We were only kids
we ran like water
Your dad said
stay away from my daughter
I'll be the light in the dark if you lose your way
I'll be your voice when you don't know what to say
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your fate
I'll be forever
 
        

It's true.    

Call me crazy, but a small part of me hoped that maybe, it wasn't. Everybody knows that home pregnancy tests aren't the most reliable things in the world, I thought maybe Ally just happened to get a busted one or something. But, her doctors appointment last week confirmed that we are in fact going to be parents.    

She's roughly two and a half months pregnant.    

After I did the math, I came to the conclusion that it must have happened the night Darcy made her move on me, which just furthers my theory that she's the God damned devil.    

If she hadn't pulled that shit, I wouldn't have freaked out and gone back to my room and slept with Ally without putting some thought into what the hell I was doing.    

I know a majority of the blame rests on me, but it's a lot easier to blame her.    

I guess I'm still trying to adjust to the idea of being a father. It's like, when I really start thinking about it, I just get so damn nervous and scared. I think I might still be in shock or something.    

However, I'm sure the surprise I'm still feeling is nothing compared to how our friends and families are going to feel after tonight.    

In a way, I kind of regret telling Ally we should do this. I know we need to tell everyone, but I can't help wondering if it's still too soon.     

After tonight, I'll also have to tell Johnny and I'm definitely not looking forward to that. He completely flipped, back when I told him I was going to propose. His head might actually explode when he hears about this.     

He wasn't too thrilled with me for moving back to Tennessee, but when I explained to him that I needed to get away from the Hollywood lifestyle, he seemed to understand. Unfortunately, I know exactly what he's going to think when I do finally muster up the courage to tell him about the baby.    

Once the Justified tour wrapped and I told him I wanted some time off, he had this innate fear that I wouldn't be back, that I was retiring from music all together. I tried so many times to tell him that wasn't the case, but he was convinced. Until I set foot back in a studio, he honestly believed that I'd given up my career for a simpler life.    

Now that I'm living in a fairly normal location, with a baby on the way, I'm sure all those fears and assumptions are going to come back full force.    

And this time, he might be right.    

I don't want to be the guy missing every milestone in my kids life. I don't want my child to have memories of only seeing me on television. If I'm going to a father, I'm going to do it the right way. I'm going to be there, not only for my child, but for Ally as well.    

She's always said that when she has kids, she wants them to have the same family life she had growing up, and I fully intend to give her that.     

I just need to grow a pair and own up to the fact that this is really happening first.    

I may not necessarily retire or anything like that, but I think an extended break is in order. I'm not going to be some deadbeat dad, no matter how many managers or record executives I piss off.    

I'll do the European leg of the tour, and then I'm done until my child is old enough to understand what's going on.    

It's not that I want to stop working. I have every intention of writing and producing, maybe even collaborating if the opportunity presents itself, but touring and performing are going to have to take a back seat for quite awhile.     

The front door opens and I look out in the hallway to see Trace alone, which is actually a relief.    

Lord knows, I love Lauren like a sister, but I wanted to give Trace a heads up before dinner tonight, and I wanted to do it while it was just me and him.    

Lucky for me, Ally dragged Lauren to the grocery store, giving me plenty of time to get Trace over here and spill my guts.    

I guess, I just wanted to talk to someone who could understand how I'm feeling.     

I know, I know, I know...Ally's probably just as terrified as I am, but most of what I need to get off my chest, I can't say to her. She's stressed and upset enough as it is. I don't want to put any more pressure on her by whining and crying about my feelings.    

"What's up man?"    

"I got some shit to tell you." I take a deep breath as he sits down on the couch. He nods slowly and looks over at me, giving me his undivided attention.    

This really shouldn't be that hard. He's my best friend, he knows every damn thing about me. I should be able to talk about this with him and not worry.    

But for some reason, the words just don't want to come out.    

I really have to get past this fear. This isn't like all of the other things in my life that I could run away from. This is really happening, I need to grow the fuck up and accept it.    

"You alright man?" Trace asks, a hint of laughter in his voice. "You look like you're gonna puke."    

"Ally's pregnant." I mutter quickly and cringe at the way the words sound coming out of my mouth. Trace jerks back in his seat like someone pushed him, mouthing hanging open and eyes wide.    

That look right there is exactly how I've felt for the last two a half weeks. Complete and utter shock. That's the only way to describe it.    

