She walks away from me and you out the door.  I don' t even know what to say or do at this point.  I think it's safe to say she witnessed that exchange between myself and Amanda.  I'm fucked, I know it.

I'm so upset right now that I feel like I can actually see Red.  Walking into Janella's room, I pick her up gently so I can place her on the sofa near the front door.  I'm not staying under this roof with him for fear of our (his and mine) safety tonight and there's no way in hell I'm leaving my baby here.  Forget that!

In a haste, I knock over the bottle of water I had on my work station when leaving the studio.  I can't lose Melody.  She is my world.  All that over five minutes of gratification.  That can't happen, I won't allow it.  I need to stop and check on my daughter, just to make sure she didn't hear anything.  Opening her door, I see that she's no longer in her big girl bed.  This isn't good.

I wish he would just pick up his phone already.  Come on Justin, pick up.

"Hello."

"Jay, It's Melody.  Do you mind if Janey and I come over?  I can't be here right now."  

"Are you okay?  What happened?  Where's Jace?"

"I'll be okay once I'm out of this house and you'll have to call and check on him yourself,  I personally don't care right now."

"Should you be driving?  You sound too upset to be driving.  How about I come pick you up.  Are you staying overnight?"

"Yeah, it'll give me time to try and sort things out."  Justin's a good friend, he sounds genuinely concerned.  

"Are you sure there isn't anything you want to tell me now?"  

"Jay, I need to be out of this house."  I say with my voice raising slightly.  

"I'll be over in 20 minutes."  

We hang up the phone and I run back upstairs to grab a change of clothes for Janella and I.  The sooner I'm out of here, the better.   

Melody isn't in Nella's bathroom, the gym, or in any of the guest rooms.  I pass by our bedroom and notice that the door is open and the closet light is on.  Slowly entering our once peaceful bedroom, I see clothes flying every which way and the scene quickens my heart.  She's packing. We've never been in this space before and I honestly don't know how to handle what's happening right now.  I'm really scared. 

I look up and see the look of sheer terror on Josh's face.  I really don't know what he expected to happen.  He grabs the overnight bag off of the bed and begins to remove the clothing I placed inside.  It hurts me to see the pain in his eyes, but he did it to himself.  I just love him so much that I can't stop him.  Allowing him to continue, I stand from my sitting position and walk over to him.  I grab his shaking hand and look him in the eyes.  

"I don't really know what to say.  I'm hurt in so many ways that I can not convey a single emotion because there's so many things I want to say and do.  You need to pray and ask GOD to guide you on what to do because I'm at a complete and utter loss.  And even though you're the one that hurt me, you are the only one who can make it right." 

He turns me around to face him.   

Touching her forehead to mine I ask with a quivering heart...

"Are you leaving me?"

 I take a minute to process this question before giving my answer.  "When I said my vows, I meant every word.  No matter how much you may hurt me, intentional or not, I won't leave you.  I will not raise our daughter as a single parent unless you make it painfully obvious that you don't want this family anymore.  I can't say that I can just get over this but I will find my way back to you.  I just need time."  

"Can you just stay with me tonight?  Go wherever you want to go tomorrow; tonight I need my babies with me."  

"I called Justin and told him to come get us."

"I know.  Justin sent me a text asking me what was going on and that he was coming over but I told him not to worry about that.  If you need to leave, I'll bring you over myself."

Suddenly, we hear crying coming from downstairs.  Without a second thought, we both rush down to see Janella sitting on the couch, her soft, curly hair all over the place and her eyes searching for us.  Melody reaches her first and scoops her up in her arms; giving our daughter the comfort only a mother can.  She calms down momentarily then with her eyes landing on mine, she reaches out for me.  Mel hands her over and plops down on the sofa with a loud thud.  Nella starts to play with my reading glasses and I sit the both of us down next to Melody.    

"Mommy sad?"  My very sleepy, very insightful little girl asks me.  I put the biggest smile my heart allows before answering.  

"No sweetheart, mommy's tired.  I need to rest like you were doing a couple minutes ago."  I hate lying to my baby but there's no way I'm telling her the truth.  

"Mommy hug!"

