I lay on my couch with Aaron on my chest, dozing off as he dozed off. I finally was able to take him home about two months ago and I couldn’t be happier. OK, that’s a lie. I could be much happier if he slept for more than an hour at a time. That’s my only complaint, besides that he’s absolutely perfect. He’s got his Daddy’s eyes and nose. He’s perfect.

         I watched him sleep and saw his nose start to scrunch up: a sure sign that he’s about to wake up crying.  I rubbed his back, hoping I could comfort him enough before he wakes up. No luck.

         “OK hunny, it’s alright.” I said as I sat up so I could rock him better, then checked the time and saw it was time for his bottle.  I placed him in his carrier as I warmed up his bottle.  He’s doing so well. I’m so happy. I was so afraid there would be something seriously wrong with him or he wouldn’t make it. There’s no way I could have handled that.

         I do wish Chase were here. He would have loved Aaron so much. I am a little worried that he won’t have a father figure but hopefully Justin will be around. Of course he’ll be around now, I just hope he never moves back to Los Angeles. Speaking of Justin, we haven’t seen him in two whole weeks. He went back to LA to get some things straightened but is coming back today. I can’t wait.  Those were the longest two weeks of my life.

         It’s so weird how connected we are, but in all seriousness he really makes me feel a million times better about everything.  He knows what to say and what to do. Gosh, I really miss him. Aaron misses him too. I know he’s only a few months old but Justin just has this thing about him that can calm Aaron down so easily. Sure, at first it pissed me off. I mean, Aaron is MY son, he was inside me and I don’t have that touch that’s supposed to calm him down. It’s not fair really, Justin has absolutely no genetic connection to Aaron yet he still falls asleep the second Justin holds him. I guess Justin’s just good with kids or something, I know I’m not. I’m getting there though, I’m getting better.

         “Shh, no crying,” I said as I rocked his carrier with one hand and waited for the bottle to warm up, “I hate to see you crying my darling, not even to mention how the sound goes right through my head.  But you’re too cute to cry so much Aaron. I know you’re hungry, I’m working on it.” Sometimes I feel like things would be so much easier if I were breastfeeding. But, the doctor said it would be better to use a bottle because otherwise we wouldn’t be able to tell how much he’s getting. My mother assured me it’s better this way, and that breast feeding hurts like a bitch… those weren’t her exact words but that’s what I got from the conversation.

         I jumped when the doorbell rang, I’m pretty sure I just fell asleep standing up. Aaron stopped crying; I don’t know how that happened. He just kind of lay there looking at me. I kissed his forehead before quickly running to the door.  I opened it up, not even checking the peephole and wrapped my arms around Justin before he could say anything.

         “I shouldn’t have rang the bell, that was stupid. I wasn’t thinking. Did I wake Aaron? Was he sleeping?”

         “I missed you, so much. You have no idea how much I missed you. I’m so glad you’re back.”

         “I missed you too, D.” he hugged me tighter before pulling away with a chuckle, “You ignored my question completely. Did I wake up Aaron?”

         “No, no he’s been awake. I’m so glad you’re back, that was the longest two weeks of my life. You look different, what’s different? Did you cut your hair?”

         “Yeah,” he laughed, running his hand through his hair, “just a little trim.”

         “I like it,” I ran my hand through his hair, “There’s something else that’s different about you. You look older, you’ve grown.”

         Justin chuckled, throwing his head back, “Christ D, you don’t tell a grown man he looks older.”

         “It’s true though,” I laughed, “not in a bad way you just look older.”

         “Going back to LA makes me age quickly, too much stress.”

         “So you’re never going to go back?”

         He smiled, “Something like that. You look…” he paused, “like shit. I’m not going to lie. You look like shit D, like you haven’t slept in weeks.”

         “That’s because I haven’t slept in weeks.”

         “Why not?”

         I lazily pointed to Aaron, “Baby don’t sleep, mommy don’t sleep.”

         “You’ve gotta sleep, D.”

         “Obviously. Don’t tell me that like I don’t know it. It’s not like I’m purposely not sleeping Justin, he won’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time and they usually tend to be in the middle of the day.”

         “Alright, alright,” he held his hands up in defeat, “I’m just saying you should sleep. Come here,” he pulled me into a tight hug, holding on for long enough that I realized how nice it felt, so nice that I could easily fall asleep just like that. “I missed you and your craziness.”

         “I’m not crazy,” I answered in a whisper.

         “No, not at all,” Justin chuckled, “Are you falling asleep in my arms right now?”

