"No." Aubrey shook her head as she sat on her bed. 

"Do you want to go this weekend?" He asked.  Aubrey leaned her head back against the wall. 

Say yes. Common sense told her.  Andrew was a great guy--he was handsome, charming, sweet and they had a history together.  She knew he really liked her. 

But he's not Justin. Her heart argued.  Aubrey closed her eyes.

Of course he's not Justin.  She argued back.  But Justin is a superstar playboy.  All he's going to do is break my heart.   

"Yes." She said out loud, before she could change her mind.  She knew she needed to forget about her hopeless infatuation with a certain blue eyed, smooth charming, super star singer.  Though she still got goose bumps when she thought about the dream she'd had where she'd kissed him, she knew there was no possible way anything like that would ever happen between her and Justin.

"When do you want to go?" Andrew asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Uh..." Aubrey thought.  "I'm teaching on Saturday but I can come down on Sunday.  How does that sound?"

"Sounds great." Andrew replied and she was surprised to find herself smiling at the excitement that was evident in his voice. 

"What time?"

"How about I meet you out front at ten?" He said.

"Alright." Aubrey nodded, though she was alone in her room.  "I can't wait." She said, surprised to realize she wasn't lying.  She actually was looking forward to spending time with Andrew.  Aubrey hadn't realized how lonely she had been until these two men had come into her life and shown her what she'd been missing in her life.  She was suddenly craving some male attention and Andrew was willingly offering the companionship she was looking for.  She knew it wasn't fair to him to keep agreeing to see him when she knew her feelings weren't as deep as his were--but she couldn't help it.  It was hard to say no when he was the only one showing any kind of interest in her.

As she hung up with Andrew she fell over on her side.  "I'm a horrible person." She mumbled into her pillow, suddenly feeling guilty for continuing to lead him on.  "Why on Earth does he like me?"

~~~~~~

"I've heard you need about three days to see everything here." Andrew said Sunday morning as they stood in line at the zoo to buy their entrance passes.  "But we've only got one so, what do you want to see?"

Aubrey scrunched up her nose as she thought and Andrew thought she looked adorable.  "Um..." she paused.  "I've heard the panda exhibit is really cool." She said, her eyes meeting his and Andrew smiled.  Two years and he was still just as smitten with her as he'd been the first time he'd met her when they'd been teenagers.  He had tried, since she'd told him she thought they should break up, to leave her in his past but he couldn't.  As they approached the ticket counter and he paid for them to get into the park, he wondered what she'd say if she knew that he kept a picture of her in his wallet; that that picture--and the memories he had of her--had helped keep him sane while he had been overseas.   

"Is that all you want to see?" He asked.  "The pandas?"

"Well no." She laughed softly.

"What's your favorite animals?" He asked, trying to pull the information from her.  He should know this little bit of information about her, but for the life of him he couldn't remember ever discussing this with her before.  Aubrey had always been a hard one to get to open up, but once she did he found he couldn't stay away. 

~~~~~~ 

"The hippos are some of my favorites." Aubrey said, as she tucked her hair behind her ear and hitched her purse higher on her shoulder.  She looked over at Andrew as he stood looking at her.  Even though she'd found herself nervous and excited all morning as she'd gotten ready and driven the hour south that separated Los Angeles and San Diego, she know felt a bit awkward around this man. 

It was like she was going on a first date with him all over again and she could just see the ecstatic look on her mother's face when she found out about it.  Aubrey chuckled to herself.  She had grudgingly come to admit over the last week that her mother had been right.  It had been several years since she and Andrew had broken up.  They were both different people now and she was willing to give this a chance--to see if things had changed. 

Aubrey kept watching him as they walked, asking herself for the millionth time why she wasn't falling head over heels for this man.  If she were any other girl she was sure she'd have been swept off her feet by now.  If she hadn't insisted on breaking off their relationship all those years ago they would have no doubt been married by now.  She wondered, as they walked along among the other zoo goers, how different her life would have been if she'd followed the path that had been set before her at seventeen.  Again her eyes strayed to Andrew-tracing his profile.  He really is devastatingly handsome.  She mused.  I wonder if there's something wrong with me.    Andrew turned to look at her and Aubrey felt like a child who'd just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

"Why are the hippos your favorite?" Andrew asked. 

