You were such a surprise
An unexpected gift

Not really used to all this attention
Told myself I don't deserve you
And this is just a phase

Oh love, I think I'm ready

     

I tug on yet another pair of jeans and groan at how tight they are. I try to button them, but the loop is just shy of reaching the button.     

I swear, these damn pants fit two weeks ago.    

I lay down, flat on my back and take a deep breath. Still no luck. I sit up and yank them off angrily and grab a pair of black sweatpants out of my dresser. They still fit, but they're fairly tight on my hips and ass. Perfect.    

I'm already getting fat.    

Nearly four months pregnant and the majority of my pants no longer fit. Isn't life just wonderful?    

Honestly, I don't know how I've gained so much weight in such a short time. Sure, I'm eating a little bit more than I normally would, but I've been sticking with the healthy stuff so far. Salads, juice instead of pop, yogurt. Apparently, it just isn't working for me.     

I guess I can use pregnancy as an excuse to be a total pig, since being a health nut isn't doing me any good.    

My stomach is beginning to bulge out a bit, and it's pretty weird to look in the mirror nowadays. Justin seems to find the whole thing quite amusing.    

Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is an asshole?    

In a way, it is kind of cool to see these changes in my body and know what's causing them, but at the same time...it's a little freaky.    

Even though Justin and I are slowly but surely getting excited about the baby, it's a little bittersweet. I mean, this doesn't affect just us, it's going to have an impact on our family and friends as well.    

I'd really hoped for the same elated responses Lauren got when she announced her pregnancy. I wanted everyone to be happy for us.    

Unfortunately, I had my hopes up a little too high.    

I haven't spoken to my father in almost two months. I thought he was just upset, blowing off some steam, but he's made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me or Justin. I don't think anything in the world could hurt as badly as this does. It's just...heartbreaking.    

I've always been fairly close with my family. Sure, we've had countless fights over the years, but that's just part of being a family. You take the bad with the good. I honestly never dreamed I'd see the day where either of my parents refused to even speak to me.    

My mom and all three of my brothers have tried to talk my dad out of his anger, but I don't think there's really anything that anybody can say or do at this point. He's stubborn, plain and simple.    

He's convinced that his daughter is now the town tramp.    

In a way, I can't blame him. He's fairly religious and is a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. Having a child out of wedlock is completely unacceptable as far as he's concerned.     

I guess it sounds kind of stupid, but getting married is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Justin and I are still adjusting to the idea of having a child. A rushed wedding would just make everything even more complicated.     

And we definitely don't need any more complications right now.    

Deep down, I know my dad will come around...eventually. It's just going to take some time. I have no problem giving him all the space he needs, sure..it hurts like hell, but what other choice do I have?    

"Morning." Justin yawns as he trudges into the kitchen and takes a seat at the table.    

As corny as it sounds, I'm really going to miss getting to spend time with him like this, just the two of us at home. He's leaving for Europe in three weeks and it's already been decided that I won't be joining him.    

Johnny has yet to make any kind of statement regarding my pregnancy, and with my ever growing belly, it's better for everyone if I just lay low until Johnny does something.    

I'm a little relieved, because God knows...touring is no picnic and I'm sure it's even worse, having to haul around all this extra weight, but I'm going to miss Justin like crazy.    

Unfortunately, with him gone, I'll be preparing for the baby pretty much on my own. Although, I'm sure Lauren, Lynn and my own mother will be a huge help.    

Johnny's been on the hunt for my replacement the last couple weeks and has numerous interviews set up for the next several weeks, which means Justin and I will be flying to L.A bright and early tomorrow morning. Call me crazy, but I'm just a tad nervous. The last time Johnny hired someone, she ended up being a little on the psycho side.    

So, this time, Johnny has agreed to let Justin and I sit in on the interviews, thank God. We don't need another Darcy running around, that's for damn sure.    

"You hungry?" I ask as he fidgets in his seat, flipping through the newspaper.    

"Yeah I guess. You actually made breakfast?"    

"Something like that." I giggle and set a bowl of oatmeal down in front of him.    

With a baby on the way, I should probably get the hang of this cooking stuff.    

"And the number one reason I miss living with Lauren..." Justin mutters and rolls his eyes. "Anyway, what time does this interview shit start on Thursday?"    

"Johnny wants us there at noon. Oh...and if you have any questions or anything, write them down." He nods in response before digging into his oatmeal.    

I really am dreading the thought of him leaving. I mean, it's not like he's just going across the country. He's going to be on another continent all together, and the foreign press is pretty relentless. He'll be so damn busy over there, he'll barely even have time to sleep.    

Which means, we have to find him an amazing assistant. He's going to need someone who knows what they're doing, someone who can keep up with him. Basically...he needs me.     

I know I sound like I'm whining, but I really don't enjoy giving up my job.    

