It’s been thirty days. Thirty long days and today I get to board a plane to New York for a few days rest before resuming the tour in Georgia. Cam kept her promise unfortunately and visited me every week like clockwork. My mom came to see my often and the good news is that I no longer crave drugs. I worry still though because the reason I started to use drugs was to block out the reality of my life. Here, it’s peaceful and the pressure is off so while it wasn’t easy to wean myself off of everything, I did it. Going back into the world though, that is going to be the really difficult part. In a way, rehab is the easy part. People are supportive of you and can relate to what you are going through in your life. Out in the world, people don’t give a damn what you think or how you feel. They are not here to support you; they are here to focus on themselves.  

I put my things in my luggage carefully and zip it up slowly as my mom comes in the room, “You ready to go?”

I nod, “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

My mother picks up one of may bags and wheel it out. I stand up and grab the handle taking one last look around before exiting the room and finally the facility. The time away from the spotlight was good for me. It allowed me to focus on what I really want out of life as well as kicking my addictions. The month felt like it dragged on and flew bye at the same time. At times in the beginning of this whole process, the hours seemed to go by so slowly when all I wanted was something to take away the pain. Then everything seemed to be moving way too fast to the point where I stayed awake all last night wondering if I was ready for the transition back to reality. I guess were going to find out.

Rob puts my things in the back of the car and my mom sits with me in the back as we drive to the airport. Always supportive of me, mom wants to make sure I’m okay in New York before leaving for home. I talked to Trace since I went into rehab and he apologized for how he acted that night in the hotel. While I didn’t ask him to join the tour again, I am slowly allowing him back into my life. It took me a while to forgive him for what he did, but I realized he had done what I had. He had let the lifestyle take him over. I’ll never let that happen to me again.

We board the plane and after about six hours we arrive in New York and check into a hotel. I’m rushed through the lobby to get away from onlookers and questions I don’t want to answer. The first person I see is Johnny and he spots me, moving swiftly over and giving me a friendly hug, “How you feeling champ?”

I smile, “Much better. It’s nice to feel like I’m in control again.”

“The good news is that the whole rehab thing sent your popularity rating through the roof with pity. They have totally changed their tune about you.”

“Aren’t I lucky.” I say sarcastically.

“Dude, just count your blessings.”

I nod and Rob leads me over to the side, “Your bags were taken to your room, number four hundred and three and the food is around the corner.”

“Thanks Rob.”

Rob starts to laugh and I look at him curiously, “What’s so funny?”

“You. I don’t think you have ever said thank you to me in the time I have worked for you. I could get used to this kind of treatment.”  

I grin, “Well I could always try to be a jackass and send you out at two in the morning for those potato chips I need.”

“And then I would kick you ass.”

I shake my head and head around the corner for some food since I haven’t eaten since before we boarded the plane. I turn the corner and I see a few people talking and laughing. I get closer and realize I recognize that brunette. Beth. She’s sitting on some guy’s lap across from Gia and her boyfriend. I stare at Beth and she must have felt my eyes on her because she looks up from her conversation and looks at me. Immediately recognition appears in her face and she jumps up coming over to me. She stops short of running into me and she’s not really sure how to greet me. I lean over and she accepts the hug, giving me a feeling that I was missed.

“How are you?” she asks, stepping back from our embrace.

“I’m better, thanks for asking.”

“You look good. Healthy.”

I smirk, “You mean hot?”

Beth grins, “I meant like something that didn’t just get pulled off the street.”

“It’s nice to be back.”

Beth shrugs, “It’s not half as much fun around here unless I have someone to verbally bash when I get angry.”

I was in my own world with Beth when Gia interrupts it, “Timberlake, you’re back.”

“Didn’t  think I’d make it out alive?” I tease.

“I had my doubts. You remember my boyfriend Derek, and this is Jake.”

Jake shakes my hand while moving one arm around Beth’s waist in a quick motion as if to stake his territory, “Nice to meet you, Beth has told me so much about you.”

I give him a tight smile, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve she ever mentioned you.”

Beth laughs lightly, “That’s because we really didn’t hook up until after you left for rehab when I was living here for the month.”

I start to feel nauseous as his fingers rub her side gently. This is like a couples retreat I’ve stepped into and I’m not liking it. Then I get an idea to stop this shit and shift the focus back to me, “Well Beth, since I’m back and haven’t socialized in a while I was thinking about throwing a party while I’m still in New York at Dublins.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea being fresh out of…. During your small vacation before starting the tour up again?” Beth asks, concern evident in the question. I appreciate her not bring up rehab with two other people here who I don’t know and would prefer to keep my dirty laundry private even if they could just pick up any local magazine and read about it.

