She knew she heard him calling after her. She knew she should stop and talk to him but she just couldn't make herself slow down and wait for him to catch up to her. She couldn't find it in herself to want to listen to him, to want to listen to anybody. All she could think of was how hurt and betrayed she now felt. How, for the first time in her life, Carly slapped Raleigh, her best friend. She just kept going, not looking back, not thinking about what tomorrow was, just that she had to get away. She needed time to think. Did she really have the right to be so angry at them?

Yes, she decided, she did. She had every right in the world.

"Damn it, Carly, slow the hell down!"

"Go away, Josh!" She snapped at him through her tears. She hadn't even realized she was crying, but she couldn't say she was surprised. She suddenly felt his hand firm on her arm and he jerked her to a stop, turning her to look at him.

"No! I'm not leaving you alone." His eyes were so clear, so calm. How was it that he wasn't just as mad and hurt as she was?

"How the hell are you not screaming at him? Punching his face into the ground? You can't tell me that it doesn't hurt like hell to know what they did."

"Carly," He said in his eerily calm voice. "I broke up with her. I left her here broken, pregnant and alone. How can I blame her for finding comfort in another man's arms?"

Carly felt the tears prickling her throat once again, the sadness and hurt outweighing the anger. "But why him?" She whispered, her voice breaking.

"I'm not the one to answer that." His voice was just as soft as he stood there, watching one of his oldest friends fight with herself. And he knew exactly what that inner battle sounded like because he too was having it with himself. Sure, part of him wanted nothing more than to go back to the house and scream at his "best friend" for sleeping with Raleigh. But on what grounds? Like he'd just told Carly, it was after they'd broken up. He didn't have the right. And the smarter, more practical side of him knew that.

Giving into her sobs, Carly allowed the tears to fall and she clutched at Josh for support. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, encouraging her to get it all out. His last girlfriend had cheated on him, and even though Justin hadn't cheated on Carly, he knew it felt like that to her. It wasn't something that ever stopped hurting.

Finally, the trembling in Carly's body subsided and he knew she was beginning to calm down. "I think you need to talk to her, Carly. Let her explain things."

"What is there to explain? She slept with my fiancé. I think that is explanation enough."

"Now I know you don't believe that." He whispered into her hair, still not letting her go.

Eventually he heard her sigh and she pulled away, wiping away the trails of tears. "I'll talk to her, but I just need a little time to think. Okay?"

"Alright." He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, giving her a small comforting smile. "I'm gonna head back to the house, let them know what's going."

"Okay." Carly nodded at him before turning away. She crossed her arms as she began walking, still not sure she shouldn't be fuming at her best friend.

The part of it that got to her the most was the fact that, sure, they hadn't been together back then, but Raleigh knew how she'd felt about him. How could she deliberately sleep with a man her best friend was completely infatuated with? How could she not tell her about it? How could Carly possibly forgive her for that?

She knew the blame wasn't all on Raleigh. It was shared just as equally with Justin for having given in to her. If she'd been the one to come on to him, that is. She'd always thought Justin was the one guy in their class who never wanted Raleigh. He was totally content with just having her as a friend, that was enough. Oh how wrong she'd been.

And what about the other night? Had that meant anything when he'd ordered Raleigh a drink? A drink Carly now knew she hadn't had since that night?

Maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe it, like so many others, had just been a mistake. A mistake they'd wanted to forget had ever happened.

Carly kept walking along the road, replaying in her head over and over what had happened. Everyone's reactions. Her reactions to Raleigh. I can't believe I hit her.

"Okay, we have mushu pork, orange chicken, sweet and sour chicken, egg rolls, white rice, chow mein, and a whole mess of fried rice." As soon as Carly looked up from the bags she held to the faces of her friends around her, she knew something was off. Everyone - Josh, Joey, Dan, Bobbie - was looking at her, obviously having internal debates with themselves about something. But two of the group, the two most important people in her life, seemed to refuse to meet her gaze. "What's wrong?" Instead of anyone answering her, she noticed how they all visibly stiffened, averting their eyes from her curious stare.

