Justin turned, posing as the flashbulbs went off all around him.  Years of practice made it possible for him to stand there with a smile on his face when all he wanted to do was get in, do what needed to be done, and go home.  He signed a few autographs as he continued on down the carpet, successfully fooling everyone into thinking he was happy and excited about the show about to take place.  One thing his years in the public eye had made him was a master at the art of cover up.  He could walk through a crowd of people, schmoozing with the best of them, and no one was the wiser to what was really going on inside of him. 

Since calling Aubrey Thursday evening, he had been dreading today.  A week ago he'd been looking forward to showing off the new line he and Trace had designed, but now he wanted to be anywhere but here.  There were more important things in life than the latest fashion trends.

Like dealing with the fact that he'd successfully driven away the woman he was interested in without even really trying.  Justin let out a sigh as he finally made it inside the building and walked backstage-dodging around all the models, assistants, make-up artists, and everyone else scurrying around behind the scenes. 

"Hey man, where you been?" Trace asked, coming up to him.  The loud music playing made it necessary for them to talk loudly to each other. 

"Outside." Justin answered, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.  "Thanks for leaving me alone out there."

"You know they don't give a damn about me." Trace replied.  "You're the only one they ever want to talk to.  You're the celebrity." He smiled wryly.

"Is everything set?" Justin asked grabbing a bottle of water from a passing intern who was carrying a bucket of them to the dressing area. 

"Yeah." Trace said, looking around.  "Everyone's getting dressed."  He looked at his watch.  "We're still on schedule." Justin nodded as he took a healthy swallow of his water.  "Was Aubrey able to come?" Trace asked, looking around.

"No." Justin shook his head.  Luckily, his clipped answer and the fact that Trace had known him most of his life, made him drop the subject.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Trace asked.

"What's wrong with it?" Justin asked in irritation, looking down at his jeans and the gray sweater vest he was wearing over a white short sleeved, collared shirt. 

"Nothing." Trace answered.  "I was just wondering." He turned.  "What crawled up your ass?" He mumbled under his breath.

"What?" Justin asked.

"Nothing." Trace replied as he turned and walked away.  Justin scowled.  He knew he should apologize--it wasn't Trace's fault he was in such a sour mood--but he couldn't help it.  It was like that old saying: misery loves company.  He was miserable and he wanted everyone else to feel that way too.  It wasn't fair that other people got to go on with their happy little lives while he was stuck wanting to mope around and feel sorry for himself.  Justin scrubbed his hands over his face then dropped his head back, looking up at the ceiling.

Can I just start over? He asked.  Is there a way I can go back and start this whole damn thing over? 

"Start what thing over?" A familiar voice asked.

Justin dropped his head, looking at the woman who had been his make-up artist for the past eight years.  Annie stood with her hand on her hip as she observed him closely.  "Did I say that out loud?" He asked.

"You sure did." She replied.  "Sounds like you need to come sit down and tell me what's going on." She took a step back and pointed to the make-up chair beside her. 

Justin sighed as he walked over to her.  "You don't want to know." He said, dropping down into the chair.

"Sure I do." She said with a smile as she began cleaning up all the bottles and brushes spread out on the table next to them.  "I got into this business because I'm an exceptionally nosey person and there's no better way to find out the latest juicy gossip than to hang around backstage with musicians and actors."  She pulled a rolling tray of towards her and began putting things away.  "Wanna talk about it?" She asked casually, grabbing a few brushes. 

Justin shrugged.  Why not? He thought.  He knew it helped to talk it out and maybe she'd be able to offer an impartial perspective; something to help him figure out what the hell was going on.

Annie had started working with him on N SYNC's Celebrity tour.  When he'd done his first album and the group had gone on hiatus, he'd talked Annie into coming with him on tour--he trusted her and frankly didn't want to deal with having to get used to someone new.  Luckily she'd agreed and had been with him ever since.  They'd had a last minute cancellation with one of the artists that was supposed to be working the show today, so he'd given Annie a call to see if she was available and interested.  She'd agreed and he was suddenly glad she had.  

"She's driving me nuts." He began.

"I thought so." Annie nodded with a triumphant smile on her face.

"What do you mean, you thought so?" Justin asked with a chuckle, looking at her in question.  "This is the first time I've said anything about Aubrey to you."

"Aubrey, huh?" Annie mused as she continued cleaning up without missing a beat.  "There's only one thing that could put you in a mood like the one you're in right now and that's a girl." She continued.  "Here, hold this." She said, handing him a basket that she proceeded to put all her containers of eye shadow into.

