I've recently come to the realization that I'm a pretty shitty best friend.     

I'm a liar. I'm manipulative. I'm a hypocrite. I'm a fucking dick, plain and simple.    

Number one, I've been lying to everyone around me for almost three weeks. Honestly, if it was up to me, the entire world would know what's going on and I'd be able to tell everyone that I'm a happily married man. For real this time.    

Instead, I'm in the midst of a divorce, I haven't got a clue what kind of relationship I've gotten myself into, and I can't even remember the last time I told someone where I was really going, or what I was actually doing.    

On the bright side, I've gotten pretty damn good at thinking on my feet. When Trace or someone questions my whereabouts or actions, I have to come up with a quick, reasonable explanation.    

Alright, alright, alright... I'm just trying to justify the fact that I've become an incredible liar, without actually calling myself a liar.    

I need serious mental help, I know.    

I'm also having an increasingly hard time buying this whole Trace/Chelsea thing. I mean... it's just so out of left field. Sure, they're friends and get along fairly well, but I'm not so sure this "relationship" thing is completely genuine. Trace can barely even look at a girl without telling me about it, so why would he suddenly start dating someone in our social circle, and hide it? It just doesn't make sense.     

Now, here's where the manipulation comes in- I haven't seen Madison in a week and a half, because there's always a hundred fucking people around. I really should have put more thought into agreeing to this sneaking around bullshit. Sure, it's pretty damn fun, but sometimes... it just flat out sucks.     

I mean really... announcing a reconciliation wouldn't be completely unheard of. People do it all the time, why should we be any different?    

Honestly, I think she's using it as an excuse. She doesn't want to be married, I get that. She wants that girly, dream wedding shit, and I understand... I really do. But, why can't she cite that as her main reason? I would gladly put together a ceremony for her. We can do the church, cake and guest thing. All she's gotta do is say the word. Instead, she wants to keep up appearances and follow through with this divorce horseshit.    

I think part of the problem is that she just doesn't want to be married to me, but whatever. I'll wait. It's cool. I know she'll come around eventually.    

Anyway... back to that manipulation business I mentioned.    

Jc has some meetings in Orlando this weekend to discuss promotion for Madison's album, and luckily... she doesn't have to go. However, Jace will be needing some help, so Madison shipped Chelsea off to Florida with him. Which, has given her the next four days completely to herself. It's the perfect opportunity for us to spend some time together.    

Unfortunately, I over looked one small detail. Trace.    

Now, I could have gone to Madison's for four days and come up with some lame excuse about working out of town, but Trace knows my schedule ten times better than I ever will. He knows that I'm not doing shit for the next several months, so he'd know it was complete bullshit.    

So, I made a few calls and ordered some new items for the William Rast summer line. Someone needs to meet with the designers to discuss color schemes, patterns and all of that nonsense. Trace handles any and all things involving the clothing line, so those meetings are all him.    

And those meetings... are in New York City.    

I swear, I'm like an evil genius or something.    

Thanks to my planning, Madison and I now have four days with no work, and no one around to interrupt our time together.    

It's fucking perfect.     

"You sure you don't want to come man?" Trace asks as he places the last of his bags in the trunk.    

"Yeah, I mean... this is your thing. I don't want to take attention away from you or anything." I shrug. "Besides, I got some shit around here I want to start working on."    

"Alright, well... whatever." He sighs before climbing into the car. "I'll see ya in a few days then?"    

"Yeah man. Call if you need anything." I give him a short nod as he slowly backs out of the driveway, and once he's on the street, I smile to myself before strolling into the house.     

I know this is wrong on so many levels, but I've just got this feeling that it's completely worth it.    

Besides, it's not like Trace and Chelsea are announcing their relationship from the rooftops or anything. If it's even really a relationship.    

I don't know why, but after the day she showed up here, I just had this nagging feeling that something was going on, and that things aren't exactly the way they seem.    

I mean... I really want to be happy for Trace, if he's happy. But.. it's fucking Chelsea. I mean, she's kinda grown on me, I just don't think she's right for my best friend. But, I don't have much of a say in the matter. It's his life and he can do whatever he damn well pleases. It's really none of my business.    

