Am I going to have to use his toothbrush? She thought eyeing the red toothbrush lying on the counter beside the sink like it was a snake about to bite her.  She did not want to have to use his toothbrush.  The idea kind of grossed her out, though she knew it was ridiculous.  Do you know how much spit you've shared with the man recently?  She asked herself.  What's the difference? 

But she didn't have an answer.  All she knew was that she wasn't going to do it.  Opening the cupboard she breathed a sigh of relief to discover a bottle of mouthwash.  Taking the top off the bottle she poured a small amount of the green liquid into the cap and then into her mouth.  She began swishing it around as she studied her reflection in the mirror.  She'd told him she didn't have anything to wear to sleep in, to which Justin had then handed her the gray T-shirt and dark blue pair of boxer shorts she was currently wearing.  She spit out the mouthwash and wiped her mouth off with the hand towel hanging up on the wall beside her.  She tugged at the boxers.  She didn't normally wear shorts and was uncomfortable with how much of her legs were exposed, but as she pulled them down she stopped herself. 

This is ridiculous!  She scolded herself.  He's already seen you without your shirt on!  Aubrey forced herself to put her hands down at her sides.  Seeing your legs isn't going to be that big of a deal.  She cocked her head to the side as she continued to scrutinize herself. 

She'd never thought of herself as being sexy yet all evening that's all she'd felt like.  The desire in Justin's eyes every time he looked at her, his ardent declarations of her beauty, and his passionate caresses--along with the love she felt from him with every kiss--made Aubrey feel like the sexiest woman on the planet.  To know that this man, who could be with any woman in the world right now, had chosen to be with her--had asked her to spend the night with him--made her stand a little taller.  She ran a hand through her hair then, picking up her jeans and shirt, turned. 

Taking one more deep breath for good measure, Aubrey slowly opened the bathroom door.

~~~~~~

Justin jumped slightly as he heard the bathroom door open and turned.  He'd been pacing back and forth beside the bed, anxiously waiting for Aubrey to come out.  She'd been in there a good twenty minutes and he was starting to go a little crazy.  He didn't know what to expect from her tonight and was trying his hardest not to get his hopes up too high.  He knew she still didn't fully trust him yet but they'd gone much farther this evening than he ever thought they would.  The fact that he'd gotten to do anything more than just simply kiss her was amazing but, to top it all off, she had agreed to stay the night!  He knew what a huge step this was for her--how much trust she was placing in him--and he was determined not to let her down. 

His heart thumped in his chest and he swore his jaw dropped as she stepped out of the bathroom looking sweet and innocent and far too tempting for her own good as she dropped the shirt and jeans she'd been wearing earlier on the floor then looked at him.  Damn!  He thought as his eyes traveled from her cute bare feet up her amazing long legs and over her incredible body.  He'd never seen a woman look so hot wearing nothing but an old T-shirt and a pair of boxers!  How in the hell am I supposed to just sleep next to her?  He wondered. 

No matter how hard he tried to control it, his body reacted instantaneously to her--vividly recalling how it had felt to have her beneath him; to taste and feel the velvet-like skin she kept hidden from everyone; to hear the soft sounds of pleasure she had made--and he prayed for the strength to be able to keep the promise he'd made to her downstairs.  All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and love her--show her exactly what she meant to him and just how perfect he thought she was--but he knew she wasn't ready yet and pushing her would only prove to work against him right now. 

Aubrey looked at him hesitantly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as her beautiful eyes showed the uncertainty she felt at his continued silence.  He knew he should say something to ease her worries but his tongue was completely tied at the moment. 

"Are you okay?" She finally asked quietly.

"Yeah..." He shook his head as he blew out a breath.  "I just...damn girl!"  He swore.  "What you do to me."  Aubrey's cheeks warmed at his admission.  "This is going to be harder than I thought." He told her, putting a hand through his short hair.

"Maybe I should go." She said. 

"No!" He exclaimed as he took a step towards her.  Aubrey looked at him in surprise.  They'd come too far tonight for her to leave now!  "I mean..." he swallowed.  "If you want...do you want to go?" He asked.

She looked at him for a moment then slowly shook her head.  "No." She told him and his heart leapt.

"Okay." He nodded as he took another step towards her.  "Then it's settled.  You're staying."

"Okay." She repeated.

He reached a hand out, surprised to discover it was trembling slightly.  He was nervous!  It's like I'm fifteen again.  He thought as his stomach fluttered.  This is crazy!  He placed his palm against Aubrey cheek his thumb stroking her soft skin as his eyes seemed transfixed on her lips.  He watched as they parted slightly, a soft breath escaping her and he lifted his gaze--his eyes meeting hers as he took the final step separating them.

Slowly he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers, kissing her softly.  Aubrey sighed as he pulled back a moment later and he pressed his forehead against hers, their breath mingling.

"I don't know what to do." She said quietly.

"You don't have to do anything." He told her, pulling back and looking into her eyes.  "I told you." He said, caressing her cheek.  "I'm just happy you stayed.  We can put in a movie or something." He pointed at the flat screen hanging up on the wall opposite his bed.  "Or just talk.  Whatever you want." He finished, hoping to alleviate her worry and concern.  He could see the fear in her eyes, though she tried hard to hide it.  The last thing he wanted was for her to be scared of him. 

Aubrey looked at him for a moment then took a step around him.  Justin turned and watched as she walked towards his bed, his heart beating double time in his chest as she sat down on the mattress and pulled her legs up--crossing them beneath her. 

"Let's talk." She said, giving him a small smile as she patted the bed beside her. 

Justin let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.  Talking was good.  Talking was...safe.  He needed something to help take his mind of off how badly he wanted her if he was going to have any chance at making through the night with his sanity intact.  He walked over to her and leaned down, giving her a kiss before crawling up on the bed and flopping down on the pillow beside her.  She turned to face him as he put his hands behind his head and cross his ankles.  "What do you want to talk about?" He asked casually.

