Hey guys, my name is Stacey and not only am I the biggest JT fan on the planet but I am also his future wife, baby’s mama, and soon enough bed pan changer! We’re gonna live a long prosperous life together and no one and I mean no ONE is ever going to take him away from me! Not even those skinny little whores, Cameron, Janet, Jessica and Britney puh-lease! You’re career is so over bitch!
STARES OFF INTO SPACE WITH LIP CURLED, SNARLING
Anywho!
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN
We love each other, unconditionally, only I’m just a little more aware of the red hot passion brewing inside us both than he is right now. Poor baby, just doesn’t realize it yet. But it’s okay. I’m a very patient woman and I’ll wait……’TiL tHe EeEeEeEeEnNnNnDd Of TiIiIiImMmMmMaaaaah!
STUMBLES WEAKLY, BOTTOM LIP QUIVERING, AS HORRIBLE RENDITION OF LYRICS RACES THROUGH BODY, BEFORE SUDDENLY REALIZING READERS ARE-STILL-WAITING-EHEM! EHEM!
Oh!
SMILES DAZED AT READERS FINALLY SNAPPING OUT OF IT AND CONTINUING
for my schnookums to finally realize that we were meant to be!
LEADS READERS UP STAIRCASE TO ROOM BLAIRING ‘LIKE I LOVE YOU’ THROUGH THE CLOSED DOOR. OPENS DOOR-MUSIC GETS INCREDIBLY LOUD.
Follow me. I want to show you my devotion collection. You see, here are my posters of JT when he was fifteen and in Nsync, oh isn’t he so cute! Oh and look there’s the Mickey mouse club, I keep the youtube window open on my laptop. I found this really adorable video of Justin when he was nine dancing in cowboy boots and hat. Yes! My boo was in a pageant show don’t you know! And he won! WOOO! WOOOOOHOOOHOOOO!
JUMPS UP AND DOWN EXCITEDLY WITH BABY BLUE POM POMS
OO-OO and look here in my closet! One day when I was watching an episode of Hey Arnold on Nickelodeon I saw that Helga made a chewing gum sculpture of her one true love, the boy with the corn flower hair of which his name she dare not speak!
QUIVERS DRAMATICALLY WHILE CLUTCHING BOSSOM
And so I thought it might be a pretty good idea! Here’s the end result!
WHIPS LARGE WET DRIPPY DEFORMED LOOKING JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SCULPTURE FROM CLOSET
I chewed eighty five packs of lemon gum to make his cute little blonde curls and then I-
PAUSES SWIFTLY, PEERING BLANKLY AT READERS
what are you staring at? ARE YOU STARING AT MY GUM MODEL?! STOP STARING! IT’S MINE YOU CAN’T HAVE IT! NO!
BULDGES EYES AND SHIELDS GUM MODEL PROTECTIVELY FROM IMAGINATION OF READERS
LOOK AWAY! YOU CAN’T HAVE IT! IT’S NOT YOURS!
ARCHES BACK AND HISSES LIKE CAT
OH! Sorry about that! Didn’t mean to shout-just-sometimes-fans get a little out of control.
SMILES APOLOGETICALLY, RIGHT EYE TWITCHING
I mean why is it so hard for some people to realize that Justin is simply a human being like everyone else. He deserves his privacy just like all of you I’m sure enjoy your privacy.
GLANCES OVER READERS NOBLY
Everyone just needs to learn to back off and give the man breathing room! What happens when me and him decide it’s time to birth little Justin Jr. into the world? Are all of you crazy psychotic fans going to be stampeding through our mansion interrupting our alone time with our precious little bundle of joy. I mean clearly, with his busy schedule I wouldn’t get much alone time with him or the baby so the least you guys can do is give us a little SPACE! GOSH! I MEAN CAN WE GET A LITTLE FAMILY TIME, A LITTLE ROMANTIC TIME! CAN WE! HUH!
EYE TWITCHES DRASTICALLY NOW
I mean, I like S-E-X!
EMPHASIZES WITH DROOLING TONGUE LICK AND SEDUCTIVE TWITCHY EYE.
There’s nothing more I’d rather do than crawl into bed with my little dovey and clashpelvisesliketheresnotomorrow OH! FUCK ME TIMEBERLAKE FUCK MEEEEE!
DRY HUMPS COMPUTER CHAIR VIOLENTLY…
(STRONG GRUNTING)
EHEM-ST-STILL HUMPING COMPUTER CHAIR
(HEAVY BREATHING)
STILL HUMPING…H-HUMPING SMACKS COMPUTER CHAIR HARSHLY
(POSSESSED AND BADLY IN NEED OF EXORCISM TYPE ROARS)
BELL BOTTOM JEANS ZIPPER UNZIPS
(CROSS EYED)
COMPUTER CHAIR GOES BUCKLING TO THE GROUND IN TWO PIECES
Oh…oh….
