Madison inhales sharply and suddenly, every last bit of my buzz has faded. 

Did I really just tell her I'm in love with her?

Fuck. How much of an idiot am I?

I'm not even a hundred percent sure that's actually what I'm feeling. I mean, what if I'm wrong? What if I've just convinced myself that I feel something for her, because it's convenient?

Besides the fact that I don't know exactly how I feel, how the hell could I tell her? I know she doesn't feel the same and if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times.

We can not get involved. 

The fact that we slept together was bad enough. Getting involved with Madison, leaves me wide open to getting hurt, and I'm not so sure I could handle that. I damn near lost my mind when she packed her shit and left, and she wasn't even gone for 24 hours.

This girl could break my fucking heart, and there'd never be any way to repair it. 

"Justin...you really shouldn't say things you don't mean." She shakes her head and moves to walk away. Against my better judgement, I grab her arm and pull her back.

"How do you know I didn't mean it?"

Jesus Christ...I'm getting dumber by the second. 

I should have let her walk away, and in the morning...blow this whole thing off as me having way too much to drink. I mean, drunk people are capable of any damn thing. Alcohol is what got us into this mess in the first place. 

She narrows her eyes at me and her mouth sets into a thin line before she speaks. "Do you?"

"No...I mean...yes...fuck Madison! I don't know, ok? I don't fucking know!"
    

"Well, when you figure it out, let me know." She jerks her arm from my grasp, and this time, I let her go. 

I should have kept my big ass mouth shut. I swear, I'm never drinking again. Liquor just causes problems and makes me do stupid shit. But in a weird way, I'm almost relieved I finally said it. 

Whether or not I ever say it again, she heard it, atleast once. And, she didn't exactly run screaming in the other direction. 

If she honest to God, didn't feel the same...she would have said so. She would have blown me off, rather than get all defensive and weird, right?

She...she likes me. Madison Fox fucking likes me! Even if she won't admit it, I know I'm right. 

But...what about Jc? Obviously, my plan to get the two of them together has officially been thrown out the window, but...if anything happens, it'd kill him. Anybody can see he's crazy about her. I can't just move in on his territory....or can I?

I mean, he's had plenty of time to make a move, and he's chosen not to. That makes Madison fair game, right?

Ya know what? Screw it. This is my birthday party and I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm going to focus on the fact that Madison wants me, just as much as I want her and I'm going to have a good time tonight. And...I'll have a few celebratory drinks because, who the hell am I kidding? Me stop drinking? Yeah, sure.

So far, being 27 is looking pretty damn good.


*************************

I flip through the pages of one of Madison's notebooks, my eyes scanning the contents quickly. So far, I'm pretty proud of the five songs we've churned out, and hopefully she's got a few more good ones in one of these notebooks. 

I wasn't really expecting it, but working with her has been a breeze. Once we got past the initial awkwardness and she started to cooperate, it was like she finally realized that I know what the hell I'm doing, and she left everything in my hands. She takes direction fairly well and she's becoming more and more open to trying different things with the bass lines and melodies she originally came up with. 

She's a professional, in every sense of the word. 

It's been three days since my birthday and everything seems to be pretty normal, well.. as normal as it can get for Madison and I. 

We're still trying to pull off this being friends thing and not once, have we mentioned what happened at my party. I still haven't figured out if that's a good or bad thing. I mean, on one hand... I know we should probably sit down and talk this mess out. Deep down, I wish we would just be honest with each other, lay everything on the table. 

But, that would just be way too easy.

Then, on the other hand...I've got that nagging voice in the back of my mind, telling me to just let it go. It's just...the thought of actually being with Madison, scares the hell out of me. 

It's kind of stupid, but my biggest fear is that we'd get together, it'd blow up in our faces pretty quick, but we'd still have to finish out this marriage nonsense, and we'd be right back to the bickering, childish shit it's taken us six months to get away from. 

I don't know what the hell to do and Madison acting like everything is just peachy, definitely isn't helping. 

I know she's got a lot of other shit going on, but I kind of thought she'd want to hash this out with me. Usually, any time I piss her off, she's jumping down my throat and confronting me, but this time...nothing.

I swear, she's got to be the most confusing woman in the whole damn world. 

"What about this one?" I ask and hand her the notebook. She looks down at her own writing for several minutes before scrunching up her nose and shaking her head. 

