He strolls in every morning five minutes after nine, with his medium Dunkin Donuts iced coffee in his hand. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the summer or the middle of the winter like it is now, he always has iced coffee. Casually, he places his coffee on his desk and shrugs off his jacket, placing it on the back of his chair instead of in the coatroom like everyone else. He sits down and turns his computer on before stretching his hands over his head and cracking his neck. I’m not a stalker; it’s just what happens every day.

But today, he does something he’s never done before. He takes a sip of his iced coffee and stands up, walking towards my desk. My heart beats in my throat and I turn my chair to my computer to look like I’m actually busy doing something instead of watching him. “Hey,” I hear his voice and force myself to look up. “How’s your head?”

I’m surprised that I actually managed to convince myself that he would forget about the disaster at the grocery store the night before. It amazes me that someone like Justin Timberlake never noticed me before, but now he does, to remember how I reached up for a jar of peanut butter and fell on my ass, with three jars falling on my head. Or, of course, how I crashed into him with my carriage before all that. “I’m fine, it was nothing.” I think that came out a little too hostile.

“OK, I’m sorry I was laughing, it was just…”

“It’s ok,” I turned my attention back to my computer so he’d leave me alone. Clearly, I don’t want him to leave me alone; I just want him to stop talking about yesterday. I’m already embarrassed enough, and it’s only a matter of time before I do something else to make him think I’m an even bigger loser. It’s not like it would be that difficult for me to do. I mean, he has to have noticed the hundreds of times I’ve tripped around the office, most of them happening to be right in front of his desk.

“Alright, I’ll…” I don’t think he finished his sentence before he walked away. I have a meeting with my boss in like twenty-three minutes and I need to figure out where all my paperwork is. My boss hates me; it’s not just me thinking he hates me like I think everyone hates me. This time he really does. I need to get everything organized because I’m pretty sure he’s close to firing me. It’s not exactly fair that he fires me, I know exactly what I’m doing and my work is very good. It’s just that when it’s time to do a presentation I get nervous and somehow manage to screw everything up. Kind of like how at my last presentation I tripped over my bag and grabbed onto the overhead screen to stop my fall. For future reference, those screens do not stop your fall. They come right down with you and ruin the presentation even more.

On a positive note, I don’t have to do a presentation today. I’m trying to finish up the logo for the new Red Sox bar and it looks good, I just don’t know where the hell I put it. The reason why he wants to meet with me is because he thinks I need extra help. I wish he would just get his own life and let me do what I need to do. He’s so arrogant and reminds me of Elaine’s boss Mr. Pitt on Seinfeld. I hate him. I know hate is a strong word, but it’s true.

I took a deep breath before I entered Layne Blanks’ office, or Mr. Blanks as we’re all supposed to call him. It still feels like I’m getting sent to the principal’s office, I thought that feeling would go away after high school. But there’s always someone that’s like the principal. I was never actually sent to the principal’s office when I was in school. Now I’m sent to the bosses’ office just about every week. I swear he has a problem with my inability to speak in front of people. Maybe he should just let me do the actual work and have someone else present it. I’ll never understand why I have to do both.

“Melanie, come on in.” He’s on the phone and I must admit that I’m a little impressed that he actually talked to tell me to come in. Usually he just waves me in. I managed to sit before I tripped, which is always an accomplishment for me.  Last week I tripped on my own feet and fell right into his desk, spilling his coffee in his lap. That was definitely not one of my finer moments.

There were fifteen minutes of my day wasted while I sat waiting for Mr. Blanks to finish talking to whomever it is he wants to talk to. I just think he’s rude, I have a million things I need to do, especially to keep his ass happy. Like he doesn’t think my work is good enough, well maybe he shouldn’t waste my time waiting for him to get off the fucking phone. Ugh, I just hate him.

When he finally hung up the phone he didn’t even apologize to me, he just began talking, “What do you have so far for the Northgate Apartments account?”

“I’m working on the bar…”

“No… the Northgate Apartments account,” he flipped through a folder.

“I didn’t get anything on that.”

“Well… that’s what you have, due Friday. I sent you an email.”