"What do you mean?" He asked looking down at the basket in his hands then back up at her.

"I think you forget sometimes how long I've been working for you." Annie replied.  "I met you right after the break-up with Britney and I've been here through each subsequent break-up.  Only this time..." She paused and Justin looked up at her.  She looked at him--her head cocked to the side as she held the end of the make-up brush in her hand to her lips.  She pursed her lips in thought as she studied him. 

"This time?" Justin asked, his heart pounding nervously at what she was going to say.  Annie-like all those in the cosmetology world--had an unnatural gift of insight and whether he wanted to be or not, he was curious about what she was thinking. 

"This time is different.  Isn't it?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.  Justin dropped his gaze again--unable to continue meeting her gaze.  "Thought so." She said.  "Why don't you tell me why you want to go back and start all over instead of fighting for her?" 

~~~~~~

Aubrey pulled her legs up beneath her on the couch as she turned on the television Saturday night.  She was grateful she'd finished her classes a few weeks ago, before everything had blown up this week.  She knew there was no way she would have been able to concentrate on finals with everything going on.  She'd been withdrawn and sullen ever since talking to Rachel Wednesday evening and she couldn't get Rachel's questions out of her head. 

"Do you love him?"

"Are you going to be content with Andrew for the rest of your life, always wondering what could have been?"

"What does your heart say?"

Aubrey put her head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling.  She'd gone back and forth the last three days--weighing the pros and cons of each choice.  Andrew was the sensible choice.  He was respectful; he was charming and endearing and she felt comfortable with him.  He knew her secrets.  She didn't have to worry and wonder about whether or not he would still want to be with her when he found out the truth--he'd been there from the beginning. 

Justin, on the other hand--aside from not knowing about her medical history--had everything Andrew possessed and more.  For one thing, there's the added sex appeal.  Aubrey thought.  He made her heart race and her endorphins run wild with just a simple glance.  She didn't know what it felt like to kiss him, but she could imagine and it made her stomach quiver.  It was exciting to feel that way about someone but at the same time she was petrified.  She'd never felt like this before and she knew she wouldn't survive it if she gave him her heart and he decided a few years down the road that he no longer wanted her.  Rachel's statement that getting hurt was just a part of life did nothing to calm her fears.     

"This is ridiculous!" Aubrey finally exclaimed, hitting her fists on the couch.  She knew she needed to suck it up, be an adult and just make a decision.  The ball was entirely in her court and everyone was waiting for her to make the first move.  Closing her eyes she took a deep breath as the decision loomed before her.  It shouldn't be so difficult!  She'd had to make tougher decisions in the past, why was she having such a hard time with this one?  It isn't fair.  She thought.  It just isn't fair.

~~~~~

"It isn't fair." Aubrey said as she lay curled up in the bed in the hospital room she'd been assigned to.  Andrew turned from where he'd been standing by the window.  "Why do I even have to make this decision?" She asked him, even though she knew he wouldn't have the answer anymore than she did.  "I'm only eighteen!" She exclaimed as he sat down in the chair beside the bed..

"I know." He replied, his blue eyes full of sympathy.  "I'm sorry, Bre.  If I could make the decision for you I would."

"I know." Aubrey sighed, closing her eyes. She couldn't get the doctor's words out of her head.  She'd been diagnosed with endometriosis three years ago after dealing with the chronic and often debilitating pain associated with her monthly cycle.  Her doctor had put her on medication to help reduce the pain and she'd had a few smaller surgeries the last few years to remove some of the damaging tissue, but nothing had seemed to help.  When she'd collapsed last night at her parent's house because of the excruciating pain, Andrew had rushed her to the Emergency Room.  She'd been admitted and had stayed overnight--waiting for her own doctor to examine her.  His pronouncement?  A hysterectomy seemed to be the only option left to cure the disease and stop the pain.

Aubrey looked over at Andrew.  He'd gone above and beyond the call of duty--staying with her overnight--but she was glad he was there.  Her parent's were out of town because of an assignment her father was on.  Andrew had called her mother last night to tell her what had happened and she'd gotten on the first flight back but was still several hours away, while her brother was in California visiting their grandparents.  Although the decision was entirely hers to make, she was glad to have someone else at least in the room with her while she made it and she knew Andrew was being truthful-if he could make the choice for her he would.

She reached her hand out to him and he took it, giving her a reassuring squeeze.  She knew his feelings for her went far beyond the ones she had for him and at times she felt guilty about taking advantage of the fact that he was infatuated with her.  This time, however, she needed him and his quiet strength.

