“I can’t believe it’s been two months.”
“I can’t believe we’re leaving,” Delia and I spoke at the same time. I looked over to see her lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and playing with the string from her sweatshirt. It’s been two months since we came here, this hellhole that was supposed to cure us. The fact is, it kind of did. The counselors didn’t do shit, but this girl laying on the bed next to me has done more for me than she’ll ever know.
“What am I going to do?”
I chuckled and turned to my side so I could see her better, “What do you mean what are you going to do?”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night, who am I going to talk to? When I can’t sleep, who’s going to talk to me until I fall asleep? When I can’t take it anymore and everyone is driving me crazy who is going to help me escape from everything and take me to the diner, or even just lock me in this room and get me away from it all?”
“You won’t need to escape from anything, you’ll be home. There will be no one banging on your door every day trying to get you to go to therapy or to eat that shit they try to pass off as food.”
“You’ve never met my mother, I’ll need to escape her,” she laughed to hide the fact that she’s crying.
“I’ll come pick you up and help you escape. Just call me, you have my number, call me anytime.”
“But you’re going to be in California.”
“Nah, I told you I’m going to stay here for awhile. I’ll stop by your house, we can watch some movies, make some milkshakes, play some poker,” I stopped to chuckle, that’s pretty much what we’ve been doing these past two months, minus the movies. I still can’t believe she didn’t know how to play poker, but now I’d say she’s pretty good. I might be considering taking her to Vegas. “You need to keep practicing.”
“I will,” she giggled and wiped her eyes, “When I first got here I hated you.”
“You didn’t’ t hate me.”
“Yes I did,” she assured me, “You were mean.”
“I was not mean! You were, you yelled at me for checking to see if you were alive after you fell in a puddle of mud.”
“Oh yeah, and you did give me some pizza,” she laughed before sitting up and grabbing a bag of chips, “Alright, I guess I was mean, sorry. Although you did give me quite the attitude.”
“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” I answered with a smile as she threw some chips at me. I am going to miss this, it’s going to be weird without her, we have this connection no one else gets. She’s the only one that knows what’s going on in my head.
“I was tiny too, you didn’t even know I was pregnant,” Delia said as she sat down on my bed and held out the bag of chips.”
“Yeah, you exploded.”
“Thanks,” she laughed and touched her stomach, “It’s just kinda weird how when we came in I hated it here and I hated you and now you’re like… my best friend, and I really don’t want to leave.”
“It’s alright,” I pulled her into a hug to try and stop her crying. I’ve seen her cry plenty of times these last two months, but never would I ever imagine her crying because it’s time to go. “Calm down D, I live ten minutes away from your house.”
“It’s not the same,” she whined, burying her head in my chest.
“Thank God,” I chuckled and rubbed her back, “You don’t know what you’re saying Delia. You’re definitely not going to miss this place.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
“You’re not going to have a chance to miss me, I’m going to be at your house every day,” I heard her laugh against me and felt myself getting all choked up. What the hell is going on? “I’m going to miss you too D.”
I can’t believe I’m getting this emotional over leaving this hellhole. It’s not the fact that I’m leaving this place, it’s that Justin is not going to be there anymore. He says we’ll still talk but it won’t be the same. I liked being able to talk to him in the middle of the night. He’s the only one that gets me, and whenever I randomly burst out the way I’m feeling he knows exactly what I’m talking about and somehow makes me feel better about it.
I kinda wish we could stay in this sheltered way of life forever, except maybe in a nicer house. It’s good not to have to worry about finding a job or paying the bills, but when I leave I’m going to be faced with all that shit again. Not even to mention the simple fact that I’ll be home, in Chase and my home. I know I’ve made a lot of progress and I am feeling much better about everything but I don’t know how strong I’m going to be when I’m actually there, lying in bed without him.
The therapy sessions didn’t do too much for me, I could never get over how they think they know everything but have never been in a situation even the slightest bit similar. But Justin, he really made me feel like I’m not the only person in the world that this has happened to. I don’t think he knows how much he means to me.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he chuckled as we both sat on our opposite beds waiting to be picked up.
“I’m not looking at you like anything,” I answered with a whine.
“Alright, you’re not excited enough.”
“Neither are you.”
He’s not jumping off the walls, like you’d think. He’s still acting like he can’t wait to leave this place, but I think on the inside he’s going to miss it here. He’s away from everything, if nothing else, and I know how hectic his real life is.
“Will you come see my baby when she’s born?”
