“Rach!” Justin calls behind me as I keep a steady pace. I sift through the people on the busy side walk. “Rachel!” He calls again. I round the corner, wiping the tears from my eyes. I hear his heavy foot steps grow closer as he moves fast to catch up. “Rach stop! Stop-stop-stop.” He jumps in front and blocks me from moving around him.

“Hey, look at me.” He says in a soft voice trying to capture my face. I throw my hands over my eyes and cheeks to hide it. I hate crying, especially in front of him. “C’mere, let me see.” He says pushing my hands aside and keeping them away.

I glare up at him, my nose running and my eyes puffy red. Wet trails are still trickling from the brims and I avoid his gaze.

“Rachel, he was a dick,”

“Justin, I don’t need a pep talk! I know what he was!” He forces me to look him in the eyes and I sniffle again.

“Listen to me, I know you know what he was, and now the whole fucking restaurant does too! He’s gonna lose his job I’ll make sure of that.”

“What good is that gonna do? So what,” I fling my arms out to my sides lifelessly. “Then he’ll just be walking around on the streets, thinking the same thing about every person he meets that looks like me!” My voice cracks on the last word and he pulls me into him.

I feel his chest beneath my face heaving rampantly. I know he’s still pissed. And I can bet he wants more than anything to go back to the restaurant and ring that waiter’s neck. I lock my arms around him tightly to steady his breathing. “You can’t think about people like that Rach.” He muffles in my hair.

People brush by us as I stand still in his arms. The night air whirls over my hot eyes helping to wash away the redness and I lift my face to him. “Can we please just go home?” I murmur.

I can see the disappointment ripple through his face and I don’t mean to ruin our evening, but I don’t feel much like being out anymore. 

“That’s what you want?” He whispers. I nod my head to finalize and he grips my hand with his warm fingers. It takes a while to get back to the restaurant. I hadn’t realized how far I’d walked.

“Here you are Mr. Timberlake.” The Valet hands over the keys to the Benz and Justin opens the passenger side for me. Quickly I climb in and buckle up as he wastes no time throwing us in drive and heading straight home.

“Yeah, yeah it’s cool, we’ll work on it as soon as I get back. No, I think it’s a pretty badass role. Yeah, I’m sure.”

I emerge from the bathroom in a fog of steam with my towel wrapped tightly around my frame. Justin’s sitting on the foot of the bed with his tie loosened and his shoes kicked off. Maybe he’s not so heartbroken about me cutting the evening short. I know for a fact that he hates ties. But he put one on just for me tonight. I grin lightly as I hang my dress up in the closet.

“Man, I’m telling you, I love it!” I guess that’s a go for Alpha Dog. I dig through the drawers for my pajamas. A black tank top and grey bottoms. Not the sexiest in my opinion but Justin loves it. The one time I actually decided to go out and buy some real lingerie, the kind with lace and tassels. He just glanced at it and threw me the sweats. Not two minutes after I’d put them on, he was hard as a…well, he was intrigued. I loosened the edges of the towel from around my breasts and paused.

“Most definitely, I’ll give him a call tomorrow, I can’t wait to work with him.” I glance at the back of Justin’s curly blonde head as he nods enthusiastically with the phone to his ear.

 -your little gold digging darky…gold digging darky…darky…

Suddenly I can hear Marcel’s words echoing in my mind. And though I’m getting over the anger, I feel a different emotion breaking through. Slowly I hold my arm out and peer over my complexion.

 “Hmmm.” I study the light brown skin. “There’s nothing wrong with my skin.” I murmur to my self, unconfidently.

 “Dude, Frankie, I could play him all day.” I grip my towel firmly as I drift toward the foot of the bed. I gaze at Justin quietly as he laughs loudly at some bad joke his manager just made.

My eyes roam over his cheek as it turns slightly pink from the surge of blood. I watch the way his beige skin stretches over his jaw and flexes about his nose. When I first met Justin, I’d never thought much of his skin color. It didn’t seem to matter. All I could see was this incredibly confident man with a grin the size of Texas bounding toward me to say hello.

And now, I was doing something I never had before. I was studying, focusing in on the light skin of his forehead. Watching it, noticing how the lamp light reflects off the surface.

 I peer down at my toes. They’re darker than his and I dig them deep into the carpet. The sound of my nails scratching over the cranberry fuzz makes his eyes shift to me.

 “What’s wrong?” He mouths pulling the phone from his face for a moment. I shake my wet crinkles at him and head for the bathroom to get dressed.

I’m not sure why, but as I pull my panties on, I’m happy to see that the mirror is still clouded by a sheet of beaded steam. I don’t feel like looking at myself right now. I just don’t.

Quickly I pull on the sweats and tank and trudge out of the bathroom for bed. Justin’s off the phone now. His tie is lying on the bed and his shirt is only half way buttoned.

He’s eying me strangely but I avoid his glare as I strut over to my side of the bed.