I guess it sounds kind of stupid, I mean...you have sex, there's the possibility of pregnancy. Everybody knows that. I guess I was naive enough to believe that it just wouldn't happen until Ally and I were ready.    

I know, I'm a moron.    

"Dude...that's...that's awesome. Congratulations!" He says finally, a huge grin appearing on his face.    

"It's not awesome." I sigh and shake my head. "It's..it's..bad."    

"How can you say that? When Noah was born you were all about this baby stuff."    

"I know...I was just...I wasn't thinking."    

Honestly, I think I was just so caught up in the excitement, I lost my head for awhile. Plus, there was that dreaded feeling that Ally was going to leave me once she found out about Darcy, but once everything calmed down, I realized just how terrible a baby would be right now.    

"I lost my head, but now I know that this is just...really fucking bad." I shrug pathetically.     

"Well...." Trace rolls his eyes and leans forward. "You better get over that shit real quick J. Bad or not, you've got a baby on the way." He states plainly.    

I've always admired Trace's ability to tell it like it is, but now...I'm kind of wishing I'd have just waited until dinner to tell him.    

I thought he'd tell me that how I'm feeling is normal, that it'll eventually fade. I guess I was hoping for some sympathy, but obviously, he's far too deep into his role as a father and childish bullshit just doesn't fly with him anymore.    

Looks like I'm in for a big ass reality check, courtesy of Trace Ayala.  

********************************        

I shift uncomfortably in my chair and Ally gives me an awkward smile.     

By all accounts, it's been a fairly normal evening. Mine and Ally's parents have been chatting non-stop, fawning over Noah and Lauren like they're some royal family. It's obvious to anyone that they all love babies, which could be a good sign for Ally and I.    

She's been a nervous wreck pretty much all day, worrying about how our parents will react to the news. She had this whole elaborate plan for tonight. We'd eat, get a couple drinks into everybody, then spill it. Unfortunately, she's been on another planet all day and her perfect little plan kind of fell apart around her.    

It started off innocently enough. She put the pot roast in the oven to cook and sat down in the living room to wait.     

I honestly can't remember when either of us fell asleep, but we woke up to a smoky kitchen and the scent of burnt meat. That triggered Ally's downward spiral.    

She was practically in tears when she had to call and order pizza.     

Lauren and Trace showed up around four, and when Ally picked up the baby, he threw up all over the shirt she'd planned on wearing tonight. The whole day has been a slight disaster.    

Our parents didn't seem to mind the change in plans though and Ally's nephew was damn near jumping for joy when the pizza arrived.    

Despite all of her freaking out, I think everything has gone pretty ok. Of course, that could all change in a matter of minutes.    

Lauren took the news just about the same as Trace did. She was jumping around excitedly, hugging me, hugging Ally, talking about how our kids will be the best of friends. Ally stayed pretty calm through all of Lauren's excitement, but the look in her eyes gave her away.    

She desperately wanted to be right there, jumping up and down, and squealing with Lauren. I know that it's my fault she wasn't.    

It's like, she doesn't want to appear too happy about the baby because she knows I'm scared out of my mind. I feel awful.    

"Alright Justin...you got us all here, what's up?" My step-father eyes me carefully, a curious smile on his face.    

"Well..." I clear my throat and take a deep breath.    

This is it. After this, it's all out in the open and it's one less weight on my shoulders. I should be thankful for that, but I'm scared shitless.    

But, there's no way out of this.     

"Al...Ally and I invited you all over here because we have some news and we just...we wanted to tell everyone at the same time." I say quickly and look down at the plate in front of me.     

All eyes are on me and even though I'm used to being watched by thousands, I don't think I've ever felt more nervous or uncomfortable in my life.    

"We're...we're having a baby."    

The entire room goes dead silent and I swallow hard as Ally grabs my hand and gives it a light squeeze.    

I guess I should have been prepared for any reaction, but deep down...I was kind of hoping to be congratulated, for everyone to be happy. In a way, knowing that our families are excited would have made all of this a lot easier on me.    

"Well that's...not what I was expecting." My mother says quietly and forces a tight smile. "How far along are you Ally?"
    

"Two and a half months."    

Momma nods slowly and once again, the room goes quiet. I swear to god...you could hear a fuckin pin drop in here right now.     