"I'm never going to get to have kids." She told him.  He nodded solemnly.  Her bottom lip trembled slightly.  "No one's going to want to be with me now." She declared.

Andrew looked at her for a moment in silent contemplation then leaned towards her.  "Anyone who says they can't be with you just because you can't have children didn't really love you the first place." He said. "If that ever happens, you let me know and I'll got beat some sense into them." He offered with a smile.  Aubrey laughed quietly then took a deep breath. 

"Can you go find the doctor?" She asked him.  "I made my decision."         

~~~~~ 

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth Aubrey opened her eyes.  Lowering her legs she shifted, pulling her cell phone from her pocket.  Opening it, she typed out a quick text message and sent it, hoping he would read it instead of just deleting it because he was upset with her.

I've made a decision.  We need to talk.  Can we meet tomorrow afternoon?

~~~~~~

Justin pulled his cell phone from his pocket as it vibrated. 

The Vortex.  Tonight. 11 pm.  Be there.

He read Ryan's text as he left the fashion show venue and got into his car, pursing his lips in thought.  Did he want to go out and party tonight?  What the hell? He thought.  I'm not doing anything else.  He texted back, saying he'd be there then drove home. 

The show had gone well and he and Trace had been approached by a few new buyers interested in putting their line into their stores.  When he'd first started the clothing line with Trace, neither one of them thought it would turn out like it had.  What had started out as the two of them simply trying to design some comfortable clothes had turned into a multi-million dollar company!  Had someone told him when he was eleven years old, singing on Star Search what life had in store for him, he never would have believed it!    Not too bad. He thought smugly thinking back on all he'd accomplished and been able to do in the seventeen years since that first taste of the spotlight.  For a simple kid from Tennessee I haven't done too bad for myself.  Everyone knows who I am and I can get anything I want.

Anything? The annoying voice in his head asked as a picture of Aubrey face flashed before his eyes.