“I never got an email. I got an email about the Red Sox…”

“Right Melanie, I heard you. I don’t care about what you have, that’s not due for another week. The Northgate Account is due Friday. You’re telling me you haven’t started it?” He’s looking at me like I’m a complete idiot and this is my entire fault. How could I possibly start something that I didn’t even know I had to do? My mind reading abilities must be off today.

I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my frizzy hair, why does this shit only happen to me? “There must have… been a mix-up or something because I never got…”

“I don’t give a shit,” he answered after taking a deep breath, “Figure it out. Its due Friday at five.”

“OK, but I still don’t know what it is…”

He rolled his eyes; gosh I need to find a voodoo doll for him too. He picked up his phone, “Send Timberlake in,” he spoke into it. Oh gosh, now I’m definitely going to have a panic attack. “Let me see what you have so far for the bar.”

That I can do. I grabbed my folder and nervously lifted it up to hand it to him, but instead everything fell out of it. Gosh, I’m so fucking sick of the stars aligning in the way that makes me fuck everything up. “Sorry, I just…”

“For fucks sake Melanie.” Mr. Blanks took a deep breath as I fell to the ground to pick up my papers.

The knock on the door made me jump and hit my head on his desk. Is it possible that anything else can go wrong? I bruise easily, that’s definitely going to leave a mark.

“Mr. Blanks, Tanya said you wanted to see me,” I heard Justin’s voice and made a wish this is a dream. Why does my life work this way?

“Yeah, come on in Justin. Take a seat, Melanie can you get your shit together please?” he’s such an asshole.

“Yes I… I have everything, sorry.” I sat down next to Justin, he gave me a friendly smile but I looked away quickly. I’m not good with eye contact.

“Let me see what you have,” Mr. Blanks spoke slowly, the annoyance in his tone very clear. “One minute Timberlake.” I handed him the folder and he took a deep breath after opening it and threw it on his desk. “You used a fountain pen.” I did. Is that a big deal? Next thing I know he’s going to be yelling at me because I used a blue folder instead of red. “Timberlake, tell her why we don’t use fountain pens.”

Great, now he’s making Justin embarrass me too, I should just quit. I don’t know what I’ll do but I can find a nice job where I don’t have to actually interact with people. I could do some work from your home thing, be my own boss. I won’t ever have to leave my apartment, I can get groceries delivered and become the complete epitome of a cat lady.

“You uh… you don’t use fountain pens because they smudge really easily. You have to make sure everything dries or the ink will smudge and you can’t…” he was looking at me as if he were really trying to help explain it to me, not just because the asshole told him to.

“You can’t tell what you wrote!” Mr. Blanks shouted, “I can’t tell what you wrote. Timberlake, can you tell what she wrote?” he passed the folder over to Justin.

I looked over his shoulder to see it was smudged. I admit it’s hard to read, but you can still figure it out. “I uh… I can kind of make it out. It says…”

“The point-“ he shouted before Justin could finish, that was nice of him to try to save me at least a little, “The point is it’s sloppy, don’t use a fountain pen Melanie, sometimes I feel like it’s your first day. You need to get yourself together, I don’t know how many times I have to go through this with you.”

Well he has no problem going through this with me in front of Justin, the man I’m secretly in love with. I guess it’s safe to say now officially any chance I ever had with him is over. Who am I kidding? I obviously never had a chance with him in the first place.

Mr. Blanks continued before I could respond, “Timberlake, I want you to work with Melanie on this project. Help her out, since she’s so confused,” he glared at me as he spoke, “I want to meet with both of you Thursday morning to see what you have so far. Do not disappoint me Melanie. Work with Timberlake, he’s the best we have. Learn something from him,” he stopped to give me a once over, “And work on the frumpy clothes, this isn’t a secret makeover show.”

Well that was a little uncalled for. God, it’s like every single thing he could do to embarrass me, especially in front of Justin, he did. Talk about hitting someone when they’re down. It’s not my fault I have absolutely no sense of style. I don’t disagree that I need a makeover show, but I would want one that I don’t actually have to go on television for. That would be absolutely horrible.

“For Christ’s sake, get to work!”

 I grabbed onto my folder and quickly made my way back to my desk. This is complete bullshit. I’m going to go home tonight and look for a new job. As soon as I find something even the slightest bit promising I’m going to go in there, scream and throw a desk on him. I know I probably, or definitely, won’t go that far, but I will sign all the paperwork with a fountain pen making sure to smudge it just enough so he can’t read it.

