Night number one sucks. First of all, there isn’t any air conditioning. If there is it’s on as low as possible. I’m sweating as I’m laying here on the most uncomfortable twin bed I’ve ever been on. I thought I successfully graduated out of the dorm room hell. There is literally a spring poking into my back. They could make these things a little nicer if I’m supposed to spend my days dealing with my shit. I shouldn’t have to worry about the little stuff, like how ugly this place is.
I now have a roommate, a forty something that cries nonstop. I know I shouldn’t be complaining about someone who cries nonstop, since I was doing that exact thing a few hours ago, but all she does is sob. I can’t take it. This is not going to make me feel better.
“Dinner will be served in ten minutes, please make your way to the dining room.” I looked up at the wall and saw a speaker system, just like the ones we had in elementary school. That’s kind of weird.
I jumped out of bed as fast as I could and headed down to the dining room. Since I have no idea where it is I figure I should start early. My new roomie is driving me crazy so I’ll take anything as an excuse to get out of that room. It doesn’t seem like anyone else is in as big of a rush as I am, but I’m starving and that might have something to do with this kid growing inside me.
When I made it to the dining room I grabbed a plate and started through the line. It doesn’t look all that appetizing but I’ll take anything at this point. There’s no one else here, I don’t know why. I sat in the corner of the big table and started to dig in, there’s no need to sit and wait. It’s not my fault no one else is down here yet.
A counselor sat down at the table with me. I knew she was a counselor because she was smiling and the only people that smile here are counselors. “Hi, can I sit? I’m Ali.”
“Hi, I’m Delia,” I answered softly as I continued stuffing my face.
“Delia, you’re pregnant.” I nodded my head. I don’t really want to talk to her I just want to eat. There’s nowhere for me to go. If I come out here to eat the counselors attack me but if I go back to my room I’m stuck with the crier. “Congratulations.”
Congratulations? Really? Yeah, congratulations. I can’t even take care of myself, which is pretty obvious since I’m here, and now I’m supposed to take care of a baby too. She should tell me good luck. I nodded my head instead of answering and then continued eating. I’m really not in the mood to talk to her, or anyone for that matter.
Why am I the only one down here? They did say dinner was ready. I didn’t just imagine that. “How many people are here?”
She gave me a strange look before answering. I guess she was talking that whole time. “There are eleven.” I nodded my head again and looked around the empty dining room. “The first night is usually the toughest. It will get easier.”
“It’s been three months, not exactly the first night.” Now I’m being a bitch to this lady I don’t even know. What is getting into me? Chase would not want me to be like this but I can’t help it.
“The first night here. Tomorrow after breakfast we’ll have a mandatory group session. That will help everyone get to know each other. It’s a long process, but by the end of this everything will be much better.” I nodded my head again, not because I agree with her but because I think if I pretend I do she’ll leave me alone. Luckily a few other people slowly joined the dining room so I took that as my chance to escape.
I walked right by my room when I heard the crier from the hallway. I’m not sure exactly where I’m going but I guess I’ll look around this place. Maybe I can find a good secret hideout where I can be alone.
“Once again, dinner is now being served in the dining room. The dining room is located in the middle of the building. Walk down whatever hallway your room is located in and you will get there.” I can’t believe they have a fucking intercom system in this place. What’s next? Are we going to have to form a buddy line and walk down together hand in hand? Obviously I don’t want to go down to fucking dinner but if I did I would not need directions to the middle of the fucking shit hole of a building.
I’m not hungry. I haven’t been hungry in six months and I sure as hell am not going to willingly go down to the dining room to eat with a group of people who are about as fucked up as I am. I grabbed the bottle of Jack from my suitcase and took a long swig, swallowing it hard. It’s just starting to get dark out now which is a good sign. That means day number one is over. That’s an accomplishment, even though I’ve only been here a couple hours. This is hell. I could leave. I could just grab my shit and walk out, never turning back.
I need to give it a chance. No matter how much I hate this bullshit, I need to at least try. I can’t feel this way for the rest of my life. I won’t last. I stood in front of the window, looking out into the woods just past the yard. At least there’s the option of running away if necessary. They’d never catch me in the woods.
There goes that sobbing girl, the one from the street. I should have known she’d be here. At least she’s not crying. She looks like she’s ready to make her escape. She’s just walking through the yard like aliens are abducting her. I don’t think she has any idea what she’s doing. I wonder what her story is.