Looking at the two people the tension seemed to roil around, Carly took a step closer. "Ray? Justin? What's wrong?" She didn't miss the split-second eye contact between the two and she certainly did not miss how incredibly uncomfortable they looked. Especially Raleigh. She looked as though she was about two seconds from bolting from the room, busting out into tears, or getting sick. Or and unfortunate combination of the three.

What the hell is going on? It was quite obvious it had to do with her or they wouldn't be acting this way. It had to be bad - really bad - if her fiancé and best friend wouldn't even look at her. Had she done something wrong that they'd all found out about in that last ten minutes she'd been gone? Carly wracked her brain trying to think of something, anything that would have them all acting this way but she came up empty.

Shifting her gaze around once again, Carly noticed the way Josh was glaring at Justin. The way his fists would curl up tightly, then loosen a bit before being clenched into fists again. He straight looked like he was ready to punch him. Oh yes, this had to be bad. Was she certain she even wanted to know? Maybe ignorance was bliss as the old saying went.

No. Taking another look at the faces around her, taking in their expressions - hurt, anger, surprise, mortification, guilt, more surprise - Carly decided she needed to know, no matter what it turned out to be.

Going over to the table in the center of the room, Carly set down the bags of food before she threw them at her friends, demanding to know what was going on.

"Please, will someone tell me what the hell is going on before I go mad?"

She watched as Justin carefully looked at Raleigh with guarded eyes. Raleigh's own eyes closed, tears slowly seeping between where her eyelids met.

"Ray...she deserves to know." Her eyes opened and she returned his gaze, silently pleading with him to not say anything.

"Justin, what..." Her sentence lingered in the air unfinished, the truth of what had happened finally dawning on her.

Something Raleigh didn't want her to know.

Something her fiancé didn't want to keep from her.

She'd seen the look that now adorned Raleigh's face once before. Five years ago at the carnival. Carly had inadvertently told Josh about Raleigh getting an abortion. Carly was sure the look on her own face perfectly mirrored the one that had been on his face at that moment.

"Oh, God no...please, no..."

"Baby," Justin took a careful step toward her only to have her take one back.

"Don't." Carly raised her eyes to look at Raleigh, noticing how she was finally looking at her.

"Carly, I am so..."

"I swear if you tell me you're sorry I'm going to smack that pretty little face of yours."

"Carly," Came the strangled word followed by more tears. Carly wasn't so
sure she wouldn't hit her. She certainly wanted to.

"Don't you have enough?"

"This was years ago, Carly. Way before you and I began dating." Justin tried reasoning with her, but that just made it more painful.

Carly looked away for a moment, letting out a harsh laugh.

"Homecoming queen every year, head cheerleader, most popular, had the perfect boyfriend, the perfect family...you had the most perfect fucking life and it wasn't enough!" She spit the words at Raleigh, liking how she flinched at them. "No, you had to have Justin too. The one thing I wanted! Every single guy in school wanted you, why him? Did you have to fuck everyone we grew up with? Josh, Justin, James..."

"I never slept with James and you know that!"

"No but you sure as hell did everything else with him, didn't you?"

"Carly, I know I hurt you but I don't know why you're so mad. You weren't dating and you even said you thought it was a wasted effort because you thought he didn't even like you!" Raleigh had barely gotten the words out before she felt Carly slap her across the cheek. Her hand immediately went up to cover the stinging area.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare twist my words around to make yourself feel like you're not a backstabbing, two-face bitch, Raleigh because you are! And you know it."

Carly had run out of there so fast she had no idea what went on after. She hadn't cared what her reaction to Raleigh had made her feel, but suddenly she found herself wondering. Now that she'd calmed down some she allowed herself to admit that Raleigh was right. She supposed she didn't really have reason enough to be this angry. Angry, yes, but this angry? Raleigh had known how Carly'd felt about Justin when she'd slept with him. Justin had had no idea at the time.

She knew how difficult it was to fight the urge to comfort Raleigh any way you possibly could when she was upset, and Carly knew just how upset she'd been back then. She truly could not find it in herself to blame Justin for his choice.

But still she could blame Raleigh.