“It’s be fine, go ahead and set it up.”

“I can call the party planner but I can’t promise she’ll be available on such short notice.” Beth points out.

“Just do your best.” I answer.

Beth nods and goes into assistant mode, pulling out her phone. I have become so fond of that thing it’s amazing. Having my private ring to it might have something to do with it. She kisses Jake and smiles, “I’ll see you after work.”

Gia gets a call from Johnny and I watch her eyes roll as she and Derek move to do his biding. Beth follows me as she calls several people and tries to negotiate a way for them to do the party. Finally I hear success in her phone conversation, “Thanks so much. I’ll meet you at the club to help out. Okay, see you then.”

Beth turns to me, “We got one but I have to go down and help set it up since she’s short handed. I also sent your guest list over to her and invitations are going out by text message and phone calls. Not the most conventional way of telling people about the party but it will have to do.”

“That’s fine, I’ll come with you.”

“Justin are you sure you want to do this? I mean between what goes on at these types of parties isn’t exactly the best environment for people in your type of situation.”

“I’ll be fine, I swear. Mom is even okay with it.”

“If you say so.” She says quietly.

_______________________________________________________________________

I set up glasses all along the bag as Connie, the party planner, busts her ass to get everything in order for a party that starts in two hours. Justin sits in a chair nearby, surveying the room and keeping small talk with me as I get the liquor and music together. We haven’t broached the whole rehab situation yet, not that I’m sure he’ll ever want to talk about it to me. I spent a lot of time wondering how he was and how he was doing but what was I going to do, send him a fucking postcard?

He seems better, but this whole throwing a party thing I’m not so sure about. Actually I’m positive this isn’t a good thing. Out of all the places to have a party it would have to be a bar. I’m not in charge of him though and apparently he has been deemed capable of making his own decisions.

“Did people respond to the invites?” Justin asks casually.

I open my phone and show him the rsvp’s, “Yeah, people are excited to come and see you.”

Justin scowls as he comes across a name on the screen, “Great.”

“Something the matter?”

“No, just this person I didn’t want to see right now.”

I get down off the short ladder and turn to face him, “Rob can block someone from getting in.”

He laughs, “No one could stop Cam from getting in.”

I bite my lip softly, “Trouble?”  

Justin looks up at my eyes, “I don’t know.”

I go back to moving tables around for the guests and look at my watch, “People are going to be arriving shortly.”

“I’m ready.” he says confidently.

If only I was.

________________________________________________________________________

People arrived about three hours ago and it was fun. For about ten minutes. Then it got old fast. People drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and I saw people doing drugs which for the first time in my life, scared the shit out of me. I am actually hiding in the back room and wondering why I left rehab in the first place. The door knob turns to the room and Beth comes in, glancing around until she finds me, “There you are.”

Don't ya love her madly
Don't ya need her badly
Don't ya love her ways
Tell me what you say

“Hi.” I mutter.

Beth kneels down next to me and puts her hand on my knee, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I insist.

“If you are so fine, why are you hiding out back here?”

“I got tired of partying.”

Beth cocks her head to the side, “Or is it that things are a little much for you right now?”

I hate when she does that. Or love it, I have yet to be positive. She knows me. I’m not sure how but she knows me.

Her phone starts to ring and she looks at it, holding it in a position I can see who is calling as well. Jake.

Beth doesn’t answer but I can see she’s antsy to do so, “Cameron Diaz is outside and asking for you. I said I would try to find you, but I can say I was unsuccessful.” She offers.

“No, it’s fine. She’s going to find me sooner or later.”

“I’ll stay here her. If we want to go out for dinner, we will.”

Beth gives up and stands, “Okay. If you need me, give me a call. I should be at a local restaurant so I can be here if something happens.”

“With Jake?” I inquire.

Beth looks up surprised, “Yes, why?”

“I’ll see you back at the hotel.” Beth says as she heads out the bar door.

Cameron spots me and moves quickly towards me, “Justin, I didn’t know you were out of rehab until this afternoon. You should have called me, I would have been there.”

I watch as Beth gets into the car that has pulled up, “Cam, how do you feel about Italian?”

The Doors- Love Her Madly