Justin pushed the thought away angrily--even more glad that he had somewhere to go tonight.  He needed to get out and get his mind off of the fact that Aubrey was gone and there was nothing he could do about it.  It was her choice who she wanted to be with and, since he hadn't heard anything from her since they'd hung up Wednesday night it was obvious what her choice had been.  While a small part of him knew it was probably for the best--after all the life he led wasn't all it was cracked up to be-a bigger part of him was chomping at the bit.  She now had the singular honor of being the only thing that his money and celebrity clout couldn't get him and he loved a challenge. 

~~~~~~

"...then there was the time I took JC's cell phone and set the alarm to go off every twenty minutes starting at two am." Justin laughed as he took a drag on the joint Ryan had passed him.  "That was some funny stuff!" He said loudly, attempting to talk over the noise and music of the club.

"My turn." The blonde sitting beside him said as she snuggled up to him.  Justin turned to look at her, smiling as he put his arm around her shoulders and passed her the joint.  She took a drag then blew it out, giggling as she moved closer to him--practically sitting in his lap.  He couldn't remember her name at the moment, but he didn't care.  She was hot and right now that was all that mattered.

Justin took the joint from her, bringing it to his lips once again.  He blew out the smoke, closing his eyes as the effects of the drug worked to clear his head of all the troubling thoughts he'd been dealing with the last week.  He'd gone through his phase of being the caught up in the fame that had come to him so early but--realizing that wasting his time being stoned wasn't doing anything to help him to reach his goals--he'd quit.  But sitting here, taking another deep drag, he couldn't remember why he'd given it up.  He felt calm for the first time in a while.  Everything was a bit fuzzy and out of focus and a lot funnier than it should be.  He hadn't laughed like this in a while and it felt good.  He couldn't remember anymore why it was he'd been so agitated earlier today.

"Hey, J!" Trace said from his chair across from him in the VIP section they were sitting in.  "Tell ‘em about that one time you and me went snowboarding in Park City and that girl tried to run you down."

"Oh yeah!" Justin started laughing again.  "So listen to this." He said sitting forward.

"Justy!" The girl beside him whined, sitting up as well as she put her arms around him and pressed her lips to his neck.  "I don't want to hear any more stories." She pouted.

"What do you want to hear then?" He asked, turning to look at her. 

"You and me." She whispered as she took his earlobe into her mouth.  "Back at my place." She pulled back and smiled up at him through her lashes.  He lifted a brow--surprisingly interested.  It had been way too long since he'd been with someone and he was just frustrated and horny enough to want to take her up on the offer.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah." She replied with a smile.  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she slowly moved her hand down his chest.  Justin closed his eyes and leaned back--the people around them disappearing--as she became a little bolder with her actions.

"I don't know." He drawled, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at her.  "We just met." He grinned.  She shrugged one slender shoulder and bent her head, pressing her lips up and down his neck.  He struggled to remain in control as she continued. "Okay." He finally said, pushing aside the sudden warning voice in his head.  "But not at your place." She perked up and eagerly followed as he stood up. 

"Later man!" Ryan winked knowingly at him.  Justin said his good-byes, the girl clinging possessively to him. When they left she started walking towards the front door.  But he tugged her back.

"This way." He said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards the back exit.  He may be high but he knew the media would slaughter him if they saw him leaving the club with this girl.  He looked at her-his eyes traveling over her body.  He'd never hear the end of this one if anyone found out. 

Best to keep this one to myself. He thought as he opened the back door and ushered her outside.  This was wrong, but he couldn't help it.  She was hot and wanted him so why not?  Her eager and obvious interest worked to sooth the sting of Aubrey's rejection.  He cringed as Aubrey's image was once again brought to his mind. 

"You okay?" His date for the night asked. 

"Yeah." He replied, once again pushing away the nagging guilt that filled him.  He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.  "Let's get this party started."

Justin woke with a start-breathing heavily.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he scrubbed his hands over his face.  "Thank God." He muttered.  "It was just a dream."

He had felt like such a hypocrite--going on and on to Annie at the fashion show about Aubrey and how much he liked her and then jumping into bed with the first quick lay that came his way...but it had only been a dream.  He breathed a sigh of relief--but too soon.  The bed shifted beside him and he jerked back in surprise, his eyes going wide as he turned his head to the side.

Justin jumped out of bed and stood looking at the blonde that had been all over him in his dream as she lay sleeping in the middle of the bed.  It hadn't been a dream!  "Damn it!" He exclaimed quietly, his heart beginning to beat erratically in his chest.  "Damn it!"

He tore his eyes away from the evidence of the drug induced decision he'd made last night and looked around the unfamiliar room.  Where the hell am I?  He thought.  This is great!  He thought sarcastically.  Just great.

He sat down heavily on the chair next to the window as everything came back to him--Ryan's text after the fashion show, meeting up with everyone at the club late last night, the drinking, the pot that had been passed around, and the girl.  His eyes slid over to the other occupant in the room, struggling to remember how they'd got here and what her name was.  Nikki.  It finally came to him and he closed his eyes, swallowing.  He felt sick.  He was disgusted at himself and what he'd done.  She didn't deserve this.  He thought, looking at the woman again.  No one did.

As she stirred again he stood.  Reaching down he retrieved his clothes from the hotel room floor and quickly put them back on.  Grabbing his cell phone, wallet and keys from the bedside table he quietly left the room--praying he'd had the sense enough to be somewhat discrete last night.  He'd never live it down if some rogue paparazzi was waiting outside for him.  He just wanted to forget the whole damn thing.  As he did a quick sweep of the parking lot with his trained eye, Justin breathed a quick sigh of relief--no cameras in sight.  So far so good.  He thought as he climbed into his truck.  There wouldn't be any photographic evidence.  Now if he could just erase the images from his mind...          

~~~~~

Aubrey put her hands back Sunday morning--tapping her fingers against the metal guard rail as she leaned back against it.  Looking down at her shoes she wondered if he would even show up.  After sending the text last night she'd kept a close eye on her phone, anxiously waiting for an answer-and he'd finally do so a few hours ago, agreeing to meet up here at this look-out.  She wanted to go somewhere private; somewhere without a million people around them; somewhere they could really talk. 

She heard the crunch of gravel as a car pulled into the parking area and tried to suppress the nervous butterflies in her stomach.  Slowly she lifted her head and straightened--watching as he got out of his car and approached her.  His eyes were covered by the black ball cap on his head and his expression was unreadable.  Aubrey prayed for the words to say to tell him what she'd been feeling and thinking this week.

"Hi." She said quietly, offering a tremulous smile as he came to stand before her.

"Hey." He replied, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Aubrey cleared her throat and fought the desire to look away from him.  He needed to know she was serious and breaking eye contact--no matter badly she wanted too--would be a bad idea.

"I'm sorry." She finally said.  He remained quiet.  "I, uh..." she took a deep breath as she continued.  "I've been doing a lot of thinking this week--a lot of thinking." She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.  "I know what I did wasn't really fair to you and I'm sorry."   She watched as his blue eyes remained cautious.  "I know you're probably still mad at me but I wanted you to know that if you're willing to give me another chance--"  He turned--letting out a sigh--and took a step away from her.  "Andrew, wait!" Aubrey said, putting her hand on his arm. 

