“Dude, just get on with it already,” Justin complained.

Lance sighed. “I was trying to put an image in your head.”

“I don’t need an image. Just tell the story,” Justin said. He moved the phone to his other ear and glanced at his mom from where he was sitting on the couch as she walked by. It’d been almost a week since he’d last heard from Lance so they were in the process of catching up.

“Alright, well, it was a pretty uneventful day at lunch. At least until some guy decided that he wanted to see if he could shove his whole burger into his mouth.”

“What’s so great about that? I could do that,” Justin said.

“It was like the size of a Big Mac,” Lance replied.

Justin’s eyes widened slightly. “So did he do it?”

“Yeah, but the guy’s got a big mouth,” Lance said dismissively. “But that wasn’t what everyone was talking about for the rest of the day.”

“Then, what?”

“Well, when he tried to chew and swallow it, he started to choke.”

“Well, yeah,” Justin said. “That’s what happens when you shove a burger that huge into your mouth.”

“No. He was actually choking.”

Justin sat up. “Are you kidding me?”

“No,” Lance said again, and Justin could picture him shaking his head. “One of the math teachers had to do the Heimlich, and he spent the rest of the day in the nurse’s office.”

“And you saw this happen?” Justin asked.

“He was sitting at the table behind me. You would’ve known that if you hadn’t interrupted me.”

Justin rolled his eyes. He should’ve expected that Lance would throw that back in his face. “Yeah yeah.”

It was silent for a moment before Lance cleared his throat and asked, “So how’s JC?”

Justin sighed heavily. He’d known this was coming because checking on JC was probably a large reason why he called, but Justin had liked talking about nothing. It’d been nice to pretend that things were mostly back to normal, but he knew that wasn’t fair to Lance, who was obviously worried about JC.

“He’s fine,” Justin said finally.

“Really? You don’t sound convinced.”

“Well, that’s what he wants everyone to believe.”

“And as his best friend, you know the truth,” Lance said. “So how’s he doing?”

“He’s…” Justin hesitated, wondering how much he should say. He didn’t want to worry Lance too much since he was back in Mississippi, but he needed to talk to someone. “I think he’s doing better, but I don’t really know. He doesn’t say much to me.”

“I know it’s hard to accept that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened,” Lance started, but Justin interrupted him.

“No, that’s not it. Well, OK, some of it, but he won’t even talk to me about stupid stuff.”

“Maybe he feels weird talking about that stuff with everything that’s going on. Maybe if you went to see him—”

“I do,” Justin said. “I’ve gone over to see him a few times in the past week to try to get his mind off things, you know? I tell him a joke and, if I’m lucky, I get a small smile. So most of the time we just hang out in this awkward silence.”

“Have you tried to get him involved in something? Maybe doing something would help,” Lance suggested.

Justin shook his head. “I’ve tried that. I tried playing basketball with him, watching a movie, and other things. Nothing’s worked. He doesn’t seem into anything, and I don’t know what else to try. I don’t know how to get through to him.”

There was a pause, and Justin knew that Lance was trying to come up with something to say. He didn’t know if Lance would be able to give him a suggestion since it felt like he’d tried everything. Even though he accepted that Lance probably wouldn’t be able to tell him what to do next, Justin hoped that Lance would come up with something.

Finally, Lance said, “Well, you can’t give up. He’s in a bad place right now, but he’ll come around eventually.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Justin asked.

“He will,” Lance assured. “You just have to give him some time.”

Justin growled in frustration, jumping to his feet and gripping the phone tightly. “Yeah, time,” he said sarcastically as he began to pace across the living room. “That word’s been tossed around a lot lately. Whoever said that things get better with time is full of crap. Things with JC aren’t getting better. He’s just becoming more distant.”

“How? It doesn’t sound like he’s shutting himself away anymore,” Lance said.

“He might not be hiding in his room anymore, but he still won’t talk to anyone.” Justin stopped pacing. “He won’t talk to me.”

Lance sighed. “Justin…”

“No.” Justin resumed pacing. “I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to tell me to just be there for him, that he’ll talk when he’s ready. But how can I believe that when that’s what I’ve been doing and he hasn’t opened up at all?”

“That’s not true. You talked to him and convinced him to press charges. That has to count for something.”

