I always thought I'd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good dad

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
      

Something is wrong.    

I don't know what, and I don't know how, but I can feel it and Justin's actions the last couple days have just furthered my assumptions.    

It's been two days since we filmed the live special and since that night, he's been more clingy and needy than usual. He can barely stand to let me out of his sight for more than five damn minutes and he's constantly groping me, no matter who's around, or where we are.    

Now, don't get me wrong...I have no problem with him giving me a little extra attention and I know he can be a horny bastard sometimes, but this is way above and beyond that. He's bordering on obsessive and it's beginning to worry me a little.    

The only thing I can figure is that he's upset over Charlie still being here. He was supposed to have left the morning after the show, but he's still hashing out the deals with HBO. Personally, I don't really care how long he's here. I did what I had to do to help him, and that's the end of it. I haven't even seen him since the night of the taping.    

I look over at Justin laying beside me and frown. Even in his sleep, it's obvious that he's stressed. His jaw is clenched and I can almost hear him grinding his teeth.     

I've learned over the years, not to push things with him. If something's bothering him, you're better off waiting for him to come to you. If you ask him about it, he just gets angry and defensive, and the conversation goes nowhere.    

For now, I'll ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and wait for him to either figure it out on his own, or talk to me about it.    

His eyes flutter open and he tries to smile at me, but it comes across as more of a grimace.    

"Morning." He croaks out and rubs the sleep from his eyes.    

"Morning." I smile and kiss the tip of his nose.    

"I feel like shit." He mumbles as he sinks deeper into the bed.    

"You don't sound so great either."    

His voice is hoarse and his eyes are fairly bloodshot. I'd almost guarantee that he's getting some sort of cold, and naturally...it has to happen when he has the next four days off.    

Go figure.    

I press my hand to his forehead and just as I suspected, his skin is practically on fire. Perfect.    

"I'm gonna get dressed and go find a drugstore." I move to climb out of bed, but he quickly grabs my arm and pulls me back down next to him.    

"Send somebody else. Don't leave me."    

"Justin, it's kind of my job to do this stuff for you."
    

"I'm off today, so you're off today. Send somebody else."    

"I'll be back in a little bit."    

I ignore his whining and protesting, and quickly throw on a pair of jeans and one of his hooded sweatshirts, then make my way out of the hotel, passing a large group of girls standing outside the doors.    

I don't know why, but unless I'm actually with Justin, his fans pretty much ignore me. I'm definitely not complaining because the last thing I feel like doing is answering a bunch of questions about my boyfriend. His fans have always been nothing but nice to me, but it's a little weird to have all these strangers so interested in our lives. I mean, we're pretty boring when you get right down to it.     

I spot a drugstore a little ways down the street and head down there. I feel bad that he's sick, but I know the next four days are going to be absolutely miserable unless this gets taken care of right away.    

Any time he gets sick, he turns into a two year old. He expects whoever is around to take care of him and he has no problem whining until he gets his way. Lucky for me, I'll be the one at his beck and call until he gets better. Yippy freakin skippy.        

I grab a couple bottles of nyquil and a few other over the counter cold medicines, then head up front to pay. As soon as I lay my purchases down on the counter, my phone starts to vibrate in my pocket.    

I fully expected to see Justin's name on my caller ID, so there's no hiding my surprise at Trace's name flashing across the screen.    

"Trace...hey..."    

"Where the hell are you?"
    

"A drug store, somewhere in Kansas City."    

"I need you two on a plane, like now."    

I can clearly hear the panic in his voice, and I have to admit that it's worrying me a little. Trace never freaks out about anything. I mean seriously, the world could blow up and he'd still be cool as a cucumber.    

"Why? What's wrong?"    

"I know he's got time off...you guys need to get here."    

"Trace...calm down, and tell me what the hell is going on."    

"Lauren. Baby."    

"Oh my god...seriously?"    

"No, Al. I'm fucking kidding...Of course I'm serious! She's freaking out and wants you here."    

