“What are you making?”  Justin asked as he came into the kitchen one morning. He slept over last night, as in we both fell asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie.  That tends to happen a lot. Sometimes he just stays over, sometimes he leaves at night and comes back first thing in the morning. I have no complaints. I still think he should move in, I have an extra room and he’d be a good housemate.  Although, he does have a huge house a few miles away so I doubt he’d ever want to do that.  Especially when this kid pops out and there’s all the crying at all hours of the night.

         “It’s a breakfast casserole,” I said as I placed the pan in the oven, “and some French toast.”

         “You’re going to have both?”

          I gave him a dirty look, I don’t know why he asks such stupid questions. I’ve been eating like this since he met me, you’d think he’d be used to it by now.

         He chuckled, “Of course, my bad. Two more months, and then what are you going to do? Were you one of those girls that eats like a bird before you got pregnant?”

         “No, I always ate like a pig,” I laughed as I grabbed some bread, “Not this bad though.”

         “I would hope not,” he said as he made himself some coffee, “I’m getting a big cake belly myself, thanks to you. I need to start working out again.”

         “Nooo,” I said as I licked some frosting off a leftover cupcake, “Wait for me, you can be my exercise buddy.”

         “You mean you’re not going to kick me out after the baby’s room is done?”

         “Last night you said it was done!”

         “I said it was almost done.”

         I let out a sigh as I beat the eggs, “Well go finish it!” I whined.

         Justin chuckled before leaning against the counter, “I will, you’re so impatient.”

         “I am not, my baby wants a room.”

         “How are you feeling?”

         “I’m fine. This frosting is really good.”

~*~*~*~~*~

         “Alright, close your eyes.”  I said as I stopped in front of the baby’s room. Delia hasn’t seen the finished room yet. She’s real excited to see it and I’ll be honest, I’m real excited for her to see it. I think it came out awesome, hell I know it did. She’s going to love it.

         “They are closed.”

         I looked back and laughed at her, standing there with her eyes wide open. “Really D? Just close your damn eyes!” I moved behind her and placed my hands over her eyes, “Alright, walk… keep going… a little further. Alright, stop.” I said when she got to the middle of the room. “Alright, open your eyes!”

         I moved to the side so I could see her reaction. Her mouth literally fell open as she turned around slowly taking in the entire room. She didn’t say anything.

         Then she cried.

         “Those are good tears, right?” I asked with a chuckle.

         She shook her head and brought her hands to cover face. Now she’s sobbing.

         Shit.

         What’d I do wrong?

         I looked around the room. I don’t get it.  It’s everything she said she wanted. There’s the Jungle Book mural on the wall, the crib and other furnature she picked out… I don’t get it.

         She’s still crying.

         “What’s the matter? You don’t like it?”

         Delia shook her head again.

         “What don’t you like? I can fix it…”

         She’s still crying and shaking her head. I really don’t get it.

         “Delia, it’s alright, stop crying.” I gave her a hug and she fell into my arms, “I can fix it, whatever it is you don’t like.”

         “No,” she finally spoke between the tears, “No, it’s… it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. Thank you so much.”

         I let out a sigh of relief, she had me scared. Why did she shake her head no when I asked if they were good tears? I swear she’s gone crazy. “You’re welcome D, thanks for letting me do it.”

         Delia hugged me tighter and took a deep breath before pulling away and wiping her eyes quickly. She walked to the picture of her and her husband I had enlarged and put on the wall. “That’s so… perfect. Where did you find it?”

         “It was in one of the boxes.”

         “It’s perfect,” she repeated, falling into my arms again, “It’s absolutely perfect. Thank you.”

         I nodded my head, “It’s a good picture.”

         She laughed for a quick second and pulled away, “It is a good picture. It’s from our honeymoon.”

         “Where did you guys go?”

         “Italy. All over and then we went to Greece too for a couple days. It was so much fun. We saw everything and we ate so much,” she paused to laugh, I definitely believe that she ate a lot of food in Italy. Although probably not as much as she does now. “Have you been?”

         “Yeah, Kelly and I actually went on our honeymoon.”

         “That’s weird,” she said as she walked around the room slowly taking it all in. “It’s perfect,” she repeated for the fifth time before stopping at the crib and taking a few deep breath and… yup… she’s crying again.

         “What Delia? What’s wrong?”

         “It’s perfect, it really is. It’s just that…”

         “What?”

         Delia tried to get herself together but she’s crying a lot, she’s getting me worried.  “I just can’t do this. I can’t. Seriously.  I can’t have a baby. I can’t do this by myself. I couldn’t have even done it with Chase here. He would have done everything and I’m not… a mom. I’m not motherly. I’m a fucking mess. This kid is going to be fucked up and it’s going to be my fault.”

