"E! wants an interview about the divorce." Chelsea rolls her eyes as she sorts through the stack of paper in front of her.    

"Tell them no." I state simply. "I'm not talking to anyone."    

"Yeah... that seems to be a habit of yours." I bite my tongue before I respond and nod slowly.    

I deserve that. I know I do, but that doesn't make it sting any less.      

Chelsea is my best friend and I really need her through all of this. I know,  I should have told her the truth, but I just didn't know how. I mean, how do you tell someone you've been forced into lying to the entire world, and you don't have a way out of it?    

Unfortunately, I know Chelsea won't be getting over this anytime soon. It takes a lot to piss her off, but once you do... you're in for some major shit. She isn't the type to hold back her anger. She says exactly what's on her mind and she really doesn't care if you like it or not.    

It's been almost a week since I filed for divorce and things seem to be getting worse on a daily basis. I thought leaving Justin would clear the air a bit. I thought once I was back in my own home, I'd start to feel like myself again, but no such luck.     

I've spent a week holed up in my room, crying and sleeping. Chelsea comes in every so often to interrupt my cycle of patheticness when there's papers for me to sign, or interviews to turn down. Other than that,  I'm on my own in this mess.    

Jc seems to be at the label every damn day, which just furthers my suspicion that he's going to sign his own record deal, and leave me in the dust. I'm sure another manager will come along, but they'd never match up to Jace. He got me started and nobody will ever replace him as far as I'm concerned.     

"You need anything else?" Chelsea asks as she gathers her paperwork and heads for the door.     

"Yeah... we need to talk Chels."    

"About?" She rolls her eyes and plops down on my bed before giving me a bored look.    

"Come on... don't be like that."    

"What the hell did you expect Madison? You think you can just apologize and blow the whole thing off? It doesn't work like that."    

"I know.. It's just..."    

"You lied to me, Maddie. We've been best friends since fifth grade, and you've never lied to me before. Why pick now to start?"

"I know, I just... Chelsea, I didn't have a choice. Johnny had us sign all of these papers and if the truth got out..."

"And you honestly think I'd sell you out? You should know me better than that by now."    

"I do. I knew you'd keep it quiet. After you met Justin and everything... I just didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry Chelsea. I'm so, so, so sorry." I shrug helplessly. "Everything keeps getting fucked up and nothing I do helps. I don't know what to do Chels." I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and Chelsea's expression softens.    

Maybe I'm finally getting through to her. She has to know that I'd never do anything to hurt her, or our friendship. She's the closest thing to a sister I've got, and I'm not about to let that fall apart. We have to straighten this out. I'm not sure I can handle losing my best friend on top of everything else.    

"Alright look... I'm still really fucking pissed, ok? But in a way.. I kind of understand. But I swear to God Madison, if you ever lie to me again, we're really going to have problems."    

"It won't happen again, Chels. I swear."    

Finally!    

It's about damn time something went my way.    

I know it'll be quite awhile before she forgives me completely, but I'm back on her good side, and for now... that's enough for me. I just needed to be able to talk to her. I need to lean on her to get through this Justin mess, but most importantly... I just needed my best friend back.

****************************    

"Found another one." Chelsea rolls her eyes as she lays yet another rag mag down in front of me.    

Within the last week, she's brought home atleast a dozen or so, all of them speculating on why I filed for divorce. Most of them seem to be of the opinion that Justin cheated, or that I just couldn't handle the sudden media attention.    

I wish it was that simple.    

Of course, Justin doesn't appear to be doing anything to quash those infidelity rumors. Every day since I left, there's been some story about him, out partying all hours of the night and enjoying his newfound freedom.    

It probably sounds stupid, but it's really starting to piss me off. He damn near begged me to stay with him, yet he hasn't tried to contact me even once, and he's out clubbing every damn night. Exactly how is that supposed to make me feel? Doesn't he realize that his actions are making me question everything he ever told me?    

Plus, he didn't exactly elaborate on his feelings. He never said he loved me and what happened at his party so doesn't count.    

I guess part of the problem is that I'm looking at this all wrong. I feel like I'm in the middle of an incredibly messy break up, when in reality... there never was a relationship to break up.     