"Alright...I'll go back to the hotel and book the next flight out."    

"Ok...just...hurry up."    

Before I can even respond, he's already hung up.        

Lauren's about to have a baby. There's going to be an actual living, breathing person in this world, because of her and Trace.     

I know it sounds stupid, but I almost can't believe it. Lauren and Trace, two people I've watched grow up, are about to become parents.     

Not too many things in the world leave me speechless, but this definitely does.    

I practically run back to the hotel and up to the room. I wake Justin up, then start throwing clothes into my suitcase. We have to get back to Memphis as soon as humanly possible. Lauren needs me, and I'm determined to be there for her.     

"Ally, what the hell?"     

"Lauren's in labor."    

"Oh shit...for real?"    

"Yes, Justin." I roll my eyes and shove some of his clothes into my suitcase. "Call Johnny, and tell him we're going home."

***********************************    

I hate hospitals. I hate the smell, the lighting, the coldness. Everything about them makes me uncomfortable, yet here I sit with practically everyone I know, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Baby Ayala.    

The whole gang is here, all four sets of parents, brothers and sisters. When you get right down to it, our four families kind of make up one huge family. I can't think of any major event in my life where the other three families weren't somehow involved.     

Honestly, I think family is probably my biggest draw to moving back here. If we all weren't so close, part of me thinks I might have actually told Justin no.    

I feel awful for him. I know he's sick as a damn dog and probably just wants to sleep, but there he is, pacing the floor with Trace, trying to calm him down. He's been a nervous wreck since Justin and I got here. I don't think he's sat down even once, and he's had God knows how many cups of coffee.    

In a way, it's kind of cute.    

When Lauren found out she was pregnant, he was so nonchalant, like having a baby would be as easy as riding a bike. However, that has all changed, his nerves have kicked in and I think the reality of the whole thing is finally hitting him.    

He's going to be a father and as soon as that baby enters this world, his life is never going to be the same.     

"Ally, why don't you and the boys head down to the cafeteria? It's going to be awhile and Trace is going to drive himself crazy is he keeps this up." Trace's mother smiles and pats me on the shoulder.    

I push myself out of my chair and make my way over to Justin and Trace, who are still walking circles around the waiting room.    

I know Justin's never been in a situation like this, but despite his inexperience, he's been an amazing support for Trace. He's giving advice, assuring him that everything's going to be just fine, but most importantly...he's here. He could be sitting in the corner asleep, and Trace wouldn't care. All that matters is the fact that he's actually here.    

"You guys wanna go eat? I'm starving." Justin nods while Trace gives me a horrified look.    

"Christ, Ally...how can you think about food right now?"    

"I'm hungry." I shrug and try to hold in my laughter.    

Trace is in full on freak out mode, and I don't think anything could calm him down at this point.    

"Yeah, I'm kinda hungry too. Let's go eat man." Justin gives him an encouraging smile, and Trace finally relents.    

"Fine. But we're coming right back up here." Trace's mom smiles and gives me a wink as the three of us exit the waiting room.    

"Could you two walk any slower? Jesus." Trace calls over his shoulder. He's practically speed walking while Justin and I stroll lazily behind him.    

"Walking faster doesn't make the baby come any quicker." Justin laughs, but it soon turns into a deep cough. "I don't feel good, Al." He pouts and pulls me against his side.    

It's a little hard to walk like this, but I need to show him some sympathy. If I was sick, I'd much rather be at home in bed, than surrounded by people. I'll give him credit for not whining too much, but he's been clinging to me all day and if I catch his stupid cold, I may have to hurt him.    

As we reach the cafeteria, Justin pulls his hat over his eyes and focuses on the floor. Honestly, I think it's instinct for him now. Any time he walks into a room full of strange people, he does everything he can to blend in, and it's not even a conscious effort. He's so used to hiding that it comes as naturally as breathing.    

It's kind of sad if you think about it.    

He quickly releases his hold on me and goes straight for the line,  grabbing a tray and picking up one of almost everything on the bar. Most people lose their appetite when they have a cold, but not Justin.  No matter what's going on around him, he always has time to stuff his face.    