~~~~~~ 

Aubrey pulled her knees up in front of her, clasping her hands around her legs and resting her chin atop them as she looked over at Justin.  She'd been a bit flustered at first to come out and find him standing there in a pair of gray sweatpants and white tank top, but now quite enjoyed the picture he made stretched out in front of her on his bed.

"What was your first impression of me?" She asked, watching him closely.

He turned his head to look at her.  "I thought...you had a great smile." He said.  "I thought you were cute.  I've told you before that I was surprised that you didn't seem to know who I was," he grinned at her and she chuckled.  "I felt like an idiot for walking away without even introducing myself or asking what your name was but I was so busy trying to keep Brennan off of you...I was going to go back and do that, but you kind of disappeared on me.  What about you?" He asked.  "What did you think of me when we first met?" 

"I convinced myself it wasn't really you." She told him.  "You seemed so...normal." She smiled.  "You were just a regular guy out with your dogs on a Sunday morning.  If it was you, why would you have been talking to me?" She shrugged. 

"You don't give yourself enough credit." He told her.  "I know I'm a little biased now, but I thought you were pretty that first day we met."  Aubrey dropped her legs, crossing them beneath her again, and Justin reached a hand out--laying it on the knee closest to him.  She watched as his thumb moved back and forth across her skin.

"What's one of your favorite childhood memories?" She asked, scooting a little bit closer to him.

"That's easy." He smiled.  "My step-dad teaching  me how to golf."

"How old were you?"

"Ten." He answered and she smiled.  "It's been a passion ever since."

"What was it like...growing up on stage?" She questioned.

"It was..." He shrugged as he sat up and leaned back against the headboard.  He took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.  "I don't really have anything to compare it to, you know?" He asked.  "It was just how life was for me.  It was hard at times, don't get me wrong, and I know I missed out on a lot things that ‘normal' kids get to experience but it was worth it.  I wouldn't trade anything because then I wouldn't be here, right now.  With you."  Aubrey smiled and felt her cheeks warm at his admission.  "What made you decide you wanted to be a teacher?" He asked her.