I guess, if I had something to do while he's gone, I could handle this a little better. Sure, I'll have plenty of baby things to do, but I don't have a job and that just makes me crazy. I hate the idea of living off of Justin, but unfortunately, there isn't much I can do about it.    

If it were up to Justin, I'd probably never work again, but I need a job. I need to feel useful. I need to know that I don't have to depend on him for every single little thing.    

I'm sure I sound like a complete idiot...most people would probably kill for the opportunity to never work again, but I guess I'm just weird. Whether Justin likes it or not, after the baby's born, I'm going back to work. I just...don't know where yet.    

I don't exactly like the idea of hiring a nanny, but that may be what it comes down to. I'm sure Justin won't be too thrilled about that either, but we've got a lot of adjustments to make, and I guess these are just a few of them.

***************************    

"So, you've just graduated then?" Johnny eyes the young brunette skeptically and I have to bite back a laugh. Where do they find these chicks?    

"Yes. And I know experience is required but I believe I'm perfectly capable of doing this job. I mean, it can't be too tough, right?" She flashes us a bright smile and I have to fight to not roll my eyes.    

"Alright then. Thank you for coming in. We'll be in touch." Johnny dismisses her with a short nod and she quickly exits the office.    

I'm starting to think we may never find my replacement. It's been four days and we've interviewed atleast a hundred girls. A couple seemed promising, but most of them have screamed at the sight of Justin, tried to flirt with him or assumed that being his assistant is a walk in the park. They're completely clueless and I have to admit, it's a little amusing.    

"We've got one more for today." Johnny sighs as he sorts through a stack of paperwork on his desk before producing a resume and handing it to Justin. "Joel Gibson. Spent three years with No Doubt. He comes highly recommended."     

Justin nods, but I can see he's not too thrilled with the idea of a male assistant, and honestly...I have no idea why. Trace was his PA for nearly six years, but then again...Justin and Trace are practically brothers.     

What can I say...my boyfriend's weird.    

There's a soft knock on the door before Johnny's secretary, Julia, steps inside with a dark haired man in tow. He looks about mine and Justin's age, fairly average I suppose. Dark, shaggy hair, dark eyes.     

Justin clears his throat loudly and I already know what he's thinking. He's already made up his mind about this guy. He doesn't want him.    

In a way, I wish Johnny wouldn't have let Justin sit in on these interviews. Number one, it just made some of the applicants even more nervous and, Justin has a tendency to act pretty intimidating and I can tell, that's exactly what he plans to do to this guy.     

I love him, but he can be a dick sometimes.    

"Afternoon Joel." Johnny smiles and stands up to shake Joel's hand. Joel then turns to Justin, hand extended and Justin only gives him a short nod.    

It's an awkward exchange, but I completely expected it. Justin is doing an excellent job of stepping into asshole mode and I'm just waiting for Johnny to call him on it.     

"Joel, this of course is Justin, and this is Ally. She's been Justin's assistant for the last few years. Now, I'll warn you ahead of time, whoever takes this job has some pretty large shoes to fill." Johnny smiles warmly at me and I can't help but feel proud.    

I don't care what anybody says...everybody loves a good compliment.    

"I'm up for the challenge." Joel grins.    

"Good to know. Now, it says in your resume that you spent three years with No Doubt. What were some of your duties?"    

"Well...I handled most of their scheduling, most of their personal affairs...ya know, paid bills, ran errands, that sort of thing. I was also kind of the go between for the band and the label. I guess you could say I was kind of a human telephone." He chuckles.    

I like this guy. I really, really do. He's got the experience Justin needs, he's obviously got the personality for the job, and I can totally see him fitting in with Justin and the crew. By the looks of it, Johnny is pretty much sold on him too.    

Justin, however, is a different story. His face is completely blank, but he's listening intently, which is definitely a good sign. During most of the other interviews, I swear he was more interested in counting ceiling tiles than listening to anything anyone had to say.     

Not that I can really blame him. This isn't exactly the most thrilling work in the world.    

"Justin...any questions?" Johnny asks suddenly. Justin clears his throat and eyes Joel for several minutes before glancing at me.    

"Just one...are you single?"     

Oh he can not be serious.     

I really thought he was past all of his possessive, jealous bullshit. Besides...it's not like I'll be dealing with Justin's assistant very much. Granted, I will be showing the new kid the ropes for the next couple weeks, but after that...I'm out of the work force.     

"Well...that kind of depends on what happens here." Joel laughs awkwardly. "I do have a girlfriend right now, but if I'm lucky enough to get this job, that relationship's going to have to go on the backburner for awhile."    

"And why's that?" Justin leans forward in his seat and I can just see the wheels turning in his head.     

"I'm a hard worker, and unfortunately...I tend to let work kind of take over, good for my employer, bad for my personal life, ya know? I want to do my absolute best and I've always felt that relationships and friendships can be a little distracting."    