You know, it seems like kids know exactly what to say and what time to say it.  She makes me so happy.  "Anytime from you baby girl."   She gives her daddy a kiss on the cheek before crawling over his lap to get to where I am.  Wrapping her arms around my neck, she gives me the tightest hug she can.  I squeeze as tight as I can without hurting her and let her go.  A tear slips down my cheek and with her small hand, she reaches up to wipe the tear away.    

Janella is such a perceptive child.  I know she knows something is amiss.  She looks at her mommy and wipes away more tears.  

"Why you cry mommy?  I hurt you?"  

"No, not at all baby girl.  You made mommy really happy.  These are happy tears."  

"Okay, I love you momma."  

"I love you too baby.  Come on, do you want a snack?  I could go for some grapes."   

Babygirl loves grapes.  As soon as I let the words leave her mouth, Nella jumped up from my lap and rushed toward the kitchen.  Without warning,  JC grabs my hand and leads the way.  I am too emotionally drained to fight against him.  We get to the kitchen just in time to see Nella climb into her highchair and snap herself in.  While I get the bowls, Josh gets the grapes and gives them a good wash.  We fall into our rhythm pretty easily and soon enough Nella's finished her snack and is drifting off again.  Jace takes her upstairs and reads her a story before she's back into a peaceful slumber.  I finished up the dishes and am currently on the floor trying to put the crisper back into the fridge.  Josh walks back downstairs and finds me.  Closing the refrigerator door, he again grabs my hand and leads me upstairs to our bedroom.  I hope he doesn't...  

"Josh, we've had a pretty nice hour or two but I'm not in a place where I can just act like nothing happened.  Less than three or so hours ago, you had some woman in here about to disrespect me, our daughter, this house and our marriage. Do you know how angry I am?  Do you have any idea how much I want to run away from you?  I don't want to leave you but my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest.  Just thinking about you touching her, feeling on her body...what was it you said to her?  Oh yeah!  You need to see her beg for it?  JC, you realize that there's no way I'm letting you touch me until you get tested.  I'm so hurt, and angry, and frustrated that I can't recognize my left from my right."  

"I know I hurt you but I never meant for it to go that far.  I never wanna loose you. Melody, you and Janey are my reason for being.  If I lose you, I have no reason to go on.  I don't want to live without you.  Please, tell me you won't leave me."  Josh finishes with a sob.  

"I already told you I'm not leaving this marriage.  I just need some time away. After tonight, I'm going to check into a hotel.  At least for a little while.  You can come to see and keep Nella as much as you want but she leaves with me."    

"Why would you check in to a hotel?  This is something we need to work out in the same house."

"Why Josh?  Are you afraid of what your friends and family might say?  I'm not the one who did anything wrong here.  I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I do wonder what made you turn to her though.  What is it that she could do for you that I couldn't or wasn't?"  

"It's not really what she could do for me.  I was lonely and you were gone."  

"Is that really the best you could come up with?  Don't give me that typical cheater's answer bullshit!  You know damn well what you were thinking in that moment.  I saw you Joshua!  The only reason you stopped is because you caught a glimpse of your wedding band.  You clearly weren't thinking about us before.  It killed me to see the look on your face.  You looked excited JC.  Like you were about to do something adventurous and dangerous."  

"I'm sorry okay.  Baby, I'm so, so sorry.  I wasn't thinking about us.  I guess I got caught up in the moment.  She was offering me herself and I would be lying if I said she didn't turn me on in some way."  

"I told you in the beginning of your partnership with her that I thought she was your type.  I just didn't think that you would be interested in fucking up your life for a 10 minute screw.  Joshua, I want to forgive you, I just don't know where to start."  "What do you want me to do?  I want to do whatever it takes to keep my family intact.  You want me to stop working with her?  Because you say the word and I will."  "I'm not giving you an easy out JC.  I can't and I won't answer this for you because I'm not the one who chose to work with her, you and the label did.  I tell you one thing though; that homewrecking ho better not ever walk into our house again.  For her safety and possibly your own.  I'll be in one of the guest rooms until morning. I can't stand being around you right now."  

I watch as Melody takes the pajama set she had in her overnight bag, her laptop and her cell and walk out of our room.  I hope she doesn't keep walking.