“Welcome back everybody, and don’t adjust your television sets, yes, because you are watching the Ellen Degenres Show! I know! I know! Thank you all so much, but You’re getting ready to scream your heads off in a minute when I tell you who’s here. Yeah! We got a special guest! You guys think you know who it is? No? All right then let’s bring him on out!”

I’m holding Taylor on my hip as we stand backstage. I’ve been peeking through the curtains to get a good look at the audience. I don’t see how my boyfriend does it. Always being in front of the crowd. I don’t think I could ever go out in front of that many people. Although, I know it comes with the territory. Sometimes I just don’t have a choice.

 I turn to gaze lovingly into his deep blue eyes and he gives me a quick peck on the lips before sprinting out from behind the curtain. The audience goes wild and I feel a thump in my heart. It’s amazing to know that so many other people love my man just as much as I do. However, there have been some instances where that has caused a problem.

Once I was in the supermarket getting something for supper and all of a sudden this eighteen year old blonde comes running toward me with a Grande Sausage Club. She swings it at my head and I block her with a box of cheerios until security came and hauled her off. To the loony Bin I hope.

“Ladies! What did I tell yah? Huh?” I grin as Justin bends down to give Ellen a big hug. “How yah doin?” He chuckles into his mic and I hear it reverberating out of the speaker next to my feet. A few extra hoots and hollers drift through the air from an excited two ladies in the front row. Justin waves and Ellen offers him a seat on the couch.

 I glance down at Taylor whose sucking his fingers blankly. I think he’s kind of gotten used to this. And I’m glad. I used to hate the look on his face when we’d have no choice but to leave the house and paparazzi would come racing after us for pictures. He looked so disturbed and blinded by all the lights. And then that would make me angry. And as much as I hate making a scene especially in front of a camera, my child is still my child. And I will stomp anyone in the ground who tries to harm him.

“So what have you been up to?” I listen to the audience giggle as he makes a joke and Ellen throws her head back with laughter. “Look sweetie, you see daddy out there.” I whisper to Taylor. He’s in his own world. “Look baby, you see your daddy.” Finally, his eyes trail along my finger and focus on the blonde curly head much like his own.

“Yeah so I was like, I gotta come by and congratulate you on this, and you deserve it, you do a great job.” “Well thank you Justin, isn’t he so sweet ladies.” Another ear splitting roar from the audience and suddenly Taylor begins to fuss.” “What’s the matter honey?” I bounce him a little to calm him down.

“So how are you liking fatherhood, is it all it’s cracked up to be?” “It’s work.” Justin smiles and the audience laughs. “It’s definitely work but, I can tell you that I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything.” The audience ‘aaaaawwws’ and my heart thumps again. I don’t know how I got this lucky. I kiss Taylor’s forehead and he squirms in my arms. “What’s the matter baby you wanna get down?” He whines and I set him to his feet. “You stay right there, you understand me?” He continues gazing out at his daddy and Ellen.

“Hey Rachel.” I crane my neck to see Phil, one of the managers. “Are you guys going home right after this orrrr…” I nod to him. “Darn, I was hoping we could get you guys to stay a little after the show.” “Well, I’m sure Justin wouldn’t mind, but you’ll have to ask him.” “Sure thing.” He throws me a thumbs up and I give him a polite smile before turning my attention back to the stage.

Just then, my heart crumples and I gasp. “Taylor!” I whisper loudly. He’s waddled to the very very edge of the curtain. If I go and get him I’ll practically be standing on stage in front of the whole audience. “Sweetie come here.” I call, but he keeps walking.

“Yeah, I love golf, it’s awesome. I wanna play the king one day.” “Oh really J, and who is that.” “The Tiger.” “Ooooh.” The whole audience laughs and I squeeze my face between my hands as Taylor walks out on stage completely open to the audience.

“Yeah, You’re gonna have to come and play a round with me one day.” “No no! I put put, but other than that-” I hear Ellen stop mid sentence as the audience coos and awes again. Suddenly, I see Ellen glare over to our side of the stage and Justin twists in his seat to see.

Taylor, in his footy batman pajamas, waddles a little further out. “Oh look! We have another special guest guys. Aren’t you cute, c’mere.” She calls for Taylor and he peers at her, not quite sure what to do. “C’mere little man.” Justin coos holding his hands out to him. Taylor twists to look at me and I smile urging him to go to daddy.