"Because they're content being who they are." She replied as they started walking along the paved walkway.  They passed several gift shops and Aubrey made a mental note to stop in on their way out.  She wanted to make sure to get a souvenir of some sort. 

"Meaning?" Andrew questioned as he looked down at the map he'd grabbed in his hands.  "This way." He said, leading her down one of the many paths that branched off the main strip.

"Meaning," Aubrey replied.  "They're fat and happy and it gives me comfort--knowing someday someone will love me in spite of myself."

"If you're saying you're fat, I'm going to have to disagree with you." Andrew said looking over at her.  His blue eyes appraised her warmly and Aubrey felt a blush creep across her cheeks.  She didn't care who you were, when a man--any man--looked at you like Andrew was, it made you feel pretty good about yourself.  "You're perfect." He told her.

"Thanks." She replied with a smile.  "But I think you're a little biased.  You've known me a long time and we both know that I'm far from perfect."

"That doesn't matter." He said.  "I've always thought you were beautiful."

Aubrey looked at Andrew in disbelief for a moment, not at all sure how to respond to his admission.  She felt her cheeks warm again and--as with Justin--she wished her emotions weren't so readily displayed for all to see.  She cleared her throat and tucked her hair behind her ears as they kept walking.  From the corner of her eye she saw Andrew offer her his arm.  Her heart leapt up into her throat and she was paralyzed for a moment.  What do I do?  She thought frantically.  Then, finally, deciding to pretend she hadn't seen the gesture Aubrey stopped in front of the habitat they were passing--feigning interest in whatever it was that was supposed to be in the enclosure.  She searched for the animal that was supposed to be on display but she couldn't find anything.  Of course.  Andrew stepped up beside her and Aubrey reached out, gripping the rail in front of her.

"Do you and Michael still keep in contact?" She asked, hoping to move past this awkward feeling surrounding her at the moment.  She'd begun to think perhaps she was beginning to feel something for Andrew, but the panic attack she'd just had let her know she wasn't.  As mush as she wanted to, it seemed nothing had changed over the last two years. 

"We email." Andrew said.  "It's easier.  It's hard to talk when you're over there.  You never know where you're going to be or what kind of reception you'll have."

Aubrey looked over at him.  "What's it like?" She asked.  "Being over there?"  Andrew turned to look at her, his blue eyes serious as they observed her.  "Michael's told me some things but I know he's probably sugar coating it."

"It's..." Andrew blew out a breath as he pushed away from the rail.  "It's rough." He finally said, shoving his hands into his pockets.  Aubrey fell in step beside him as they continued walking.  "I'm sure Michael has sugar coated things."  He said looking over at her.  "There're things that go on over there that you don't want to know about."

"I'm not a child, Andrew." Aubrey said in defense of her age.  "I'm tougher than you think."

"I know you are." He replied.  "But...I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it.  Frankly, there's a lot I'm trying to forget."

"I'm sorry." Aubrey said sincerely.  She could only imagine what he was going through--and even with as good as her imagination was she was sure it would come up short.

~~~~~

Andrew felt guilty about not being able to tell Aubrey what she wanted to know--he just couldn't.  Maybe when some more time had passed, but for right now everything was just too fresh in his mind. 

As a little boy he'd wanted to be a real life G.I. Joe.  Little did he know the toll it would take.  Growing up his dad had been his hero and he'd wanted to be just like him.  The Army offered an easy way to get through college however, during basic training he'd discovered fighting wasn't something he wanted to do but there was too much expectation on him to keep up the family traditions of being in the armed forces for him to quit.  Luckily he'd seemed to find his niche--linguistics--and had been content spending his days behind a desk.  He never thought his number would actually be called up.

He'd spent eighteen months over in Iraq-eighteen months he'd like very much to forget.  In all his basic training exercises he was never taught how to deal with actually having to kill another human being and the action still caused him to feel physically ill when he thought about it too much.  After a month over there he'd been tempted to desert, but he knew he'd never be able to look his father in the eye and explain why he'd left so he stayed--a decision he regretted every single day.

"This place is great." Aubrey said startling him from his morbid thoughts.  Andrew looked over at her.  "You know what else I love?  The polar bears." She grinned.  "I love watching them play and splash around in the water.  I think they're cute."

"Let's go find ‘em." He said, thankful she'd agreed to come today.  He'd quickly discovered that when he was around her it was easier to forget the ghosts that were haunting him.  Aubrey symbolized normalcy and her quiet acceptance of him was just the antidote his wounded spirit had been searching for.