Besides, I'm not going to jump his shit when I'm screwing my soon-to-be ex-wife, behind everyone's backs.    

I guess I could probably call her my girlfriend, but we haven't exactly put a label on this thing between us. Sure, we're together pretty much every chance we get, there's dozens of late night phone calls and text messages, and we fuck like rabbits, but we're just... I don't even really know what you'd call it.    

We're together, but... we're not. It's just weird. I mean hell, for all I know... Madison considers me to be her boyfriend, but I really don't know. I guess until the divorce is finalized, it'll be kind of difficult to put a label on our relationship. I mean... exactly what the hell am I supposed to refer to her as? My ex-wife? Girlfriend? Fuck buddy?    

It's confusing as all hell, so until the divorce is out of the way... she's just Madison. It's much simpler that way.     

Almost an hour passes before I hear a car pull into the driveway and I can't stop the stupid smile that spreads across my face.    

This girl has no fucking clue that just the thought of her turns me into some giddy ass school boy.    

I quickly make my way to the door and step out onto the porch, watching silently as she pulls her belongings from the backseat. She stretches across the back of the car and her shirt rises a bit, exposing the tattoo on her lower back.    

I can still clearly remember the first time I saw it, and I didn't have the slightest clue what it was, or what it meant. Since we've been together, I've learned that the round symbol in the middle is a record to signify her first album going platinum. The lines on the outside reading, "I Have No Fear, I Have Only Love",  are lyrics from one of her favorite Fleetwood Mac songs, called "Gypsy."    

Her love of Fleetwood Mac borders on obsession, but it's kind of cute, in a weird way.    

I've always considered myself to be a pretty musical person, but for Madison, music is life. She eats, sleeps and breathes it. I mean, I love what I do, but there are times where I just get so completely burnt out on it, but not Madison.     

She loves every second of it. It never gets old for her, and it's actually kind of cool to see someone so totally in love with what they do.    

She finally sets the last of her bags on the ground and I can't help but roll my eyes. She's here for four days, not four months. Does she really need three bags of shit?    

I swear, women are all fucking nuts.    

"You gonna come help me, or stare at my ass all day?" Madison calls over her shoulder as she bends down to pick up her things.    

I laugh to myself and roll my eyes before stepping off the porch. "But it's such a nice ass."        

"Just help me, you idiot!"    

"What'd you bring so much shit for anyway?"    

"Because I'm not going to run around the house naked for four days." She rolls her eyes then shoots me a warning glare. "I know what you're thinking... and don't even say it."    

"Wouldn't dream of it." I grin and follow her into the house.    

I know she has this idea stuck in her head that we still don't know each other very well, but I have to disagree. Sometimes, I think she can damn near read my mind. I mean yeah, she doesn't know all the insignificant little things like what kind of toothpaste I use, or how I take my coffee, but she does know what ticks me off or makes me happy. She knows that my family means more to me than anything in the world.     

She knows the important stuff, what kind of person I am, how I feel about certain things. She knows how my brain works, and how to calm me down.    

But most importantly, she knows I'm fucking crazy about her, and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters.

**********************************    

I've never been a morning person. I don't know why, and I don't even really know when it started, but I've always hated waking up, especially before noon.    

Sleeping seems to be the only way for me to fully relax and it drives me completely ape-shit when that gets interrupted.     

However, I will make one exception.    

Madison Fox is the only person in the world who is allowed to wake me up, ever. Especially when she's wearing a pair of incredibly short shorts, and one of my t-shirts. Then and only then, will I be ok with my rest period being disrupted.    

She didn't even really do anything over the top to wake my ass up, and believe me... my friends and family have tried it all. Pulling off the covers, yelling, shaking me, blaring the stereo, Trace even started jumping on the fucking bed one time. But for some reason, I remained dead to the world, or atleast pretended to be.    

All Madison had to do was whisper my name, and kiss my temple, and I was wide awake.    

I'm telling you, this girl is beginning to have a very dangerous affect on me. Pretty soon, I'll be following her around like some pathetic ass lost puppy.     