It sounds kind of pathetic, but I do believe that at the age of 26, I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. My hands are sweaty and shaking, I can't seem to catch my breath and my heart feels like it just might beat out of my chest.    

Why isn't anyone saying anything?    

"When do you two plan on getting married?" Ally's father, Dave, finally asks. 

"Well...we haven't really talked about that." Ally shrugs.    

In all the years I've known him, I've never seen Dave angry. He's always been one of the happiest people I know, but now...he looks like he's about ready to rip me apart with his bare hands.     

This can't be good.    

"So you mean to tell me, you two plan on having this baby, with no intention of getting married?"    

"For now, yes." Ally mumbles and Dave's face turns a shade of red that I didn't even know existed.    

"Alexandra Lynn...what the hell is the matter with you? Didn't we teach you better than this? And of all the men in the world...it just had to be him." He turns to face me, the anger flashing in his eyes. "And you...it wasn't enough for you to drag her away from her life, was it? She would have gotten into one of the best damn schools in the country, but you couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being better than you. She had a future and now...you've obliterated it. Tell me Justin...how long will it be before you get bored and my little girl is left to raise this child on her own?"    

"David!" Ally's mother shrieks, while my own mother sits and glares at him.     

"I've kept my mouth shut for 20 years Ann, and I'm done. I knew this boy was trouble the minute I laid eyes on him and I'm tired of pretending I didn't see it all along. I thought we'd gotten rid of him when he left the first time, but he just kept coming back and now he's ruined my little girls life."    

"Dave...I think you better calm down and think about what you're saying." Momma is almost eerily calm, but it's nice to hear her defending my honor.    

I wish I could ignore everything Dave's saying. I wish I could tell him to go straight to hell and forget about all of it, but I can't.    

This man has been like a father to me, and I always thought he considered me part of his family. Granted, when Ally and I hit our rough patches, he wasn't too thrilled with me, but I expected that. Never in a million years did I think I'd find out he never liked me, never wanted me around his daughter.     

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said it didn't hurt like hell, but I'm not going to show it. I'm not going to let him see that what he's saying has any affect on me.     

"Alexandra...I want you to get your things together and come home with me and your mother. You and this young man are finished."    

What the hell?    

This doesn't make any damn sense. I mean...ok, fine...he doesn't like me. Whatever. But does he honestly think he can tell Ally what to do? She's 26 years old for Christ fucking sakes!    

Maybe it's because Ally's the youngest of his four kids, or maybe it's because she's the only girl, but he has to know that he's got to let go at some point.     

If Ally and I were still 15 years old, I'd completely understand, but we're not. We're both pushing 30, we've got not one, but two extremely nice homes, I've got more than enough money to support the two of us and anyone else who comes along.    

Hell...Ally and I never have to work again, our child will probably never have to work a day in its life.    

Why can't Dave look past the fact that we aren't married and realize that no matter what, his daughter and grandchild will be taken care of?    

Ally's a smart girl. If at any point she wasn't happy or wanted something else out of her life, she would have done what she needed to do to get it. She wouldn't just sit back and let someone else control her future. Clearly, Dave doesn't have much faith in his daughters intelligence and that's pretty fucking sad.     

If he can't see the amazing woman his daughter has become, then he's a god damned idiot.     

"No." Ally says simply. I know she's trying to look strong, but I can see the tears welling up in her eyes and feel her hand shaking in mine. This is breaking her heart.    

"No?"    

"No Dad." She shakes her head quickly and lets out a long sigh. "I'm not 10 years old anymore. Believe it or not, I can make my own decisions. I never wanted to go to school, I never wanted anything to do with the plans you tried to make for me. I was perfectly happy to leave here to work for Justin, and I'm really happy with the way it's turned out. Maybe we'll get married...maybe we won't. But I'm not going anywhere."    

"Ann...will you talk some damn sense into her? She can't have this baby like this!"    

"Like what?" Ann looks up at her husband and frowns. "She can't have a child with the man she loves? A man she's known all of her life, a man who's given her everything she could ever need or want? I don't see what the problem is."    

"They aren't married. Do you not understand that? Don't you see how this makes her look?"    

"It isn't 1960 anymore David."    

"Fine." He mutters angrily before glaring at Ally. "Mark my words Alexandra...when you're stuck with that kid on your own, don't expect me to bail you out." He grabs his jacket and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind him.     