         “Wait, stop. Delia, come on. I know it’s scary, it’s scary for everyone that’s going to be a parent. I was scared out of my mind, but it works out. You have that baby and you hold it in your arms and you’re a mother. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s really that simple. Something just clicks and you’re a mom. And the fact that you’re questioning yourself, and it’s hard for you think of yourself as being able to raise a kid just proves that you are. You’re going to be a great mother Delia. I know it’d hard without Chase but you’ll be great. You have people around to help you. You have me, you have your parents, you have your friends. You’re not alone. Stop worrying about it, it’s not good for the little one.”

         I’m going to be really happy when these random breakdowns go away. Although one would think that would go away after this baby pops out I kind of have a feeling it won’t. They were here before I was pregnant so why would they go away when I stop being pregnant? Alright, I guess technically I was pregnant I just did’t know.  the point is I’m not sure if I can pinpoint it to the actual pregnancy or the whole Chase thing.

         Thank god for Justin. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’m such a mess with him here, I can’t even imagine if I had no one that really got what I was going through. Although, he seems to be getting through it a lot easier than I am. He doesn’t seem to be anywhere near as big of a mess as I am.

         The baby’s room looks absolutely amazing. I can’t belive how great the mural looks, it’s like a real scene from The Jungle Book. I love it all, but there’s no doubt that my favorite is the picture of Chase and I.  That’s something that’s really been bothering me, how I can make sure that Chase is still a huge part of the baby’s life. The picture is definitely a start.

         “You’re a good cook,” Justin said as he helped himself to a second pulled pork sandwich.

         “Thank you. I like to cook. But now, I’d eat just about everything so I can’t tell if it’s really good or it’s just good for me.”

         “It’s really good,” he chuckled as he sat back down at the table. 

         “I’m glad. It’s the least I could do to repay you for the room and everything.”

         “Oh stop. Seriously Delia, I told you, that was as much for me as it was for you. It was good to have something to keep me busy, I needed a project.”

         “So now what are you going to do? What’s your next project?”

         He looked down at his food instead of answering me and I immediately felt my heart sink. I meant that as a joke but he does have another project in mind, one that will keep him bust, far away from me no doubt.

         “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”

         “Why?” I’m scared. There’s no hiding it. Although, I knew it would only be a matter of time before he left.  He has his own life, he can’t stay here taking care of me forever.

         “I’m… I’m going to home for a little. Back to LA. just for a couple days but I need to take care of some stuff.”

         “Nooo,” I whined, “Why?”

         “It’s just a couple days, literally. I mean, I’d say you can come but you’re kind of on the no fly list,” he chuckled before looking up and seeing I do not find this at all amusing and stopped, “It’s really only a couple days D, I’ll be back.”

         “Why do you have to go now though?”

         “I haven’t been home in months and I just need to make sure everything’s alright and get some stuff…”

         “But you said you were going to stay down here for awhile,” I broke in before he could finish, “That’s what you said. “

         “That’s what I’m doing. Let me finish. I need to get some stuff in LA and get everything straightened out so I can come back. I’ll be there for litereally two days. I’m going now so I’ll be back when you have the baby. There’s plenty of time.”

         “What am I going to do?” it’s probably not that good that the thought of him going to Los Angeles for two whole days makes me feel like I can’t make it on my own.  I know it’s stupid, but it’s just that no one get it like he does and I really haven’t spent more than a couple hours away from him since we met .

         “You’ll be fine,” he chuckled,  “It will go by so fast and you can call me whenever you want. We’ll talk all the time.”

         “It’s not the same.”

         “It’s two days. I have to go D and I’ll be back before anything happens.”

         “I’ll be all alone.”

         “No you won’t,” he laughed again, “Come on, you’re being a pregnant drama queen. You have plently of people around.”

         “Like?”

         “Your parents, your friends…”

         “I don’t have any friends.”

         He laughed again, “Yes you do! That girl was just over the other day.”

         “Oh yeah, Katie.”

         “Oh yeah, Katie,” he mimicked, “You’ll be absolutely fine Delia. I’ll come right back and you won’t even know I was gone,” yeah, I absolutely doubt that. “I’ll even bring you back a present.”

         “You’re going to bring me a present?”

         “Now you’re all ok with it?” he laughed, “God, you girls are all the same.  I will, I’ll bring you back something.”

         “OK. I don’t want you to go but if you bring me back a present…”

         “Oh sure, nice . I see how it is.”

         “No,” I laughed as I made myself another sandwich, “I don’t want you to go but I guess I understand that you need to. I guess. But if you bring me back a present I guess it’s ok. Only two days.”

         “Yeah,” he laughed, “We’ll be fine for two days.”