Letting out a sigh, Carly turned around and headed back to the house. She needed to talk to Raleigh.

---

Raleigh watched as Josh went after Carly, the rest of the group dispersing around different parts of the house. Her legs didn't seem to want to hold her up anymore so she slid down the wall behind her until she hit the floor. She was vaguely aware of Dan crouching down beside her, but she didn't look at him. All she could see was that night she'd so blatantly betrayed her best friend in the worst way imaginable. She'd slept with the man Carly was in love with. She couldn't even pretend she hadn't known Carly's feelings for him at the time. Even when she'd been with Barry, Carly always wished Justin would see her as more. He was crazy about her, she'd say. If only he'd let himself see it.

Raleigh didn't know the real reason as to why she'd slept with Justin. She'd never been very attracted to him. She never thought of him that way. He was always just her friend, never anything more. It had always been Josh for her. Is that why she'd done it? She was hurt and angry at Josh for leaving her so she'd tried to get back at him by sleeping with his best friend?

A small, harsh laugh escaped her throat as she realized how horrible of a person she was. "My God, I am such a whore."

"No, Raleigh, no you're not." Dan was quick to try and dissuade her from the conclusion.

"Were you here a minute ago? Did you witness what just happened? I slept with a man who was off-limits. I betrayed my best friend, and for what? Because I didn't have enough in high school!"

"I know you don't believe that. Neither do I."

"Why not? It's what Carly believes. Probably all my friends too. I'm the most selfish person on the planet."

"Now I sincerely doubt that. You've met Autumn's parents." Dan tried to get Raleigh to crack a smile but it didn't work. All she could think of was that she was a miserable excuse of a human being. Why had Carly remained her friend all these years? Why did Dan continue to be with her?

When Raleigh didn't respond to Dan's lame attempt at humor, he let out a sigh and sat down next to her. His legs had begun to fall asleep from squatting there.

"Ray, you had it rough that year. The first man you were ever in love with completely broke you. He left you here with all of these reminders of your time together. Not only were you alone, you were pregnant and forced to make a difficult decision. The best one for you. All of that stress would make anybody snap. It's normal to make mistakes."

"It's not something I can just explain away, Dan. ‘I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend, Carly. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend Josh, but you know what? I just had a really bad couple of weeks so I think I was entitled to a few mistakes!'" An incredulous laugh escaped her throat as she violently wiped away her tears. "All I do is hurt the people I love. How can you possibly want to marry me?"

"Honey," Dan reached up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. "That was all before I knew you."

"What about everything I did when I first came to LA? Don't forget, I'm the reason you were fired."

"Well, that may be true but you've always let me see the real you. All the drugs and alcohol and sex...that was all a desperate attempt to hide your pain. It wasn't who you were and it certainly is not who you are now."

Raleigh laid her head on his shoulder and just thought about everything. Nothing he could say to her would make her feel any better about what she'd done. Whether Carly and Justin had been together at the time was irrelevant. Raleigh should not have slept with him and that was that. She wouldn't blame Carly if she never spoke to her again.

"I love you, Dan." Raleigh whispered, noticing how tired her voice sounded.

"I love you too, Raleigh." Dan gently kissed her forehead before resting his cheek on top of her head, allowing her some time to think.

She didn't know how long they sat there like that, but eventually Josh came in and she quickly asked how Carly was.

"Well, saying she's pissed would be an understatement, borderline lie."

"Where is she?"

"She said she just needed some time to think so I left her to it. I just wanted to let you know."

"Ugh." Raleigh dropped her head into her hands. "This is such a disaster. I can't even begin to imagine what you must think of me."

Josh let out one short humorless laugh as he shook his head. "At first I was pissed, ready to punch Justin for ever even touching you." Raleigh didn't miss the way his eyes quickly flickered to Dan and she wondered if that was what he'd wanted to do all this time to her fiancé as well. "But what it comes down to is both of you were single, and you were hurting and unstable. I can't blame you for finding comfort in someone else's arms. Besides, this was six years ago. There's no reason for all of this drama."

"You know damn well there's a reason! I may not have betrayed you but I sure as hell betrayed my best friend, if I can still call her that."