"What about Justin?" Andrew asked bitterly as he came to stand next to her--looking out over the city. 

"That's...that's why I'm here." She replied.  "To tell you that...I'm not going to see him...again."  Andrew looked over at her in disbelief--one dark eyebrow rising.  "I'm cutting him out." She continued.  "It never would have worked anyway." She continued--wondering who she was trying to convince more, Andrew or herself.  "He and I are just...too different.  You were right." She told him.  "He's a celebrity and while he may be interested in me right now once he sees how plain and ordinary I am he'll move on to someone else.  It's better to cut him out now, before he can really hurt me."

"Okay, first thing," Andrew said, watching her--his eyes narrowing as he studied her face.  "You are not plain and ordinary and I wish you'd quit being so hard on yourself."  Aubrey looked down at her shoes.  "And second," he continued and she looked up.  "You say you're not going to see him again, but how do I know for sure?  You lied to me about going to Cabo with him." Andrew tilted his head as he folded his arms across his chest.  "How do I know you're not going to do something like that again?"

"I'm not going to see him again." Aubrey reiterated.  "I deleted his number out of my phone.  I--"

"That's not going to stop him from calling you." He interrupted hotly. 

"He called me on Wednesday and asked me to go somewhere with him yesterday." Aubrey said.  "And I told him no."

"Was that before or after you decided you could settle for being with me?" He countered.

"I'm not settling for you!" Aubrey replied in exasperation.  This wasn't going exactly the way she'd planned and she was beginning to feel desperate.  She'd pushed Justin away and it seemed no matter what she did now, she was going to end up pushing Andrew away as well.  "I've thought it through and this is the choice I've made."

"You had to think about it for a while." He remarked bitterly.  Aubrey looked at him imploringly but Andrew remained quiet. "I'm tired of waiting for you." He said finally with a sigh.  "Sometimes I wonder if I'm an idiot." He mumbled under his breath, rubbing his forehead with his hand than looked up at her.  "I've been waiting for you for the last five years, Aubrey!" He exclaimed, throwing up his hands in exasperation.  "I love you but I don't want you this way.  I don't like knowing you're only doing this because you're scared of Justin hurting you!"  He finished.  "I know I'm a guy and I know I probably don't show my feelings as much as you'd probably like, but I do have them.  I don't understand why you wanted me to drive up here.  So far all you've told me is why you don't want Justin." Andrew folded his arms across his chest.  "How about soothing my ego here a little bit and telling me why you suddenly decided you want to be with me?"

Aubrey looked down at her shoes, her cheeks warming in humiliation.  She didn't know how to adequately describe what she was thinking--what she was feeling.   "You've always been there for me." She said quietly, glancing up at him.  "I enjoy spending time with you and I feel like..." she paused.  "You know more about me than anyone else besides my family."

"So...you decided to choose me because I know your medical history?" He replied dryly.  "That's not much of a reason.  You gotta give me more than that."

Aubrey met his eyes, a sinking feeling settling over her as her desperation rose to a new level.  "I've made some mistakes in the past, but I want to forget about them and just move on."

"I don't know if I can forget about them." He replied.  Aubrey felt hurt, though she knew she deserved his scorn. 

"Give me another chance." She pled.  "Give me a chance to earn back your trust.  You can look at my phone." She said, pulling it from her pocket.  "He's not in there anymore." She held it out to him.  He didn't move.  "We can start over." She continued.  "We can get to know each other again without Jus...without anybody else getting in the way."

"I don't know if I can do this, Aubrey." He said with a resigned sigh.  "Maybe it's time for us to accept the truth that this," he gestured back and forth between them with his hand, "isn't going to work." He shook his head.  "I didn't want to see all the red flags."

"Andrew--" She reached out to him, desperate not to let him go.  If he walked away her worst fear would become reality. 

"No." He pulled back.  "Good-bye, Aubrey."

She watched as he turned and walked away, her breath coming in shallow gasps as he got into his truck and drove away--her mind unwilling to accept what had just happened.  She sat down on the guardrail she'd been leaning against earlier and looked down at the ground, trying to calm her breathing.  Passing out now wouldn't do her any good.  She finally stood a bit surprised her knees were holding her up.  With a trembling lip she walked to her car and got in.  With a sob she leaned her forehead against her steering wheel. 

Nobody wants me.