“Conference three is open,” I looked up to see Justin standing in front of me “Is that alright?” I nodded my head, “OK, I’ll get my stuff.”

This is a complete disaster. Obviously, a part of me is so excited that I get to work with him. I mean, we’ve been working together for a year and we’ve talked more in the past two days than we have that whole time. And that’s sad, especially since we had like one actual conversation, which revolved around my clumsy ways. I’ve been waiting since the day I met him to get to work with him, but definitely not under these circumstances, not even to mention how perfect it is that Mr. Blanks managed to put a number of my flaws right there on the table for everyone to notice. I’m being stupid, Justin already knew about my flaws. They’re not exactly hidden.

I grabbed my folders and checked my email again to see that I still don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing. Now Justin is standing in front of my desk, so maybe he has it.  “Do you need help carrying something?”

I shook my head, still not completely comfortable speaking to him. Why can’t I have some sort of confidence?  I mean, seriously, I’m twenty-five. I should have grown out of this uncomfortable awkward stage by now.

Justin waited for me before he walked to the conference room. He opened the door for me and sat down right next to me at the big conference table. Oh god, I’m getting nervous already. There’s no need to be nervous around him, but we've never been this close.  I mean we're practically touching.

There were a few seconds of awkward silence before he spoke, “Do you have the paperwork?”

I need to breathe and answer him. If I could somehow form words that would be fantastic, “No,” that wasn’t so hard, “I never got anything.”

“I’ll go figure it out,” he’s probably getting annoyed with me already. This is a disaster. I want to go home. Maybe I can pretend I’m sick and go home. Then I’ll have to start early with the whole looking for a new job thing because I’ll definitely get fired. The door opened a few minutes later and Justin walked in, tossing a folder on the table, “That guy is such an asshole. He needs to get laid,” I hope he doesn’t notice me turning bright red. “Anyway, yeah, this is the file. I guess it’s a new housing complex to attract the college crowd. So we want bright colors, probably. Right?”

I nodded my head.

“Alright,” he smiled, “You don’t talk a lot huh? That’s cool. I talk a lot so… I guess we’ll work well together.” He just said we’d work well together. I love him, seriously I do. “We’ll cancel each other out,” he continued, “Don’t worry about Blanks, he’s an asshole.  You know, you should stand up for yourself. Don’t take his shit.  He just acts like that because he knows you’re not going to say anything. He’s like that with everyone when they just start. You need to put him in his place then he’ll leave you alone. You just started here right? How long have you been here?”

I should pretend that I did just start here. That’ll be far less painful when he admits he never even knew I existed until the past week or so, which probably had a lot to do with the many times I’ve tripped in front of his desk. “A year,” I answered softly.

“A year?” he asked out of disbelief, “Really? In this department?” I nodded my head as I looked through the papers, “Well… don’t let him get to you.”

“He’s like Mr. Pitt,” I spoke quietly. I’m trying really hard to be normal and not act like a complete moron around him and this is what I come up with to say?

“Mr. Pitt?” Justin asked, clearly he has no idea what I’m talking about, “From Seinfeld? Shit, you’re right.  I’ve been trying to figure out who he reminds me of since I started working here. It’s Mr. Pitt, especially with the fountain pens. Do you remember that episode?” I nodded my head, “Under no circumstances will ink be used in this office!” he mimicked with a chuckle. He’s so adorable. I love him.

I managed to smile even though I’m just about positive that I look crazy.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I get distracted easily, my bad. Let’s get working.”

For the rest of the morning I managed to calm myself down at least a little and get some work done. I actually talked to him, at least a little and I feel a lot more comfortable around him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not completely comfortable with him but at least I can talk.

That was until it was lunchtime and the blonde girl was back. Dammit. Just when I thought I was making some process in being able to speak to him, I thought for sure we’d move on quickly. But no, the blonde is here.

“Hey,” Justin said to her as he stood up, “This is Bella, Bella this is Mel,” of course her name is Bella because it means beauty. It’s totally true that the meaning of your name has a lot to do with the kind of person you become. To some extent I mean, she’s beautiful like her name. I don’t know what Justin means, but I’m sure it’s like charming or gorgeous or something. Then there’s me, with the last name Tripp, doomed to roam the world alone, or trip around the world I suppose.