“But that’s the thing. We didn’t really talk. Yeah, something I said must’ve sunk in, but he didn’t tell me anything. I asked him about stuff and he avoided talking about the police or anything else if he could help it,” Justin said. “He doesn’t trust me. He has it in his head that he can’t talk to me about this.”

Suddenly spent, Justin sat back down on the couch. He said quietly, “I’m losing him.”

“Justin, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel.”

“He’s got enough to deal with right now. He doesn’t need to hear about my dumb problems,” Justin said. The last thing he wanted was to force JC to help him when he should be the one helping JC. JC shouldn’t have to worry about his feelings on top of everything else.

“They’re not dumb. You can’t help how you feel,” Lance said.

Justin sighed, running his free hand through his short curls. “I feel like a whiny little kid.”

“Maybe that’s how it was before, but not anymore. It’s deeper than that.” Lance repeated, “You really should talk to him.”

“It just feels wrong to say something now. I mean, it’s so small and meaningless compared to what happened to him,” Justin said.

Lance was quiet for a few seconds. “I know you’re worried about overloading him, but did it ever occur to you that now would be a good time to bring this up? He’d probably appreciate having the focus off him for a while.”

Justin considered that and realized that Lance had a good point. One thing JC hated was being the center of attention, so the past week was probably killing him. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to bring it up.

“Just think about it, alright?” Lance said, snapping Justin out of his thoughts.

Justin nodded even though he knew Lance couldn’t see him. “I will.”

“Good.” There was a pause. “So, I’ve been trying to talk to my mom. You know, convince her into letting me come back and see if we can try again.”

“And?”

“Not a chance in hell,” Lance said.

Justin chuckled a little. “That a direct quote?”

“No, but I know that’s what she’s thinking.” Lance sighed. “But I’m not giving up. I’ll find some way to get through to her.”

“Well, you have some time. The trials not for a couple of months, and I doubt JC’s gonna want to do anything before then,” Justin said.

“But even when it’s over, do you think JC will want to do it?” Lance asked.

“Why wouldn’t he? I mean, this is JC we’re talking about.”

“Yeah, but he went through something pretty traumatic. If it were me, I don’t know if I could handle it.”

“JC’s strong,” Justin said confidently. “He won’t let this keep him from doing what he wants to. And it’s not like it’ll happen again.”

“Yeah, we know better now,” Lance agreed. “We’ll be able to do it right – get a good manager and just be more involved.”

“And we’ll create an even better demo. One where we don’t lip sync. Then, bam! We’ll be famous with tons of fans. It’ll be total chaos.” Justin smiled at the thought. It still wouldn’t happen for a while, but he was confident that it would happen.

“That’s quite a fantasy, Justin.”

“It’s not a fantasy!” Justin objected. “It’s what’s going to happen. I can feel it.”

Lance laughed, but then there was distant yelling in the background and he said he had to go. So they said their goodbyes, and Justin hung up the phone, relaxing into the couch cushions. He was glad that Lance had called because he’d been able to get some stuff off his chest. Talking to Lance made him realize just how much he missed him. Justin felt so close to him already that he hoped that everything would work out, and Lance would be able to join the four of them soon.

JC watched his car go around the winding race track listlessly, his fingers barely pressing the buttons to make it move. He felt so tired. The restless nights were definitely catching up to him. He was mentally tired as well, which created an exhaustion that he hadn’t experienced before, not even during rehearsals. So much of his energy was spent preparing for the trial that it was hard to summon more to do other things.

JC glanced over to his left at Justin, whose eyes were focused on the game. Though, JC wasn’t fooled. He knew that Justin was probably watching him out of the corner of his eye, hoping that he finally found something to engage him in. That seemed to be his mission ever since his first visit earlier that week. JC wanted to let go and have some fun, not only to put Justin at ease but for himself too. He wanted to take his mind off the things that constantly weighed on him, but he couldn’t help it. It felt impossible to act carefree and normal when everything was still so up in the air.

Everyone was so worried about how he was handling everything, and the trial was still months away. It didn’t help that Lou had been able to make bail. Even though Lou was out there, JC knew that he would be stupid to come near him. Still, his stomach twisted in knots every time he thought about Lou and the trial, so he really appreciated Justin’s attempts at getting him to relax and feel normal. But the only thing that would make JC feel better would be the day that Lou went to jail and he could finally put everything behind him.