I just... I miss him. I miss his stupid laugh and the way he could make the dumbest things sound hilarious. I miss being in the studio with him. I miss the way he smelled, the way he'd look at me. Hell... I even miss fighting with him.    

It's been a week and already, I feel like I can't move forward without him. I'm about as pathetic as it gets.     

I toss the magazine onto the growing pile and force myself to ignore it. I can't keep reading all of those stories about him. It just makes it worse.    

The really stupid thing though... I brought this on myself. I was the one who left. I was the one who refused to work things out. I was the one who pushed my feelings aside and let my pride take over. I don't have anyone to blame but myself.    

Although, I do believe Johnny is the root of every problem I've had over the last six months.     

He used Justin and I to make a few bucks, and I'm the one paying for it. Justin will come out on top, just like everyone wanted, and I'll be left with a broken heart and a half finished album.    

I haven't even really put much thought into going back to the studio yet. RCA has given me all the time off I want until this thing gets cleared up and the publicity dies down. So, I've tried to focus on myself rather than work. Unfortunately, the only thing I can seem to focus on is Justin.     

I really thought leaving would make me feel better. I thought I'd realize that my feelings for him started because it was convenient, but it's pretty obvious that I was wrong.    

My feelings for Justin are one hundred percent real. I wouldn't be so damn miserable if they weren't.     

The door to my apartment opens suddenly and Jc strolls in, grinning from ear to ear. He probably has some piece of news that's great for him, and horrible for me.    

Wonderful.    

Like I really need someone to rub their happiness in my face.    

"What's up?" I ask cautiously as he plops down on the couch next to me.     

"I just talked to the label...and we made a couple decisions."     

I swallow hard and wait for him to continue. This is it. This is where he leaves me behind to work on his own material and I'll become a nothing.    

Without Jc, I'm not so sure I'll survive in the industry. I haven't got the slightest clue about the business aspect of things. With my luck, I'll hire a manager who just wants to screw me out of a ridiculous amount of money.    

I'll end up jobless and homeless before you know it.    

"I'm going to step in and finish the album with you. So, we can go back in the studio whenever you're ready. The label thinks you should take a few weeks off, but it's up to you."    

"And?"    

"That's all I got." He shrugs and flips on the TV.    

"What about your deal Jace?"    

"Turned it down." He shrugs again. "It just didn't feel right, plus... I'm not gonna bail on you in the middle of all of this. I'm not that type of guy."    

"You are amazing!" I cry and throw my arms around his neck.    

This is the best news I've gotten in months. I know it's selfish, but I'm so not ready to let Jc go yet.     

He's been incredible the last several years. He understands me, he knows where I want my career to go. He's always honest with me. I really couldn't ask for a better manager.    

"Yeah, you're stuck with me for awhile kid." He chuckles and rolls his eyes.    

I think I'm in shock right now. Two things in one day have worked out in my favor. Is this really possible?    

Maybe things are finally turning around. Maybe I can finally stop moping and get back to being myself again. And maybe... maybe, leaving Justin was the right decision.     

But, that doesn't make me miss him any less.    

Right or wrong, I love the idiot.     

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. For some reason, he's managed to get under my skin. He's made me feel things no one else ever has. Even when he pisses me off to no end, I can't get enough of him. He just.. he got to me.    

Leaving may have been the right decision in the long run, but it just doesn't feel totally right and that's what worries me.

*********************************    

I throw my duffle bag into the trunk before climbing into the backseat and grabbing my ipod.     

My mother had a small freak out when I called to warn her about the divorce. So, I've decided to go home for a few days, just to show my parents that I'm perfectly fine.    

As usual, Jace and Chelsea are tagging along, which is actually kind of a relief. With the two of them there, my mom won't spend all of her time fretting over me.    

I'm kind of weird when it comes to this stuff. If I'm upset, I don't like to be doted on and I don't like talking about whatever's bothering me, until I'm good and ready. But, I like having people around. I hate being alone to begin with, but it seems so much worse to be alone when you're upset about something.    

My phone vibrates in my lap and I quickly flip it open. I'm sure there's no hiding the shock or confusion on my face when "one new message from: Trace" flashes on the screen.    

Trace and I got along pretty well, but we weren't super close or anything. I figured once this whole Justin thing was over and done with, I'd never see or hear from Trace again.    