~~~~~~ 

Two hours later--after wandering around the zoo and looking at all the exhibits Aubrey wanted to see--she and Andrew sat down at a small outside table and began eating the ridiculously over-priced cheeseburgers they'd ordered.

"Okay," she said washing down the bite she'd just taken with a sip of her Diet Coke.  Andrew looked at her expectantly.  "It's your turn." She told him.  "We've spent all morning seeing and I wanted to see." She took another bite.  "What do you want to see?"

"It doesn't matter to me." He replied. "I'm easy." Aubrey rolled her eyes.  "What?" He chuckled.

"There's nothing you want to see while we're here?" She looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge his reaction and read his thoughts.  "Why did you decide this was where you wanted to come today?" She asked leaning back in her chair.

"I thought it would be a safe, non-threatening place for us to spend some time together." He replied as if he'd memorized his answer.  Aubrey watched him closely, trying to figure him out--a task that wasn't as easy as it had once been.

As the morning had progressed they'd eventually fallen into easy and comfortable conversation.  As they'd joked around with each other Aubrey felt herself slowly relaxing around him.  He'd clammed up when she'd asked him about his time overseas but seemed to have forgiven her for the painful memories she had unwittingly uncovered.  More than once she'd found herself wanting to reach out and take his hand but each time something inside had held her back.  While she wanted to offer him the reassurance and comfort he seemed to need.  She knew he'd take the physical gesture the wrong way and she just couldn't bring herself to do it. 

"What's your favorite animal?" She asked leaning forward and taking another bite of her burger.  She was determined to get an answer from him.

"Wolves." He finally responded and Aubrey smiled.

"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She asked and he chuckled.  After finishing their lunch and finding a restroom they were on their way again. 

Destination: Wolf habitat.

~~~~~~ 

"I know I should have probably asked you this before we went out last Friday but," Andrew paused and Aubrey turned to look at him.  "Are you...are you dating anyone right now?"

"Um..." He watched as she tucked her hair behind her ears--a gesture he knew indicated she was either nervous or uncomfortable with a situation.  "No." She finally drawled.

"Why did you hesitate?" He asked, his curiosity piqued.

"I'm not dating anyone." She replied, looking at him.

"But?" He questioned, sensing there was more to her answer.

"But..." She sighed.  "There is someone I'm interested in."  He lifted a brow, definitely interest now.  "He's, um...well he's...we've spent some time together the last couple weeks and I..." She laughed self-consciously.  "It's silly really." She waved a hand through the air.

"Why?" He questioned, interested to know why she was having such a difficult time giving him a straight answer.

"Because he doesn't know I like him." She said, finally meeting his curious stare.  "There's no way he'd ever be interested in me or return my feelings."

"Is he blind?" Andrew questioned.  He didn't understand how any red-blooded male wouldn't be completely enamored with this woman at first sight. 

"It's complicated." Aubrey replied as she kept walking.

"How complicated could it be?" He pressed.

Aubrey looked over at him.  "You've got your secrets and I've got mine." She said.  "Let's just leave it at that for right now."

Andrew was quiet for a moment, trying to come up with a response but he came up empty handed.  He wanted to press her for more information on this guy she was interested in but knew he couldn't.  She'd given him space and hadn't pushed to get an answer from him earlier about his time in Iraq and she deserved the same courtesy.  Hopefully with time they'd be able to build their relationship back up to where it had been.  Before they'd stopped dating they'd been fairly open with each other--he knew he was one of the few, if not the only one, outside of her family that knew about the medical issues she'd dealt with in the past--and he was determined to get back to that same level of comfort with her.  She'd written him off once before, but he wasn't going to let it happen again.