"Oh...nah. It's kind of ballady. There's better stuff in here."

"And that is where my musical genius comes in." I grin as she rolls her eyes. "I had the band lay down the music a couple days ago. Just go in and record the vocals."

She nods slowly and heads into the booth, quickly sliding her headphones on. As soon as she's ready, I start the backing track, and immediately, a look of confusion that quickly turns to rage, sweeps over her face. She yanks her headphones off angrily before slamming them down on the stand and storming of out of the booth.

"What the fuck did you do to my song?"

Alright, maybe it was wrong to take her song and change it without asking, but I couldn't help myself. 

When I first read the lyrics for "What I've Become", I saw a lot of potential, but...the music was all wrong. Madison had written it as this dark, depressing ballad, but I thought the lyrics were better suited for a kind of up-tempo, angry vibe. So, I took Madison's original melody, and just tweaked it a bit.

I probably should have talked to her about it, but I had an idea and I just ran with it.

"I just changed it a little." I shrug lamely.

"A little?" She shrieks and throws her notebook at me. "It's not even the same God damn song anymore!"

"Come on Madison.. just sing the song, and if you don't like it, we'll do it your way."

"No. I'm not recording this." She shakes her head and plops down on the couch. "I'm so damn tired of you changing everything in my life. You've got control over everything and even my career is in your hands now. I just...I can't deal with this anymore."

I nod dumbly and focus my gaze on the floor. I don't even know what the hell to say to her. And, I can't help wondering if maybe there's a deeper meaning to everything she just said. 

I mean yeah, on the surface, it sounds like she's just bitching about the impact our marriage has had on her life, but what if there's more to it?

What if she can't handle the fact that she has the same exact feelings I do?

Falling in love isn't easy, everybody knows that. You're vulnerable and nervous, and it terrifies the shit out of you. I guess some people really just can't handle it, and Madison appears to be one of them.

Or, maybe I'm just being a selfish jackass by completely ignoring the fact that she's practically in the middle of nervous breakdown. Here I am, worrying about whether or not she has feelings for me, when she's got tons of shit being thrown at her on a daily basis. 

I'm sure the incident at my party didn't help much either.

I guess, when you get right down to it...Madison's just not as tough as she lets on. I think at one point in time she was, but maybe the events of the last several months have taken a toll on her. 

Even when I first met her, it was pretty obvious that she's a no bullshit kind type of girl. She was strong, independent, and she never had any problem telling somebody off if she wanted to. 

Now, she's afraid of damn near everything, she lets people push her around and she's completely lost her spark. I guess it's kind of my fault, because it all started when she agreed to stay married to my stupid ass.

"I'm sorry, alright? I thought I was helping. We'll do it the way you wrote it."

"No. We'll do it your way, since you're the expert." She seethes before snatching her notebook from the floor and stomping back into the booth. 

I start up the music once again, and she's off, belting out the words like there's no tomorrow.


I walk alone inside these walls and it's not easy being me
It seems like every time I escape there's another following
Being prone and, yeah they're coming
I can feel them shooting me, without asking
Lights are flashing but I guess that
It's what I've become, let me live as who I am
Never wanted nothing, but you don't let me breathe as who I am


She's glaring at me through the glass and even though she's making me slightly uncomfortable, her aggression is working for the song. It needed that anger and frustration and she's pulling it off beautifully.



There's not a pill to take to save me from this heartache
But I have no regrets I'm hoping for a better day
There's not a pill to take to save me from this heartache
But I have no regrets I'm hoping for a better day
It's what I've become, let me live as who I am
Never wanted nothing, but you don't let me breathe as who I am
It's what I've become, let me live as who I am
Never wanted nothing, but you don't let me breathe as who I am
I've just begun, I've just begun
I've just begun to find my way...
I've just begun, I've just begun
I've just begun to find my way...


I don't know why, but I've got a damn good feeling about this song. I know I pissed her off, but it was worth it because...I'm fairly certain we have the first single on our hands.

***************************

"If you wanna be with me...baby, there's a price to pay...I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way." Madison and Chelsea scream the lyrics at the top of their lungs, and I can't help but roll my eyes. 

I swear to God...this girl has to be bi-polar or some shit. 

One minute, she's brooding and miserable, the next...she's goofing off with her best friend, like she doesn't have a care in the world. It's fucking twisted.

