Right about now would be a good time for my brain to kick in, but even it seems to want nothing but Justin.     

The second I saw him, I almost couldn't remember why I left in the first place. Then, the last few weeks flashed through my mind and I was ready to go on the defense.     

I know exactly why he's here and part of me doesn't want to hear any of what he wants to say. But, that hopelessly romantic, mushy, girly side is ready to eat it all up.    

He finally pulls away and rests his forehead against mine, a satisfied smile planted on his lips. My cynical side is quickly coming back and all I can think is that he's here for the physical aspect of things. I should probably push him away, go inside and slam the door in his face, but I just can't do it.    

I think I'm about as conflicted as it gets right now.    

I desperately want to believe him when he says he has feelings for me, but I can't. He's never given me a reason to believe a single word that's come out of his mouth and he just flat out can't be trusted.     

"Can we go inside and talk?" He asks quietly. I nod before breaking our contact and stepping into my apartment, Justin trailing behind me.    

He walks in slowly, taking the time to look at everything around him, my mismatched furniture, the posters, album covers and photos adorning the walls. He stops in front of my stereo and I can see his eyes widen at the sight of my cd collection.    

What can I say? I'm a music freak.    

"Jesus Christ... how the hell many cd's do you have?"    

"Last time I checked, a few thousand." I shrug and plop down on the couch.    

It feels pretty weird to have him in my home. I spent six months living with him, yet he never once came up here or even asked to see my place. It's the little things like that, that worry me.    

It's almost like he has no interest in my personality or the things that I care about. Maybe part of our problem is that we still don't really know each other.     

Sure, I know more about him now than I did when we met, and we did get to know each other a bit, but I still feel like I've never see the real Justin. And, I'm not so sure he's ever seen the real me.     

I've tried so hard to keep my guard up when it comes to him. I just... I couldn't stand the idea of letting him know he got to me. As soon as he knows just how much control he really has, it's all over for me.     

I won't be able to hide anymore and I'll have to admit how I really feel about him. Once he has all of that, he'll lose interest, and I'll be right back where I started. And, I'm just not ready for that.    

"So...."    

"Justin, why are you here?" I ask wearily, hoping that maybe... he'll chicken out of this and just leave.     

He lets out a long sigh, then begins to pace the floor, keeping his eyes focused on anything other than me.  He laughs bitterly and shakes his head before stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I can tell he's nervous and honestly, I haven't got a clue why.    

If either of us should be nervous, it's definitely me.    

"I had all this shit I wanted to say. I had it all thought out... what to say, how to say it and now, it's like I can't even think straight." I can't help but roll my eyes and shake my head at his dramatics.    

When he said he wanted to talk, a small part of me thought that maybe, he came here to finally be honest. Instead, it's typical Justin. Dancing around the subject, doing everything he can to avoid being serious when it really matters.     

Although, I do give him credit for coming here. That took a lot of nerve, and I sure as hell wasn't pursuing him. So, kudos to him for manning up a little.    

In a way, I can kind of understand how it might be difficult for him to spill his guts. He is male after all, and Lord knows they can never stand to let themselves seem vulnerable.    

Maybe, instead of waiting for him to lay everything on the line, I need to be the one who takes a chance this time. I'm terrified to put myself out there, but he atleast deserves to know where he stands with me.    

I love him. I'm willing admit that to him. But, no matter how badly I want to, I can't be with him.     

How can I be with someone I can't trust? How can he expect me to fall at his feet or believe anything he says, when he's spent the last three weeks screwing around? Surely he's smart enough to know that I heard about all of that.     

There's countless reasons for this not to happen and honestly, I don't see a single reason for us to be together.  Loving him just isn't enough.    

I don't care what anyone says... love most certainly does not conquer all.    

If deciding whether or to be together was our only issue, this would all be fairly easy. Unfortunately, things in my life never take the easy road.    

