I waited for the sun to come up before I got out of bed. I didn’t sleep last night, except for maybe an hour total. It’s nice in this air-conditioned room but the bed is so damn uncomfortable I don’t want to lay in it all day when I know I’m not going to be able to sleep. I pulled my sweatshirt off so I was only wearing a tank top; it’s probably much hotter outside.

         “Where are you going?” Justin asked before sitting up in bed.

         “For a walk.”

         “Can I come?”

         “Yeah,” I guess. I didn’t wait for him but I didn’t have to, he came jogging to catch up with me before I made it down the hall.

         “How are you feeling?”

         “I’m hungry,” I said before walking into the kitchen and looking through the cabinets. I know that’s not the kind of answer he was looking for but I am hungry.  Sure, maybe I shouldn’t be going through these people’s cabinets but no one is here and I’m pregnant so I’m pretty sure that lets me do whatever I want when it comes to food.

         Luckily I found a hidden shelf with those mini powdered donuts so I grabbed a box before continuing my journey wherever it is I’m going. “You can have one,” I held the box out.

         Justin reached in with a chuckle, “Oh I can have one huh? Thanks D.” He walked next to me for a little while in silence. I will admit it’s kind of nice to have him here, even though he usually talks too much. He does seem to know when I’d rather him just shut up, even if I have to ask him to.  “I was thinking we should do something. You know, to keep ourselves busy.”

         “Like what?”

         “I don’t know. Play a game or something. Cards, Scrabble.”

         I waited a few seconds to answer. “I don’t have a game.”

         “We can go get one. There’s that store down the street.”

         “OK,” I agreed softly. I’ll try anything at this point. All I know is I really need to get myself straightened out. It’s for this kid thing growing inside me. “I want an ice cream sundae… and a pickle. Why isn’t the ice cream place open yet?”

         “Because it’s 6 o’clock in the morning?”

         “Don’t answer my question with a question.  Do you think I can buy some ice cream at the store and make my own sundae? What time do they open?”

         “It says eight. There’s a guy in the ice cream shop, hold on.” Justin left me standing on the sidewalk as he went into the ice cream shop and said something to the guy in there washing the floor. Maybe he knows the guy or something, I’m not sure.  He came out a few minutes later and held the door open for me, “Come on.” He said with a smile.

         “Come on?”

         “Yeah, come on. You wanted ice cream, right?”

         “Yeah, but…”

         “Come on,” he answered again before grabbing onto my hand and pulling me inside, “This guy is nice enough to make you a sundae.”

         “What can I get you sweetie?” the man asked with a smile as we sat down at the counter.

         “Um, a sundae with hot fudge and the peanut butter sauce, do you have that?” he nodded his head and I felt the smile cover my face, “OK, thank you. With whipped cream too.”

         “Of course,” the man said with the sweetest smile, “Peanuts?”

         “Yes… I mean no! I don’t think I’m supposed to have peanuts. Thank you.”

         “Any time sweetheart, you just let me know if you need anything. And what can I get you?” he asked Justin.

         Justin looked at me and then at the man, let out a quick chuckle and then answered, “I guess I’ll have the same.”

         I heard myself laugh, “You’re going to get fat with me.”

         “It’s true,” he laughed, “I gained more weight than Kelly did when she was pregnant with Lemmie.”

         “That’s not possible.”

         “Yes it is. She only gained 10 pounds. I gained 11.”

         “That’s amazing,” I laughed. I heard the father’s do tend to gain weight right along with the mothers; especially if it’s the first pregnancy but I definitely didn’t think it would be that much.

         “Here you go sweetheart,” the man said as he placed the sundaes in front of us before reaching over and handing me a plate with two big dill pickles on it.

         “How did you…?” the man nodded towards Justin who was already digging into his sundae, “Thank you Justin, that’s really sweet.”

         “I know how you pregnant women are with your pregnancy cravings. I’m glad I could help.”

         This is a new side of him I’ve never seen. I know he’s a pretty nice guy, I mean he’s been nice to me, but this is far beyond being nice. “I’m going to be really gross,” I warned with a laugh, “I’m going to dip my pickle in the sundae. I know it’s disgusting, but for some reason it sounds so good. I’m just warning you so you can turn away if you want.”

         “Don’t do that,” Justin laughed, “That’s taking it too far.”

         “No it’s not. It’s just a pickle with ice cream and hot fudge and peanut butter sauce and whipped cream,” I laughed as I dipped it in, “It’s not that weird.”

         “Yes it is. Seriously D, that’s disgusting,” he laughed.

         “It is not,” I said as I held the pickle covered in sundae up, “I have to do it so just… look the other way.”

         “No, it’s like a car crash I can’t…”

         Fuck.

         What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s one of the first times I’m not thinking about it and actually having fun and I compare it to a car crash, the reason why we’re both here in the first place.

         “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

         “I’m just going to do it,” she said as if she didn’t catch what I just said, “So watch it if you have to but don’t complain.”

