"I swear, I never, ever catch you at home anymore," a voice sighed into the answering machine. "You need to call me soon; let me know you're around ... alive, would be better. It'd be nice if I could catch you so I could take you out to celebrate your birthday, but apparently, you have vanished into thin air. So, Happy Birthday. Call your damn sister because she's worried about you."

Natalie sighed as her sister hung up, reaching over and blindly taking the phone off the hook. Unfortunately for her, she had to keep her cell phone on in case of work issues, but when she saw the familiar numbers grace the front of the phone screen, the call was silenced and she resumed her staring at the wall.

After many minutes, many hours of staring at the spackled ceiling, she had gotten many figures, many words out of the designs, one that made her heart pang with guilt and grief, bringing her to a sudden stop to her time-consuming game: JC. That, and many forms of his name.

Josh. Joshua. C. Jace. JC.

She sat up at that moment, sighing deeply. She was 29 today. November 18th. Which meant that she had not seen or spoken to JC for 18 days. 432 hours. 25,920 minutes. God, she didn't even want to acknowledge the seconds. Not that she was counting.

She wasn't doing much of anything. Besides working, she felt no need to get up and do things. She'd just lie on the couch, in her bed and just mope. There had never been a break-up quite as heartbreaking as the one between she and him. It wasn't even like it was a break-up, anyway; he was just her friend. Her angry friend who walked out of her life possibly forever. The only thing she knew was that it would never be the same.

Her stomach roared to life, startling her. She hadn't eaten a full meal in days, and it was now fighting against her. She knew she had to eat, had to move on, but it was hard. She was foolish; he probably was out hanging with other friends, drinking beer, having fun.

Getting up and heading towards her kitchen, she pulled out a pot and a bag of the Ramen Noodles she usually kept for when she didn't feel well - this being a pretty good occasion for them. After putting the water on to boil, she turned on her radio, the frown on her face immediately deepening.

Yeah, she had perfect timing.

... Made a mistake
Let you go baby
Don't you know I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
Wanting you the way that I do

Why didn't I know it? (How much I loved you, baby)
Why couldn't I show it? (If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh, I had the chance!

Jumping at the brief knock on her door, she rubbed her eyes roughly, walking up to peer into the peephole. There was no one there. Opening the door slowly and peering out, no one stood before her, but a small box with a deep purple ribbon: her favorite color. Footsteps were heard going down the corridor, her eyes widening. "JC?"

He stopped, shoulders stiff as he turned slowly, hands jammed into his pockets. "Happy Birthday, Natalie," he said softly, watching her as she bent down slowly, picking up the small box and holding it in her fingers. "I wish I could say more, but I can't. Not right now." He turned on his heel, retreating back to the opening elevators, wanting to make a quick escape. No such luck.

"Jace."

As hard as he tried to not turn around, the woman in front of him held more power to his being than he realized, slowly turning on the ball of his foot to look at her figure, she still little ways down. "Yeah?"

She looked at him as he stood in front of the elevator, hand that had been holding the door to the elevator dropped to the side, eyes dark, littered with emotions that she wasn't sure she could decipher clearly. She had been wrong though; he wasn't out partying, celebrating the gain of freedom away from her. He looked just as hurt as she did. "Thank you," she said softly, looking from the box to him, lifting it up somewhat to show him what she had been thanking him for. "For this, and for not forgetting."

"There are a lot of things I don't forget, Natalie," he said, licking his lips and sighing deeply as he turned, looking at the elevator in disdain, "and the last few weeks I haven't forgotten, either."

"I never asked you to, Josh," she said softly, he looking down at his feet, "I only asked for you to forgive me in what I felt was the right thing to do at the given time. I'd never hurt you intentionally, you know that."

