The last few weeks have just flown by.

Justin, Mackenzie and I went on a road trip across the country. We went to Disney World and Disney Land. We hit up a few of the Six Flaggs along the way to and from Disney, but I couldn‘t go on any of the rides because lucky me is with child and it‘s not in my best interest to go on rides.

Trace flew out to Florida and met us at Disney. He thought we are nuts for driving from California to Florida. I guess he doesn’t get the whole family bonding thing.

It’s actually been one of the best experiences I’ve ever been apart of. Just watching Justin and Mackenzie interact together is incredible. She is one hundred percent his daughter, right down to his amazing ability to go from one conversation to another in a matter of seconds. I can’t tell you how many times I got completely lost with the two of them talking, but neither one of them were fazed by it.

We’re currently back in California about three hours away from home and I couldn’t be more scared.

I’ve been ignoring the whole, my brother lied to me about my mother and siblings thing for a little over a month now and I have this sinking feeling that when I get home I’m going to need to resolve this issue. I don’t in anyway want to go talk to him and to be completely honest, I don’t think I’m ready.

You know what, that’s a lie. I’m ready. I’m just scared shitless.

My brother lied to me. Who knows for how long. I can’t deal with that. I mean he’s my brother. If I can’t trust my brother, who I’ve been extremely close to for my entire life, then who can I trust.

It was a little rough with Justin at first. After we found out about having a girl, things kind of went sour for me. I started thinking about Ryan and the whole lying thing and I guess I just freaked about every little thing Justin would say or do.

That’s why he suggested this whole road trip. He figured it would cure any problems we were having and I have to give him a lot of credit. It really did work. I honestly couldn’t love this man and this little girl anymore than I do right now. That’s huge. To be locked in a car with them for weeks and not want to kill them proves to me that we’re going to make it through anything.

“So what are we doing today again?” Mackenzie asks from the backseat.

“We,” Justin says pointing back and forth from her to him, “Are going to go bowling with Trace and Rachel.”

“Why aren’t I included in bowling? I think I can handle a bowling ball.” I say, glaring at Justin.

“You have other plans.” He says giving me a look before turning back towards the road.

“And what other plans do I have?” I ask, chuckling to myself.

“You are going to resolve your family issues.” He says giving me a knowing look.

I sigh, “Do I have to?” I whine, pouting.

“Yes you have to. You can’t keep ignoring Ryan. I know he’s been calling you everyday and you’ve been rejecting the calls. I really think you need to hear him out.”

“What did Uncle Ryan do?” Mackenzie asks.

Justin raises an eyebrow at me and I just shrug not knowing what to say to her. I don’t really want her to know what’s going on, but I hate lying to her.

“Uhh, Uncle Ryan kept something from me that I felt was important and I’m upset with him over it.” I say to her, looking over at Justin to make sure what I said was good for him. He nodded with a short shrug, looking at Mac in the rearview mirror.

“Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know sweetie.” I answer.

“That’s why she needs to talk to him. He needs to explain why he did what he did.” Justin adds.

“Why can’t we just invite him to go bowling with us and they can talk there. I really want to be on Mom’s team, she’s really good.” Mac says and my stomach does a flip-flop. I still get butterflies in my belly when she calls me Mom.

“Yeah, why can’t we just invite him and play some Bowling. Boys vs. girls.”

“Because then you wont talk to him.” Justin says, shaking his head at me.

“I will…”

“When? When our daughter turns ten?” He asks, sighing.

“Well, that’s only a few years away right?” I say, smiling at Mackenzie.

A grin forms on Justin’s face and he looks over at me for a second, “That was cute, but I’m not letting this go, Lauren.”

I sigh, “Fine. I’ll go talk to him, but I want in on the Bowling Tournament.”

“Fine, we’ll wait for you to get back.”

The rest of the ride was filled with a lot of really bad singing and laughing. Kenzie really didn’t get the gift of music from her father and I never had it so we made a really bad combo. Justin was amused and decided to join us by singing off key which in all honesty was a hell of a lot better than we ever could be.

That’s sad.