“Of course, what kind of a question is that? I’ll even come if it’s a boy. Stop acting like we’re never going to see each other again.”
“What if we don’t?”
“We will, stop saying that shit. You’re going to call me, and I’m going to call you. We’re going to talk all the time and we’re going to hang out and it’s going to be like we never even left this shit hole, minus the whole not being in a shit hole anymore.”
“I just want you to know that… I don’t think I would have made it this far if it weren’t for you.” I said softly, almost afraid of the reaction I’d get. It is true though, and I think he needs to know that.
“I know I wouldn’t have made it this far if it weren’t for you Delia. Which is why I also know that this isn’t the end of anything. We’re still going to talk all the time; you’re still going to be the only person that gets it. You better call me when you can’t sleep.”
“I will.”
“And I’ll call you when I order a pizza,” he laughed.
“You better,” I laughed as I played with my cell in my hands. What if it doesn’t work? “I just want to try calling it to make sure I didn’t put your number in wrong.”
“Good idea.” I can’t tell if he’s being serious or making fun of me, but I don’t even care, really. It would be just my luck that my big fat pregnant fingers typed the number in wrong. I called the number he gave me and it rang in his hand. “OK, now you try calling me.”
“Alright,” I realize that it will obviously work, since I did just call him he obviously has my number, but this whole thing really is freaking me out and he’s not fighting it. “We’re good.” He said as the phone rang in my hand.
“Can you just… move in with me? I have an extra bedroom.”
He chuckled, “For that thing growing inside you?”
“I know, but there’s an extra one after that.”
Justin stood up and pulled me into a tight hug, “Delia, listen to me. We live a ten-minute drive away from each other. It’s going to be fine. We both still need each other, so we’re going to talk all the time. I promise. Calm down, stop worrying so much, you’re not supposed to be worrying; it’s not good for the baby. Relax, breathe, and try to focus on the good that we’re leaving.”
12:35 and I’m lying in bed, looking at the ceiling. The good news is it’s my bed; the bad news is its Chase and my bed. When I was at the center I was all right, but now that I’m here, alone in the bed that I used to share with him, it’s just weird. It’s a different kind of weird than it was when I was here just after the accident. I don’t want to cry, I have a weird feeling.
My father is in the spare room because he didn’t want to leave me alone tonight. He’s giving me my space at least, unlike my mother who wanted to stay in the same room as me. Can you imagine? Then I’d be crying for a whole different reason.
I grabbed my cell phone on the pillow next to me and found Justin’s number quickly.
“Finally,” he answered the phone with one word.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Me neither.”
“Well then why didn’t you call me?”
He chuckled, “Stop being so whiney D, it doesn’t suit you. How was your first day of freedom?”
“Um, I had a welcome home party slash baby shower. How about you?”
“Exciting. I, too, had a welcome home party. So many people.”
“I know, it was way overwhelming. I kind of just wanted to crawl into bed.”
“Me too,” he laughed, “But my mom said she thought it’d be better to get it all over with at once. I guess she’s right.”
“True. At least it kept us occupied. No time to think.”
“Nah, but now there’s plenty of time to think. Did someone stay with you?”
“My dad, what about you?”
“Mom,” he laughed, “They don’t trust us.”’
“I know. Want to come over tomorrow?” I heard him chuckle, “what?”
“It’s just funny the way you asked. Like we’re in elementary school. I’ll have to ask my mom,” he laughed again, “Seriously, though. I’m supposed to go fishing with my Gramps in the morning.”
“You can come later.”
“Yeah, alright.”
“Really?” I can’t even hold in the excitement. “That’d be great. You can help me sort through all the baby stuff I got. My mom tried to put it all together but she does it all weird.”
“She’s just trying to help.”
“No, she’s not. She’s just completely OCD and needs everything her way and it’s like, it’s my house, it’s my alien baby, let me do it the way I want.”
“Your alien baby,” Justin laughed, “it’s going to be so funny when you’re holding the baby in your arms and I call it an alien baby and you kick my ass.”
I laughed, “I will kick your ass if you even try it.”
“I know. So, I can come by around one? I’ll bring some lunch.”
I think I squealed, all right, I don’t think, I know I squealed. “Good food, ok?”
“Absolutely,” he chuckled, “I should go to sleep.”
“OK. I’m excited. Are you excited?”
“Of course I’m excited. It’ll be good to see ya, D. I miss you already. I’ll call you when I’m on my way, in case you need anything.”
“Alright, thanks. See you tomorrow.”
“Alright. Sleep well.”
“Thanks Justin, good night.”