 He takes a few nervous steps and glances out over the huge audience. “Stinky, c’mere.” Justin calls and with his puffy diaper swishing under his jammies he goes waddling over to daddy.

“Looks like somebody else likes the spot light too huh?” Ellen grins as Justin pulls our son up into his lap. “Heeeey! Hey there, my name is Ellen!” She beams at him. Taylor continues sucking on his fingers as his eyes bounce back and forth between Ellen and the audience. “Oh my goodness, about how old is he now?” “Year and a half.” Justin chuckles as Taylor plays with the mic clipped to his shirt. “Can you say hi?” Taylor glares at his daddy, uncertain of the question. “Say hi.” “You don’t want to say hello to all the people out there?” Ellen smiles.

Justin waves out to the audience to show him how it’s done and slowly Taylor raises his hand and flaps it out to the audience. Everyone coos again and I see him burry his face in Justin’s T-shirt.

“And your girlfriend’s here too right?” “Yeah, she’s right there.” My grin fades and I do not like where this is going. “Come on out, let’s meet the whole family!” The audience claps and I stand frozen stiff. My eyes bulge and Justin turns to wave me out. “Come here babe.” His voice rings through the speaker at my foot. I mouth a dramatic ‘no’ and wave my hands in a criss crossed fashion. “Don’t make me come back there.” He says in a cartoony voice and I shake my head wildly from left to right. ‘No!’ I mouth again. Suddenly he hands Taylor over to Ellen. “Hi sweetie, I guess daddy’s going to lasso mommy now, you’ll just sit with me then.” Ellen jokes and the audience laughs. But I see nothing funny.

Justin bounds across the stage toward me. “Do not play with me Justin, I told you no!” A devious grin cruises across his face as he approaches and I squeak before scurrying  further back stage. “Rachel come here.” He calls from behind me. I move swiftly through the slew of workers and managers hollering at each other.

 “Rachel.” He says in a pleading tone. “C’mon baby, it’s not that bad. I promise.” I shake my head at him. If I go out there I all ready know that either I will get bombarded with tomatoes or I’ll trip. It’s simple as that. I’ve never had luck in the public eye. I’m either booed or I publicly humiliate myself. “No! I don’t want to go out there.” I state firmly. He sighs and I relax. That’s right just give it up.

He turns on his heel and heads back toward the stage. I come out from hiding behind the large fruit snack table the show has so graciously provided. Mmm, grapes. And they look juicy too. I pop a few in my mouth and then a large piece of watermelon.

“What are you doing!” I screech with a mouth full of fruit. Suddenly two large hands envelop my hips and I’m being flung high in the air over his shoulder. “Justin! You put me down! I don’t like crowds! Stop it!”

  “Hey sweetie, I see you’re a batman fan. So tell me. What were your views on Heath Ledger’s award winning performance in the dark knight?” Taylor glares at her blankly and then claps his hands to see if the audience will too. They do and laughter fills the studio. “I thought so too.” Ellen jokes. “Ah look, and here’s mommy finally deciding to join us.”

 I glance through my hair at the hundreds of faces glaring at me as Justin parades me out from back stage over his shoulder. Everyone claps and I swallow the last bits of watermelon nervously.

“Hello! What an entrance!” Ellen smiles at me as Justin plops me down on the couch. “Hi.” I chuckle nervously. I feel my shoulder slouch immediately. A nervous habit of mine. And did my voice crack? Oh lord, I’m pretty sure my voice just cracked. Justin takes a seat next to me and props his left foot on his right knee. I glare at him with a nice ‘I am going to kill you when we get home’ smile and he rubs my thigh soothingly.

 “I’ve been hanging out with your son over here, he’s a pretty cool kid.” I nod and the camera makes a weird sound. I think it just zoomed in. Dear God. “The coolest.” I grin stupidly and I immediately regret my comment. The coolest? What was I, a fourth grader.

I see Justin grinning out the corner of my eye and I want so bad to reach over and strangle him. But with all the witnesses and cameras taping there’d be no way I could plead innocent. Unless, I plead insanity. That could work. I can look insane. Suddenly Ellen glares at me strangely. Oops. Was I practicing my crazy face on the outside again? I think I was. I think I still am. Accident.