When we pulled into the driveway, Trace and Rachel came out to help us with the bags. Justin stopped me from trying to help and I just shock my head.

“You are pregnant and do not need to be lifting heavy suitcases. You also are on your way to your brother’s.” He says, dropping the keys in my hands. “Go, Lauren.”

I sigh, watching him pull the last suitcase out of the trunk and slamming it shut. I climb into the driver’s seat and he leans in the car, kissing me on the lips.

“Good luck, baby.” he says before kissing me one more time.

“Thanks.” I say as he shuts the door for me.

The ride to the house was spent panicking, getting angry, going from nervous to pissed off to sad in a matter of seconds and it was only a ten minute drive. I turned off the car and sat there for a minute collecting my thoughts. After a few pep talks to myself, I made my way into the house.

“Ryan?” I yell up the stairs. I was met with silence. I searched all the rooms in the house and I came up empty. His cars were in the garage so I know he’s here, but where?

“Lyric! Get over here, now!” I hear Ryan yell.

“Lyric? Who the hell is that?” I say out loud to myself.

I walk to the backdoor and stare out the glass door.

He got a dog?

When the hell did that happen?

“You have been gone for a few weeks.” I say.

Did I just talk to myself?

Jesus, I’m really going crazy aren’t I?

I quietly walk out towards Ryan and the cutest little beagle I think I’ve ever seen. I guess I wasn’t quiet enough for the dog, because Lyric decided to out me by running and jumping on me.

I crouch down, “Hey there cutie. Where’d you come from?” I ask, petting his head.

“Lauren?” Ryan says in shock.

I pick the dog up, mainly as a barrier between me and Ryan.

Pathetic aren’t I?

“Hey Ry.” I say, forcing a smile.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” he asks, looking at me still shocked to see me.

I pet the dogs head and he barks, “He’s too cute, when’d you get him?”

“Yesterday.” he says, shortly.

“Can we talk?” I ask, looking at the dog instead of him, waiting for a response.

“Lauren,” He starts, but sighs, “I know I lied to you and I know I kept things from you, but believe me Lauren, I was only trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what? They are my siblings. I have a right to know about them and you kept that from me. Why Ryan?” I yell, scaring the dog. I scratch Lyrics head and he calms down again in my arms.

Ryan sighs, “I met Holly and Hannah a few years ago. Holly was 17 and Hannah was 15. I actually was with Shadow that night and you know him. He’ll hit on anything without a penis.”

“I always hated him.”

“So did I, that’s why I’m not friends with him anymore… anyways, Shadow hit on Holly and he almost slept with her too.”

“She was 17!” I say in disgust.

I nod, “I know. I convinced her to play hard to get with him and it seemed to work. Shadow lost interest and he left me with them… I got talking with her and Hannah and they started talking about Tina.”

“So you found out three years ago?”

He sighs again, “No… I’ve known for almost nine years.”

“Nine!” I yell, scaring the dog, making him back.

“Lyric, stop… Lauren I couldn’t tell you, I couldn’t put you through that.”

“I had little sisters and a little brother and you kept that from me. Why? Why would you do that to me?”

“Because… because Tina paid me not to tell you.”

“She what?” I ask, shocked.

“She gave me twenty thousand dollars to keep this from you. She didn’t want you to know about them because she knew you’d hate her even more than you do already and she didn’t want to put you through that.”

“So this is all Tina’s fault now? Your seriously blaming Tina for keeping a huge secret like this from me? Ryan, you still could have told me.”

“I agreed with her, Lauren.” He admits and my heart drops.

“You agreed with her? Ryan, why?”

“You were finally getting over her leaving and dad dying and I didn’t want to put you right back into that scared, pathetic little girl you were. You were finally growing and you were finally happy again. I couldn’t do it. Lauren, I was just looking out for your best interests. I love you and I only wanted you to be happy.”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop it from quivering.

