It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down
I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around
When it falls in place with you and I, we go from if to when
Your side and mine are both behind it's indication
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted           

I've got it bad, and I'm not afraid to admit it.     

Everything about her is perfect. Perfect legs. Perfect ass. Perfect smile. Perfect hair. Perfect tits. You get the picture.    

She sweeps her long dark hair over her shoulder, exposing her neck, and it's all I can do to not reach out and touch her.  Damn, I've got it so bad.        

"You wanna get out of here?" She smiles at me, brown eyes shining.    

"Yeah. Your place ok? I don't live alone."    

"Do you have a girlfriend at home, Mr. Timberlake?"    

"Course not. Three of my friends live with me. Two are out of town, but there's still one there." Is it bad that I'm leaving out the fact that I live with two women? Probably.    

"Ah..got ya." She winks, then slides out of the booth. "My place it is, then."    

I really like this girl. Holly is the exact opposite of every woman I've ever dated.  She's smart, she's funny...she actually kind of reminds me of Ally in a weird way. Same sense of humor, I guess.    

Now that I'm thinking about it...I feel pretty shitty for leaving Ally home alone on a Friday night.  Especially since she's knee deep in wedding plans, but I couldn't cancel this date. I'd have been out of my damn mind if I did.  Not to mention the fact that I'm getting laid.    

Before I know it, I'm in Holly's bedroom, half naked.  She's all over me. Kissing, licking, sucking...I should be so into this, but my mind keeps drifting back to Ally.    

Tonight, she was calling the other bridesmaids to get their dress sizes, then calling the dress shop to set up the fittings. I think she had to call the caterer too, but I could be wrong.  She's probably totally miserable.    

I gotta hand it to the girl though. It's no secret that she really didn't want to do this, but she knew how much Lauren needed her, so she stepped up.    

Ally puts up a good front, but she really is one of the most sweet, and selfless people on the planet. You just have to get past that "I'm a hard ass" act, to really see it.    

I know she doesn't think so, but she's doing an amazing job of getting all of this put together. Lauren and Trace are going to have the perfect wedding, and it's all because of Ally.    

"Justin...I'm ready." Holly says from underneath me. I can't remember getting into bed, much less taking off the rest of my clothes.     

Get it together man...hot chick, practically begging you to fuck her brains out. Stop thinking about Ally.    

But, ya know...since she's doing so great with Lauren's wedding...I can't help but wonder how her own would turn out. I know she said all that bullshit about eloping, but really...I think deep down, Ally is just as girly as any other chick.     

She can deny it all she wants, but I guarantee she wants the whole knight in shining armor thing, just like every other woman on the planet.     

I will say this though...she's gonna make some guy insanely happy one day, but he better do the same for her. I really want to see her happy.    

I look down and can't help but smile. "Hi."    

"Hi." She grins back at me, just as I slide in.    

"You alright?"    

"Perfect." She presses her lips to mine and I can't ignore the chill that just ran down my back. This might be a little more than just good sex.    

"Damn Ally..."  It isn't until that exact moment that I realize, I wanna be the guy treating her like a princess. I wanna be the guy that she makes insanely happy.    

"WHAT?!?!" Holly shrieks and pushes me off of her.    

"Huh?" I stumble off the bed and rub the back of my head nervously. What the hell just happened?    

She's pelting me with my own clothes and screaming like a damn banshee, and I haven't got a clue why.    

"Never in my life have I had a man do that to me...and you won't even admit it!"    

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" I can't help but scream at her, she's confusing the hell out of me. I mean seriously, is this bitch off her rocker? Everything was fine...I don't get it.    

"Who is she, Justin?"    

"Who's who?"    

"Ally! You kept saying her name...at first I thought I was just hearing things, but when you didn't stop..."        

Oh shit.    

Holly continues to pace around the room, screaming like an idiot, while my knees buckle underneath me and I collapse onto the bed.     

Shit, shit, shit.    

This is bad...no, horrible...catastrophic, even. I can't...no...there's no...how...I can't... I mean...I can't have feelings for Ally...can I?    

No.    

I'm just feeling guilty because I'm out, having a good time, and she's stuck at home, planning a wedding that isn't hers. But...I swear, when I looked down...it wasn't Holly...it was Ally.    

Ally was the one whispering my name, over and over. Ally was the one, clawing at my back. Ally...it was all Ally.    

No, there's no way this is happening. It's just because she's been on my mind all night. It's just my conscience trying to make me feel bad.    

But damnit, I really liked seeing her under me like that. Hearing her say my name...having her look at me like I was the only thing in the world she needed.    

Fuck.    

This is bad.    

This is so bad.

*****************************************************************************    

I should have known sleep wouldn't come easy tonight. Well...I guess if you want to get technical, it's not coming at all.    

Luckily, Ally was already in bed by the time I got home. I really just wasn't up to facing her as soon as I walked in.     