"Yeah, well you can thank Joey for dropping that bombshell."

Raleigh slightly smiled at him in agreement. She hadn't even asked Joey how he'd found out, how long he'd known. She'd been too preoccupied by the slip of tongue to really worry about anything else.

"Knock knock." Everyone's gazes moved the entrance leading from the dining room into the living room where they sat. Justin stood at the threshold, carefully eyeing Josh. Raleigh almost laughed out loud at the look on his face. She could almost hear the question ringing through his mind before he spoke. "Is it safe to enter?"

Raleigh and Dan both looked at Josh. It was his call. Sighing, Josh walked over to him and held out his closed fist for Justin to hit with his own.

"Yeah man, we're cool." Justin visibly relaxed as he knuckled up with his best friend.

"Thanks." Raleigh couldn't help the smile that formed on her face when Josh hugged him. At least one friendship wasn't broken because of her mistakes and Joey's big mouth. Speaking of Joey...

"Hey Justin, how exactly did Joey find out anyway?"

"Uh," She watched as he reached up and scratched the back of his head, letting out an uncomfortable laugh. "Well..."

"Justin! You told him?" The secret was already out so there was no point in getting mad at him. But still, of all the people he could have told, he chose Joey?

"No! Well, ok yeah I did. But I really didn't have a choice."

"Hmm, keep the secret to yourself like you promised, or go and tell the biggest loud mouth friend you have..." Raleigh weighed the options on her hands. "I'm pretty sure those are two different choices."

"Oh come on Ray. You know just how hard it is to hide something that has to do with sex from him. He's the biggest horn dog of us all." She had to admit he had a point. "Besides I ran into him that morning on my way home. He knew something was up but I didn't say it was you that I'd been with. But that night when we all went out he accused me and you know just how well I can lie." Which was not well at all.

Raleigh couldn't help but to laugh. "I am utterly shocked it's taken six years for this to come out." Joey was worse than a little girl. He couldn't keep a secret to save his life. Especially not if it has to do with one of his friends hooking up with another of his friends.

The friendly laughter was cut short when Carly walked in, a very unhappy look across her face. Justin looked like he wanted to run to her and hold onto her and never let go, but she never looked at him. Her brown eyes stayed fixated on Raleigh.

"Can I speak with you, Raleigh?" Carly's voice was clipped, her body rigid. Raleigh didn't like seeing her act this way toward her, she was too used to warm smiles and friendly eyes.

"Of course." Carly turned around and went back outside, Raleigh quickly followed her out the door and around the house to the patio. Carly sat down and Raleigh did the same, trying not to look too nervous. This wasn't right, she shouldn't have to feel nervous around her best friend.

She is still my best friend, right?

Raleigh sat in the chair, trying not to fidget under Carly's fierce gaze. Making eye contact with her was much harder than it should have been. She suddenly felt like she was thirteen years old again just having been caught by her mother sneaking back into the house at three AM after being with Josh all night.

Clearing the old memory from her mind, Raleigh forced herself to look Carly in the eye. Good Lord if looks could kill...

"When?" Carly's hard voice cut off her thought short.

"February. When you were in Delaware visiting your aunt and uncle." She answered immediately. She watched as Carly nodded, remembering that weekend she spent getting into trouble with her cousin, Paige.

"Why him, Ray?" Carly's voice was so soft, so full of emotion, betrayal. Raleigh had to swallow her tears down. "Every boy wanted you. Why him?" Her eyes glistened with tears as she looked at Raleigh, begging her to explain herself.

"I don't know." She whispered honestly. "I didn't plan for it to happen. Please believe that. The only explanation I have makes me sound like a completely self-absorbed bitch. But I guess we all know that that's exactly what I am so it shouldn't matter." Carly remained silent so Raleigh went on to explain the awful truth about that night.