I get a cup of coffee and follow the two of them to a table in the corner, trying my best to ignore Trace glaring at me.     

"Starving huh?"    

"I lied." I shrug. "Your mom thought you needed to chill out for awhile."    

"Since when do you listen to anybody's mom?" He rolls his eyes and chuckles. "I'm just so damn nervous, ya know? I want Laur to be ok...I want the baby to be ok...I want it to just get here already."    

"I hope it's a boy." Justin says thoughtfully. "We can teach him all kinds of cool shit."    

"Honestly, I'll be happy either way, but I do kind of want a boy." Trace grins, and it seems like he's finally starting to relax a little.    

I think being surrounded by our families just added to the pressure he was feeling. Knowing that everyone was sitting there, contemplating what kind of father he'll be, had to be pretty nerve wracking.    

"Y'all are crazy if you think Lauren's leaving you alone with that baby."    

"Hey, if she can't trust me with my own kid, we've got some problems." Trace laughs and shakes his head.    

His phone rings suddenly and before I even realize it, the three of us are booking it up to the maternity ward. Trace is quickly taken back to the delivery room and now, all the rest of us can do, is wait.

****************************************    

The heavy metal doors slowly open and Trace steps into the waiting room, covered in green scrubs and grinning from ear to ear.    

It can only mean one thing.    

After all these years, after all of the insanity that has surrounded the four of us, Lauren and Trace have taken that final leap into growing up.     

Baby Ayala is finally here.    

"It's a boy!" He shouts excitedly, the smile never leaving his face. Right away, his and Lauren's parents envelope him in a hug and all I can do is stand here and smile.    

I don't know why, but tears are quickly welling up in my eyes and I can't seem to wrap my head around any of this. Two of my best friends have a baby. How insane is that?    

Justin throws an arm around my shoulders and presses his lips to my temple quickly, before smiling down at me. "And I thought them getting married was weird." He chuckles and shakes his head.    

Our parents begin filing back to the room, two at a time, to see Lauren and the new baby. I really can't wait to get back there and see Laur. When we got here this afternoon, she was a wreck. She was so afraid that something would go wrong or that her parents wouldn't make it to the hospital in time, but everything worked out perfectly.    

I think deep down, she knew it would, and just wanted one last selfish, freak out moment before she throws herself into a being a mother. I don't blame her...the thought of having to sacrifice every aspect of my life for one tiny little person terrifies the hell out of me.    

I know she and Trace are going to be amazing parents. I don't think any baby in the world is going to be as lucky as this one will. He already has an entire waiting room full of people who love and adore him, even though they haven't met him yet. He's going to have everything in the world he could ever want or need. He's going to have a great life.    

In a weird way, all of this excitement almost makes me want one of my own.    

Almost.    

I look forward to being a mother, but I'm sensible enough to realize that I'm just not ready yet. Justin and I are still kind of finding our way and even though I know he's who I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's way too soon for those big, life changing events.    

Not to mention the fact that Justin's career is far too demanding right now, and I would never dream of raising a child on a tour bus.    

"Ally, Justin...you guys can go on back." Lauren's dad grins as he reenters the waiting room.    

Justin laces his fingers through mine and we make our way down the long hallway to Lauren's room. It's almost eerily quiet on the floor, and I can't help wondering how the hell they keep those babies so quiet. Every baby I've encountered, cries like there's no tomorrow.    

We step into the room slowly and Trace looks up at us. I don't think you could wipe that huge smile off of his face, even if you tried.    

"Hey guys." He says quietly before glancing down at the little blue bundle in his arms. In an instant, I'm at Lauren's beside, wrapping her in a tight hug and trying to hide the tears that are now freely flowing.    

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm not an overly emotional person. I don't understand why I'm turning into this big, blubbering mess at the sight of my friends and their baby. It just doesn't make sense.    

"How ya feel?"    