         Before I could say anything she took a bite of the disgusting pickle, still laughing. “Mmmm, it’s so good. Try it,” she held it out for me.

         “Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.”

         “Fine, be a wuss, more for me.”

         I’ve never seen her in a good mood like this. It’s kind of a relief; I was really worried about her and the baby.  I just need to keep her mind off the bad shit and she should be fine.

         “You got all quiet,” her voice woke me from my thoughts, “Are you alright? Did I scare you?”

         “Nah,” I laughed as I took a bite from my ice cream, “I can’t believe we’re eating sundaes at six o’clock in the morning.”

         “We’re adults,” she answered with a smile before closing her eyes and enjoying a spoonful, “We can do whatever we want.”

         “That’s true. If our mothers could see us now.”

         “I’m not going to be one of those mothers.”

“Alright, just don’t tell my mother.”

She laughed, “I’m going to tell your mother.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t.”

“No, I’m going to. What’s she going to do, yell at you?”

“Yeah,” I laughed, “she probably will.”

“My mother would too. But I’m still telling her.”

“Great, good to know you got my back.” I answered with a chuckle.

“Anytime,” she smiled, “Us mothers need to stick together.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

I’m going to let my kid have ice cream whenever he wants.”

         “You say that now, but it’ll change. I was like that too but when she’s standing there in front of you, it’s hard not to give in, but you have to do what’s best for her.”

         “Giving him ice cream is what’s best for him. That’s what’s best for everything.”

         “Not his teeth.” I laughed before taking another spoonful, “So it’s a he?”

         “Yeah, for sure.”

         “For sure?” I laughed at the amount of confidence in her voice, “You’re absolutely positive?” she nodded her head, “how do you know?”

         “I just know. I mean, there’s a baby growing inside of me. I can tell if it’s going to be a he or a she.”

         “Oh, of course,” I answered sarcastically, “What did the doctor say?”

         “Well, nothing yet. I don’t need her to tell me what I already know.”

         “Alright,” I laughed as I watched her throw the last bite sized piece of the pickle in remainder of the ice cream and take one last spoonful, “Good?”

         “Amazing. Thank you so much, Justin. And thank you too sir.”

         “Absolutely sweetie, anytime. You two have fun.” He turned to me, “Anytime your wife needs some ice cream this early, you make sure to come by and check if I’m here. I’m usually here early, and I’d be happy to help you out.”

         “Oh, she’s not my…”

         He smiled and held his hands up, “I’ll see you again, I’m sure. Have a good one.”

         I followed Delia outside as we made our way back to the house. “That was really nice of you. I would have never even thought that could happen. You’re going to spoil me because now every time I want something I’ll think I can get it,” she laughed.

         “You can. You’re pregnant girl, live it up. Whatever you want. Let me know. I’ll be able to get it for you.” I assured her. Delia bit at her lip and looked me over.  “What?” I asked with a chuckle.

         “Nothing,” she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

         “OK,” I answered as we made it back to our room, before anyone even woke up. “You know, we walked down the street and had ice cream sundaes and these lazy bums are still asleep.”

         D giggled before falling on her bed, “It’s true. We’re like the only cool people here.”

         “Are you really just figuring that out? I’ve said that from the beginning.”

         “No, you didn’t,” she sat up to make sure she had my attention, “You said we were the only normal ones here. Obviously we’re not that normal, we just had ice cream sundaes at six in the morning.”

         “Hey, if that’s not normal I don’t want to me normal.”

         “Yeah, me neither,” she laughed as there was a knock on the door.

         “Good Morning. How are you feeling today Delia?” one of the counselors asked as she came into the room.

         “Good, I’m better, thank you.”

         “Great. Are you ready for your session?”

         Delia nodded her head and then looked over at me, “Yeah. I’m ready.” She stood up and headed to the door, “Later, Justin.”

         “Have fun.”

         It really makes me feel better that she’s acting like this. I don’t know why, but it gives me some weird kind of relief. She’s the one person in the world that gets what I’m going through. I feel like maybe if she feels better I know it’s ok for me to feel better too. Part of me still feels guilty when I think about other things or when I actually have a good time.  Deep down I know I shouldn’t, but I’m so afraid of forgetting Kelly and Lemmie, I’ll do anything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.

         The door opened again and my counselor, Jerry, walked in. “Hi Justin, how are you feeling?”

         “Fine.”

         “Do you think you’re ready to try a session today?”

         I haven’t gone to a session yet. Sure, I’m probably wasting my time, but it’s not as easy at it seems. I don’t want to go in a room and talk about my feelings. That will just bring everything out in the open again. Sometimes it’s easier when I just keep it inside, it makes it less real. But then again, Delia’s been going since we started and she’s really making big steps.

         “Yeah, I’m ready.” I stood up and followed him down the hall. What’s the worst that can happen? I can leave if it gets too bad. It can’t be that bad. If Delia can do it so can I. If it helps Delia maybe, just maybe, it’ll help me too.