"I just talked to Jace." She frowns and rests her head on my shoulder.    

I roll my eyes and fight back the groan rising in my throat. I know we've laid around and done nothing for the last four days, but it just didn't seem long enough.     

I guess this is the part of this whole arrangement that bothers me the most. We spend a couple of amazing days together, then we go back to our normal routines, like we don't even know each other. It just plain fucking sucks.    

I mean, I know it'll be worth it eventually, but right now it's just a massive pain in the ass. Life would be so much easier for everyone if we just told the truth for a change.    

But then again, if everybody knew... this might not be working as well as it is. I mean, what if part of the magic is that we go these extended periods of time without seeing each other?    

In a way, all that time apart builds up the anticipation for when we do finally get to spend some time together, and I think... it makes the time we are together, a little bit more special.    

Maybe I should just stop whining and be glad that she's with me at all. I mean, really... I'm pretty damn lucky she's even here. I need to just be happy with that.    

"So how much time do we have?"    

"Couple hours." She shrugs lazily.    

"Why don't you just move back in?" The words leave my mouth before I even have time to think about them, and I can't help but roll my eyes.    

Why am I such a fucking moron?    

I really need to learn to think before I speak. My big ass mouth has gotten me into trouble more times than I care to count. And, I'm sure Madison is about to read me the riot act.    

"Justin..." She sighs and sits up. "You know I can't. Not yet, anyway. I mean... the divorce stuff is still this big thing, and the album's almost finished. Just... ask me again in six months, alright?" She smiles sweetly and suddenly, I don't feel like such a fool.    

I don't know how she does it, but when she lets me down... she does it in a way that leaves me hopeful, rather than broken up. The fact that she wants me to ask her in six months, tells me that this isn't a complete waste of time.    

She sees a future for us, and I gotta admit, that's pretty damn cool. I mean, I could clearly see us settling down and doing the kids and marriage thing someday, but I was a little afraid that it was all one sided.     

But now, now I know that she's in just as deep as I am.     

What we're doing may not be logical, but there's a sense of security in it. Neither of us is going anywhere any time soon, and that's exactly what I needed to hear.    

It's not the ideal situation, but my complaints are getting fewer and farther between.

*****************************    

"How much longer do I have to do this?"    

"I don't know man." Trace shrugs. "You know how this shit is. It could last five minutes, or five hours."    

"Great." I mutter and roll my eyes before tossing down the rest of my drink.    

Club openings have got to be the dumbest thing on the fucking planet.     

I mean, what's the point in dragging a bunch of celebrities out to a club, just to convince other people it's cool? I don't know about anybody else, but I'm not going to hang out somewhere just because Michael Jackson or somebody thinks it's the place to be.     

It's just so fuckin retarded.    

Yet, here I am. Pretending to be having the time of my life when I'm actually bored out of my skull.    

Maybe I'm just getting burnt out on all this Hollywood bullshit, or maybe... Madison's made me see just how stupid all of this is. It's pretty rare to find her at this kind of crap, and I'm more than a little jealous.    

She usually gets to call the shots as far as her career goes, so she's able to turn down anything she doesn't want to do. I, on the other hand... pretty much sold my soul to the devil when I signed my first record deal.     

Until Madison, it never really phased me. I just did what was asked of me, and didn't really think about it.    

I guess sitting back and watching someone else do things their way, kind of opened my eyes to the fact that it doesn't have to be this way. Once this divorce stuff goes down, I think it's high time that I take some control and do what I want, the way I want.    

Our waitress appears in front of our table and places yet another drink in front of me, then moves to take Trace's order. I don't remember ordering another round, but whatever. Drunk is obviously the only way I'm going to get through this night.    

I down it as quickly as my first three, and set the glass on the edge of the table. That's when the napkin underneath catches my attention. I peel the thin paper off slowly, being extra careful not to tear it or distort the image.    

I smooth the damp napkin out in front of me and it takes all I have to hide the shit eating grin that's quickly spreading across my face. The words "VIP bathroom. Now." are scrawled across the napkin in large, loopy handwriting that I recognize immediately.    

I had no idea she was here, but suddenly... I'm not too upset that I got roped into this thing.    

