You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin it
         

Lauren owes me so huge. We're talking...insanely huge...worshipping the ground I walk on, huge.     

The woman from the catering business is an absolute nightmare. Lauren called them weeks ago to set up this appointment, but they've somehow lost the paperwork. Luckily, Lauren had them fax her a copy, so I was able to show them proof that we did indeed, have an appointment today.     

Lauren also has everything she wants neatly written down. All I should have had to do was come in, schedule the date, create the menu, and be on my merry little way...but of course not. Nothing in my life ever goes smoothly.    

Here I sit, in a super uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting for them to call my name. I thought Justin would find some way to be entertaining, but he's spent the entire day acting like a freaking weirdo.     

I've tried, god knows how many times, to strike up a conversation, but all I get are one word answers, or indifferent shrugs. I guess his date last night didn't go so well.    

"Ms. Lawson...they found the paperwork for the Parker-Ayala wedding...they're ready for you now." The receptionist calls out and I can't help the sigh of relief that escapes me.    

"Thank god." I mutter as I stroll up to her desk, Justin on my heels. She leads us down a small hallway and into an office where the devil woman is seated behind quite possibly the smallest desk I've ever seen.        

I wonder if Lauren knows she's hired the most rinky-dink caterer in Los Angeles.    

Almost two hours pass before we're finally out of that hell hole. Sandy, who happens to own the catering business, refused to agree to anything Lauren had wanted.    

Honestly, it's not like she was asking for anything too outrageous. A salad bar, buffet stocked with steak, chicken, vegetables and other various side items.    

Unfortunately for Ms. Sandy, I'm used to dealing with stuck up assholes who don't know the meaning of the word compromise, so I argued my way through it and managed to get everything Lauren wanted.    

One point, Lawson. Shitty catering business...zilch.    

I guess I could have been a bit nicer, but after spending three hours in that god foresaken place, I was ready to get the hell out of there.         

I grab my purse and the binder full of Lauren's wedding stuff, then head for the door, Justin trailing behind me. He's been completely useless through all of this, and I'm just itching to find out why.        

Once we're in the Escalade, he immediately cranks the radio. Naturally, I turn it down in an attempt to avoid having my seat vibrate. We've got a 45 minute drive to the flower shop, and my head is already pounding. I don't need 50 Cent added to it.    

"What exactly is your deal today?" I ask suddenly. Obviously, he isn't going to talk about whatever has crawled up his ass and died today, so I had to bring it up.    

"Nothing. Why?" He glances at me quickly, before setting his sight back on the road.    

"You're acting really weird Justin. Did your date last night go that badly?"    

He winces, and I feel kind of bad. I guess I haven't exactly been helping matters with all of my bitching today.    

"Yeah...it wasn't pretty." He rolls his eyes and shrugs. "It's alright though. I'll get over it."    

"What happened?"        

Honestly...I don't want to know, but I'm trying to do the friend thing here. Lately, the thought of him with another woman kind of makes me want to hit someone, but I'm not about to let him know that. I don't even like admitting it to myself, but unfortunately, my physical attraction to my best friend seems to be moving into romantic feelings territory, and I'm all kinds of confused.    

He tenses visibly at my question, and lets out a loud sigh. I can tell he's trying to figure out how to say what he's thinking, and he bites his lip.     

"She was way too into the whole fame and money thing."    

"Aww...I'm sorry J."    

"It's cool. Like I said, I'll get over it." He nods, then stops at a red light. "I guess I should let you screen all my dates, huh?" He chuckles quietly.    

Oh, that is so not a good idea. If he has me screening his dates, he won't be dating at all. Ever.    

"Yeah..maybe." I smile, then turn to look out the window.     

I really need Lauren to come back home. I am in major need of some advice, and she's the only person I could trust with something this big.

*****************************************************************        

Things at the flower shop went much easier than things with the caterer. We went in, picked out the correct Orchids and Lilies, instructed that half be dyed the exact shade of lavender,the other half, white, then gave them the wedding date, and were out of there.     

I don't know how people plan these enormous weddings all the time. Granted, Lauren and Trace aren't having an insanely large wedding, but it's pretty big.     

It's only been a few days, and I'm not even half into some of what I have to do, but I can feel my stress level rising every day.     

"You wanna get started on the music stuff?" Justin enters the living room and turns off the TV.    

"Yeah...everything's still in my room. I'll go get it."    

"It's cool...we'll just go up there." He shrugs and heads for the steps. I set my book down and follow him.    

It's stupid, but I'm a little nervous about having him in my bedroom. He's been in here a million times in the five years I've lived here..hell...he helped me paint the walls, but...this is just different. I'm not just in here with my best friend.     

I'm in my room alone, with a man who I'm quickly developing major feelings for, and I'm not sure I can trust myself completely.     

He plops down on the floor with his cd binder and starts flipping through it. I grab a pen and notebook off my desk and sit across from him.        

"I guess Eminem is out of the question?" He grins stupidly at me and I shake my head.    

"Lauren would kill you. Trace would love it."    