“Could have got dressed out here.” He smiles deviously, but I can see the curiosity in face. I cough nervously and he waits for more of a response, but I've got nothin'. “Not less there’s something you don’t want me to see.” He wiggles his brows urging more of a reaction on my part.

Quickly I flip the covers back and climb into bed with his eyes still on me.

“Rach?” He says with a small chuckle. He’s trying to keep the mood light, but I can hear the concern rumbling through his vocals. I glance up at him. “Are you okay?”

 “Yeah, I’m fine sweetie, why?” He shrugs with uncertainty before setting his watch on the dresser and then scanning my face for the millionth time. I shake my head at him as if everything is perfectly normal, although I don't really feel normal. In fact, I sort of feel like a fish out of water.

 “I’m okay.” I assure with the best grin I can muster up. He focuses in on my face intensly and being in the entertainement industry I know he knows a real smile from a fake one by now. Quickly I turn my face from him and nestle myself down into the squishy pillows.

I watch as he undresses and throws on his black sweats and wife beater. The mattress slouches on the other side and suddenly his hands are streaming along my waist.

I stiffen immediately. “Relax.” He muffles, his lips sucking at my neck and shoulders. I take a deep breath. I just need to refocus myself. It’s still Valentine’s day after all and he has been a good sport about letting me have my way tonight. If nothing else I could still attempt to salvage his Valentines day.

 Gently I roll over on my back and let his lips smother mine. Inch by inch the pads of his fingers graze my stomach and then my waist. In one swift motion he’s mounted me and I watch his abs as he rears back to pull the wife beater from over his head.

Suddenly, his lips are puckered at my breasts as he tugs the neck line of my tank a little lower for better contact. My breathing is rapid and I feel him sliding my top up from the bottom. I tug his hands in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?” He murmurs against my cheek.

“Nothing.” I whisper. He loosens the string tie that’s holding my sweats on and my heart goes pounding roughly. I release a small moan out of fear more than pleasure and struggle against his fingers to keep my pants on.

“Rachel?” He laughs, his minty breath washing over me.

“What?” I glare up at him meekly.

“Is there a problem?” I waggle my head and he lets his lips move at a good rhythm over the perfect spot. I take a deep breath as an urge pounds beneath the fabric of my panties.

“Do you want me to give it to you?” He whispers in my ear. I hadn’t noticed I was panting. I’m already digging my nails into his back, which usually means ‘please and thank you!’

 He grins as he makes another tug at my pants and my hand flies to the waist band to stop him.

 “You know,” He says pausing with his head reared back good enough for me to see his face. “It might work a little better if you let me take these off.”

 “But you love the sweats.”

“True.” His eyes narrow as he rolls them to the ceiling thoughtfully. “but, I think what's underneath is a hell of alot better don't you.” His lips kiss between my thighs and my entire body begins to quiver. Suddenly, he makes another tug at my pants and I gasp before knocking his hand away.

He throws me a strange look and I let my eyes drop to my lap.

“Okay…" He says sitting all the way back. "Talk time, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, can we just turn the lights out first, please?” He studies my pleading eyes for a moment before stretching over and pulling the lamp string. Suddenly the room is covered in a blue haze. “Thank you.”

In no time he’s back on me. He pulls my thighs around his waist and I can feel the hard bulge between his legs.

“Mmmm.” I groan as he finds another nice spot with his tongue. “Justin!” I squeak when I realize he’s almost halfway successfully pulled my sweats down to my knees.

What? What is it?”

“I wanna keep my clothes on!” I demand. I can see his face filled with confusion through the darkness.

“Rach? What is going on with you?”

“Nothing! What? Just because I asked you to just let my clothes stay on for once! Why do you want me to be naked every time? Why do you always have to see some skin to be satisfied? Some couples have sex with their clothes on all the time you know.”

“Okay, good for them, but we are not some couples. And why the hell would I not wanna see you naked, Rachel? You're beautiful.” He cooes kissing my forehead. 

I think of the light brown skin beneath my clothes and picture it rubbing, sweaty from the hot sex, against his tan white skin. Quickly I shrink away from him.

 “Because!” I growl. He peers at me questioningly.

“Because what?” He begs letting his fingers trail along my thigh. I push his hand away and I know he doesn’t understand but  right now I just feel so paranoid. I thought maybe turning the lights off would make it better, like I’m camouflaged, but I still feel so exposed. I just don't feel okay. I don't even want him looking at me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

She’s a fucking Black!

            “Justin, can I just go to sleep please?” He peers at me through the darkness of the room and I don’t bother waiting for his response. Quickly I settle myself down for sleep and ignore the fact that he’s burning a hole through the side of my face right now.

Eventually he crawls off of me over to his side and I lie still listening as he gets himself comfortable. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I want him to give it to me. But right now, I’m just…I don’t know…I don’t just don't know.

She's a fucking Black!