~~~~~~

"Hi, this is Aubrey.  Sorry I couldn't answer.  Leave me a message and I promise I'll call you back."

Justin smiled at Aubrey's recorded greeting as he sat on his couch Sunday afternoon and waited to leave his message.  He'd called, hoping she was home and interested in maybe talking for a little while.  He'd been thinking about the day they'd spent together last Sunday all week and couldn't help the smile that came to his face every time he did.  He didn't know what it was, but there was just something about this girl that intrigued him; something that pulled him towards her. 

The electronic beep in his ear brought him from his thoughts and he shook his head.  "Hey, it's Justin." He said.  "I was just calling to see if you needed anymore help with your homework.  I had fun last weekend.  Maybe this time we can pretend that we're in high school."  Justin pulled the phone away from his ear as the words left his mouth and looked at the device as if he'd never seen it before. 

Where the hell did that come from? He wondered, quickly holding the phone against his ear again.  He breathed a sigh of relief when he was given the option to re-record his voicemail.  Pressing the correct button he began recording a different message.  "Hey, it's Justin.  Listen, I was just calling..." he looked down as Brennan came up to him and licked his hand.  He smiled as an idea came to him.  "Brennan wanted me to call and see if you could come over and play but I guess you're busy so I'll just talk to you later.  Bye."  With the push of a button he sent the message and hung up the phone.  "Sorry girl." He said, scratching the boxer behind the ears.  "She's not home.  We'll have to play another day."   

~~~~~~

"Wolves have always been my favorite." Andrew said as they finally reached the animal's habitat.  Aubrey watched as the pair of grey wolves in the enclosure lay down together under the shade of a tree.

"Why?" She asked.

"They're amazing creatures." Andrew continued.  "Did you know they're one of the few animals that mate for life?"  Aubrey turned to look at him, her heart starting to pound in her chest at the intense look he was giving her.  "The male finds a female he admires; one whom he views as the strongest and most compatible with him and he stays by her side.  Forever." He finished quietly.

Aubrey watched him, her heart really beginning to pound now.  She recognized the look in his eyes-it was the same look he'd given her last weekend when he'd walked her to her door.  She watched as Andrew leaned towards her--giving her ample time and opportunity to stop him.  Did she want to stop him?  She knew what was coming and, like last Friday night, she found herself torn.  On the one side she was curious about whether or not anything had changed between them in this area.  And on the other, she just wanted someone to kiss her.  She wanted to know that someone was attracted to her enough to share that intimate act with her.  It had been a while.

Andrew raised one hand--his fingers brushing her hair back--before he pressed his lips against hers softly.  Aubrey closed her eyes, the feel of his lips were familiar to her but so was the absence of any profound feeling or emotion.  Andrew pulled back after a brief moment, his eyes delving into hers and she wished she could give him what she knew he was searching for.

"Nothing?" He asked quietly, reading the look in her eyes.  Aubrey bit her bottom lip as she shook her head.  Andrew sighed as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry." She said.  "I don't know what's wrong with me." She turned from him.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Aubrey." He insisted.  "Maybe it just needs some time.  It's been a while."  She turned back to look at him.  "Give us another chance."

As Aubrey looked at him--his blue eyes pleading with her--all she could hear was her mother's voice in her head and the promise she'd made to give this man another honest chance if he came back into her life.  What else could she do but accept his request? 

With a sigh she nodded her head.

~~~~~~

A few hours later found Aubrey walking back to her car, a sigh escaping her lips as she got into her blue SUV.  Once the door was shut the enormity of the decision she'd made earlier weighed down on her. 

"What did I do?" She groaned as she put her forehead against the steering wheel.  She heard laughter coming from outside and raised her head, her eyes locking on the couple walking past.  The girl laughed as the guy she was with pulled her close and kissed her.  That could be me. Aubrey thought as she sat up and started her car. 

