Don't want to think about

Don't wanna talk about it

I'm just so sick about it

I snatched the lacy fabric off the bed when I recognized it didn't belong to me.

I felt the angry tears whell up in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

But didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that I was standing here. I didn't want to believe that I held another woman's panties in my hand. I didn't want to believe he betrayed me. I didn't want to believe that my heart was breaking...

My chest heaved and my blood rushed at top speed. I felt my face get hot and I was not about to let my gaurd down because I found that everything I suspected was all becoming a reality and slapping me in the face.

Can't believe it's ending this way

Just so confused about it

Feeling the blues about it

I just can't do without you

I tightly closed my eyes and silently prayed that when they opened I would find myself waking up from my worst nightmare. Waking up beside him with a smile on my face and that familiar feeling in my heart. But there I stood, blank expression, ability to feel long gone. All I saw was our bed, slept in, and sheets soiled by a woman who didn't belong there.

My heart froze as I imagined another woman using what was mine, rightfully mine, for four years. Four fucking years. All my time invested in a love that proved itself a lie. Time wasted in making a man love me who didn't give a damn. Not only was I shitfaced angry and hurt, I was disgusted.

My silent reverie was cut short by a hearty laugh and the creaking of the front door.

"Aight, I'll call you later."

The low baritone made me cringe. The jingling of keys followed his heavy footsteps up each stair making my heart jump. My heart rate increased with every nearing step leaving my mind to wonder what I was about to do. How do I confront the man who still has my heart in the palm of his hand...his dirty cheating hand.

The back of his head slowly came into view and he dragged the door shut behind him. He faced me with a jump. Then he smiled. My nervousness was quickly replaced with disgust.

"Oh...baby, you're home early?" He came up to embrace me but my hands laid glued to my sides afraid of what they would do if I let them loose. I nodded slightly. "You should've called, I would've picked you up from the airport." His armed lingered around my small frame, his warm breath covering my neck, and I took in his familiar smell. I wanted to cry. He released me, sliding his hands down either side of me, stoping at my waist. Smile still plastered to his face, his questioning eyes overlooked my blank ones. "How'd you get home?"

"Alicia picked me up." I answered lamely.

"Well you really should've called, I should be the first one to see you." He laughed and I almost felt myself crumbling.

"I wanted to surprise you." I stated simply. It was true. My dad wanted to spend a week alone with his wife so I hopped on the next available plane home hoping to surprise my boyfriend.

Surprise.

"Well it certainly is a surprise." He chuckled softly. He leaned to kissed me, but my face turned to the side so quick that all he caught was my cheek. He looked confused by just released me with a sigh. He moved about the room, removing his shoes, taking off his jacket, absentmindedly adjusting clothes in the closet and around the room. My eyes followed every move, wondering what to expect next. He was looking for something now. After regaining the feeling in my limbs, I remembered the pair of underwear that I clutched on with dear life in my hand. I looked down at my hands and closed my eyes.

You know I gave you the world

You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away?

I just can't seem to understand...

"Looking for something?" I asked, stomaching all that it took to look at him in the face. He looked up suddenly.

"Uh..." He stuttered. "N-Nah. I just thought I left something over here before I left this morning, that's all." He got up smoothing his clothes looking aorund the room nervously, and I could almost laugh.

"You mean this?" I asked holding up the black lace. I looked at him with a face that demanded an answer. His jaw dropped.

"I-I, uh...."

"You 'uh...uh' what?" I asked sternly as the anger began to creep in my voice, but tried to stay calm. "You 'uh...uh' was just keeping yourself compaining with another female? Is that what you were doing?" I waited for an answered but the same stupid expression stayed on his face. "Huh?" When he didn't answer, I exploded. "Huh Derek?" I yelled throwing the panties in his face. Fuck calm. He's crossed the line for the last time.

"Baby, listen. I..."

