I stumbled through the darkness of my small one-bedroom apartment. I really need to tidy up. It's starting to smell funny. Not that I care about anything anymore. My clothes are spread all over the floor and they reek of smoke and stuff. You know, your typical club smell. My life only consists of waiting for the next oppurtunity to go out and get wasted. Forget about all the crap I went through with Kevin.

Kevin. It hurts to even think about him.

 Well, positive thinking is the answer. At least I can eat a sandwich in my bed now. He used to have such a go at me if there were crumbs in the bed. Freak.

I walk towards my fridge and open it's door. The light hurts my eyes. I've gotten used to it being dark most of the time, because I can't bring myself to pull up the blinds, all that sunshine depresses me even more.

I need therapy.

 It's not that the whole crap that has happened with Kevin is new to me. He's not the first to have cheated on me. But maybe that's why it hurts so much. It's not just the pain of losing Kevin, but the pain of being cheated on yet again. It's like I'll never find someone to be happy with.

 Sara would say it's my own fault, I should stop looking for my soulmate so desperately and accept he'll come along. I should learn to function alone. Well, she's one to talk, being as gorgeous as she is, she's bound to have guys all over her.

I really hate her sometimes. She's sweet and funny and independant. She has an amazing boyfriend at the moment, as usual. She always has great boyfriends. I hate her.

She's such a great best friend. When she heard what Kevin had done, she just sighed and said "Give me 20 minutes Brooklynn" She always calls me Brooklynn when she's mad. Usually it's just Brooke. But she was mad. She never liked him from the start.

17 minutes later she rung my bell and she was standing in front of my door with a giant cup of Ben and Jerry's. I love her. Did I mention I tend to be shizophrenic?

 I went back to bed and lit a cigarette. Another good thing, I can start smoking again. Kevin hated it when I smoked, so I had to do it secretly and couldn't do it in my apartment, as he smelled it even if I left the window open after for hours... It was good though. I hardly ever smoked. I've spend a fortune on cigarettes these past 2 weeks.

My cell started ringing. I should change the ring melody. My heart stings everytime I hear that stupid "I wear my sunglasses at night* song. It was Kevin's favourite song and he used to sing it in the shower. He has an awful voice. Dork. 

I see Sara's caller ID and contemplate just ignoring it. But I can't ignore that stupid song and answer the phone.

"Hey" I say quietly.

"WASSUPP??" Sara screams in my ear. "Girl, you better not be laying in bed all day and being depressed again. Life goes on. Let's do something! Let's go shopping!"

"It's sunday" I reply boredly.

"Ok let's for a jog" she says.

She must be out of her f**king mind. Me?? Her? Jogging??

"We hate exercise! WTF?" I tell her.

"Hm true, ok I'm coming over though"

She gets off the phone before I can say anything. This girl is nuts. 

Half an hour later she's at my door with my favourite movie ever- Fight Club. Hell, this girl knows how to cheer someone up. People think it's weird how I like Eduard Norton way more than Brad Pitt, but hello?? This Dude is hot! In his own weird way anyway. I appreciate how she picked that movie, she doesn't even like it that much. Two hours later, after the movie and the bonus DVD, she gets serious. 

"We need to tidy you're place up, and girl you should smoke less. And outside. It reeks in here"

"I don't care"

"You should though. It's your life and it's complete without a man."

That's weird coming from someone who has never been single longer than a month. But she is right. I need to get a grip.

"Maybe tomorrow" I sigh. I should tidy up tomorrow. Go back to work maybe. As if she can read my mind, she asks about work. I've been working the same boring job the last 3 years. Since I graduated from UCLA, I've worked in a production company. It is kind of exciting what goes on in there, but I've always wanted to work on the set, really see a movie set live for God's sake and not just the office behind it. It's not even a movie company, it's a commercial company, but the pay is good and at least I have job.

Well, I hope I do, seeing as I haven't been there the last 2 weeks. I'm pretending to be ill. Technically I am actually ill. Heartbreak is an illness right?

I should go back to work tomorrow.