"Alright I guess." She shrugs as I pull away and wipe the tears off of my face. "The doctor says I'll be really sore tomorrow." She rolls her eyes and sighs.    

"So...who's this?" Justin asks with a curious smile as he moves to stand behind Trace's chair.    

"This is Noah James Ayala." Trace smiles proudly at his son and Lauren giggles softly.    

"I think Trace is more in love with him than I am."    

"Noah...that's your uncle Justin." Trace whispers and gestures behind him.    

"And I'm gonna teach you how to drink, and how to pick up chicks. You're gonna be a bad ass little dude, thanks to me."    

"Oh I think not." Lauren laughs and shakes her head before turning to me. "Remind me that he is never allowed to baby sit."    

"Hey Al...you wanna hold him?"    

I eye Trace skeptically for a moment, then nod nervously. My hands are shaking as he slowly places Noah in my arms, but when I cradle the baby to my chest, a whole new wave of tears start to fall.    

I lied. I don't almost want one. I really want one.    

I want to look down at this small, fragile thing and know that it's here because of me and the man I love. I want someone to depend on me for their mere survival.    

Mostly, I just really want someone to call me mommy.    

I look over at Justin and he smiles, but there's no mistaking the sadness in his eyes. He looks so...defeated, and I can't even begin to imagine why.    

I don't know what he's hiding, or what's bothering him, but I wish he'd talk to me. Clearly, he's hurting and it absolutely kills me to have to sit back and just watch.    

I know right now is a time for excitement and celebration, but I can't ignore the feeling of dread that's creeping up on me. Something is going to go horribly wrong, and all I can do, is wait for it to happen.

*************************************    

I collapse into bed next to Justin and close my eyes for a split second before looking over at him. He smiles sleepily and slides his arms around my waist, settling me against him.     

We're both exhausted. Our entire day was spent at the hospital, running back and forth between Lauren's room, the waiting room and cafeteria. We didn't do much but I think the anxiousness is what wore everyone out. Waiting for a baby is actually pretty tiring work.    

For some reason, I still can't get over the way it felt to have Noah in my arms. He really is the perfect combination of Lauren and Trace. He has his fathers big brown eyes and his mothers soft blonde hair. He's absolutely beautiful.    

I can't help but envy Lauren and Trace. They've got it all figured out and now they're about to settle into their happy little family life.    

I probably sound like I'm whining, but it's just not fair.    

If Justin worked a normal, nine to five job, there's a good chance we'd be exactly where Lauren and Trace are. We'd have the house, the rings, the babies...the whole nine yards.    

Instead, we're living out of suitcases, never knowing where the hell we are from one day to the next and trying harder than we should have to, to keep our relationship intact.    

I don't resent Justin because of his career or anything. It's made him the man he is today and I would never dream of changing that, but sometimes...I wish he was just a regular guy. Our lives would be so much simpler if he was.    

Watching Lauren and Trace today, has really kind of opened my eyes and I think maybe, I am ready to settle into a grown up life. I want marriage and kids and the house with a white picket fence, and I want all of it, with Justin.    

I just don't know how to tell him.    

"I still feel like shit." He mumbles and buries his face in my neck. "I bet you could make it better though." I feel him smile as he kisses my shoulder then moves to my neck.    

"We're not having sex while you're sick. That's gross Justin."    

"We can still fool around." He says hopefully and I shake my head.    

"I think we need to talk."    

He lets out a long sigh and nods slowly. "Yeah, we really do. Can't it wait though? I'm like dead Al."    

"Yeah...it can wait." I smile sadly as he shuts his eyes. "Love you." He grunts in response and rolls over, turning his back to me.    

He's never done that before.    

Every night, before he goes to sleep, he says he loves me and keeps an arm around me, but not tonight.    

I don't know what's happening, but I don't think I can keep ignoring it much longer. I love him, and I want him to be happy. Unfortunately, I know he's faking it right now.    

Something is definitely wrong, and I intend to get to the bottom of it.

"Simple Kind Of Life"-No Doubt