to the director, and I head for Justin's dressing room. Hopefully, he has some idea what he wants to wear, because I have no clue what the hell I'm doing.    

I knock, and receive a muffled "come in." Trace is stretched out on the couch, and Justin is walking around in a pair of boxers.    

It kind of worries me, that these two can run around in their underwear, in front of each other. They really are a couple of weirdos.     

"Where the hell is Lauren?" Justin screeches, and I have to bite back a laugh.    

Apparently, he's in full on work mode, and is completely wigging out. Why am I not surprised?    

A lot of people think it's nerves that make him act like this, but I know,  it's the fact that he's such a perfectionist. Everything has to be exactly how he wants it, down to the smallest detail. If one little thing is out of whack, he'll totally lose it.    

"Doctor." Trace mumbles. "She wasn't feeling good."
    

"Yep. So you're stuck with me." I stroll over to the rack of clothes in the middle of the room.    

It's full of mostly suits, with a few T-shirts, and dress pants thrown in. I'm quickly realizing just how hard Lauren's job is.     

"Well?" Justin asks impatiently, and folds his arms over his bare chest.    

"Well...we should probably stick with Lauren's basic idea. What about this?" I hold up a black, three piece suit, and he rolls his eyes. "Or not."     

I continue to rummage through the rack, and come across a gray, plaid vest, with a white dress shirt, and black tie. I pull it off the rack, and before I can even get a good look at it, he grabs it out of my hands.    

"Ally...you're a fucking genius. Find me a pair of black pants."    

You wouldn't think it, but he's like a woman when it comes to clothes and shoes. He'll buy things, he knows he'll never wear, and if he sees something he likes, he has to have it. I usually try to avoid shopping with him, for that reason. The last time he and Lauren went shopping, they were gone for almost 10 hours.    

I hand him the pants, and he quickly throws on the outfit, we just put together. Once he's straightened his tie, he moves to stand in front of the mirror. He smoothes out the wrinkles in his shirt, and stares at his reflection, for what feels like a lifetime.    

He finally turns to face me, a cocky smile on his face. "I look fucking amazing."    

I'd be a damn liar, if I didn't agree. I don't know why, or how...but this look Lauren came up with for him, definitely works. His hair could be a little longer, but I'm not going to nitpick.     

Maybe, it's because he's so comfortable in the way Lauren's got him dressing, but he just exudes confidence. He's the shit, and he knows it.    

The transformation from just plain, small town Justin, to Justin Timberlake, has just happened before my eyes. He's stepped out of his normal life, and now, he's the guy, millions of people pay to see.    

He's arrogant. He's self centered. He's a complete dick to anyone who gets close to him, without his approval.    

As strange as it sounds...it works. It makes you pay attention to him, and that is the ultimate goal.    

There's a soft knock on the door, and Lauren steps inside, an awkward smile on her face. I've got a funny feeling, I know exactly how her doctors appointment went.    

She gives her stamp of approval on Justin's outfit, then starts to work on his make-up.  This is one aspect of all of this, that I really enjoy. Watching Lauren cake foundation on his face, is probably one of the funniest things, I've ever seen.    

It doesn't take long, before he's camera ready, and now, all we have to do is wait.    

Part of me really wants to tell Justin about the story boards, but it would just cause a problem, and that's the last thing, I want to do.    

Maybe, I should just confront Charlie, myself. I've got a strange feeling that he did this, to get to me, rather than Justin. So, maybe it's better if I handle it myself. Just, let him know that I know what he did.    

Justin is finally called to the set, and the four of us file out of the small dressing room. The entire place is packed with people. Crew members, dancers, camera guys...it's insane. You'd think, I'd get used to this, but I seriously doubt I ever will.    

Justin and his dancers step up onto the white backdrop, and listen intently as the director calls out their instructions. Trace makes his way over to Johnny, while Lauren puts a few last minute touch ups, on Justin's face.    

Suddenly, My Love, is booming through the speakers, and Justin goes to work.    

I spot Charlie, standing off to the side, by himself, and I make my way over. He nods, then gives me a small smile, before returning his attention to Justin and the dancers.     

I watch in silence for a few minutes, and smile at the glow around Justin. Honestly, I don't think he could ever stop performing. Even when he has time off, he isn't the same. Music is probably the only thing in this world, that can make him deliriously happy.     

Finally, I can't take it anymore. I don't know why Charlie hid the boards, but he's not going to get away with it.    

"I found the story boards." I say quietly, my eyes never leaving Justin.  "I don't want excuses, or apologies. I just want to know why."    

He hangs his head, and shoves his hands in his pockets. He stares at the floor for a few minutes, then looks up at me. "I just...I wasn't ready to let you go yet. I thought I could get the video delayed, and maybe...you'd change your mind."    

"Are you hearing yourself right now? You said you understood...you said you knew Justin was always going to come first. Why delay the inevitable?"     

"You're right." He nods. "But I would have done everything in my power to make you forget about him. Taking the boards was stupid, but I had to try something. Obviously, nothing's going to keep him from what he wants." He chuckles softly and rolls his eyes. "Maybe he is the better man, after all."    

"I'll get my things out of the office tonight. I'll have Johnny bring in your assistant tomorrow. I just can't be around you anymore."    

He nods and gives me a sad smile. "Alright."    

I turn to go look for Lauren and Trace, but Charlie grabs me by the arm, and pulls me back to face him.    

"I'm not sorry, Al."
    

"You should be." He releases my arm, and I walk away as quickly as my legs will allow.    

I give him credit for being honest, but his reasoning behind it, is so selfish. I honestly believed, that he was different, that he was all of the things he presented himself to be.    

And now, I know that's just not true. He lied. He hid things. And, who's to say, he even really cared about me? What if, he was just after a piece of ass, like Justin said?    

He's right about one thing, though. Justin is the better man. No matter how stupid, and aggravating he can be, he's just better.     

I can't help but smile, as I watch him doing what he loves the most. I had my doubts at first, but now, I know I made the right decision.    

With Justin, is where I belong. It just took me way too long to realize it.

"Special"-Garbage