"I want to make a difference in the world." She told him.  "And teaching is the best way to do that.  To be able to see the light come on when a child finally understands and learns how to tell time; to see the excited smiles on their faces when they learn how to read or write their names..." she sighed.  "It's the best feeling in the world to know that you helped teach them that." 

"Did you always know you wanted to be a teacher?" He asked, in genuine interest.

"No." She shook her head.

"What made the decision for you?"

"Mia." She told him. 

"Mia?" He questioned and she nodded, a smile coming to her face.

"I volunteered one summer during high school at the city library.  I helped in the children's section and would do the story hour on Saturday mornings." She told him.  "There was this one little girl--Mia--who came in with her grandmother every week.  She was eight, but didn't know how to read yet.  At first she sat at the back of the group as I would read the story but each week she got a little bit closer and a little bit closer until finally she pulled one of the little reading chairs right up beside me.  She watched me as I read the stories and I could see the hunger in her eyes to learn.  So I talked to her grandmother, who barely spoke English, and she agreed to let me help Mia learn how to read.  So I worked with her all summer long and by the time she went back to school that fall she could read." Aubrey smiled.  "A whole new world opened up to her.  It was amazing and I was hooked.  I knew that was what I wanted to do with my life."

"Wow." Justin commented.  "That's...wow."  Aubrey chuckled at his stumbling.  "To feel that much...passion about what you do...it's amazing..."

"It's no different than the passion you feel for what you do." She told him. 

"Yes it is." He said.  "My music doesn't change peoples' lives the way you teaching kids to read does."

"I just..." She shrugged, searching for the right words.  "Too many kids now a days grow up in homes where they're not loved and I..." She stopped, blinking back the tears that had suddenly appeared.  "I just want them to know that they have one person in their life that loves them and believes in them and helps them reach their full potential."  She sniffed and wiped away the tears that had fallen.  "I'm sorry." She chuckled self-consciously.  "I get a little worked up about it sometimes." 

~~~~~~ 

"I've said it before," Justin replied.  "But it's never been truer than right now.  You are an incredible woman, Aubrey." He said, looking at her in amazement.  "And everyday I learn something else about you that proves that even more.  I'm not really sure what I did to deserve having you in my life but whatever it was, I'm extremely happy that it happened."   

Aubrey surprised him as she unfolded her legs and leaned towards him, kissing him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  Justin put his arms around her as well, and twisted slightly laying her back against the pillow he had been leaning against.  Their lips melded together in the perfect way that had become familiar to him over the last month and he moved one hand down her side--gripping her hip--as he slowly moved one leg between her own.  Aubrey's head arched back, her lips releasing his as she fought for breath. 

"I love kissing you." He told her as he kissed along her jaw line and down her throat.  Her fingers clutched at his shoulders.  "I was such a fool to wait as long as I did."

She looked up at him, as he pulled back, with questioning eyes.  "How long were you waiting?" She asked as she moved one hand up to his face, her thumb running over his bottom lip. 

"The first time I wanted to kiss you was the night of your birthday." He told her, the hand he had on her hip moving up her side--taking the hem of the shirt she wore with it.   "I don't know if you remember," he said as his thumb caressed the sensitive skin above the waistband of the boxers she was wearing.  Aubrey let out a soft moan and he grinned.  "But that asinine comment I made to you about catching you looking at my lips...I only said it because I couldn't stop thinking about yours.  That was the night everything changed for me." He confessed.

"I was waiting longer." She told him and he looked at her in question.  "That day you came over and were ‘normal'..." She trailed off and he watched as her cheeks turned pink, his interest definitely piqued now.

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile.

"I had a dream that night that you kissed me." She said.  "I had to wait another two months to find out what your kiss was really like."

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting." He said, pressing his lips against hers--their tongues dancing together.  Finally he tore his mouth from hers and placed it where he'd been wanting to since doing so earlier.  Sliding down her body, Justin lifted the hem of her shirt half-way up and put both hands on her sides.  His lips caressed her as he kissed above and beside her belly button.  Moving his hands down, he hooked his thumbs beneath the waistband of the boxers and underwear she wore and pulled them down slightly. 

Aubrey's breath caught in her throat and he looked up at her, gauging her reaction.  Her eyes were closed but the look of pleasure on her face made him smile.  He kissed her left hip and was moving over to her right when he noticed something that had been hidden from him before.  He stopped, looking down at the dark pink line that marred her perfect body and ran down from her belly button-disappearing beneath the fabric of the boxers.

"What is this from?" He asked, touching the scar tissue before placing his lips against it.  Aubrey gasped as if suddenly realizing she'd forgotten something important.  She lifted her head, her eyes connecting with his.  "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." She replied hastily, lying back down on the pillow.  He noticed her chest rising and falling rapidly as if she were struggling for breath.  "I just...nothing."

"Aubrey?" He questioned, moving to lean over her again.  He looked down at her.  "What's going on?  You were fine a second ago." He watched her closely, trying to read the expression on her face.  "What's going on?" He asked again.  Aubrey lay stiff beneath him, a myriad of emotions playing on her face--frustration and fear being the most prominent.  He narrowed his eyes as he watched her.  "What's the scar from?" He asked.

"It's from...a surgery...I had about three years ago." She told him. 

"What kind of surgery?" He asked tentatively, beginning to get worried.  Was she sick?  If she told him she had cancer or something he wasn't sure how he was going to handle that.  He couldn't lose her to something like that!  Not when they'd barely begun their relationship.  "What kind of surgery?" He asked again when she remained silent.  Real fear starting to take hold of him.  "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm broken." She finally told him.  Her bottom lip trembled and she closed her eyes, tears leaking beneath her lashes as she turned on her side and pulled her legs up--curling into the fetal position.  "It's not fair." She whispered her voice catching. 

Justin watched her from a moment in stunned silence.  Her reaction to his questions baffled him.  He had no idea what was going on so he did the only thing he knew to do.  Moving to the side he lay down behind her.  Wrapping his arms around her he pulled Aubrey back against him and just held her while she cried quietly.  Whatever the reason was behind the surgery she'd had to have she was still in pain because of it.  He placed his lips against her neck then pressed his forehead against the back of her head--his heart breaking for her.  Tightening his arms around her, he waited.