The entire world knows that Justin and I are in the middle of a divorce. If we got together, how the hell would we explain that? Just say that we changed our minds? Not to mention the fact that just because I have feelings for him, doesn't necessarily mean I want to be married to him.    

Sure, in some romantic little fairytale, we'd fall head over heels in love and decide to stay married. But, this is real life, and shit like that just doesn't happen.    

Justin finally stops pacing and turns to look at me while gnawing on his bottom lip. He stares at me until finally, I can't take it anymore. I have to say... something.    

"Look, Justin..." I sigh and run my hands through my hair nervously. "I... I will admit, I care about you. A lot more than I ever intended to, but... I'm smart enough to realize that this wouldn't work."

"Why not?"     

I'm actually pretty surprised at the calm tone in his voice. Usually, if Justin isn't getting his way, there's a lot of screaming and drama involved. His face doesn't show a single ounce of anger or frustration as he stands there, waiting patiently for my answer.    

I've never seen him like this. He's so cool and collected. It's almost as if he knows what's about to happen and he's more than prepared for it.    

"Number one, we can't get along. We've been at each others throats from day one, and I can't see that changing. Seriously... you piss me off more than anybody I've ever known. Honestly, I could probably end up killing you someday."    

"Uhh... thanks?" He chuckles before sitting down beside me.    

"It's not just that. I mean... what the fuck would we do about the divorce? People would know something's up, in a heartbeat."    

"We'll say we reconciled." He smiles hopefully and moves closer to me.    

I know what's he's trying to do, but little does he know, the charm and the puppy dog eyes aren't going to work today. I know what's best for me, and he isn't going to change my mind.    

His face is just inches away from mine now, and I swallow hard.     

Shit.    

Why do I turn into a puddle of mush every damn time he looks at me? It's ridiculous.    

"Come on Madison... that can all be figured out. I... I love you. The other shit doesn't matter." I nod dumbly and before I can respond, his mouth is on mine once again.    

Damn him. Why does he have to be so fucking good at this?    

Just as I move to slide my arms around his neck, he pulls away and smirks at me. "Look me in the eyes and try to tell me that didn't mean something to you."    

"Justin... that's not the point." I sigh and stand up. If I'm going to get through this, I need to put some distance between us.     

He's already gotten too close, and I'm beginning to lose my nerve.    

"I don't trust you, and I don't think I ever could. I had my doubts to begin with, but when I heard about you and all those other girls the last few weeks... I just knew. It'd always be like that Justin. I'd never be enough and I can't let you hurt me like that."    

He lets out a long sigh and hangs his head. He's busted and he knows it. "I get it... I really do. But Madison... I swear... I wouldn't do that. I love you. You've gotta believe that."    

He rises from his seat and moves to stand in front of me. His hands come to rest on my hips and with the intense, determined way he's staring at me... I almost believe him. Almost.    

I know my resolve is crumbling and it's just a matter of time before I give in to him.    

I really am a pathetic excuse of a woman.     

He kisses me again and when I feel him smile against my mouth, every last bit of my restraint fades.     

None of the stupid shit matters anymore. The media, our friends and family, the lies we've told, the women he was out with... it just doesn't matter.    

I can't ignore the way he makes me feel and I'm tired of trying to fight it. I mean... would it really be so terrible to just let everything go and start over with him?    

Maybe if we wipe the slate clean and put the last few months behind us, we can get ourselves on the right track and maybe... maybe we can actually make this work, no matter how insane or ridiculous it is.     

"Alright... if, and this is a big if... if we do this, how is this going to work Justin? We can't just stay married."    

"And why is that?"    

"Because... because I don't want to. Marriage is a big deal and... I want a real wedding, when I do finally get married. I want a cake, and the dress, and the church. I don't want to think back on what's supposed to be the most important day of my life, and not be able to remember it."    

He nods slowly, a frown quickly taking over his features. "So... you still want the divorce?"    