She wasn’t looking where she was going and slipped in a puddle of mud, falling flat on her back. I’d laugh if I remembered how. She’s not getting up though; she’s just lying there. I opened the window and called out to her, “Are you alright?”
She turned her head to look where the voice was coming from, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? I mean you’re not moving.”
“Yes!” she answered back in a bitchy tone. Fuck, excuse me for trying to be nice. “Why are you watching me?”
“I’m not,” I spoke with an attitude as well, “I heard a fucking bang and then I saw you on the ground. Next time I’ll just let it go.”
“Yeah, let it go.”
What a bitch. I closed the window and fell back on my bed. If this place is full of crazy bitches like this one I’m not going to last two days. I lay back in bed and waited. I don’t know what I’m waiting for, I guess for the night to be over. This place is going to help me. Right now, I feel like this place is going to fuck me up even more. The only other human I’ve seen is this girl that walked however many miles to the place sobbing. That’s not going to make me feel better. She’s walking aimlessly through the yard and falls on her back. Instead of getting up like a normal person she spends the next two hours lying on the ground looking at the sky. This is going to be very interesting. I guess it helps me realize that I’m not the most fucked up person here. That’s always a good sign.
It’s pitch black. When did that happen? I should probably go back inside before they turn the porch light off and I’m stranded completely. Actually I’d love to be stranded. I'd do anything to get away from the crier. I walked right past my room once again. She’s been sobbing for hours straight, how do you even have that many tears? I guess I shouldn’t ask stupid questions. After three months I still have tears. Maybe she just lost someone.
Now where am I going to go? I can’t stay outside lying in a mud puddle for the night. There’s a living room area with a couch, which will have to do. I took a deep breath and fell down to the couch. I have no idea what to do with myself. It’s like I’m trapped in this place. If I were home I’d be doing nothing, but it’s so different. I want to go home.
I heard the front door open and didn’t move until the scent of pizza reached my nose. I turned my gaze to the man delivering a pizza and waited a few minutes after he left to follow the scent and try to get some pizza for myself. This whole being pregnant thing is making my sense of smell extra strong, especially when there’s pizza involved.
My nose led me to the last room down the other hall. There was no noise coming from the room, definitely no crying like what’s going on in my room. I knocked softly and heard a man sigh with annoyance before slowly walking to the door. “What?” he asked after opening the door, standing with his arms crossed around his chest.
“Can I have a piece?”
He looked at me for a second; giving me one of those looks trying to figure out if I was serious. Of course I’m serious. Instead of answering he walked back into his room. He didn’t close the door so I followed him inside, right to the pizza box. I grabbed a piece as soon as he opened the box and sat down on the empty bed across from him.
I’m sure he’s wondering who the hell I am, especially since I yelled at him a few hours ago when I fell outside. “Thank you,” I replied softly. He didn’t answer, or make any kind of movement, he just continued looking at the pizza he was eating. “I’m sorry if I was bitchy before, I’m just really fucked up right now.”
He nodded his head, “You were, there’s no if.”
“Well…” he could be a little nicer, at least I apologized. “Like I said, sorry I’m a little fucked up.”
“We’re all fucked up, that’s why we’re here. It’s not an excuse to be a bitch.”
He’s a jerk. I’m not going to waste my time and energy fighting with this asshole. “Sure, some of us more are more fucked up than others,” I have him a dirty look and grabbed another piece of pizza.
“Clearly,” he said looking into the box of pizza.
“OK then,” I said as I stood up and grabbed a couple more pieces before heading to the door, “Thanks for the pizza.”
He’s such a jerk. This is why I don’t talk to anybody. I was trying to apologize and be a nice person and he’s acting like I punched his mother in the face. Granted, he did share his pizza with me so I guess I can’t complain that much. I’m just not in the mood to deal with anyone.
When I got back to my room the crier was asleep, thank god. I crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head and waited a whole two minutes before the snoring started. I pulled the covers down and watched her snore, and then wake up and start crying again. She’s always either crying or snoring. Wonderful.
Instead of laying there and dealing with it like a normal adult I took a deep breath, grabbed my pillow and the blanket and headed back to the couch. If I’m going to make it through my first night in this hellhole I’m going to need to get some sleep. It’ll go by faster if I’m asleep, it has to.