"I'll be back." I mutter to Trace before sliding out of my seat and heading straight for the VIP bathrooms.    

It's been a little over a week since I last saw her and even though we talked this morning, I miss her. I can't explain it, but I just like having her around. She makes me feel normal, like I don't have to put on some damn show, but the second she leaves... that feeling goes with her.    

I finally step into the bathroom after fighting my way through the crowd and smile at the sight of Madison leaning against the wall, her short black dress clinging to her body in all the right places. In a split second, I cross the room and my mouth is on hers.    

"We don't have a lot of time." She mumbles against my lips as her hands work quickly to undo my belt.     

I back her into the first stall I see and lock the door behind us. With a quick tug, my pants are around my ankles and she pushes me down onto the closed toilet seat.    

Call me crazy, but I think my girl missed me a little too much.    

Yes, I'm an egotistical ass. So what? Madison obviously approves.    

She hikes her dress up and straddles my lap before leaning in and pressing her lips to mine once again. I don't know what the hell has gotten into her, but I fucking love it. This demanding, controlling side of her is incredible.    

She sits up a little before reaching down between us and guiding my now throbbing dick to her entrance.    

No foreplay? Damn, she did miss me.    

She slides down on top of me slowly, her mouth falling open a little wider as each inch sinks deeper into her center. Finally, when her hips are flush against mine, she leans forward and rests her head against my chest, a small whimper escaping her lips.    

She's still for several minutes, letting herself adjust to the feel of me stretching her out completely, before she starts to roll her hips slowly. My fingers dig into her sides as she rocks back and forth, little moans and contented sighs falling from her mouth every few seconds.    

"Shit... Justin." She moans loudly as I raise my hips up to meet her thrusts, pushing myself deeper inside of her, hitting the spot that can make her scream my name.    

I can feel her tightening all around me, and the louder she calls my name, the harder it is for me to breathe.    

"Madison... Lo..look at me." I choke out quickly.    

It takes a minute, but her eyes finally lock with mine and I swallow hard. She's never actually come out and said those three little words to me and...and I need to hear it. I need to know that she's feeling all of the same things I am.    

I just... I need to know that I'm not in this on my own. I thought I knew, but sometimes... I'm just not so sure.    

"I love you." I say breathlessly. She simply nods and looks away, her hips never stopping their slow, torturous movements.    

She bites her lip as her walls clamp down on me and I spill into her, my forehead falling to her shoulder. She halts her movements as her own orgasm hits and we both try to catch our breath.    

I would love to enjoy the post-sex high I usually feel with her, but I just... I can't.    

I looked her in the eyes and told her exactly what I felt for her, and all she could do was nod her fucking head? What kind of shit is that?    

I love this girl, but I do not understand her in the least. She says and does all this shit to get me thinking one thing, but then she'll turn around and do another. She's a complete contradiction, and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take.    

The more she does this kind of shit, the closer I get to going completely insane. But then again, I always said she'd land me in the God damned nut house.    

"Jus..." She says quietly and leans back. She rests her hands on either side of my face and forces me to look her in the eyes.    

She stares at me intently for what feels like hours, before she finally kisses me quickly and smiles.    

"I love you too."    

Finally!    

I've been waiting damn near 8 months to hear those words, and even though I would have preferred to hear them in a much more romantic setting... I'm totally ok with this. All that matters is that she finally fucking said it.     

That's the thing about her that keeps me coming back for more. There's this element of surprise to everything she does. Just when I think it's time to give up on her, she completely blows me away. Sometimes it's amazing, and sometimes it's not so great... but she always keeps me on my toes.     

We finally collect ourselves enough to go back out into the club, but she stops me just before I open the bathroom door.    

"I meant it, ya know." She smiles shyly and brushes her lips against mine. "I really do love you."    

"I know." I grin and open the door, allowing her to step out into the crowd.     

She makes it several feet before turning around and giving me a small wave, and just like that... she disappears.     

It sucks now, but it just has to be worth it, right? I have to believe that. I have to keep telling myself that in the end this will work itself out, because if I don't... I'm not so sure I can keep playing by her rules.