"Like I said, it was in February, the four day weekend you spent in Delaware. I had just decided I was going to just abort the pregnancy instead of telling Josh about it, and instead of calling my best friend to have her help me through it I turned to the bottle. Seems like I always do that when times get rough." She said the last more to herself than Carly, trying not to think too hard about that one semester spent at Hollywood Academy of Music. "Anyway, I raided my parents' bar and called Justin and we met out at the field." Swallowing the large lump that suddenly formed in her throat, Raleigh prayed for the courage to get through this. She could still hear their drunken laughter, their slurred words. She could easily see herself falling down on top of him, laughing like a giddy seventeen year old who didn't have a care in the world.

The seemingly carefree teens giggled wildly as they fell to the ground, Raleigh on top of Justin.

"I'm sorry." She laughed. "Did I hurt you?"

"It takes more than a little girl falling on me to cause me pain."

"Little?" She said in mock horror before attempting to get to her feet and standing over him. "I'll have you know that I am a tall five foot six and am damn proud of it! It's not my fault you're a giant."

"Oh please." He busted out laughing. "Six-one hardly calls for me being named a giant. You're just short."

Raleigh did a very unladylike gesture before lightly kicking him in his side.

"Oh don't be mad. Come on Raleigh Jean, I'm cold. Cuddle with me and look at the stars. They're really pretty tonight."

"How could you possibly be cold with that fire?" Letting out a sigh, Raleigh laid down beside Justin on the cold ground, her head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her. "They're really pretty when they're out."

They both laid there for a while in silence, just watching the twinkling stars. Raleigh would have been prefectly content staying there with him, reveling in the feel of his fingers combing through her hair, forgetting the world, forgetting their problems. But there was one problem she had that, no matter how much she tried not to think about, it was always there in the front of her mind. She suddenly felt as if she would burst. She needed to tell someone. She needed someone to comfort her and her best friend was four states away.

"I'm pregnant." She'd whispered, not thinking about how her voice caught on her unshed tears. Justin's hand stilled in her hair.

"What did you say?"

"I said I'm pregnant." She said a little more loudly. "I found out a couple weeks ago." To her relief his hand began moving again, but she could feel how rigid he was beneath her.

"Does Josh know?" Biting her lip, Raleigh shook her head, blinking the tears away that stung her eyes. "Are you going to tell him?" She shook her head ‘no' once more. "Why not?"

"I've picked up the phone so many times to call him but every time I heard that first ring I just hung up. I can't face him. I can't deal with what he would say to me if I told him. I don't want him to come back here because of a baby that he probably doesn't even want with a girl he doesn't want. We both know he would sacrifice his own happiness to do the honorable thing and I just can't do that to him. He'd end up resenting me."

"No he wouldn't, Ray. And you don't know that he doesn't still want you, or a baby with you." A harsh laugh escaped her throat.

"I think that letter said it all, Justin."

"So you're just going to raise the baby alone? He's coming home for the summer. He may not be the brightest tool in the shed but he's not dense enough to miss the belly you'll have."

"He'll never know." Her voice was so soft Justin strained to hear the words she spoke, but when he did he couldn't believe he'd really heard them.

"How so?" Taking a deep breath Raleigh tried to make her voice steady but she failed miserably as the tears finally spilled over, trailing down to pool at her temples.

"I made an appointment to get an abortion."

"Raleigh..."

"Please don't Justin. You'll only make it harder." She sobbed softly, still staring up at the sky. Justin knew how hard this was on her and although he didn't want her to do something she might later regret, it wasn't his place to talk her out of it. If that's what she truly wanted to do then he wouldn't stand in her way. They laid together for a while longer before another word was spoken. And when the words left Raleigh's mouth, he couldn't believe his ears.

"Am I unattractive, Justin? Fat?"

Justin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Where had this come from? "No, Ray. You're gorgeous as ever. Even when you cry."

"Then why would he break up with me unless he fell out of love with me like he said? And to fall out of love would mean he no longer wants me which means I'm just...undesirable."

"Aw Ray, that's not true. You are very desirable." Raleigh sat up and turned to look at him.

"Do you desire me?" She asked in a quiet whisper.

Looking into Raleigh big sad eyes that were red from crying, he could only think that he wanted to comfort her in any way possible. He didn't like seeing her hurting like this. He sat up and pushed her hair behind her ear, a small smile twitching at his lips. "More than I should."