Her mind refused to leave the conversation she'd had with Andrew in front of the wolf habitat.  She'd agreed to give their relationship another chance but what did that mean?  Were they dating now?  Was he going to be expecting more from her in the way of physical affection?  Was she okay with that?  What would her mother say when she found out?

Aubrey let out another groan as all these thoughts swirled around in her head.  Reaching for her phone she found herself wishing she and Rachel were closer.  Why don't I have a sister?  She wondered glancing down at her phone, really needing someone to talk to.  She was surprised to find she'd missed a call.  As she flipped her phone open and saw who it was that had left her a message her heart did a flip. 

"Justin." She whispered to herself, a smile coming to her face.  Aubrey put in her Bluetooth and listened to the message he'd left as she got on the freeway.  She smiled as his voice came over the line and she wished she'd been available to take his call earlier.

Exiting her voicemail system Aubrey pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she argued with herself as to whether or not to call him back.  Finally, deciding she'd be crazy not to--after all how often did Justin Timberlake call and leave a message for you?--she found his number in her contact list and initiated the call.

~~~~~

"Hello?" Justin asked answering his phone, a smile on his face at who he knew was on the other end.

"Hi." She said.  "It's...it's Aubrey."

"I know who you are." He replied.  "I've been waiting for you to call me back."

"Really?" She asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah." He replied, his grin growing bigger though no one was with him to see it.  He plopped down on the couch.  "I've just been sitting here, waiting for the phone to ring."

"No you haven't." She laughed.

"Where you been, girl?" He asked with a chuckle.

"The zoo." Aubrey replied.

"The zoo?" He questioned, his brow furrowing in curiosity.  "By yourself?"

"No, with a...a friend." She stumbled over her answer and he narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"A friend?"

"Yeah." She answered non-comittaly.

"Any particular friend?" He kept pressing; something inside reacting to the fact that she'd been spending time with someone else--thus making her inaccessible to him when he'd wanted to talk to her.

"Yeah, I um..." Aubrey paused then let out a heavy sigh.  "It was Andrew." She finally confessed.  Justin was quiet for a moment, his mind taking a moment to process what she'd just told him.  From what he remembered of their conversation about the guy last weekend she hadn't seemed that excited about him showing back up in her life. 

"Are you guys..." he paused, wondering why all the sudden he felt irritated at the fact that she'd just spent all day with her ex-boyfriend.  "Are you guys back together?" He asked.

"No.  Well, yes...I mean...I don't know." She let out a groan of frustration and he wished he were talking face to face with her.  Her eyes gave away all her secrets.  Without them he felt like he was walking blind here. 

"What do you mean you don't know?" He asked with a confused chuckle.

"It's...complicated." She replied. 

"Try me." He laughed.  "I think I know a thing or two about being in a complicated relationship."  Justin heard Aubrey laugh softly and waited for her to reply.

"He kissed me." She confessed and again he felt a flair of...something.  If he didn't know better he'd say he was jealous but he pushed the thought away as quickly as it came.  It's Aubrey!  He reminded himself.  We're just friends.

"And?" He questioned, trying to keep his thoughts focused.

"And..." Again she sighed and again he wished he could watch her expressive eyes as she was talking.  "I don't know."

There was silence on the line for a few seconds then Justin finally spoke.  "I'm kind of sensing there's more here than you're telling me." He stated.

"I'm...I guess I'm just confused." She finally said. 

"What exactly are you confused about?" He asked.

"Everything." Aubrey sighed again.

"You're going to have to give me more than that, Aubrey." He chuckled though he was frustrated that she was being so cryptic.  What the hell is she trying to hide? He wondered.

"I know.  I just...I don't know what's going on anymore." She mumbled.

"Well...what do you know?" He asked.

~~~~~

What do I know?  Aubrey pondered Justin's question for a moment as she drove on the freeway.  Well, for one thing, I know that a month ago I never would have believed I'd be having this conversation with you!