Once again, the room is dead silent and it's a matter of seconds before the tears are streaming down Ally's cheeks. I hug her to my side protectively and look over at my mother.    

"He's just upset. He'll calm down and we'll sort all of this out in the morning."    

I want to believe her. I really, really do. But deep down, I know the truth.    

Dave is a very traditional man. I still remember the days he demanded to look Ally's outfit over before she left the house. He was raised to believe that having children was a right reserved for married couples. Unfortunately, the world around him changed, but his beliefs have always been the same.     

Honestly, getting married hadn't even crossed my mind. I'm still trying to accept this dad business, how could anybody expect me to think about marriage right now?    

As much as I hate to say it, my immaturity is going to cause some major problems and they all seem to be falling into Ally's lap. Maybe Dave's right...maybe I have ruined her life and this baby is just the icing on the cake.    

However, I can't ignore the protectiveness I'm feeling for her. I can't even begin to imagine how she's feeling after hearing her father say all of those things. If I hadn't been so shocked, I might have had a few choice things to say myself.    

I'm determined now, more than ever, to make this work. I'm going to prove Dave wrong and I'm going to be the best damn dad in the world. Ally and this baby aren't going to need anything because I'm always going to be around. I'm going to take care of both of them and one day, Dave Lawson is going to regret every word he said tonight.     

I guess it's kind of bad that it's taken something like this for me to man up, and yeah...I'm still fucking terrified, but I'm going to get over it. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that Ally never regrets any of the decisions she made.     

I'm gonna show em all. Married or not, Ally and I are going to be amazing parents.

************************************     

"You alright?"    

"Yeah, I guess so." Ally shrugs and plop down on the couch next to me.     

The rest of our families left not long after Dave did, each offering an apology and swearing that this will clear up soon enough. Lauren and Trace hung around for awhile before they had to get home and put Noah to bed. I appreciated everybody trying to look after us, but I'd much rather it be just the two of us for awhile.    

As stupid as it sounds, I can't help feeling jealous of Lauren and Trace. Everyone was so thrilled when Lauren found out she was pregnant, even though that news came just a week or so after their wedding.    

I wish I could understand why everything seems to go so perfectly for them, but it's a daily struggle for me and Ally.    

"You alright?" She smiles sadly and rubs my knee comfortingly.    

"Yeah, I'm ok."    

It's kind of amazing that she's acting like this. Her father basically turned his back on her, yet here she sits, worrying about me and trying to make me feel better. I really don't deserve her.    

"You know...I don't think that...all that stuff my dad said. I swear Justin...none of that has ever crossed my mind."    

"Are you sure? He's kind of right, if you think about it. You pretty much walked away from your life to follow me around."    

"And I was happy to do it." She grins and kisses me quickly. "You were my best friend and you needed me. Besides...I think it turned out alright."    

"Yeah...I guess so."    

"Justin, I'm happy and I mean that. We've dealt with a lot of shit but I'm with you and that's all that matters to me. I love you, and I love my life, ok?"    

"Yeah." I force a smile and nod slowly.    

I know she's trying and I appreciate it, but I just keep hearing Dave's words over and over. The insecure part of me believed every damn word he said, and I'm not sure how to forget it.    

Unless....    

"We can get married if you want."    

"Justin...no." She giggles and shakes her head. "Let's just get through the baby stuff and then we'll talk about it, ok? I'm telling you...don't worry about my dad. He'll come around."    

"Yeah...you're right."    

I don't believe that in the least, but I know hearing it makes her happy, and that has become my goal in life. She gave up a potentially great life for my stupid ass and I'm going to do all I can to make it up to her. I just want her to be happy, I don't care what it takes.    

The next seven months are going to be rough, there's no denying that but I'm not going anywhere. I love her and she's the mother of my child. I don't think I could ever walk away from that, even if I tried.    

I guess, the best way to look at this is, it's just one more thing the world is throwing at us, just one more thing for us to get through, together.     

I can't explain it, but suddenly...I'm not as afraid as I was before.    

Now, I can't wait for this baby.    

I know, everyone is busy doubting us, but Ally and I are going to do this and everything is going to work out the way it's meant to.    

I'm going to have a family of my own and I was an idiot for being afraid of that.     

I'm not worried at all anymore.

"Last Train Home"-Ryan Star