I'm not even sure I want to face her in the morning.    

I laid in bed for almost two hours before I finally gave up on even trying to sleep. I just keep going over what happened at Holly's in my head.     

Everything was going the way it should have...the way I wanted it too, but I screwed up.    Maybe, if I did have feelings for Ally, I'd understand it...but I don't.     

Atleast, I think I don't.        

I mean...yeah...she's pretty. Well...more than pretty, really...she's gorgeous. She has this amazing, silky, shiny, dark brown hair that always manages to frame her face perfectly.

She has probably the most flawless skin I've ever seen. I know it sounds weird, but it's true. I don't think I've ever seen a single blemish on that face in all the years I've known her.

What really sets her features off though, are those eyes. They're this dark shade of green and have a slight glimmer to them anytime she smiles.

Deep down, she's really sweet, even if she doesn't show it all the time. She's probably the funniest chick I know.     

The biggest thing though...she gets me. She always has. Sometimes, I swear she can read my mind. I can sit there, with the biggest smile on my face, but Ally would know if something was wrong.     

She's always supported me in everything I've done. When everybody told me I was an idiot for leaving the group, she had my back. She stood up for me.     

When you get right down to it...Ally's amazing.    

However, even with all of her good qualities, there's just as many bad ones.     

For starters, she's so damn sarcastic. It's like no matter what you say to her, she's got to be a smart ass. I know she thinks it's funny, but sometimes I kind of want to slap her.     

She has a tendency to take work way too seriously. I know her job is important. God knows where I'd be without her or Trace, but she takes it to the extreme sometimes. Work almost becomes this huge, end all, be all thing for her.     

I know I'm pretty addicted to my work, but Ally makes me look like a slacker sometimes.    

She's so hard on herself too, and it's not just with work.  I really try to not harp on her about finding a man, but when I do bring it up, she acts like she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship. She's got this idea stuck in her head that she needs to have all her shit together before she can date.    

I mean, yeah...that's not a bad idea to have...but she lets it take over. I think it's her defense mechanism. She's never been in one of those soul crushing, die without this person relationships, and really...I think she's afraid of it. She's incredibly strong willed and independent. I think she's just scared of letting somebody get in her head.    

Now that I'm thinking about it...Ally's bad qualities really aren't so terrible. I mean...it could be so much worse. Plus, all of that stuff could be dealt with. It'd just take some time and patience.     

I'd have no problem dealing with that stuff, as long as I got the good with it.    I just can't figure out why this is hitting me now. We've been friends for over 20 years, why now?    

Hell...just why? Why her? Why me? Why now? Just...why?    

I can't make sense of any of it.    But, I do know one thing. As confused as I am...I'm not complaining.    

I don't think I could ever do better than Alexandra Lawson. Even if I tried. ****************************************************************************       

"Since when are you up this early?" Ally pads into the kitchen, and I jump slightly.        

It's almost seven in the morning...I definitely wasn't expecting her to be awake yet. She's one of those sleep till noon types. Unless of course, she's working. Then, she's up before dawn everyday, no matter what time she went to bed the night before. Honestly, I don't know how she does it. I need atleast eight hours of sleep to function properly.    

"Couldn't sleep."  I mumble, making it a point to not look at her.     

"Great. You're going to be a joy to be around all day." I can't see it, but I know she's rolling her eyes at me.

"You want coffee or anything?"    

"Nah, I'm cool."    

I swear, she's the only person I've ever known who thinks coffee is an acceptable meal. Even when we're on the road, you have to practically pry the coffee cup from her hands and force her to eat actual food. But, when she does eat...damn. The girl has a fantastic body, but she can pack it away with the best of them.    

"If you say so. Anyway..at two we have an appointment with the caterer, then we're going to drop off the flower order. Once all of that's done...we need to come back here and finish the music list for the reception." She sets up the coffee maker, then turns to face me. "Without arguing this time."    

"Cool." I shrug. Once again, I know she's rolling her eyes at me. She does that alot.    

I know it's my own fault, but I don't know how to act around her. Sure..with any other girl, I'd turn on the charm and flirt my way into her pants...but this is all so new to me. Plus...it's Ally.    

The nonsense that's worked on other girls, won't work with her. She knows me too well, and really...she's too good for that. Ally's the type of girl that needs to be treated well and respected.    

Then again...do I even really want to make a move on her? If I did something stupid, or she doesn't feel the same, I could ruin one of the most important things in my life.     

Damnit..Lauren and Trace need to come home already. I need somebody to help me figure this mess out. Those two would make a really good distraction too.    

With them back, I wouldn't be alone with Ally 24 hours a day. I wouldn't be thinking about her constantly, and we wouldn't be planning a wedding together.     

I know it's only been two days, but if this is what can happen in just two days...I'm not too thrilled to see what the next 12 have in store.

"She Is"-The Fray