It’s been a week since I’ve talked to Justin.

I guess I should’ve expected this. I mean the man is meeting his daughter for the first time. I’m sure he’s going through a lot of shit right now and the last thing on his mind is me.

I still can’t believe this is happening. I mean, the man has a daughter. A daughter that looks to be 5 or 6 years old. That’s insane. How can someone keep something so huge from someone for so long? And why the hell would someone not want Justin to be the father of their kid.

Maybe he knew and didn’t want anything to do with her. Maybe it was a one night stand that ended badly and he couldn’t ruin his career over something like that so he paid her off.

But why is she here now?

No… He wouldn’t do that. He seems to family oriented to ever do something like that.

I’m driving myself crazy over this. I don’t even know if he wants me to be a part of his life anymore. I assume he has enough on his plate, he doesn’t need me to add to it.

“You know you can leave the house, he has your cell phone number.” Ryan says, leaning on the doorframe to my room.

I keep my eyes on the TV, “I don’t want to go out. And that’s not why I’m not going out. I just don’t want to.”

“Look at me and say that.” He says challenging me.

I look directly at him, “I don’t want to go anywhere. Happy?”

“Why? This isn’t the Lauren I know and love… The Lauren I know would be out shopping to take her mind off everything. The Lauren I know would be out with her friends, living her life. The Lauren I know used to talk to me. Talk to me Laur.” He says, walking towards me, taking a seat on the edge of my bed, patting my leg.

I take a deep breath and look at him for a second, “It’s been a week. He hasn’t called and I know he has a huge reason why he hasn’t, but I can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Like this is too much for him.”

“He’d be a moron to give you up.”

“You’re my brother, you’re supposed to say things like that.”

“It’s the truth. I haven’t met a man that didn’t want to be with you.”

“That’s because they’ve seen me practically naked in magazines. Not because they actually want an actual relationship with me.”

“That’s a bad thing?” He asks, laughing.

I smack the side of his, laughing with him.

“I’m joking. I think you should just give him time. He’ll come around. He just found out he has a daughter. That’s life altering. I’m sure there’s a lot of shit he has to do. This can’t be easy for him.”

“Oh believe me I know this can’t be easy, that’s why I feel like shit feeling like this. I’m selfish aren’t I?”

“You’re not selfish Laur. You’re in love.”

“Would you stop saying that. I’m not in love with him.”

He laughs, “You keep telling yourself that.”

************************************************************************

“What the hell are you doing?” Ryan asks walking, or trying to walk into my room.

The floor was covered with pictures, papers, stickers, stamps, pens, markers… yeah you get the idea. I’m trying to make a scrapbook. I figured I’d try to get my mind off things.

“I’m making a scrapbook.” I answer, lifting a finished book up to him.

He grabs it, sitting down next to me, flipping through it.

He shuts the book placing it on the floor in front of him and sighs, “Come out with me tonight.”

I sigh, “I don’t want to go out Ryan. I want to make a scrapbook.”

“Lauren it’s been three weeks, you need to get out of the house.”

“I’ve been out of the house. You act like I’ve been a hermit. I’ve been out, I’ve shopped, I’ve been to the club… I don’t want to go anywhere tonight ok?”

“Lauren, your starting to drive me insane along with you.”

“I’m not going insane, I’m taking up a hobby. You fuck random girls as a hobby… I‘m just making a scrapbook. It may be more boring to you , but I enjoy it.”

“That was uncalled for.” he says glaring at me.

I sigh, “I know… I’m sorry Ryan.”

“Are you going to answer that?” Ryan asks, shaking his head.

“Yes, when you leave.” I say glaring at him.

He puts his hands up in surrender and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

“Hello?” I answer, regretting not checking who it was first.

I get no response so I pull the phone away to check to see how it was or if I lost the call.

I slowly put the phone back up to my ear, “Hello?” I say, quietly.

I’m met with silence again.

“Justin?”

“Yeah…” he answers quietly.

My breath hitches in my throat at the sound of his voice. I keep trying to speak, but nothing seems to want to come out of my mouth.

“I’m so sorry.” He says after a few minutes of silence.

“Why? You have no reason to…”

“I should have called you sooner.” He interjects.

“Justin, I’m sure you’ve been busy.”

“That’s not an excuse.” He says blankly.

“Justin, you just had this life altering event fall in your lap. I… I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. I in no way expected you to call me. I’m actually surprised you did.”

“Why wouldn’t I call you?”

“You just found out you have a daughter. I think you have enough on your plate and I didn’t think you needed me adding to it right now.”

He fell silent again.

“What is she like?” I ask, not knowing why I don’t think things through before speaking.

He sighs, “She’s amazing. She’s 6, but she’ll be 7 in November… Her name is Mackenzie… Her mother just recently died of breast cancer and left her to me in her will.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine what’s going on in her little head right now. I can tell she misses her. I guess they were really close… It’s been so hard.” He tells me, chocking out the last part.

“I just found out today she really is mine. Not that there was every a question, we just had to make sure.” He added after a minute.

“How have you been?” he asks breaking the silence that had taken over once again.

I chuckle, “Well, at the moment I’m trying my first attempt at a scrapbook.”

“Scrapbook?” He asks chuckling, “You never seemed like the scrap booking type.”

I laugh, “Yeah, well I needed a hobby.”

“I really want to see you.” He blurts out.

I can’t help but smile, “Ok.”

“I haven’t left my house in three weeks, I’m going stir crazy… Can I take you to dinner?”