Suddenly, I think I know why I like this guy. As crazy as it sounds, I think he might actually be the male version of myself, atleast when it comes to work anyway.     

I've always thrown myself into my work 110 percent. I never gave anything less than my best and I think that's why I stuck it out as Justin's PA for so long. I still don't regret quitting when we first got together though. I knew our relationship would be a distraction for both of us and we couldn't afford to let that happen.     

It may be too soon to tell, but I think Joel might be the one. He just wants to do the job and that's what Justin needs. He needs someone to keep him focused the way Trace and I did for all those years.     

I don't know what Johnny or Justin's thinking, but I do believe I'm looking at Justin's new assistant.

******************************    

"Every night...usually pretty late, Johnny faxes over the itinerary for the next day. He usually has everything mapped out and all you really need to do is follow it." I shrug and show several old schedules to Joel.    

"So, it's all pretty much set in stone by the time I get it?"    

"Usually. Once in awhile things can change at the last minute, but Johnny always calls first."    

"Cool." He nods and gives me a small smile. "I really appreciate you helping me get ready for all of this. When I first started with No Doubt, everybody kind of blew me off. I was the new kid, fresh out of college...nobody really wanted anything to do with me." He chuckles softly and shakes his head.    

I actually feel kind of bad for him. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it would have been to come into a job like this, with no guidance. Sometimes I forget how lucky I really was. I always had Trace there for help and my boss was my best friend. I don't think anyone could have asked for a better work situation.    

"So, anything else?"   

"Nah. I think that just about covers all my questions."    

"Alright. Well...if you ever need anything, you can always call me."    

"Awesome. Thanks Ally."    

"Not a problem." I smile as we head out of the office and head down the hallway.     

It sounds a little dumb, but I'm almost a little sad to be leaving this place. Justin leaves for Europe in three days and after today...I have no business being at the label. My life in L.A is over and I'm officially a house wife...well...house girlfriend, actually.    

Justin still has yet to warm up to Joel, but I know it's just a matter of time before he comes around. I honestly don't think we could have found anyone better suited for the job. Joel already knows the business, knows exactly what goes into this job, knows how to handle the media and the fans. All I had to do was go over some of the specifics with him and we were done.    

It was so easy it was almost scary.    

"How'd it go?" Justin asks as I enter the hotel room and toss my keys onto the table.     

"Really good actually. I still don't see why you don't like him."    

"It's not him exactly." He shrugs. "It's just...it's gonna look weird having some dude follow me around."    

"Oh please." I laugh and roll my eyes. "How long was it just you and Trace?"        

"Totally different." He scoffs. "Besides, eventually this really hot girl showed up to help him." He gives me a cocky smirk as his arms slide around my waist.     

"Oh yeah?"    

"Yeah. I was kinda thinking I might take her to dinner tonight."    

I can't help but melt a little at the smile on his face. He looks so excited at the thought of us going on an actual date, and as much as I'd love to go, I'm not so sure it's a good idea.    

In the two and a half weeks that we've been in L.A, we've been followed almost constantly. Luckily, I've been able to cover my growing belly up with baggy shirts, but that won't last long. Eventually, someone's going to notice.     

Johnny's said several times that he's a little worried about making a statement, and Justin doesn't seem to be pushing the issue either. In a way, I'd like everything out in the open, but then again...I see the downside too.    

Once word gets out, there's no telling what kind of media frenzy we could end up in and if Justin's gone, I don't want to deal with that by myself. I don't want to be stuck in the house with reporters and photographers camped out at the end of our driveway.     

"I don't know Justin..."    

He frowns and rolls his eyes before letting go of me and walking away. "You got something better to do?"    

"No I just....nevermind. We'll go, ok?"    

"You sure?"    

"Yeah, I am." I smile as he crosses the room again and kisses me sweetly.     

"Good." He grins and gives me a short nod. "It won't be anything fancy. I promise."    

My dislike of getting dressed up isn't what worries me and unfortunately, he doesn't seem to get that. I don't want our news getting out quite yet, but I also don't want to spend all of my time hiding away from the world.     

I really just don't know what to do.    

I've got myself in a complicated situation and there isn't an easy way out of it.     

You'd think that with Justin being so private and protective of his personal life, going out would be the last thing he'd want to do. The bad part is, if we were in Tennessee, it wouldn't be an issue. We could go wherever we wanted and do whatever the hell we please.     

It's only been a couple months since we've been back home, but I'm afraid that maybe, Justin's gotten too used to that freedom, and it might cause us some major problems.

********************************    

"I'll be in Europe for four months, but Johnny did some rearranging and I'll be home for a week each month. That way, I can be around for some of the baby stuff and hopefully, I'll be back home completely about two weeks before the baby's born." Justin smiles proudly before digging into his cheeseburger.    