"Hey what's up?"    

Casual conversation is probably the last thing I was expecting.    

Granted, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but I guess the delusional side of me hoped it'd be some long, dramatic message about how Justin can't function without me.    

"Not much. You need something?"    

"Nah. Just thought I'd say hey. I miss having you around girl."    

Trace misses me? What the hell?    

"Justin does too ya know."    

I take a deep breath and turn my phone off, without responding.     

I don't need this. I really, really don't.    

It's been two weeks since I left and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Yes, I miss Justin, but I know that'll pass eventually. I know I'll get over him someday. I just need my space. I need to be away from him, so I can move on.    

I don't need his best friend telling me he misses me.    

Besides, if Justin misses me so damn much, why hasn't he called?  Why is Trace the one texting me? Justin doesn't miss me. He misses pushing me around. He misses having that control over me.    

I know it sounds dumb, but a small part of me wanted to hear that he misses me. I guess I just wanted to hear it from him instead of his messenger boy.    

Maybe that's why I'm having trouble buying it. It isn't coming from Justin. I mean, he could have very well put Trace up to it, but I don't know that. I mean honestly, how am I supposed to know what's going on in that fucked up head of his?    

I really need to just stop thinking about this. I need to focus on taking care of myself, finishing my album and moving past all of this.    

I'm going to show the world that I'll be just fine without Justin Timberlake.

**************************    

I slowly walk into my parents house and smile stupidly when the familiar scent of coffee and cigarettes hit my nose. I really need to come home more often. Just being in this house today has made me feel a little better, even though I have several memories of Justin in this house.    

I'm sure if Chelsea and I swing past the bar some time during our trip, I'll definitely feel like myself again, but... Justin will probably plague my thoughts there too.    

I shouldn't have been so welcoming to him when he was here. I should have treated him like the outsider he was, but instead, I let him into the most private aspects of my life. Maybe I just bought into my role as his wife a little too much.    

Chelsea decided to stay at her parents tonight and Jace is out wandering the streets of Chicago, doing God knows what. Sometimes, I swear he has ADHD or something. The boy just can't sit still.    

I know I should have spent most of the day here with my parents, but Chelsea insisted on going out. We caught a movie then grabbed a late dinner and of course, it was a disaster.    

We were followed everywhere we went, and even during our meal, a group of photographers stood at the window, snapping pictures of my every move.    

I guess I should have expected this sort of thing. I'm divorcing the most famous man in the world and for some strange reason, people want to know about it.    

I'm just tired of the constant questions and harassment. I mean... for most people, divorce is a very painful thing. You'd think they'd respect my privacy and give me some space, but oh no. They're like vultures.     

I thought it was bad when we first got married, but that's nothing compared to this.    

I curl up on the couch and flip on the TV before quickly turning down the volume. I'm sure my parents have been in bed for a couple of hours and I definitely don't want to wake them up.     

I was able to dodge all of my mother's questions this afternoon, thanks to JC and Chels being here, but now... there'd be no escaping her. She's going to want every detail, and I don't know what the hell to say to her.    

The truth is always an option, but... I'm almost afraid of that.     

My mother is extremely family oriented and the second she met Justin, he became her son. I don't think I can take that away from her. I mean, even with this divorce mess... she'll always see Justin as part of the family. That's just the kind of person she is.     

I just wish there was some kind of easy fix for all of this. Why can't there be a way to just erase the last six months from my memory?    

I just want it to stop hurting.    

The light at the top of the stairs comes on suddenly and I take a deep breath.    

Great. Here we go.    

My mom is going to come down those steps and spend God knows how long grilling me about Justin and the divorce. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to come up with some elaborate explanation as to why my marriage failed so quickly.    

The weirdest thing about all of this is, suddenly... it isn't about the truth anymore. The fact that Justin and I were never really together has become a non-issue. It's almost as if our marriage was real. I don't even really know when it happened.    

It was like, one day I woke up and suddenly... the truth wasn't the problem anymore. It became about our feelings and it just turned into one big emotional mess.     

Maybe... maybe Justin and I started to believe we really were together.    

I'm pleasantly surprised when my father enters the living room and takes a seat at the other end of the couch. I breathe a sigh of relief and turn my attention back to the TV.    

