I look in the mirror after a night of crying and mentally scream. Bags under my eyes along with the splotchy color of my skin from the tears add to the utter mess that is my life. Gia sat up with me all night and curled up next to me and slept for the few minutes I allowed myself to be able to semi-function. I insisted that I was not going to go down to the lobby, that I would hand in my resignation to Johnny and get my ass out of Georgia. Gia refused to let me do that and insisted that I take a shower and to put it in her words, “Get my ass down there and know that I successfully pissed off one of the most overrated movie stars in the world as well as saved the world’s village idiot.”

She was not happy that Justin was not more supportive about the whole “saving his life” thing as she called it. All I know is as I examine myself in the mirror that Justin is angry and I have gotten way too close to him. I’m not sure where my head was. Emotions. Who needs them? Not me. From now on, it’s just professional.

I get in the shower and try to look as presentable as possible, which is a losing battle. I look like death warmed over. But I guess some things never change, like I already have been told time and time again from the time I was little, I’m no model. There is no hope for me at this point, so I might as well be comfortable since no amount of makeup or clothes is going to change one damn thing.  

I pull on some jeans and a tank top, groaning as I glance at the digital temperature on the window sill. Ninety and still rising. Gotta love Georgia in July. I exit the bathroom slowly and Gia is gone to my surprise. I look on the table my the door that has an envelope on it and open it since Gia has scribbled my name on the back,

Hey,

Relax with him, it’s not as bad as you think. If he gets pissy, give me a call and I’ll put his ass back into it’s place. Just breathe and don’t worry. Love you to death babe.

I reach for the door handle and hold onto it for a minute before turning it, leading to my inevitable doom.

________________________________________________________________________ 

I relax in the couch as I try to read the latest article written about me but I just can’t concentrate on it. I’m focused on the events last night. I’m not really sure how I feel about everything right now. Part of me absolutely felt angry for Beth to come in and ridicule me in front of all these people who are years older than me like I was a toddler. On the other hand, the one that keeps coming back to me, is the feeling of being cared about. I don’t think anyone has even has put my welfare before theirs in such a long time I can’t remember. And that’s the feeling that is still sticking with me.

She was looking out for me. Not that she hasn’t been over the course of the last three months but that she would actually have the guts to take down Cameron Diaz. I’ve been trying to work up the balls to do what she did since I first started dating Cameron. Speaking of Cameron, she has left me ten irate messages so far and has yet to calm down. She was so upset last night when in actuality, it should be me. After everything I have been through the fact she would put on the spot like that and encourage me to drink because she didn’t want to seem like she was dating someone nine years her junior. That’s great and all, but what about my, oh I don’t know, health?  

I shake my head at the memory as Gia comes storming up to me, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

The real question is, why in the world does everyone keep posing that particular question at me?

“What did I do now?” I groan.

“How about Beth?”

She now has my full attention, “What about Beth?”

“You made her feel like an ass last night after everything was over. She has saved you time after time and you treat her like the plague. Do you know I sat up with her all last night as she cried her eyes out?”

She cried? Now that I recall the events I was so caught up in everything I wasn’t exactly paying attention to my actions towards her in the car. I probably could have at least said thank you. Again. I feel like I apologize to that girl constantly. I should just write apologies now and keep them with me until I need them, which is now becoming a every other day thing.

“Is she coming down?”

Gia looks annoyed and puts her tongue in her cheek, “I told her to. If she climbs out of the window there is nothing I can do about it.”

I look guiltily at her, “I’ll do something.”

“It’s about time.” Gia huffs.

I see Beth descend down the stairs and Gia raises her eyebrows and walks away. Beth has dark sunglasses on and comes over very slowly, standing a few inches from me as she whispers, “Good morning.”

“Hey Beth.” I say, trying to see her eyes through the glasses but it’s impossible.

“I just want to say I’m so sorry about last night and I will personally apologize to Miss Diaz.”  

I stand up, “Beth-

She takes a step back from me, “I understand if you are going to fire me.”

I take a big step and grab her back, holding her firmly in front of me, “Beth, you are not fired and I would prefer if you didn’t apologize to her.”  

I remove her sunglasses from her face to reveal her tired eyes and red face, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, actually I have to say thank you.” I say, tucking a piece of her soft hair back into it’s place. My hand brushes over her skin and a tingling feeling goes up my arm.

Beth wipes her eyes with her hand and tries to smile, “It’s my pleasure.”

I lean in and press my lips to her forehead and leave them there for a moment. I pull away and see Beth open her eyes and breathe. I start to say something when I hear my name called. I clear my throat and look at Beth, “I’ll be back.”