Maybe it's me, though. Maybe I bring out that dark, bitter side of her. I mean, I know I haven't always treated her the way I should have, but do I really deserve the attitude? 

Maybe she's still just pissed about my birthday. After all, I did tell the girl I'm in love with her, then turned around and said I wasn't sure if actually I meant it or not. That'd piss anybody off. 

"So Ms. Fox, you have the next two weeks off...what do you plan to do with yourself?" Chelsea asks as we pull into my driveway. 

"I dunno." Madison shrugs. "I'd like to go somewhere, but nothing really comes to mind."

I don't know how he did it, but Jace managed to clear Madison's schedule for the next two weeks. I guess the folks at RCA were pleased enough with the work we've turned in so far and they agreed to it.

Normally, I'd be completely against taking a break during recording, but I think Madison needs it. She really just needs some time away from all the craziness and bullshit. And, maybe after the next two weeks...she'll be able to get back to her old self.

And honestly, her time off is kind of a good thing for me. The Grammy's are next week, and even though I'm not performing, I'm nominated for a couple awards. So, this will give me some time to prepare a speech. I doubt I'll actually need it, but ya never know with this stuff.

I'm sure Johnny will want Madison to tag along as my date, but why should she? She was given two full weeks off. Why should she have to give that up to parade around with me and play the part of my supportive wife? It just isn't right, man.

Almost on cue, my phone rings and I can't keep my eyes from rolling when Johnny's name flashes on the screen. I already know what he wants, but I'll go ahead and humor him.

"Hey Johnny, what's up?"

"Several things, actually." I can almost hear the smirk in his voice. This can't be good. "I just spoke with Frank Moore at RCA, apparently...Maroon 5 has backed out of their Grammy performance, so there's an opening."

"I don't know man...I don't really have anything new to do...I was kind of hoping to just watch this year."

"Unfortunately Justin, that isn't really up to you. RCA offered Madison up for the open slot and I think it'd be good for the two of you to perform together. You've been in the studio for damn near three weeks. You should have something decent by now."

"We do..it's just...Madison's got this time off." I say helplessly. 

I know there isn't any way out of this. Johnny's already made up his mind and this is going to happen, whether I like it or not. 

Madison gives me a questioning look at the mention of her name, and all I can do is shrug. She's going to flip when she hears about this, and it most certainly won't be pretty. With any luck, she'll realize that I'm as against this as she is.    

"Well, she's going to have to get over that. This is a huge opportunity for the two of you. Not to mention the fact that it'll build some hype for her album."

"Johnny...come on man. There's no telling when the album will be done. She's been busting her ass and she deserves that time off."    

I probably sound like I'm whining, but I really don't give a shit. This is just flat out, not fucking fair.     

"The decisions been made, Justin. I suggest you two find the right song, and get to work. Rehearsals start Monday." The line goes dead and I can feel my anger quickly taking over.    

I don't think this shit is ever going to end. Until Madison and I get out of this marriage nonsense, we're going to have to do exactly as we're told, and it's complete bullshit. I mean, do they not understand that we're human beings? We have lives outside of work, why can't they see that?    

It just doesn't make any damn sense.    

"Thanks for trying." Madison smiles sadly at me as we head inside the house.    

"Yeah...sorry." I shrug lamely. "You deserve that time off, ya know."

"Yeah, but hey...we gotta do what we gotta do. So, what is it this time? Some lame party? God awful movie premiere?"    

"Grammy performance."     

Madison winces and rolls her eyes, and suddenly...I wish I would have told Johnny to go straight to hell.     

"We have to come up with the song, too." I mutter and roll my eyes.     

"You should do something fast, ya know? Just go out there and have fun." Chelsea shrugs.    

"True...but I don't want to do something from the album." Madison scrunches up her nose and shakes her head. "That stuff just isn't ready yet."    

"You know what you could do..." Jc trails off, and I can just see the wheels turning in his head. "You've still got Stevie Nicks's number, right?"    

"Duh." Madison giggles and rolls her eyes. "You think I'd be stupid enough to throw that away?"    

"Sometimes, I'm not so sure about you." He chuckles softly. "Anyway... she wants to work with you. You're slightly obsessed with Fleetwood Mac. Call her up and see if y'all can put something together."    

"Oh my God...we could do The Chain!" She squeals and slaps my arm. "Can you even freaking imagine that? Us with Fleetwood Mac? Oh my God!" In an instant, she's running up the stairs at full speed.     