~~~~~~~  

Aubrey hated the fact that she was crying over this.  It's been three years!  She reminded herself.  I knew what I was doing when I made the decision to have the surgery.  Why is it still affecting me like this?  She asked.  But she knew the reason.

She felt broken, just like she'd told him.  She was upset over the fact that she'd finally found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and she couldn't offer him the one thing that women were supposed to be able to bring to a relationship--the ability to have children. 

And she was scared.  

She had completely forgotten about the scar she carried from her hysterectomy and hadn't even been thinking about it as Justin's kisses had moved down her body.  All she'd been thinking about was how good he made her feel, about how much she loved him, and about how she didn't know how she'd survived without him before.  He kept his arms around her, silently giving her support and offering comfort; waiting for her to be ready to talk.  What was he going to do when she told him?  How was he going to react?  Her tears finally quieted and she lay staring at the clock on his night stand.   

What a day this turned out to be. She mused wryly as she sniffed and moved a hand up to wipe away her tears.  Twelve hours ago she'd been watching him teach a bunch of seven year olds how to dunk an Oreo and now here she was: crying in his arms, about to bare her soul to him and tell him things that nobody else knew.  She only prayed the next twelve hours would still find them together.  She didn't know what she'd do if this was the end.     

"I can't have children." Aubrey confessed quietly-finally letting him in on the one secret she kept from everyone.  She closed her eyes, waiting anxiously for his response. 

"Ever?" He questioned.  She shook her head and heard him sigh behind her as he tightened his hold on her.  "What happened?"

"It's a long, complicated medical story," she told him.  "But...basically because of different issues I had to have a hysterectomy when I was eighteen."

Justin shifted behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.  Aubrey rolled over on her back and finally braved looking at him.  He lay on his side, propped up on one elbow, and she wished she could read his thoughts.  He reached his other hand out and wiped away the tears remaining on her face before he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers. 

"I'm sorry." He said pulling back again and running his thumb across her cheek.  "I don't..." he started then stopped, his eyes searching hers.  "Aubrey, I don't see how this makes you broken." He finished, looking at her--his blue eyes seeking understanding.

