He messed up and he knew it. He was the one that fucked everything up. JC looked down at the engagement ring in his hand. Rachel had been his whole world until the worst night of his life, now his world was empty.

He could still remember it like it was yesterday, well the parts when he was sober anyway. Nsync has been on tour for three month straight without out a break. Rachel promised she would come out on the road for the weekend. JC made special plans for them, Champagne and strawberries, a garden tub with lots of bubbles, and almost every rose scented candle from the local Yankee Candle store. Thirty minutes before he was supposed to leave for the arena his cell phone rang.

JC looked at the caller ID and saw Rachel’s number. "Hey, baby," JC smiled.

"Hi, honey," Rachel tried to sound cheerful.

"You just couldn’t wait for this weekend so you had to call me from the airport, right?

"JC, about this weekend," Rachel paused. "I’m not going to be able to make it."

"Shit!" JC yelled. "Rachel you promised, and I really need to see you. It has been really crazy the past few days."

"I’m sorry, baby. I have a client with an emergency. You know I would much rather be on a plane right now instead of this phone call."

"I know, I was just looking forward to seeing you tonight." JC sighed trying not to sound too upset.

"Me too. I will have to make it up to you next time I see you. Honey, I have to go now. I will try to give you a call tomorrow."

"Okay Rachel, I’ll talk to you later." JC said then hung up the phone and threw it down on the hotel bed.

During that night’s performance JC’s entire body seemed off to him. They were far enough into the tour that every movement was like second nature. He felt his body going through the motions but his heart wasn’t in it. All JC could think of was getting away from the crowds and sitting in a dark corner of the hotel bar so he could drown the ache he was feeling from missing Rachel.

After he reached the hotel bar the details got a little fuzzy. He remembered talking and laughing with his waitress. She was pretty and had the same hair color and style as Rachel. With several drinks clouding his judgement he took her back to his suite. Vaguely he remembered calling her Rachel a few times as they kissed but she didn’t seem to care. His body knew it wasn’t his fiancé as he moved over her, but it was too far gone in pleasure to stop.

Whether it was humanly possible or not JC felt all the alcohol leave his brain the moment he heard a gasp from the doorway. He looked up to see Rachel standing there with a look of shock and horror on her face. Without a second thought of the girl in his bed JC got up and tried to go to Rachel.

"Baby, I…" JC stammered.

"No, JC, no," Rachel began to cry as she turned and walked out the door.

JC quickly grabbed his pants and ran out the door after her. She was already in front of the elevators when he stepped out into the hallway. When Rachel saw him coming towards her she pressed the call button once more.

"Rachel, let me explain," JC said as he walked up to her.

"Explain?" Rachel said coldly. "You’re going to explain to me how you brought back some groupie back to your room."

"I was really missing you, and…" JC began.

"You missed me so you went out and picked up some bimbo?" Rachel laughed. "Silly me. I felt so bad about not being able to come out here I booked the first flight I could. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess I was the one who got the surprise."

"I never meant to hurt you."

The elevator doors opened and Rachel stepped in and pushed the button for the lobby floor. "Good bye JC," she said as the doors shut.

A few days later when Nsync arrived at their hotel there was a package waiting for JC from Rachel. The only thing inside of it was the engagement ring he had given her. He had tried several times to called her, but he would only get her answering machine or voice mail. One night towards the end of the tour JC found a voicemail from Rachel on his cell phone after the show.

"Please stop calling me," she said between her tears. JC’s heart broke a little more.

It had been two months since that night, now the tour had ended and JC was back in Orlando. He sat in front of Rachel’s apartment building, constantly aware of the weight of the ring in his hand. Taking a deep breath walked to her door and knocked.

"Hi JC," Rachel said as she opened the door.

"Hi Rachel. We just got back into town."

"Yeah, I was expecting you to show up here." She opened the door wider to let JC pass by her.

"Thanks," JC said. He noticed the hockey game on the television when he sat down on the couch. "When did you develop an interest in hockey?"

"About a month ago. I met one of the Solar Bear players at a charity event, he was kind enough to explain the game to me."

"I bet." JC said in a tone Rachel was not happy with but didn’t comment.

"Not that I have to tell you, but I have started to date someone else."

"The hockey player?" JC questioned.

"Yes, his name is Brett Clark. We are going out in a couple hours, so I can’t really talk for long."

JC looked at Rachel taking a moment to notice her outfit. She had on a skirt that barely covered her thighs. "You are NOT leaving this apartment like that."

"JC, you lost ANY right to have an opinion about my life as soon as you decided to bring another girl back to your hotel room."

"Rachel."

"There is always going to be a part of me that loves you, but I will never be able to forgive you. Every time you would leave I would wonder if that night you were bringing some girl back to your hotel room. If I can’t trust you there is no way I could marry you." Rachel walked to the door and opened it. "JC, it was good to see you again, but I have to finish getting ready."

JC walked to the door and stopped. "I’m so sorry that I hurt you." He kissed her cheek and walked out the door.

JC’s head was spinning as he sat in his car, this wasn’t how he pictured this to go. He hoped that Rachel would let him back into her life. He never thought she would be dating some one else. He started the car and the radio played a familiar tune. You’re gone, you’re gone, but the truth remains your… "Gone," JC said as tear rolled down his face.