That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I just figured we'd do what Johnny said, go out there just the two of us, and do something from the album. Unfortunately, it may still come to that. I mean, how do we even know Fleetwood Mac would be available for something like this?    

We've got three days before rehearsals start, that doesn't give us much time to put something together and I've never even heard the song she's talking about.     

With my luck, this whole thing will work out exactly the way Madison wants, and come Grammy night...I'll be on stage stumbling through a song I don't know, looking like a complete jackass.     

Granted, it's not like that's anything new for me. Madison always manages to make me look like a damn fool.

****************************    

Believe it or not, I don't always enjoy being right. I mean, most of the time it's pretty satisfying, especially when you're trying to prove a point, but there's times where it just plain old sucks.    

Jc's idea for Madison and I to perform with Fleetwood Mac at the Grammy's was actually pretty great. Madison totally lit up when he said it, and for the first time since her arrest, she seemed genuinely happy.     

Unfortunately, I had this sinking feeling that it wouldn't work. Because it was such short notice, the band wasn't able to clear their schedule and had to shoot us down.    

Naturally, Madison was heartbroken. She started getting her hopes up the second the words left Jc's mouth and those hopes pretty much got shot to hell.     

For once, I really wish I would have been wrong.     

So, here we are, two days before rehearsals start, and we still haven't got a clue what we're doing. Madison refuses to do any of her new stuff and she's kind of iffy on doing any of her old stuff. I swear, I never should have agreed to let her pick the song.    

I glance down at the paper in front of me and let out a loud sigh. I haven't written anything in quite some time, and for some reason...this melody kept playing over and over in my head, and refused to go away.     

I started thinking about Madison and the last six months, and the words just kind of started flowing. I mean, it might be the corniest thing I've ever written and I can't ever see myself recording it, but...it might actually work for Madison.

I don't know if I can yell any louder,
How many times have I kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?I can be so mean when I wanna be,
I am capable of really anything,
I could cut you into pieces,
When my heart is, broken.
    

Yeah, Madison could definitely sing this.     

I hand her the sheet of paper and she glances over it quickly before giving me a questioning look.     

"I'll play. You sing." I mumble before taking my place at the piano. She nods and slides onto the bench beside me, clutching the paper in her hands.

I don't know if I can yell any louder,
How many times have I kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
I can be so mean when I wanna be,
I am capable of really anything,
I could cut you into pieces,
When my heart is, broken.

Please don't leave me Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But its always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious,
What is it with you that makes me act like this,
I've never been this nasty,
Cant you tell that this is all just a contest,
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest,
But baby I don't mean it,
I mean it, I promise

Please don't leave me Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But its always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud,
How beautiful you really are to me,
I cant be without,
My perfect little punching bag,
And I need you,
I'm sorry.

Please, please don't leave me
Baby please don't leave mePlease don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But its always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you,
But its always gonna come right back to this,
Please don't leave me,

Please, Please don't leave me.
    

As much as I hate to admit it, when she finishes the song, I have to fight back tears.     

I love this girl. There's no other way around it. I am head over heels in love with her, and she thinks I'm absolute shit, and it kills me.     

This song may not say exactly how I feel about her, but it's pretty fucking close, and she hasn't got a clue. She has no idea that the words she just belted out, are all about her.    

She couldn't even begin to imagine the way my heart skips a beat when I'm around her, or how badly I wish I could make all of the bullshit around her go away, just to see her happy again.    

"Justin, this is beautiful." She nods slowly, a wide grin spreading across her face. "Do you want me to record this or something?"    

"Yeah...I do." I smile sadly, still trying to keep those damn tears from falling.    

"Thank you...this is great." She nods once again. "We could do this at the Grammy's. Just like this...you play, and I'll sing."    

"Yeah...that's perfect."     

She stands up from her seat and heads up the stairs, singing softly to herself and I hang my head.     

I can't do this anymore.     

I can't ignore the way I feel, and I can't keep letting her pretend there isn't something more than a forced friendship going on here. She can keep denying it all she wants, but I can't.    

I have to be with her, or I have to push her out of my life. Unfortunately, none of that's up to me.

"What I've Become"-Ashlee Simpson

"Genie In A Bottle"-Christina Aguilera

"Please Don't Leave Me"-Pink