I know my dad won't pry or ask a lot of questions. It's not that he doesn't care, he just believes in giving people their space. He knows that if I want to pour my heart out, I'll do it when I'm ready.    

"Did you just get in?"    

"A few minutes ago." I nod. "We got dinner after the movie."    

"So I heard." He laughs and shakes his head. "You were on the news. Now the entire city knows you're in town."    

"Great." I mutter and roll my eyes.    

I'm getting really tired of this shit.    

I'm sure I sound like the world's biggest baby, but sometimes... I really wish I would have found some boring, annonomys job, where nobody knew or even cared who I was. I love what I do, but the lack of privacy definitely sours things a bit.    

I don't even really understand the fascination with celebrities. Sure, I'm a fan of some people, but you don't see me following them around and taking pictures of them eating, like it's the greatest, most shocking thing on earth.      

All of those "look, celebrities are just like you!" stories drive me completely insane. We're normal people, with mostly normal lives. What's the big deal?    

"Ya know Maddie... I never thought you'd end up where you are. I was terrified when your mother and I let you leave. I knew you were talented, I just wasn't so sure the rest of the world would pick up on it."    

"Thanks dad." I smile as he nods and pats my knee.    

I'm sure to most people, that would sound like a backhanded compliment, but my dad's never been all that great at expressing his feelings. He's never really talked about my career, or even said he was proud of me, but I know he is. The way he smiles at me every time I win an award or accomplish something, tells me everything I need to know.    

My daddy loves me, and he's beyond proud of me.     

I change the channel again and groan when Justin's face appears on the screen.    

Looks like he's still partying it up. They show several photos and videos of him leaving a club, clearly drunk out of his mind and practically molesting some blonde tramp.    

Why am I not surprised?    

"Maddie, what the hell happened?"    

My eyes dart over in my father's direction and my jaw nearly hits the floor. I never expected him to question me. I figured he'd let mom do the nosy, concerned parent thing.    

"Dad, I really don't want to talk about it."    

"I'm just curious. Not everybody loses a son-in-law as quickly as they gain one."    

The man sitting across from me cannot be my father.    

My dad made it pretty damn clear that he didn't like Justin. Even after Justin flew him and mom out for Christmas, he still hadn't jumped on team Timberlake. So, why does he suddenly care that he no longer has a son-in-law?    

If he's trying to confuse the hell out of me, he's doing an excellent job.    

"Dad... you hated Justin."    

"Hate's a strong word, you know." He shrugs before lighting a cigarette. "Whether I liked him or not is irrelevant. He was your husband, Maddie. He was still family."    

"Yeah, but..."    

"He made you happy sweetheart. How could I not approve of that? When you brought him home that first time, it was plain as day. I knew the second I saw the two of you, that you were thrilled and that's all I've ever wanted. I just want you to be happy, Madison." I nod slowly and let his words sink in.    

I was just beginning to have feelings for Justin when we came home that first time. I never imagined that it was so obvious then. If I was that damn transparent, maybe Justin knew how I felt about him all along.    

But why did he wait so long to bring it up? Did he force himself into having feelings for me so that he wouldn't have to reject me?    

I know my dad is just trying to help, but he's confusing me even more.    

"Look Maddie, you're my little girl and I don't like seeing this broken down side of you. If Justin is what makes you happy, then maybe you should re-think this divorce. Ignore the fame and all of that other nonsense. Think about what you want, sweetheart. Because, that's what matters. That garbage they print in the papers doesn't mean a damn thing."    

"It's not because of the media, dad."    

"Then what is it? Because for the life of me, I can't figure out why two people who are so obviously crazy about each other, are just walking away from that."    

"It just wasn't working."    

"Marriage doesn't 'just work' Madison. You have to put some effort into it, give it all you've got. It's not easy, but in the end... it's worth it."    

"So you think I should work things out with Justin?"    

"If that's what'll make you happy, then yes."    

"Thanks dad." I force a smile and nod as he rises to his feet.     

"Just don't let yourself wake up one day and regret this. Do what's going to make you happy."    

"I will. Night dad."    

"Goodnight sweetheart." He smiles and kisses the top of my head before making his way back up the steps.    

I know my dad's right and his advice would be so easy to take... if I actually knew what would make me happy.