________________________________________________________________________

Justin walks away and I try to catch my breath. The second his lips touched my forehead something happened and I’m not sure what. I carefully sit down and clutch my chest, whishing my stomach would settle down. Why is this happening to me? What the hell is going on with me these days. Suddenly my phone starts to ring and I answer it, “Bethany Addison.”

“Something you want to tell me?” Jake asks angrily.

I can barely hear him over a group of girls giggling and squeals over Justin. I move to a bathroom and put the seat down on the toilet, sitting down on it, “What are you talking about Jake?”

“How about this week’s People Magazine?” he asks.

“I haven’t read it, what is going on?”

“You should go read it. Until then, were over.” Jake says, hanging up on me. I stare at the phone for a minute before exiting the bathroom and going strait to the new stand outside the hotel. I pick up the latest issue and my legs nearly buckle underneath me. Oh no. Please no.

________________________________________________________________________

I go into Johnny’s office as Gia stands in the corner, shifting from one foot to the other. Something is clearly the matter by the way she’s looking at me. Johnny comes in and slams the door, “We need to talk.”

I roll my eyes and pull up a seat. Johnny slams down a magazine in front of me and it’s pictures of me and Beth playing on the beach. I immediately start to laugh, “Oh let me guess, I’m now dating my assistant. You got all upset over this?”

Johnny sits down and look at Gia and then back at me, “It’s because she’s suicidal.”

I stop grinning, “What are you talking about?”

Johnny turns to the cover, “Justin Timberlake Dumps Cameron In Favor Of His Suicidal Assistant Bethany. Her medical records read she tried to kill herself in 2002.”

I stare at it for a minute before looking up at Johnny, “This can’t be true.”

“Oh but it is. We missed it since she came so highly rercommended. Now we are going to have to find a new one.”

I try to understand everything that’s going on but it’s all spinning. Gia looks like she doesn’t know what to do and she gives me a “help” look. I get up angrily and storm out, shouting back, “We are not replacing her.”   

I practically run up the stairs since it’s faster than taking the elevator and finally reach Beth’s room, not bothering to knock. I open the door to find her sitting in the floor with a six pack of beer next to her, three of which are empty. Beth looks up and smiles, “Guess you saw the article. Now you know everything.”

I go over to her carefully and sit down next to her body, “Beth, this isn’t the answer. It’s like ten in the morning, you don’t need to be drinking.”

“Jake dumped me this morning. Did you know that?” she asks rhetorically.

Damn. “I’m sorry Beth.”

“He doesn’t want to be with a psychopath.”

“Your not a psychopath.” I insist.

“You think about suicide, your not healthy.” She says angrily at herself rather that me.

 “Is it true?” I ask gently.

Beth holds her head in her hand, “Yep. After Sarah died I thought about taking painkillers. My dad didn’t want me, my mom was a mess and I wanted out. That’s why I didn’t finish college. I wasn’t going to face my ex or my friends after the incident.”  

I sit stunned that the girl that saved me almost wasn’t here.

She looks up at me, immediately sobering up, “But I never would left Sam. Never. My mom found my computer on and I had written reasons to live. She immediately sent me to get help and I was put on anti-depressants for a year before I was determined sane. I would never have done it, I love Sam.”

“I believe you.” I whisper.

“Sometime I hate Sarah for leaving. She was my support system and she just threw her life away when I needed her. I knew I could never do that to Sam.”

I move my arm around her body and she snuggles right into it, letting her head hit my arm gently, “I know life is hard Beth, but you have to keep going.” I say, taking the bottle from her hand.

I lay her down against the carpet and I lay next to her on her stomach, “I’m so glad your still here, that you were brave enough to live life.”

Beth starts to tear up and looks over at me, “That’s exactly what I think about you.”

I move my head closer to hers and turn off my phone, “When you feel like getting up and moving, I’ll be here.”

I feel her hand find mine and she sighs softly, “Thank you.”

“You saved me, Bethany Nicole Addison, and now I’m here for you.”

Beth smiles, “You know my middle name.”

“I also know that Jake is an ass.” I retort.

“So is Cameron.” She says.

“And the truth comes out!” I tease.

Beth rolls her eyes, “Whatever Timberlake.”

“Whatever Addison.” I say, squeezing her fingers.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Beth whispers.

“Yeah, right here with you.”

Beth bites her lip, a little intoxicated but still adorable none the less, “I am a horrible drunk.”

“Actually it loosens you up a little. I should try and intoxicate you more often, we might get somewhere.”

“There are going to find us you know.” Beth says, ignoring me.

“Run away with me.” I kid.

Beth smiles sadly, “I would.”

I glance at her for a minute, “You would?”

“I would.” She says, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

She would.