"Kiss me?" Before Justin decided, his lips were on hers, gently kissing her trembling lips. He had found himself wondering once what it would be like to kiss her, but she'd always been with his best friend. He never thought he'd get his chance. He never thought it would be like this.

Raleigh grabbed a handful of Justin's blonde curls, pulling him in closer, merging her mouth with his, trying to steal his warmth. When his arms circled around her, pushing her flush up against his chest, she began to feel herself getting lost in his kiss, his heat, his scent. He wasn't Josh. He didn't feel the same, kiss the same, or smell the same. But it was nice. It felt....good. Really good.

When they finally broke apart gasping for air, Raleigh found herself reaching for the buckle of his belt, but his hand stopped her movements.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Ray." How he could possibly be sensible right now he had no idea. All he wanted was her.

"But I thought you wanted me?" Her lilac eyes burned with hurt and confusion as she stared at him, biting her bottom lip again.

Justin leaned his head against Raleigh's. "Raleigh Jean," He sighed her name. "I do, I really do. But he's my best friend. And you're pregnant."

"And he broke up with me didn't he?" She snapped at him. "And I'm not going be pregnant for much longer." Softening her tone, Raleigh tried not to make herself sound desperate. She was beginning to sober up and the aching pain in her heart was returning. She needed him to help her get rid of it, to forget, if only for this one night. "Please Justin. Make me feel beautiful again."

Justin looked into her eyes, glistening in the night, soft wisps of wind blowing pieces of her hair around. The soft crackle of the fire was soothing.

"Oh Raleigh." He sighed before kissing her again, succumbing to her pleas. How could he have ever said no?

That morning when Raleigh woke up wrapped in his arms beneath a bunch of blankets, the fire almost out, she'd felt worse than she could remember feeling the night before. Not just because of the alcohol, but because, while the sex with Justin had been amazing in its own, he just wasn't Josh, and that's all she ached for. She never thought she'd be whole again.

They'd gathered their things in silence and before leaving the clearing Raleigh made him promise not to tell anyone what had happened. He agreed that forgetting it was best and that was the end of it.

Now, six years later, Raleigh had to face another mistake she'd made as a child. Carly deserved to know the truth, no matter how terrible.

"I called Justin that night because I knew he'd never looked at me the way the other boys did. And I knew he wouldn't judge me if I told him about the baby and my plans for it." Trying not to gnaw on her bottom lip like she always did when she was upset, Raleigh took a breath and went on. "Josh's letter left me feeling ugly and undesirable, like no man could ever want me. I guess you could say Justin was a test. A subconscious act." Raleigh laughed at how completely ridiculous she sounded in her own ears. "I just wanted to feel wanted again and he made me feel it. But the next morning I just felt worse. All I wanted was Josh. So we agreed it would be best if we just buried it and forgot it ever happened." After a few moments of silence she shook her head in disbelief. "Why you stayed friends with me in high school is beyond me. I was a horrible person. A horrible friend."

"Ray," She was entirely surprised by the smile on Carly's face, the coldness completely absent from her voice. "You stayed mine. And I never understood it. We were so different and yet you were always there, right by my side. I was the quiet girl who loved tattoos and piercing and heavy metal and you were the popular prep. But no matter how popular you got you never made me feel like I didn't belong." She let out one loud laugh. "You even made me join the cheerleading squad once you were made captain."

Raleigh found herself laughing along with Carly, loving the way it felt. "You were so mad at me. You hated it the whole time."

"Nah, I didn't mind it that much. I got to spend time with you. And you were always desirable, Ray. Just in a different way. It wasn't always about sex."

"And I know that now. Carly, I truly am sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"And I believe that."

"You do?"

"I do." Raleigh leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Carly, holding on tight.

"Thanks, Carly."

"Of course." She closed her eyes, squeezing back tightly before letting go. "Now can we please forget about the past and focus on my wedding that is less than twenty-four hours away?" Raleigh laughed with her best friend - she was so happy she could still refer to her as such - and together they ran into the house to eat the Chinese food Carly had brought back with her that had since grown cold. But they didn't care. They were together and happy and nothing else in the world mattered.