"I do know that," he agreed, head slowly bobbing up and down in a nod, "but you did and it hurts more than I could have imagined you hurting me. There's a lot of confusion bubbling in my head, a lot of anger. As much as I want to snatch that box away from you and say you don't deserve it, you do. You've been there for me a lot the last few years and it's the only thing I have been sure of since I left your apartment that day. Here I was, setting up this big hunt down for this girl who I had no idea how to locate, and there she was, in front of me the whole time. I thought I had no idea who this amazing person was and it was you. You in cognito. I can't ... I can't think of what happened between the two of us without getting dizzy, confused ... I can't grasp how we used to say we knew each other so well that we couldn't even realize it was the other person standing in front of us. I knew that this woman had a familiar touch and I -" he stopped, shaking his head. "I have to go. I don't want to be angry anymore and standing here trying to explain myself to you is making me angry ..."

"You don't have to explain yourself," she said, hands dropping to her side as he shook his head, hitting the button for the now gone elevator, "I never asked for an explanation. I don't want one."

He frowned. "Look, Nat ... Natalie, you were my best friend. Something big happened between us and now I've gotta figure out how to accept it. I won't be able to look at you the same way and I just ... I don't know if it's worth even sticking around when I used to look at you with so much respect and pride because of who you were and I knew I'd never have to worry about things between us ... but I guess that's where I failed. I should have worried, I should have seen how we looked at each other, how we spoke; I should have paid attention to the little quips we'd throw back and forth, the closeness we always ended up having when we'd watch movies. I should have realized just how different we were from what we were in the beginning the moment I realized that anytime I said 'hello' or 'goodbye', I suddenly had to touch you ... to kiss your cheek, your forehead ... any piece of skin that was not your mouth that I could touch on your face. That ... if I kissed you like I had wanted the last few months, I may have never realized like I do now how bad it would be ... how bad it would be to lose someone that you thought the world of because of silly feelings. And just when I realized it, I couldn't stop, as hard as I tried; then you throw what you said out there on me and I could only walk away. I have to. I just have to walk away before either of us get hurt again."

"You walking away hurts," she frowned, he seeing tears forming in her eyes as he sighed deeply. "You walking away as if nothing matters anymore hurts. That I don't matter."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, stepping into the elevator then. She wasn't sure if he was apologizing for the hurting or for his leaving, but either way, it only made the situation worse. "I'll see you around, kid."

"Jace -"

"Happy Birthday."

Her shoulders slumped in defeat as the elevator doors slid closed, he disappearing from sight. His lack of presence suddenly depressed her, she holding back tears as she walked back to her apartment, closing the door gently behind her as she cradled the box in her hands, some ridiculous song now on the radio, she ignoring it, sitting down at her kitchen table and looking at the box.

JC

She gripped the paper, anger boiling to her very core. Within moments, the hand that had been gripping the paper had crunched it into a tiny ball and she was throwing it across the room in rage. How dare he? How dare he try to sugarcoat what he really was trying to say? It was her fault what happened, happened. It was her fault; everything was her fault. He was trying to be the saint, the martyr, trying to perceive her as the Mary Magdalene, the failure in need of rescuing!

Take care?! Take care?! She scoffed, walking briskly into her room as she threw clothes this way and that, grabbing a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of her shoes, slamming the door behind her.

She'd give him a piece of her mind. Give him a piece of reality. Her reality. He wasn't the only one suffering from this; she was in more pain than he was! She lost him! It was a whole hell of a lot more than losing her.

Her hands were weak from gripping the steering wheel as she walked up the path to his home, trying her best to grip the small box in her hand and keep herself from going too insane. The nerve of him; the nerve of him even to act all depressed! He had no idea what it was doing to her!

He had a doorbell. Oh, no, he wasn't good enough for the twinkling of the chimes that alerted him of a visitor behind the large, thick door. Oh, no, she was pounding against it. Fist raised and balled tightly, she slammed her hand against the wood. Once, twice. Three, four times. She heard him moving around in there, heard him setting down something heavy on the table. Heard him play with the chained and deadbolted locks before finally turning the last lock and pulling the door open, startling and stepping back away from her.

"Natalie, what the hell are you doing here?"

She lifted up her hand, thrusting the box into his chest as he scrambled to grab it before it fell. "I don't want it. Take the damn thing back."

Stumbling a bit with the stance he was now in and the words thrown at him, his eyebrows creased, mouth slightly falling open. "What do you mean, 'take it back'? I bought that for your birthday."

"And I'm telling you, I don't want it. I don't want anything from you."