“They don’t know about us and they wont know about us… When I met Holly and Hannah a few years back, they both seemed so happy and so thrilled with life. I knew right then that it would kill them to find out their ‘amazing’ mother lied to them all these years.” he sighs, “I was just protecting my sisters. All three of them. I was just trying to keep you guys from pain and heartache.” he pauses, staring at me for a second, “I’m sorry Lauren. I’m so sorry.”

“What about William?”

“He’s a cute little kid. I actually saw him a few months ago when I went to Virginia. He just got his driver’s license and couldn’t be happier. Tina doesn’t have to drive him and his dates around anymore.”

“So she’s… she’s apart of their life then?”

He nods, “Holly told me she’s amazing. I guess she’s really changed, Lauren.” he says, shrugging, “I know it hurts and I know it sucks to think about, but the three of them are happy and you and I we’re happy and we will be happy again, I promise you that.”

“Lauren, I know you’re mad at me, but I did what I thought was right. Please don’t hate me. Please let me back in your life. I want to be a part of it. I want to be in my niece or nephew’s life. Please don’t push me away. You’re the only family I have and I’m all you have.”

I shake my head, “No… I have a new family. I have Mackenzie and Justin.”

He drops his head with a defeated nod, “I’m sorry Lauren. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t… I love you, don’t ever forget that, ok?” he says, a tear falling down his cheek.

“I love you too. You’re my brother and I can’t change that. You lied to me and you kept this secret that you had no right keeping from me. I know you did what you thought was right, but I don’t have to be ok with that and I’m not.”

“I’ve always been there for you and vise versa. I’m lost without you. Lauren, please don’t do this, not now, please. I need my sister, Lauren, please.”

“Why not now? What’s going on, Ryan?”

“Remember a few weeks ago when you asked why I hadn’t been in a relationship lately?”

“Yeah.” I answer, getting a little nervous.

“I found out about nine years ago that I couldn’t have kids. I’m completely sterile. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out why this would happen to me. I’ve always wanted kids, but I’ll never get that chance, so I rebelled against myself. I started sleeping with anything and anyone I possibly could. I told myself it was for the best and I sought out happiness through sex. It’s been working for a while, but now, well, now it’s not working at all.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’m in love and she wants kids.”

What’s left of my heart just broke, “Have you told her?”

He shakes his head, “No, I don’t know how.”

“When did this happen? The whole meeting a woman and falling in love thing.”

“I’ve been seeing her, Gabrielle, for about five months now.”

My eyes bulge a little with shock, “Five months? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how this whole thing was going to go and I didn’t want you getting all excited over it, when it could’ve fallen apart at anytime.”

“Does she love you?”

He nods with a grin, “Yeah,” his smile falls, “But I don’t think she will after I tell her.”

“Ryan, any woman that would leave you over something you have no control over isn’t good enough for you anyways.” I tilt his head up to face me, “If she loves you, she’ll understand. You can always adopt.”

“It’s not the same. Would you be ok with just adopting if you wanted a child of your own?”

“If it was with the man I loved, then yes. Just because your adopting a child doesn’t mean you aren’t going to love that child as much as you would a blood child. You need to tell her though.”

“I know, but what if she leaves me?”

“Then she wasn’t good enough for you.”

“You’re my sister, your supposed to say things like that.”

“True, but I don’t really like you right now so…”

“Point taken.” He sighs, “I’ll tell her, but I really want you to meet her. Can you and Justin come for dinner tonight?”

I sigh, “Ryan…”

“Please Lauren. I know you hate what I did and I know you don’t want anything to do with me right now, but your all I have. Please don’t leave me all alone right now.”

“Like you did after beating Justin to a bloody pulp?”

He nods slowly, “I thought you hated me.”

“I do now.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?”

“Lauren, I love you. I only did what I did to protect you.”

“I know, you’ve told me that already.” I sigh, “Ok, you know what I’ll come.”

“And Justin?”

I sigh, “I’ll ask, but I don’t know if he can find a babysitter on such short notice.”

“Try, if not for me then for Lyric.” He says, scratching the dog on the head.

I laugh, “I’ll see you later.”

“I love you.” he says when I turn towards the house.

I sigh, “I love you too.” I say, walking into the house.