“Damn it,” Justin mumbled, forcing JC to blink and actually register what was on the screen. Justin had come in third, while JC came in dead last. Maybe JC wasn’t the only one distracted.

After a beat of silence, Justin said, “JC.” He put the controller down, leaving the results of the race up on the TV. “Can I ask you something?”

JC mirrored Justin’s actions, setting the controller down on the carpet. “Sure. What’s up?’

Justin looked at JC before he lowered his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip. JC frowned. Whatever Justin had to say must be serious, and it made JC wonder if something was wrong. No one had mentioned anything to him, but then again, everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“Justin,” JC said. Justin looked up at him, locking nervous eyes with JC’s concerned ones. “What’s wrong?”

Justin picked at his thumbnail and muttered, “I should be asking you that.”

“What?” JC’s frown deepened.

Justin sighed and shook his head. “Nothing.”

JC turned his body so he was facing Justin, giving him his full attention. As much as he didn’t want to talk about himself, there was obviously something that was bothering Justin.

“No, J.” JC reached out and grabbed onto Justin’s shoulder, gently turning him towards him. “What? Tell me.”

“I just…” Justin glanced at JC and shifted uncomfortably. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

JC’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about? We talk.”

“No we don’t. When I come over all we do is say hello and then sit in silence for the rest of the time,” Justin said.

JC sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said. Part of him wasn’t surprised that Justin was bringing this up because he hated being out of the loop, but JC was tired of talking about Lou and the upcoming trial.

“Look,” Justin took a deep breath. “I’m not trying to be a pain or force you to talk or anything. I just…I’m hurt that you’ll talk to everyone else about what’s going on but me, and I don’t understand why. I thought we were best friends.”

JC’s eyes widened in surprise. He knew that he’d been kind of distant from Justin, but it wasn’t like he’d done it on purpose. At least not entirely. In the beginning he had, but he’d been staying away from everyone so it wasn’t anything against Justin. But apparently, Justin didn’t see it that way.

“We are best friends,” JC assured.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Justin said softly, going back to picking his nails.

JC rubbed the back of his neck. He was going through so much himself that sometimes he forgot what everyone else must be feeling, especially Justin. “I never meant to make you feel like that.”

Justin nodded. “I know. I wasn’t even going to say anything, but…I was scared.”

“Of what?” JC asked.

“Of losing you. Your friendship.”

“That’s not going to happen,” JC said. He couldn’t believe what Justin was saying, but it had to have come from somewhere.

“I’m not so sure. I mean, how much further can our friendship go if you refuse to confide in me because you think I’m just a kid.”

JC shook his head. He had no idea that Justin felt that way, and it seemed like those feelings had been around for a while. Part of JC felt guilty for making Justin feel like they weren’t close anymore, but he’d done what he thought was right at the time.

“I don’t think you’re a kid,” JC leaned forward slightly and put a hand on Justin’s thigh, causing Justin to meet his gaze, “and I didn’t mean to push you away. I just…a lot happened and I was trying to deal with it.”

“I know, and I feel kinda stupid bringing this up. It’s just that,” Justin sighed, “you still won’t really talk to me. Not about what happened, not about the trial, not anything.”

“It’s nothing against you, Justin,” JC assured. “I promise.”

Justin frowned. “Then what? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Honestly? I’m tired of talking about it. Every time I go to the police station, they make me relive what happened, and I just don’t have the strength to tell anyone else about it.” JC locked eyes with Justin. “You don’t want to know the details. Trust me.”

“I don’t need to know the details. I just wanted you to tell me what happened yourself like you did with Joey. I shouldn’t have found out from Chris,” Justin said.

“You’re right. I should’ve told you,” JC agreed. He couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for Justin to hear something so horrible about his best friend from Chris, who hadn’t tried to be discreet or break the news gently. “You know, I was actually going to tell you, tell everyone. Joey was going to help me do it after the demo, but…well, you know.”

Justin looked down at his lap and nodded, the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown. “I’m glad you at least told someone, but why Joey? Why couldn’t you have told me what was wrong when you got sick instead of lying to me?”