“Nice to meet you,” she smiled and waved at the door. Of course she’s nice too, she has everything, including Justin. I’m jealous.

“We’re just going to run down to the cafeteria for lunch why don’t you come with us?” Oh my god, Justin just invited me to lunch.

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” I’m not exactly interested in going on their date.

“No, really you should come,” Bella said with a smile, “we never see you down there. Come, please?” she smiled.

I don’t understand why she wants me to go to lunch with them but a part of me is worried that it’s like in high school and she’s going to make fun of me or something. Obviously she’s not, we’re not in high school anymore. I looked over at Justin and he shrugged and gave me a half smile, “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to but I mean, if you’re just going to stay up here and eat by yourself you should come.”

“Um… ok I’ll come,” I don’t know exactly why I agreed to this. Or more importantly, I don’t know why I’m acting like I just agreed to spend three years as a prisoner of war. It could be fun, I could use some new friends, even if it’s the man I’m madly in love with and his girlfriend.

When we got downstairs I waited in line quietly and grabbed a salad, a cup of chicken noodle soup and some iced tea. Thankfully they were in front of me so I followed them to a table instead of awkwardly looking for a place to sit.

“So Mel, are you from Boston?” Bella asked with a smile.

I nodded my head as I swallowed the soup in my mouth, “Well Raynham, but yeah.”

“Where did you go to college?”

“RISD,” I said quietly, I feel like I’m playing twenty questions.

“I went to RISD,” Justin spoke up, “Did you really? When did you graduate?”

“05.”

“I graduated in 03, I must have just missed you,” he smiled as he took a bite from his sandwich.

“Weird,” Bella smiled, “I went to BU.”

“My father graduated from BU,” and I’m sure she doesn’t care even a little about that. And I dropped my napkin, awesome. As I leaned over to grab my napkin I also managed to knock my bottle of iced tea on my head. This is why I don’t go to lunch in the cafeteria. Thank goodness I’ve learned my lesson about leaving the lid on the bottle.

         “Are you alright?” Justin asked with a quick chuckle, “This happens to you a lot huh?”

         I nodded my head, “I’m very clumsy. I’m always falling, my last name is Tripp so… it happens.”

         He laughed, I think at what I said, “That’s cute,” oh my god, now I know I’m turning red. Justin just said I’m cute, or no, he said something I said was cute. Clearly he’s not talking about me, “It looks like you got a bit of a black and blue there, huh? Is that from yesterday?”

         Breathe; I need to remember to breathe. He’s touching me though, I feel like I’m going to pass out, “Probably. Or from this morning, or just now or… multiple occasions.”

         Justin laughed again, “You’re so cute,” Bella said, “Do you want to go shopping? We should go shopping. How about today after work?”

         “Um… today?” Let’s weigh the options here. I obviously need to get new clothes, just like Jackass Blanks has pointed out today. I’d say Bella is in style, I’m sure she would help me a lot. But there’s that whole issue of me not exactly being ready. Today after work is like… today after work.

         “Yeah. Are you busy? We’ll have fun, I could use a nice girls night. Sorry J, you’re not invited. What do you say?” she asked with a smile. Her smile is a lot like Justin’s smile; it’s one of those that just make you want to agree to anything.

         “Bells, relax,” Justin spoke up, giving her a look of warning, “Don’t go if you don’t want to go.  She’ll be alright.”

         “No, it’s ok. It’ll be fun,” I answered almost immediately regretting what I just volunteered for. I wish he were coming too. But I’ll take what I can get.

         “Cool, yay, I’m excited. I’ll stop by around 5:30 then. See you guys later, I have to finish up a proposal,” she stood up, leaving Justin and I alone once again. She didn’t kiss him, or hug him goodbye. Hell, she didn’t even tell him goodbye, she said it as a plural for all of us together.

         “You don’t have to go,” Justin said as we walked back to the office, “If you don’t want to it’s cool.”

         “I want to.”

         “OK, just don’t feel like you have to. And she goes overboard sometimes so don’t be afraid to say no.”