"I know my mother is going to be ecstatic when she finds out about this." She finally said.  "I know that Andrew's a great guy and I know that he and I have fun together." She continued, wondering why she was extolling Andrew's virtues to Justin.  With his line of questioning it seemed like he was probing, trying to get her to admit to liking Andrew and she was getting frustrated.  Although she knew it was ridiculous, a part of her had hoped that Justin would get insanely jealous when she told him about her date and the kiss they'd shared and demand that she not see Andrew again.  Another part of her knew that if she told Justin much more he'd think she wasn't available and then all hope of him ever coming to see her as more than a friend went right out the window. 

"Do you want to get back together with him?" Justin asked. 

"I don't know." Aubrey replied. 

"I'm really beginning to hate that answer." Justin grumbled. 

"I'm sorry." Aubrey replied.  "I'm not sure how to articulate what I'm feeling right now."

"Articulate, huh?" Justin chuckled.  "That's a pretty big word, there."

"Shut up." Aubrey replied with a chuckle as she propped her elbow up on the car door and put her fingers into her hair.  "I wasn't expecting him to kiss me." She finally admitted.  "And I sort of agreed to give our relationship another chance."

"Wow." Justin replied.

"Yeah." Aubrey sighed.  They were both quiet for a few moments.  "What do I do?" She asked.

"You're asking me?" Justin replied, sounding skeptical.

"Well, yeah." She answered.  "You're a guy.  What do I do?  What's the next step?"

Justin laughed humorlessly.  "I'm not so sure I'm the one you should be coming to for relationship advice, Aubrey." He told her.  "I don't really have the best track record when it comes to girls.  Something always seems to go wrong after a few years.  I haven't quite figured it out..." He trailed off.  "Here's the question." He said, jumping back into the conversation before Aubrey could respond.  "Do you want to be back together with this guy?"

"I feel like I owe it to him." She replied.

"Don't do him any favors." He said with a wry chuckle.   "Why did you agree to give the relationship another go?"

Aubrey was quiet for a moment as she thought about Justin's question.  "Because I don't think I gave him a fair chance before." She finally answered.  "I broke it off with him because I...I was nineteen!  I didn't want to be stuck being an army wife for the rest of my life.  I didn't want to sit home and watch my husband go off to war, never knowing if he'd come back.  Always having to move from base to base, never having a permanent place to call home..."

"What changed your mind?" Justin asked quietly.

"Time." She answered.  "We're both different people now and I don't want to look back and wonder if I missed out on my one chance of having someone love me because I was too afraid and stubborn to see a good guy when he was standing right in front of me."

"This isn't your one and only chance, Aubrey." Justin replied.

"How do you know?" She asked. 

"I just do." He answered firmly.    

Again silence descended between them.  This wasn't exactly the way Aubrey thought this conversation would go and she was feeling even more confused then when she'd said good-bye to Andrew.  Justin hadn't reacted at all like she'd hoped for and was now confusing her even more.  What did he mean he knew this wasn't her one chance at love?  He had no way of knowing that any more than she did! 

Aubrey looked down at her phone when it beeped, indicating another call coming in.  Mom.  "Hey, I gotta go." She told Justin.  "My mom's calling on the other line."

"Okay." He replied.  "I'll call you later.  Brennan still wants you to come over and play."

Aubrey smiled.  She'd completely forgotten the reason he'd called and left her a message in the first place.  "Tell her I'm sorry it didn't work out today but we'll try and plan something soon."

Justin chuckled.  "Alright.  See ya."

"Bye." Aubrey ended the call with Justin but was too late to answer her mother's call.  She was about to call her back when she received a message saying she had a new voicemail message.  Connecting once more to her voicemail system Aubrey listened as her mother's recorded voice played back to her.

"Hi, honey, it's Mom.  I was just calling because I just got off the phone with Shirley and she said you and Andrew went out last weekend.  Why didn't you tell me?!  I want to hear all about it!  Aren't you glad I made you promise to give him another chance?  Call me back, we have a lot to talk about.  Bye."

Aubrey rolled her eyes at her mother's excitement.  I knew it.  She shook her head.  Two dates in and she's already planning the wedding.