JC winced. He figured that was going to come back to bite him in the ass, and Justin’s hurt was understandable. “I didn’t want to tell Joey what happened. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I knew it would screw up everything.”

“So then why’d you tell him?” Justin asked. There wasn’t any accusation to his tone, just curiosity.

“Because he was there when all the stress caught up to me. It was late and I couldn’t sleep because I was freaking out about seeing Lou,” JC explained. “It wasn’t like I planned on telling him. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Were you glad you told him?”

“It was a relief, yeah.” Justin look dejected and JC added, “But Justin, it doesn’t change anything between us. You’ll always be my best friend.”

Justin looked at him. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because we’re like brothers, and family doesn’t abandon each other.” JC paused, seeing that he hadn’t exactly gotten through to Justin yet. “You wanna know why I didn’t even think about our friendship? Why I wasn’t worried?”

JC didn’t wait for an answer and said, “It’s because I knew you weren’t going anywhere. You stuck around because you know I need you. We’re friends for life. You just have to be patient while I try to get back to normal.”

Justin was silent for a moment before a smile slowly spread across his face. “Good luck with that,” he said.

JC returned the smile, not minding the dig on him not being normal. He was glad to see Justin in a better mood, and all of the discomfort from earlier seemed to have disappeared completely.

A comfortable silence settled between them, and JC figured that Justin would pick up his controller and insist on playing again. Instead, Justin said, “You know, I talked to Lance earlier.”

“Yeah? How’s he doing?” JC asked.

“Good.” Justin paused slightly. “He’s trying to get around his mom so he can come back and we can try again. But you know, right this time.”

“You still want it?”

“Yeah!” Justin said. His tone implied how ridiculous that question was, and JC supposed it was. There was no doubt that Justin was meant to be a performer. Justin frowned at him and said, “Why? Don’t you?”

JC slowly shook his head. “I don’t know, J.”

“What?” Justin stared in disbelief. “How can you say that? You love music.”

“I never said I didn’t. I just…” JC sighed, averting his eyes. “I don’t think I can do it all again.”

“JC, you can’t let what Lou did to you affect your decision. He was an asshole, but he saw how good we were. And if he could see it, then someone else will too.”

“It’s not just that. I mean, that’s a big part of it, but…”

Justin leaned forward. “But what?”

“If it was meant to be, it would’ve happened by now. First LA and now this.” JC’s eyes met Justin’s. “The odds of being successful now are really slim.”

“You and your fate crap,” Justin muttered, shaking his head. He looked at JC seriously. “You can’t give up on this. And I know you don’t want to. Music is your life. It makes you happy, and after everything, you deserve to be happy.”

JC tore his eyes away from Justin’s knowing gaze, choosing to look at the tan carpet instead. Justin was saying things that Chris had pretty much told him at the police station; that he couldn’t give up because that would be letting Lou win. They were right. That much JC knew, but it was too soon. He wasn’t prepared to move on yet and try again.

“I’m not ready,” JC said finally.

“That’s OK,” Justin assured. “We’ll wait until you are.”

JC looked up at him. “You don’t have to do that. Who knows how long it’ll take, and I don’t want you guys waiting around for me.” He paused. “You should find someone else.”

“I don’t want to find someone else. I want you,” Justin said. He reached out and put a hand on JC’s shoulder. “There’s no NSYNC without you. It’s the five of us or nothing, and I know the others feel the same. We’ll wait forever if we have to. We’re not going anywhere.”

JC could see the sincerity in Justin’s eyes as he let the words sink in. He’d kept his distance from the guys because he’d been afraid that they would treat him differently once they knew. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. They were concerned and upset, but they never once blamed him or called him weak.

And now, Justin was saying that they wanted to wait for him and try their luck in the music industry again. That meant a lot to JC and helped restore some confidence in himself. He’d been so sure that revealing this huge secret he’d kept hidden for so long would be the end of their careers, but he’d been wrong. They were willing to keep going, to try again. And if he’d been wrong about that, then maybe he was wrong for thinking that Lou would get off.

For the first time since that dreadful night when the truth had been revealed, JC felt like he was doing the right thing, and he owed it all to his friends. There was no way he would’ve been strong enough to do it without them, and he knew that strength would come in handy in the next couple months as the trial drew closer. It was still terrifying, but JC had no doubt that he’d get through it with the help of his friends.