I looked up from my file of yet another failed marriage, this one was packed with every sordid detail from the husband “fucking the babysitter when our daughter had her first ballet recital” to “that whore is a gold digger who is trying to poison my children against me” they both wanted to air their dirty laundry for the whole world to see and like the others before them and no doubt the 3 others neatly piled on my high glossed desk after them; they seemed to forget this one tiny detail, the love that they once shared; surely it couldn’t have gotten bad that fast...could it?

 This is not what I imagined I’d be doing at 7 o’clock on a Friday night after 4 years of torture in law school. No I thought I’d be changing the world one developing country at a time but I’m too scared, too comfortable and well too in love, there I said it, I love him. I look at one of the many random pictures dotting around my office instantly bringing a smile to my face, how he still does that I don’t know. I’m having a miserable day and yet still just one glimpse of him and I’m happy- God please wake me up.

 I promise myself I’d finish this client’s folder and the briefing before I even think of making a move but does Mrs. Preston actually think that we’re going to give her an allowance of $24,000 a year for cosmetics and only $15,000 for child care? This woman really needs to sort out her priorities. I guess her husband isn’t better though contesting the 3 children’s paternity is a low blow if I say so. I don’t mind though I promised years ago when I saw my parent’s get divorced that I wouldn’t put myself through the whole marriage thing.

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Throwing off my high heels as soon as I open the front door one of our two dogs, Bailey charges towards me almost loosing my balance as he wags his tail uncontrollably, this dog is on speed I’m convinced. Rubbing right behind his ears I walk further into the house trying to find Justin. It’s 9 he said he’d be home by now, the dogs seem fed but he isn’t slouched on the couch watching football highlights or in the kitchen fixing a Jack Daniels. Running up the stairs padding on the hardwood floor I open our bed room door not really expecting him to be there but guessing it was worth a shot. I know he’s home I can feel him, smell him, hear his heart beat but I can’t see him. Shaking my head I give in and decide on changing my clothes.

“That’s the thing about you.” His voice booms from around the entire house on the intercom, a feature he begged to put in. “You give up too easily, welcome home baby. I’m in the studio.” I can tell that he’s smiling and that makes me smile, corny I know but I can’t help it. Pulling on an oversized sweatshirt and jeans shorts I walk outside to the studio, the closer I get the louder the music gets.

“There she is!” Ethan shouted making the whole room stop to turn around.

“Hey guys.” I roll my eye feeling self conscious, making my way over to Justin’s chair and sitting on his lap.

“How was your day babe?” He whispers stretching around me to change the EQ and for a second I take in this chaos that I now call my life.

“Why do people get married?” I lean back on his chest and he just laughs choosing to ignore my question- we have different opinions when it comes to that topic. Mine cynical as it may be: why ruin a good thing, waste time on prenuptial agreement that might not be enforceable by a judge, and money on a wedding? Justin’s: was very simple-love. “I mean I’m not complaining it keeps me busy but.” Kissing the nape of my neck I take this as my cue to shut up.

“I made dinner.” Trace smacks his head and laughs moving over to the couch.

“J stop lying you bought dinner.”

“My money I made it, but for the fact.”

“See what you made him become?” Trace points to him and laughs. “J you’re not a lawyer and I’m sure the rules of tort don’t apply to buying Chinese food. Tell him Ari.”

“Hey I’m not getting involved.” I laugh leaning back on his chest.

“Oh scared are we?” Justin squeezes my waist tightly and it doesn’t get better than this, even if I have to share him with a million people tonight, I’m where I belong, in his arms in his lap tonight. It was almost 12 by the time the last person left the studio and we were finally alone, we’ve been giving Ethan the eye for several hours dropping hints about the time and early morning meeting but he never seemed to get the hint until his fiancé called him demanding that he come home, talk about whipped, but it’s endearing.

“Let me put you to bed.” He whispered huskily in my ear.

“I thought you’d never ask.”  I giggled like a teenager talking to her crush.

Laying on the bed a wave of contentment washed over me, this feeling always seems to scare me the most as I always get the feeling that I’ve reached the summit and now it was time to crash and burn. I’m instantly taken back to November 24th 1989, when I was 6. I just got home from playing with my mother at the park that Friday, gosh I remember it was so cold but I just didn’t want to go in just yet. Needless to say that by 7 o’clock mom had enough and dragged me home, but not before we got a milkshake at Dairy Queen. I remember thinking that this could possibly be the best day ever- got 100% on my spelling test got the chance to hang out with the coolest woman in the world and a milkshake, I could die a happy 6 ½ year old.

Justin nudges me and with a blink I’m out of my haze. I expect Ethan or Juan is calling him to beg him to hit a club or 2 with them and he’s trying to play supportive boyfriend but as I Look at him he doesn’t seem happy; no from experience that look is concern with a bit of fear.

And I knew that my whole life with just that one look from Justin would be turned upside down.

“It’s your call Ari.” His whisper is almost inaudible.