He sounds so sad and defeated, but he has to understand where I'm coming from. We can't just jump into this thing head first. We have to treat this like a normal relationship. We need to take our time, get to know each other and go from there. That's the only way this is going to work.    

"Yeah, Justin... I do."    

"Fine. If that's what it'll take... fine." He rolls his eyes and sighs in frustration. "So what now? Do I have to wait for all this other shit to blow over before we can actually be together?"    

I know he's angry, but this is for the best.     

Number one, a sudden reconciliation would raise way too many questions, and I'm just flat out not ready to actually be married. I'm still way too selfish and stubborn for that.    

But, continuing the divorce doesn't mean I'm going to stay away from him.    

"I never said that." I smirk as his eyes widen.    

"So.. so you...you mean..." He stutters. He really is adorable when he's in shock.    

"Sneaking around might be kind of hot, ya know?" I giggle before slowly backing him toward my bedroom.    

"You..." He grins and kisses me quickly. "Are fucking incredible."        

"Yeah well... it's a gift." As his mouth trails down my neck, I can't stop the stupid smile that's quickly spreading across my face.    

This just... this feels right.    

Forgetting about the last six months, letting go of my pride and finally being with him for real, just feels right.

*******************************    

"Try it again." Jc's voice echoes through the small booth and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes when my phone vibrates against my hip for the 10th time in the last half hour.    

Apparently, Justin is getting impatient and as usual, Jace refuses to let me leave the studio until the song I'm working on reaches his insanely high level of perfection.    

It's been six days since Justin and I talked things out, and it's been... well, it's been pretty normal actually. Normal for us, anyway. Granted, there are a few new things being thrown into the mix.    

For starters, there's the hiding. Before, we were supposed to show our relationship off to the entire world and now, if we want to see each other, we have to make damn sure there won't be any visitors, and we sure as hell can't go out in public.    

Just the other day, Chelsea left to go spend the night at a friends, which left the perfect opportunity for Justin to come over. We'd have the apartment to ourselves and could do pretty much whatever we wanted.    

Just as we started to fool around a little, Chelsea came barging back into the apartment, ranting and raving about forgetting her wallet. As soon as we heard the front door open, Justin darted into the closet and stayed there for the entire 45 minutes it took Chelsea to find her damn wallet.    

I swear, it was like something out of a bad teen movie.    

Then of course, there's ten times more sex and physical stuff than there ever was. However, our fighting hasn't been curbed in the least. He does something stupid, I get pissed off, then we scream at each other for an hour.    

But now... making up is so, so, so much better.    

"Alright... let's call it a day. That last one was perfect." Jc nods, finally satisfied with one of the million takes I just recorded.     

Letting Jace step in to produce the rest of the album was probably the worst idea anyone has ever had in the history of the world. I mean, I thought Justin was a slave driver, but he's got nothing on Jc. He expects the absolute best and he won't stop until he gets it.    

Which, is why I'm stuck at the studio, four hours later than I should have been. I swear, I'm surrounded by perfectionist freaks.     

"You wanna grab dinner?" He asks as he slides on his jacket.    

"Oh.. umm... nah. I'm not really hungry." I shrug.    

"Seriously? You haven't eaten all day."    

And here we have my newest hobby... lying.    

Honestly, in the past week, I've turned it into an art form. I'm not proud of it, and don't enjoy it in the least... but it's just what I have to do.    

There's no doubt in my mind that Justin and I could tell the people closest to us the truth, but right now, this thing between us is so new. What's the point in getting everybody all up in arms, when we don't know what's going to happen? For all we know, this could end tomorrow. So, until we know where we're headed... I think we're better off keeping it to ourselves.     

Plus, this whole sneaking around thing is a hundred times hotter than I could have even begun to imagine. When Justin was in the closet hiding from Chelsea, I was beyond turned on. The second she left, I couldn't keep my damn hands off of him.    

I can't even really explain it. It's just... it's fun. I know it's wrong, but it's just so damn much fun to be doing something we know we shouldn't.    