         “No… maybe a little.’

         He laughed again before pulling away from me, “Go take a nap, I’ll watch Aaron.” He smiled and turned to Aaron, picking him up, “How are you doing little man? Now he got big. He really has grown a lot since I’ve been gone, have you taken him to the doctor?”

         “Tomorrow.”

         “I’ll bet he’s a couple pounds bigger. That’s great, D. He’s eating alright?”

         “Oh yeah, he’s eating so great. He keeps eating actually, he’ll finish a whole bottle then he wants more and the doctor said I should give him more so sometimes he has a whole bottle and a half.”

         “That’s great,” I said as I rocked Aaron in my arms. I will admit, there was a point where I didn’t think he’d make it but damn I’m glad I was wrong with that. He’s growing super fast and he seems to be doing great. D is a great mother, I don’t think she realizes that yet, but she’s a natural. It’s good to see her again. It’s weird how strange things were these past couple weeks. I really missed her and Aaron.  “Go lay down.”

         “He needs to eat.”

         “So, I’ll give him his bottle.”

         “Yeah but, you don’t have to.  You just got here and…” she lay down on the couch, “ I feel bad making …” the second her head hit the pillow she was out.

         I couldn’t help but laugh. “Your mommy’s crazy Aaron, but don’t you dare tell her I said that.”

         Aaron just looked at me as if I were the crazy one, which is a definite possibility.  I chuckled at the lack of response, I don’t know what I was expecting he’s only a few months old, and went outside. D’s got an amazing yard; it reminds me a lot of mine when I was growing up. There’s so much space for running around. “You’re going to have fun out here when you’re a little older,” I turned Aaron around in my arms so he was looking in front of me as I walked down to the lake in the back of the yard. “I’ll teach you how to fish when you’re older. Three or four would be good. I don’t know if your mom fishes but I highly doubt it. I’ll take care of that stuff, ya’know. I’ll teach you all the things your mother can’t.”

         I sat down on a rock and looked out into the lake.  Things are so relaxing here, I could get used to this again. Even being back in LA for two weeks made me really appreciate living back here in Tennessee. It’s like night and day, complete chaos and a comfortable sense of calm.  This is home. Things are finally starting to look up again.

         When I woke up my heart skipped a beat when I realized I had been sleeping and left Aaron alone.  I walked to the porch and stopped in the doorway when I saw Justin rocking on a rocking chair with Aaron in his arms, singing softly as Aaron drifted off to sleep.  The sun set over the lake and I took a deep breath, things are finally starting to be normal again.  The pain is getting easier, just like everyone said it would.

         I bumped my foot against the door and Justin turned his head to face me. “Are you spying on me?” he asked with a smile.

         “No,” I lied, “Thanks for watching him, I really needed that nap.”

         “Yeah, I know. You were out the second your head hit the cushion. Do you feel better now?”

         “A lot better, thanks” I nodded my head and sat down next to him, “How’s he doing?”

         “Great.  He finished his bottle about an hour ago. We went down to the lake and watched the ducks.”

         I smiled as Justin placed Aaron in my arms. Justin is so good with him; it really makes me feel better about everything.  I know Aaron needs a father but maybe having Justin around will be good enough. That is, of course, if Justin doesn’t get sick of us and leave. But, I don’t think he will. I think he needs us almost as much as we need him.

         “What are all those boxes?”

         “Oh yeah,” he stood up and grabbed a box, “It’s just some stuff I brought from LA. It’s some of Lemmie’s baby stuff. I thought maybe you could use some of it.”

         “Justin, I can’t…”

         “I want you to. I mean, we can’t use it anymore… she can’t use it. You can. I’d rather it go to someone who could use it.”

         I watched as he got that uncomfortable look on his face and reached over to place my hand on his, “Thanks Justin.”

         “Yeah, of course. Don’t think you need to keep any of it. I just figured you could give it a look and see what you want.”

         “Yes, I definitely will. Thanks. I’m starving. You’re staying for dinner, right? I was just going to make some burgers.”

         “Definitely.”

         “K, good. Can you light the grill? I’ll go get the stuff,” I said before placing Aaron in his carrier.

         “Go for it kid, I got ya covered.”

         I smiled as I walked back to the house, and turned around before I could go in. “I’m really glad you’re back. Life is so much easier when you’re here.”

         “I’m glad I’m back too,” he said before pulling me into a tight hug, “It’s rough being away from you and Aaron.” He pulled away from me and smiled before turning me around and pushing me in the house, “Go get the burgers! I’m starving!”