"Did you not hear me say that I can't have children?" She asked, looking at him in question.

"Yeah, but..." he shook his head and Aubrey sat up, pushing him away in frustration. 

"I can't do what every other woman is able to do." She told him, throwing her arms out to the side.  "I'll never be pregnant.  I'll never..." she stopped and furiously blinked away her tears.  "I'll never be able to hold my own baby in my arms." She told him.  "I feel empty inside most of the time."  She looked down at her hands in her lap.  "I'm not a real woman." She whispered. 

"Look at me, Aubrey Janae." Justin responded forcefully.  She kept her head down but he reached out and tugged her chin up forcing her to look at him.  A fire sparked in his blue eyes and she wanted to pull away from him, but he kept a firm hold on her.  "Having a uterus and being able to have a baby is not what makes you a woman!  It's your compassion and sweet temperament." He continued.  "It's all the reasons I told you earlier at dinner that I find you so attractive and sexy.  It's your heart and your ability to love unconditionally.  Besides," He told her.  "You're already a mother.  You've got ten little kids right now who adore you and hang off of every word you say and love you as much as the women who actually gave birth to them and one day," he said, tenderly wiping away the tears that were falling down her face.  "You'll have an entire classroom of wiggly little five and six year olds who will give you their hearts.  You've already got one big kid," he pointed at himself, "Whose life will never be the same because of loving you."

Aubrey looked at him through her tears, wondering why he was so perfect.  Men like Justin weren't supposed to exist in real life!  They only existed in books and movies.  "I can't ever give you a child." She told him, needing to make sure he completely understood.

"I don't care!" He replied, shaking his head.  "I honestly, don't care.  If we decide...you know..." he shrugged.  "Sometime down the road that we want kids, then we'll adopt.  Like you said, there are more than enough children in this world who are in desperate need of someone to love them.  And..." he paused.  This time it was his turn to look uncertain and nervous.  "If...it turns out that Nikki's baby is mine...there will be one more in need of your love."  His eyes met hers, vulnerability clearly written all over his face. 

"Justin, I may be insanely jealous that she's possibly having your baby." Aubrey told him as she put a hand to his face.  "And I'm not going to lie and say this whole situation doesn't make me uncomfortable and I wish with all my heart that it weren't happening, but that doesn't mean I won't love that baby if it's yours." She assured him, his blue eyes registering his relief.  "How could I not?" She asked.  "It's a part of you."

Justin put his arms around her and pulled her close, his lips capturing hers.  Aubrey responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck--willingly surrendering to the passion between them as she participated in what was by far the most emotional kiss she'd ever experienced. 

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Justin asked as he laid her back on the pillow. 

"Probably about as much as I love you." She told him, running a hand through his hair as she looked up at him.  He kissed her again, long and deep--his lips moving against hers slowly and seductively as he worked to prove his love to her with his mouth.  The emotional bond they'd just forged burned bright between them and Aubrey knew, no matter what the future held for them, they would make it through the storms together.  Justin finally released her mouth as he lay down beside her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly.  She sighed as she turned, resting her head against his chest as she sought to be even closer to him.  They lay together in a comfortable and peaceful silence until Justin spoke up.

"I just had a thought." He said. 

"About?" She asked lifting her head as she looked at him.  His eyes sparkled mischievously and she narrowed her eyes slightly as she watched him closely.  It was never good when he got that look in his eyes.        

"I'm going to end up saving a lot of money because of this." He nodded, looking thoughtful.

"What do you mean?" She asked with a confused chuckle.

He shrugged casually as he ran a hand through her hair then pulled her close, kissing her.  "I can quit throwing money away supporting the condom industry." He told her, his smile widening.  Aubrey laughed as she pushed him playfully.  "But you," he said, pointing at her.  "May end up regretting that you told me about everything."

"How so?" Aubrey asked, curious to hear his explanation.

"You're not going to be able to ever use the excuse that you're on your period to get out of anything." He told her and she laughed.  "Cuz now I know better."