Quickly I uncross my eyes and suck my tongue back into my mouth. “Ugh, as we were talking to your boyfriend over here before you came out we were asking him, ugh, how he liked fatherhood and now I’ve got the same question for you, although I’m not saying you’re a father.” The audience laughs at her goof. “I mean as far as motherhood, I understand that this is your first baby, how is it?”

I tap my fingers quickly against my leg as I try to think of an answer. “It’s uhm, well.” I hear the camera zooming again and I fiddle with my hair nervously. “It’s-it’s…” My eyes bounce around the audience as they all stare at me blankly. I can feel Justin’s hand get tense on my thigh and Ellen does a weird head waddle thing that tells me she’s wishing I would just answer the question all ready. “Well, it’s so…” I’m dying here. I can’t think. Too many people staring at me.

I’m about ready to give up and just go for the insanity plea when my eyes focus in on Taylor. He’s peering at me with those large blue orbs of his just like his daddy’s. He sucks merrily on his thumb as he glares at me. But I don’t feel the intensity that I’m getting from everyone else. His sweet little face focuses on me innocently and my heart thumps again.

“It’s a beautiful thing.” I say confidently. “He’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I didn’t think I could love anybody as much as I love him. I mean when I met Justin, I thought I knew love, but that day in the delivery room when the nurse said ‘here he is’” I mimicked happily. Taylor clapped his hands for himself and the audience chuckled giving up another round of applause.

“That’s sweet.” Ellen grins dreamily. “And I bet he keeps you guys going too huh?” Justin nods and I chuckle hard. “What?” He inquires. “Oh I was just thinking about last night when you tried to give him a bath, Taylor pushed him into the bath tub.” I laughed as did the rest of the audience. Justin wrinkled his forehead in protest. “He did not, I slipped.” I held my side as I laughed. “Yes he did! I came around the corner and his head was down in the tub with his feet kicking straight in the air.” I laughed to Ellen.  “And Taylor…” I chuckled hard again. “Was standing in the middle of the bathroom, naked, with not an ounce of water on him, Just looking at me like, ‘I showed him’.” The audience laughs again and Justin glares at me with mock disgust. “HaHa, you got jokes.” He grumbled poking me in the side. “It’s not my fault our child gives you baths.” Ellen throws her head back and laughs and I realize that I’m a lot more comfortable than I was before. “Is that true, do you give your daddy baths?” Taylor nodded with a big smile and clapped his hands again, the audience following suit with yet another round of applause.

“Okay, well that’s gonna wrap up our show for today, thank you guys so much for coming by.” “No problem.” Justin smirks at me and I realize that I’m probably gonna get it when I get home. But then again. I warned him.

“And thank you sweetie.” Ellen shakes Taylor’s little hand and Justin scoops him up on his hip. “And to all of you out there don’t forget to tune in next time. We got Angelina Jolie stopping by to talk about her new move, Wanted!”

The music blares through the speakers and the audience members dance about in their seats to the jam. Justin gives Ellen a hug and I do too. “You were great, really, thanks for stopping by.” I nod and Justin grabs my hand to lead us off the stage.

I plant my foot on the first step and my heel just barely grazes the second when I feel my ankle twist at a strange angle. Ellen covers her mouth and the audience gasps as I go thudding down the rest of the stairs. My chin slams into each one as I go and I feel my shirt beginning to rise as I skid across the floor when I finally reach the bottom. The camera man turns his attention to me quickly and I huff out an exhausted breath. “Are you all right!” Ellen yelps. I can hear the audience members chattering as I lay face first into the hardwood floor.

Justin quickly sets Taylor to his feet and runs down the stairs two at a time. “Baby,” I hear his voice strained with concern as he drops to his knees and hovers over me. I don’t move. After any big time public humiliation, the best thing to do is just lie there. “Babe, come here, let me see.” I feel his hands around my waist as he sets me up and brushes the hair from my face. “Is she okay?” Someone from the audience yells.

Justin glares at the blood dribbling from my nose and the scrape on my cheek. My right eye is slightly puffy already and I snivel at him. “See! I told you!” I cry out and Ellen sends for some ice. “Babe it’s okay.” Justin assures.

Taylor maneuvers his way down the steps to me. Ellen hands Justin the ice and he presses it firmly to my face. I close my eyes and the let the cold seep deep into my sores. Suddenly, I feel tiny fingers on my face and I open my eyes to see Taylor with both hands holding the bag to my cheek. “Thank you sweetie.” I sigh and the audience coos again before cameras go dark.