"You've just got it all worked out, huh?" I didn't mean for that to come out as angry as it actually did.     

I mean yeah, it'll be great to have him home every few weeks, but we've got bigger issues to deal with and he seems to be ignoring them.     

"I thought you'd be happy about that. You keep whining about how you have to do all this stuff alone."    

"I'm not whining Justin." I glare at him and he rolls his eyes in disbelief. "I just said that it's gonna be rough. I'm glad you'll be here, but there's a lot of other stuff to figure out too, ya know?"    

"Like what?"    

"Well, number one...this." I point to my stomach and once again, he rolls his eyes. "I can't cover it up much longer Justin. I'm getting bigger and pretty soon, I'm going to look like a freakin cow."    

"Atleast you'll be a cute cow." He smirks and I swear, if he wasn't on the other side of the table, I'd slap him.     

I always thought boyfriends and husbands were supposed to reassure you about this stuff, constantly tell you, you aren't as big as a house, that you're beautiful no matter what. Instead, my boyfriend thoroughly enjoys telling me I'm getting fat.     

"That's not funny."
    

"Alright, alright...I'll talk to Johnny and we can issue a statement after I leave. There, problem solved."    

"One down, a million more to go." I mutter and roll my eyes.    

"Ally, come on. I'm trying, ok? We knew this wouldn't be easy."    

"I know. I just...everything's moving at a hundred miles an hour and it's like we're never going to be ready for all of this."    

"It'll be fine. Just chill out. Anyway...my mom said she'll help with whatever you need while I'm gone, and you know Lauren will be up your ass. You're all set baby, just calm down."    

"Right. You're right." I nod and take a deep breath.    

I honestly don't know when Justin became so calm and collected. Usually, he'd be the one agonizing over every little detail, but somehow that's all changed. Now, I'm the drama queen. It's a little strange.    

"I think I want a boy." He says suddenly, a small smile planted on his face. "It'd be cool, ya know? I can show him all the shit me and Trace did as kids."    

I nod and smile in agreement as he continues to ramble about teaching his son to fish, building him a treehouse, taking him to the old railroad bridge, teaching him how to play piano.     

It sounds amazing, it really does, but I know it's all wishful thinking. Justin's career is at an all time high and shows no sign of coming down anytime soon. His public adores him, they demand most of his time and they always get it.     

I know he wants to be a good dad, and when he's actually home...I know he will be, but that's the thing. He'll hardly ever be home. He won't have time for all of the wonderful things he wants to do with his child, and that thought breaks my heart.    

It's taken him so long to show some enthusiasm about the baby and I really couldn't be happier with the way he's turned around, but he isn't being very realistic. The only way for him to be the father he wants to be, is to walk away from the thing he loves the most and I won't let him do that.    

I'm sure he's been tossing the idea around and that means so much to me, but he just wouldn't be Justin anymore if he stopped performing.     

I'm probably jumping to conclusions. For all I know, he hasn't even considered letting his career take a backseat.     

Since we got back together, we haven't put much thought into our future. We've been taking things as they come and that has to change. Our lives aren't about just the two of us anymore.     

"I'm gonna take a break Ally. A really long one." He says suddenly, jerking me out of my thoughts.    

Sometimes, I swear he can read my mind and it never fails to freak me out.    

"What?"    

"Once the tour is over, I'm taking some time off. I mean, I'll still write and stuff, but I'm not touring or performing for awhile." He says slowly, like he can't believe he's actually saying this. "I just don't want to miss out on my kid growing up, ya know? I wanna hear his first words, see him learn to walk. I want to be there and I'm going to be."    

"Justin...you can't do that."    

"It's already done." He says simply and shrugs. "I already talked to Johnny. I'm not giving it up completely or anything and eventually, I'll get back out there. This is just more important to me."    

The really selfish part of me is thrilled. I'll have him there with me every single day, my baby will have its father. We can be an actual family.    

However, the sensible side feels awful. I know he'll be miserable. I know he'll miss the stage, the lights, the screaming fans.     

But, it's his decision and something in the force behind his words tell me, there's no way to change his mind. Justin's about as stubborn as it gets. He's going to do what he wants, and no one can make him do any different.     

It's a trait I love and hate about him.    

Unfortunately, I also know that this break most likely won't last very long. Justin's used to being on the go constantly. A quiet, home life just isn't for him and I'm sure, it won't be long before he gets bored and goes right back to work.     

That's ok though. I want him to keep performing. I want him to be happy and I sure as hell don't want to be the reason he gives it all up. Every girl in the world would probably burn me at the stake if I sat back and let him quit.    

One thing I can say for him though, he's come a long way the last couple months, and I couldn't be prouder of him.     

I can finally say with complete certainty that, give or take a few small details, I think we're ready for this baby.

"I Think I'm Ready"-Katy Perry