"Yeah... I don't know. I'm just not hungry. I'll see ya in the morning Jace." I smile as I grab my bag and head for my car.    

So far, we've done a pretty good job of keeping things under wraps, but the paranoid side of me thinks Jc might already be suspicious. And that is definitely not a good thing.    

Jace is like some crazy private detective. If he thinks something's up, he'll do whatever he has to, to get the truth. I definitely have to be careful just how far I stretch the truth around him. If it gets too ridiculous... he'll figure me out in a heartbeat.    

However, my relationship, if that's you can even really call it, isn't having a completely negative influence on me.    

Number one, I've felt more like myself this past week than I have in months. I'm not angry or freaking out all of the damn time. My stress level has lowered considerably, and my creative streak seems to be at an all time high. I've written atleast a dozen or so songs within the past month, and I have Justin to thank for each and every one of them.    

Filing for divorce, then straightening things out, has actually been pretty inspiring. I've been able to put my every thought and feeling down on paper, and even I'm fairly impressed with the outcome.     

I think this album will end up being the most personal thing I'll ever do, and with a little luck.. my critics will completely forget about the last album and it's massive flop.    

I pull into Justin's driveway and smile when I feel the butterflies forming in my stomach. I get this nervous, jittery, excited feeling every time I'm about to see him and I hope like hell it never goes away. I'm like a little girl with a crush and I love the fact that he has that affect on me.     

I dig my phone out of my pocket and finally check the dozen messages he sent. I was in such a hurry to get here, I didn't even bother to read them when I left the studio. Most of them are "where are you?", "what's taking so long?" type stuff, but when my eyes scan over the last one, I feel my face flush and I bite down hard on my bottom lip.    

I've never been the kind of girl to be really open about sex. I've always believed it was a private matter that was reserved for the bedroom. Talking about it has always made me feel a little awkward and I won't even get started on how weird dirty talk makes me feel.    

But... Justin brings out this whole other side of me that I never even knew existed. He knows exactly what to say and do, and he makes me feel comfortable enough to really get into whatever we're doing.     

I mean honestly, just thinking about what the man can do with his mouth and his hands can make me flood my panties in a heartbeat. And his "I guess I need to get started without you" message, is doing just that.     

I scramble out of the car and quickly jog across the front yard. Before I'm able to put my hand on the knob, the front door swings open and I'm pulled inside the house. The door slams shut behind me before I'm roughly pushed against it and warm, smooth lips travel down my neck.     

With the way he's acting, you'd think he hasn't seen me in months, rather than just over 12 hours.     

I love that about him though. No matter how long it's been since the last time we were together, he acts like our time apart has been excruciatingly long. He knows how to make a woman feel wanted, that's for damn sure.     

His lips finally come to rest on mine before his tongue explores every last inch of my mouth. He pulls back to catch his breath and smiles down at me.    

"Hey."    

"Thought you were gonna start without me?" I smirk when I feel the length of him pressing into my hip.     

We really need to skip the small talk and get upstairs. I'm not sure how long it'll be before I explode with him staring at me like that and his body pressed against mine in all the right places.    

"Changed my mind." He shrugs as his fingers fumble with my belt. It takes a minute, but he finally gets it undone, then goes for the button and zipper before sliding his hand inside and stroking me through my panties.    

Screw going upstairs. We can fuck right here against the door, and I'll be perfectly ok with that. I just want him. I don't care when, or where or even how. I want him all the damn time and I don't see that ending anytime soon.    

He pushes my underwear aside and I bite my lip as he trails one finger along my slit. "Damn Maddie." He grins before quickly attacking my mouth again.    

I grind myself against his hand hoping to build up some friction, and I let out a gasp when the pad of his thumb begins to rub slow circles around my clit. He shoots me a cocky smirk and even though I'd normally slap him, or atleast bitch at him for it, right now... it just doesn't matter. All I can focus on are the things he's doing to my body.    