"I don't understand -"

This time, I won't take it back
'Cause something's coming to you

"What don't you understand? I don't want your damn gift and I don't want any sort of sympathy from you! In fact, maybe it's just best that I don't have you in my life anymore. Maybe that's it, right? Apparently, you've made that decision yourself anyway."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Natalie? I've never said I wanted you out of my life!"

She scoffed, "no, but you're walking away did. Just like my walking away will." She sighed angrily, turning on her heel and down the sidewalk, hearing him call out to her in confusion, she ignoring him

This time, I'm gonna breathe a breath
Walking on down the road

I can never promise that you'll never be lonely
But as long as we're together, it can always only be
Misery

"Natalie, wait up," he called, she hearing his door shut and his footsteps hit the cemented sidewalk quickly. "I said, wait the fuck up! What are you doing?!" He grabbed her shoulder, turning her to face him as she cried out in surprise. "Why the hell would you think I'm trying to sympathize you?! That I would want to walk away from you? I don't do shit like that and you know it!"

She laughed bitterly. "Right. That letter you wrote me -"

"That letter was how I felt," he snapped. "How I felt at that given moment; how you felt! We didn't want to put blame on either of us, so we didn't! I didn't! It took two people for what happened last night to happen and I can't point any fingers! Natalie, you were my best friend -"

"Were," she snapped. "I was your best friend. Past tense, am I right? You've already pushed me aside because you're just too damn scared to face what happened, what I said to you! Well, I'm not regretting any of that, all right?! I'm not regretting anything that happened between us and you know why? Because it's not worth it! What I said wasn't worth it, what happened wasn't worth it!" She swiped her hands together, lifting them to show him. "See? My hands are clean of the situation. So, all right, I slept with someone I fell for. So, he was a complete ass about it! I'm over it. I'm over you."

Last night, I got off the fence
'Cause I won't be a fool
On this side, the grass is greener
Than the garden that I used to grow
I'm walking on down the road

"Natalie, what are you talking about? Over me?"

"That’s exactly what I said," she snapped. The look on his face as color drained from his cheeks startled her, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You ... love me?"

She scoffed, stepping away from him. "Don’t play the dumb card, JC; you’re not part of a group and you don’t need to hold a title for the slowest to get the punchline anymore. You know what was said."

"I know I know what was said, but I -" he stopped, shaking his head. "You love me, love me? You meant it that way?"

She was ready to tear her hair out. Or his. His would be better, he had less. More painful. "I’m not repeating it."

"I didn’t know ... I mean, I knew you loved me ... but I didn’t take it as you loved me." He was quiet then, hand still clenching the earrings. "I didn’t know, I honestly didn’t know ..."

"Yeah, well, now you do," she mumbled, sighing deeply as she felt the beginnings of the bitter cold. The wind began to whip around her, she shaking her head in disbelief. "I should go." He stood there, not saying one word. He had suddenly become speechless.

I can never promise that you’ll never be lonely
But as long as we’re together
It can always only be
Misery

He shook from the blank stare, eyes settling on the earrings in his hand and then back to her face, her eyes; every piece of her face he was making a permanent memory, a permanent picture, even if the picture isn’t one she’d be fond of. "Yeah," he said, finally speaking as he sucked in his bottom lip, shivering at the suddenly flash back of memory, his tongue tracing her bottom lip before nipping it gently. "Maybe you should go."

"Yeah," she repeated, she rolling her eyes in annoyance. "Just give me two seconds and I’ll be out of your life for good."

"Natalie -"

I can never promise that you’ll never be lonely
But as long as we’re together it can always only be

"Goodbye, JC," she said softly, he swearing her heard a slight tremble in her voice.

"Natalie, c’mon," he grabbed her door, keeping her from closing it. "Just ... listen."

"I’ve heard everything you could ever say, Jace," she frowned, eyes burning into the steering wheel, keeping her gaze away from him. "Please give me your door back. I need to get home."

He couldn’t do anything, the words coming at him like ice. Was he really going to let her go, drive away just like that? Cringing as the door closed, he heard the car start and she soon was driving away from him, back out of his life again.

Apparently, he was.

Misery ...