I bite my lower lip to hold back my smile, “That sounds nice, but what about Mackenzie?”

“She’s going to the movies with my mom.”

“You should go.”

He sighs, “I just want one night of normalcy. Please.”

“Justin, spending time with your daughter is your new normalcy.”

“If you don’t want to go, tell me.” He says, sounding irritated.

“Justin it’s not like that. Of course I want to go… I just… I don’t know I guess I just don’t want to come in between you two.”

“You wont… You can’t. If anything you’d be a part of us. That’s if you want to. I know this is a lot, but a guy can hope right?”

I chuckle, “Can I meet her?”

“I would love that.”

“Ok.”

“Why don’t you go get ready for dinner and come over when your ready. You two can meet and we’ll leave when they leave. We’ll be back before they are. I just want dinner, alone, with you. Please.”

“Ok, I’ll see you soon.”

************************************************************************

“Where are you going?” Ryan asks from the couch.

I stop and turn towards him, “Dinner… I’ll be back later.”

“With?” he questions, turning fully towards me.

“Justin.”

“He called?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

I nod, grabbing my purse and sliding my shoes on. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

“Whoa hold up… What happened?” he yells.

“I’ll tell you later…” I yell through the door, running to my car.

The ride to Justin’s seemed like it took forever. We literally live 5 maybe 10 minutes away from each other and it felt like it took an hour.

I pulled into his driveway, turning off the car and I take a deep breath.

“Here goes nothing.” I prep myself.

I hop out of the car and make my way up to the front door. I stand there a second before I ring the doorbell.

Trace answers the door with a big smile, “Hey L.”

“Hey T.” I say smiling.

He moves to the side to let me in, closing the door behind me.

“J and Mac will be down in a minute.”

“Thanks.”

“Daddy, I can’t find my other shoe!” I hear Mackenzie yell.

“You have a hundred pairs, pick another pair that you can find.” Justin yells back.

“But they wont go with this outfit.” she yells back.

Trace and I laugh.

“Your six, why are worrying about what your wearing?” He yells back.

“Dad we live in LA! Hello!” she says in a snotty tone.

I laugh, “He’s got his hands full huh?” I ask Trace.

“To say the least… You should’ve been here when they had a discussion on food. Apparently Mac only eats organic foods.” he says laughing.

“Oh boy.” I say laughing.

“Found it!” She yells, running down the stairs.

Holy shit.

She looks just like him. Blonde ringlets down to her shoulders, pulled back by a few bobby pins, she has his eyes, it’s incredible. She’s a beautiful little girl… she’ll be batting the boys away or I guess Justin will be in a few years.

“Who’s this? Your lover?” She asks walking up to me and Trace.

My eyes go wide and Trace laughs, “No she’d be your fathers…”

“Friend.” I interject, smacking his arm. He just laughs.

“So your Lauren?” She asks, sizing me up.

I have to say, it was a little uncomfortable being sized up by a 6 year old. It was a little intimidating.

Wait how does she know about me? I look over at Trace with a raised eyebrow. He just laughs and walks off.

Thanks…

“Yeah, you must be Mackenzie.”

“That’s me.” She says smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” I say smiling down at her.

“I’ve heard a lot about you too… You’re really pretty… are you an actress or something?”

“Uhh… No I’m… I’m a model. At least I was. I’m not so sure what I am anymore.” I answer truthfully.

“You’re beautiful.” I hear from the stairway.

We both turn towards the source. I immediately smile, seeing Justin walking towards us.

“I see you two have already met.” He says, as he approaches us.

“Yup.” Mackenzie says smiling.

“Yes.” Justin corrects her.

“Like I said, Yup.”

“Yup isn’t a word.” he says turning towards her.

“Yes it is… The dictionary says its an informal way of saying yes. So there.” She says, sticking out her tongue at him.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. Justin shakes his head and bends down to her level and looks her straight in the eye.

“Yup makes you sound unintelligent. I can tell you’re a smart kid and we don’t want people getting the wrong idea of you right?”

“No.” she answers, pouting.

“Then we should probably start talking like and intelligent 6 year old not a 3 year old. K?”

“Ok. Sorry.”

Wow he’s got this father thing down already.

“It’s ok.” He says kissing her forehead. “I love you.” He whispers in her ear making her giggle.

“Me too.” She says skipping into the kitchen.

He stands back up and faces me, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey.” He says, placing his hand on either side of my head, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

“Hey.” I say as he leans in to kiss me. I grab his elbows to keep my balance.

“I missed you.” he says between kisses.

“Ewwww.” Mackenzie says shaking her head.

Justin pulls away from me and I turn my head to laugh.

“You wont be saying that in a couple years, kiddo.” Trace says laughing.

“Don’t even start Trace. Seriously.” Justin warns, pointing towards him.

“It’s the truth.” he says, dodging the hat Justin just threw at him.

“Where’s my beautiful granddaughter?” Lynn asks walking into the house, “Oh hello, You must be Lauren.”

I nod, smiling, “And you must be Justin’s mother.”

“How’d you guess?” She asks laughing.

I laugh, “It must be the accent because you two look nothing alike.” I say sarcastically.

“It’s nice to meet you.” she says, smiling, throwing Justin a nod.

What the hell was that?

“It’s nice to meet you too.” I say smiling.

“Ready?” Justin asks, placing a hand on my lower back.

I nod, saying good-bye to everyone.

Here goes nothing… again.