He knows exactly what he does to me, and he loves every fucking minute of it. The arrogance is just a front. He's enjoying this just as much as I am.    

He slides one long finger into my core and I can't stop the moan that falls from my lips. I don't know how or when he got so damn good at this, and I don't even really care. All that matters is that he never stops.    

He adds another finger and begins to pump slowly, pushing me toward the edge. Just as I can feel my stomach begin to tighten, he suddenly removes his hand and kisses my forehead sweetly.     

He's fucking crazy if he thinks that's where he's stopping. He can't just tease me like that and then walk away. I'll tie him down if I have to.    

Come to think of it... that could be... interesting.     

See what he's done to me? I'm a complete nympho now.     

He quickly reaches down and yanks his sweat pants off and I have to bite my lip at the sight of him fully exposed to me. Before I know it, he's peeled off my jeans and underwear, and kicked them across the floor.    

It should honest to God be a fucking crime to be as hot as he is. The intense blue eyes, chiseled jaw, perfectly sculpted abs. No man should be this incredible. No wonder he was able to talk me into the craziness of this "relationship."    

His hands grip my ass and he hoists me up, my ankles locking around his hips. He's pressing into me slightly and with one quick move, he'd be buried deep inside of me. I wiggle my hips a bit hoping he'll get the hint, but he holds himself still, the silky head of his cock brushing against my clit.        

"Justin..." I whine pitifully.    

"Ya know... I waited for almost five hours." He sighs and shakes his head. "That's just not fair."

"But it wasn't my fault." I pout.    

"And exactly how am I supposed to know that?" He smirks. He's a damn tease and he knows it.    

He finally positions himself at my entrance and slides in so slow, it's almost painful. Once he's settled himself inside of me, I can damn near feel him in my belly and I have to stop and catch my breath. He's so deep and it feels so fucking good.    

He pulls out slowly before slamming back into me so hard, the door rattles from the force. Why did we waste so damn much time acting like idiots, when we could have been doing this for the last six months?    

I don't think I'll ever understand it. But then again... maybe it was worth the wait. Maybe the anticipation and the tension is why this feels so fucking amazing.    

Without warning, he halts all movement and just stares at me. I groan loudly and shift against him, encouraging him to keep going, but it's like I'm not even here.        

I don't know what the hell he's doing, but I'm getting irritated and slightly uncomfortable.    

"Did you hear that?" He whispers harshly and turns to look behind him.    

"I didn't hear anything. Quit being a freak."    

"Madison... shut up. I heard something." He mutters. I open my mouth to protest, but he quickly covers it with his free hand.    

The back door opens and in a flash, he slips out of me before yanking his sweat pants on angrily. He grabs my jeans and tosses them at me and we move, as quickly and quietly as humanly possible, to the bathroom.    

Just before the door shuts, I catch a glimpse of my best friend and Justin's, strolling into the living room, hand in hand.     

What the hell?    

I couldn't have seen what I think I saw, could I?    

"Were they...."

"Yep." Justin rolls his eyes before sitting down on the edge of the tub. "I kinda thought something was up."    

"Care to elaborate?"    

"Trace wanted me to come see you in Chicago... they set the whole thing up together, but.."

"We came back early." I nod slowly and plop down next to him.     

Oh God, are we really finishing each other's sentences already? Ugh.    

He laces his fingers through mine and we sit in silence.     

So, this is what my life has become. Sneaking around, hiding in bathrooms, and compulsive lying.    

Maybe it makes me a hypocrite, but I'd love nothing more than to go out there and strangle the life out of my best friend. She appears to doing the exact same thing I am, but yet... I can't help but get pissed at her.     

I could confront her, but that would mean confessing to my own wrong doing, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to do that.    

So, I'll sit in the bathroom with my semi-boyfriend and wait.     

I'll enjoy being happy while it lasts because I know, soon enough... this is going to blow up in all of our faces.