RAPID BREATHING DECELERATES AS GROPES BREASTS
I’m sorry, so sorry…
BREATHES SHAKILY
It’s just sometimes when I think about that thick, piece of…and it marinating deep-deep down in my….
BREATHING ACCELERATES
Sorry-sorry again
BREATHING DECELERATES
I’m okay now…
SLIDES BIFOCLES BACK ONTO FACE
Really I’m fine now…
STARES AT BROKEN CHAIR ON FLOOR PASSIONATELY-PICKS UP PIECE
But, sometimes you just need to RIDE THAT SHIT!
DEMONIC LAUGH RUMBLES THROUGH VOCALS AS PIECE OF CHAIR GETS HUMPED RAMBUNCIOUSLY. STREAK OF LIGHTENING FLASHES OUTSIDE WINDOW.
Okay, really I’m good now, but you know you know what I mean. Sometimes you just want to be alone with your boo and you just keep getting all these distractions.
HUMPS PIECE OF CHAIR ONE FINAL TIME BEFORE LETTING IT PLOP TO THE FLOOR
Anyways! Now that you’ve seen a sneak peek at my devotion collection I can let you in on the good news. See I just had a birthday two days ago, YAY ME! Yup! The big 2-0! Justin’s only about eight years older than me, but in love, age is but a number!
And, see this is why I love my parents! They totally and completely understand that Justin and I were meant to be together. That the co-producer of their grandchildren has been born! That me and him are destined and ordained to love each other through sickness and in health beyond the portal of death! That our very existence is for one another and together we will rule the kingdom of love!
SHIVERS AND STARES OFF INTO SPACE WITH ROYAL FAÇADE
Well actually I haven’t exactly told them about me and Justin’s plans and destiny yet. My parents have been together for twenty two years but some how
SIGHS AND SHAKES HEAD SYMPATHETICALLY
I just don’t think they are ready to even come close to trying to at all nearly COMPREHEND the magnitude that is me and JT…
So! Instead I just told them I feel he is one of the best musical artists of our day and that I not only quite enjoy his music, but that I also admire his role model attitude and appearance and the great many charity organizations he puts such a humungous effort into supporting.
For that, they got me…
HOLDS SOMETHING BEHIND BACK
close your eyes and imagine it bitches! FRONT ROW SEATS AT HIS FUTURE SEX LOVE SOUNDS TOUR AND BACKSTAGE PASSES! WOOOOOOOO! WOOOHOOOOOOO!
TOSSES TICKETS AT READERS BRAGGINGLY
TAKE THAT BIOTCHES!
DANCES WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BOBBLE HEAD AND NO STRINGS ATTACHED DOLL
And the show is in two days! I can’t wait! I’m so excited! Me and JT
WIGGLES FOUR FINGERS BROWN FROM CHOCOLATE PUDDING
EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHIRLS AROUND ROOM WITH DOLLS, FONDLING THEIR PLASTIC CROTCHES, KISSING BARE CHEST OF SHIRTLESS JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE POSTER, SNATCHING WEDGY FROM CRACK.
Oh my god! Oh-my-god! OMG! OH MY GOOOOOD!
STARES AT READERS WIDE EYE’D……….AND NOW TWITCHING…….AND NOW HYPERVENTALATING….AND NOW SNATCHING WEDGY FROM CRACK…………AND NOW PUSHING BIFOCLES UP ON FACE……….
Two days! I have two days! Two days to get ready! I have to get ready-there’s so much to do-I have to blow dry nose hair follicles, get a bikini wax
WINKS AND THRUSTS PELVIS AT READERS
I have to get the pudding from under my nails! Err…maybe he likes pudding,
PAUSES THOUGHTFULLY FROM LICKING PUDDING FROM BENEATH FINGERNAILS.
I bet he does-I mean who doesn’t-I love pudding-of course he’ll love pudding-and this was my special homemade pudding too I only make it on Tuesdays. I'll save some for him. Okay I have to think, think-think-think- I have to take a shit, no! no! it’s not Tuesday yet,
LOOKS AT READERS….
CONTINUES LOOKING AT READERS….
SNOT BUBBLE LURKS JUST BEYOND THE BRIM OF NOSTRIL TO WAVE AT READERS BEFORE BEING SNORTED BACK INTO THE DARKNESS...
YOU HAVE TO GO! I MUST PREPARE! GET!
DEMONIC VOICE, HEAD ROTATES AT 360 DEGREE ANGLE
GEEEET-OOOUUUUT
LIGHTS DIM SLOWLY
(STRONG GRUNTING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(STRANGE SQUEAKING)
LIGHTS BRIGHTEN
HUMPS PIECE OF CHAIR RELENTLOUSLY
Fuck meeeee!
LIGHTS DIM