"I'll take my chances then." He laughs and quickly scribbles it down. "Ya know...most people only pick out certain songs for the dances and stuff, then let the DJ do his own thing."    

"Laur's weird." I shrug and start flipping through Lauren's cd binder. "Oh! I think we need to play this entire album at the reception." I grin wickedly and hold up the first Nsync album.    

"Funny." Justin rolls his eyes at me and I can't help but giggle.    

"C'mon! The guys will be there...you all could go into boyband mode for us."    

"You're gonna get your ass kicked, Ally Lynn."    

"Don't be ashamed of your roots, Justin. Your Momma taught you better than that."    

He looks at me for a few minutes, then rolls his eyes and smiles. "I'm warning you Ally...."    

"And I'm so scared."     

"You should be." He sets the cd case down, and props himself up on his knees.   

Ok...now I am slightly worried. If he gets too close, I can't be held accountable for my actions. Especially since he's running around in track pants and a wife beater.     

"Put the cd back Al." He folds his arms over his chest and stares down at me.     

Against my better judgement, I put the cd in the stereo, but don't hit play just yet. I'm going to see just how far I can push him.     

He inches toward me, and I reach for the stereo remote. Eventually one of us will back down, and we'll continue to bicker over music choices...right?    

He shoots me another warning glance as my finger hovers over the play button. Before I can press down, he's tackled me and I'm flat on my back.    

He's nuts if he thinks he's getting the remote.    

"I told ya Al...I don't want to kick your ass, but it looks like I'm gonna have to." He smirks at me and pins both of my arms down.     

I finally hit play and the opening notes of I Want You Back filter through the speakers. He rolls his eyes and quickly hits the stop button.    

"Exactly how do you plan on kicking my ass like this?"     

"I'm thinking." He mutters, and while he's distracted, I surge forward, pushing him to the ground and now he's on his back.     

I plop down on his stomach and giggle when he lets out a grunt. "Oh please...I'm not that heavy."    

"That's what you think."    

"Are you saying I'm fat?"    

"Nope...just heavy."     

"Hey!" I slap his shoulder and he winces in pain.     

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I really don't. We play fight all the time...but this is a little beyond that. I guess I'm attempting to flirt...but it just seems so awkward. I feel like an idiot.    

"I'm kidding...you're not heavy. Promise." He shoots me a cheesy smile, and I can't help but laugh.     

"You're a dork...you know that?"    

"Yep...but you love me."    

"If that's what helps you sleep at night." I shrug and quickly remove myself from his stomach and back to my spot, far away from him.    

After a few more hours and several heated arguments, we finally finished the music list for the reception. I think we did a pretty damn good job, but I'm sure Lauren will come home and change half of it.    

Luckily, Justin kept his distance the rest of the night, and I didn't do anything too stupid.     

I guess it's weird to not enjoy having feelings for someone, but I'm known for being pretty strange.    

I really don't want to feel this way about him. I'd rather things stayed the way they are, for numerous reasons.    

The first, of course, being that he's my best friend. We've been friends practically all our lives. He's almost part of my family if you think about it. He knows every single detail of my life, and I trust him more than I trust my own parents. I don't want to lose that because I let my heart do the thinking instead of my head.    

There's also the fact that he's my boss. I may have more control over his career than he does sometimes, but he's the one in charge. He signs my paychecks, so what he says, goes.      

Not to mention the fact that, I live with him. I don't necessarily need to live in a damn mansion, but I've grown to love this house.    

The four of us picked out everything in it, and did all of the decorating and painting together.     

When Justin bought the house, he complained that the houses he'd previously owned, never really felt like home.    

So, we did everything we could to make this house as homey as possible. We did an awesome job, if I do say so myself. You can see shades of all four of us in every room.    

There's just too much for me to lose if I let my feelings get in the way. I couldn't care less about the material things, but I can't stand the thought of losing my best friend, my job and my home, all at once.    

I know Justin would never fire me, or kick me out, but I would have to quit and move out.     

I don't think I could handle being rejected, then having to face him every day.    

Lauren really needs to get her ass home already. I swear, I'm losing my mind over all of this Justin nonsense.    

But then again, do I really want to tell Lauren? I mean..she's like a sister to me and God knows I trust her...but this...I just don't know. I can see her getting overly excited at the prospect of a potential relationship between Justin and I, then telling Trace, and it's common knowledge that Trace can't keep his damn mouth shut to save his life.    

In 20 some odd years, it's never failed. You can keep a secret for months, but if that little troll finds out, suddenly the entire world knows.     

When we were kids, 90 percent of the time the four of us were in trouble, was because Trace let something slip.    

I'll never forget the three months I was grounded during junior year, because Trace told my Daddy that we'd gone cow tipping.    

If there was ever a time I almost killed someone, that was it.    However, I do love the midget...just not enough to trust him with something like this, because the first thing he'd do is spill his guts to Justin, and there is absolutely no way I'm letting that happen.    

Maybe I should just keep all of this to myself, because I know for a fact that I sure as hell ain't letting it slip.    

"You Make Me Sick"-Pink