"No! Don't 'baby listen' me!" I cut him. "How long..." I started to yell, but took a step back to calm myself. I let out a shaky sigh. "How long Derek? How long have you been creepin' on me?" I asked softly. I heard his clothes rustle as he approached me but tears were disrupting my vision.

"Baby..." He said placing his hands on my arms and gently rubbing them with his thumbs. I gently shook my head and closed my eyes taking a deep breath. The tears accumulating in my eyes fell down my cheeks and I break down. "Baby...I know how this looks. But know that I never meant to hurt you." I weakly look up at his face. Examining every feature; the smoothness of his skin, the length of his eye lashes, the bushiness of his eyebrows that I threatened to pluck, the subtle softness of his lips, how they felt on mine...

It took all the strength I had to look into his chocolate brown eyes.

Thought it was me and you babe

Me and you till the end

But I guess I was wrong

I had about every right to reach my hand up and slap the shit out of him and curse to know end, but I felt defeated. I felt like I've been giving my all fighting a war that I was set up to lose. But I had faith, and that faith went and bit me in the ass. I was suspicious, but my head told me to not worry. My head told me to love him in everyway possible. My head told me that he made me happy. My head was wrong, and now my heart is suffering.

"Baby, you believe me right?" I was getting mighty tired of this 'baby' shit.

"Who is she?" I asked looking dead in his eyes. He stood staring at me with no answer and I just 'bout gave up.

"You were gone for a long time, and I just..." I held a hand up to silence him.

"I didn't ask for explainations Derek, I want an answer. Who is she?" He ran a hand over his face and sighed.

"Candy." He answered simply. And if I thought was angry before, than I went fucking balistic. I stormed out the room and ran down the stairs grabbing my bag and keys. "Baby!" I heard his footsteps coming after me which were soon tuned out by the beating of my frantic heart and the stuggle to keep myself was bawling right there on the steps of his stairs. "Tiearra!" He reached out for me as I took my last step down the stairs. "Tiearra, I know this sounds bad...but please, don't go." He took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. "I need you. I love you." I stood looking at him trying to decifer the situation at hand, but there was nothing to figure out. It was all out in plain light. He was fucking his ex-girlfriend while I was thousands of miles away with my family missing the hell out of him and he welcomes me home to a house he's been sharing with a bitch who can't get her act together. Always on my man's dick like it was some elixer for long life, but I never saw the day where he would give in. Until now. I continue my trek towards the front door before I turned around to face him one last time. I took one final squeeze on the keys before I angrily threw them flying across the room to where he was standing.

"You can keep your fucking car, because I cannot fathom laying eyes on anything that has to do with you. I'm done."

Is this the way it's really going down?

Is this how we say goodbye...

Should've known better when you came around

That you were gonna make me cry

I walked into the dark of the night with nothing but a suitcase and my phone. My anger led me farther than expected before I realize I didn't know where I was going. And, as if on cue, the autumn rains began to fall. As the cool water hit my skin and the cold breeze froze my cheeks, the rain blinded me and all I saw was Cathy in his bed taking what I thought would last a lifetime, and ruining it all with one kiss.

Why didn't I do anything about it before? Why did I wait so long...because I loved him.

It's breaking my heart to watch you run around

'Cause I know that you're living a lie

I was almost tempted to turn around and show up at his doorstep. Wanting to take him back...he could make everything okay...he's all I've known. He's all I wanted, all I needed. The vibrating of my phone shook me out of my thoughts. I let out a shaky hello that would notify anyone that I was crying.

"T, are you okay?" I could do nothing but sniff while more tears fell and mixed with the rain running down my face. "T? Tiearra? Where you at?" I hiccuped, trying to make out words, but all I could do was cry. I closed my eyes tight to fight the pounding headache that was slowly morphing itself into a full blown migrane. I almost forgot I was on the phone before Alicia's panicked tone filled my ear. "Tiearra! Answer me!"

"'Licia...I'm tired." I was tired. Tired of excuses, tired of being lied to, tired of putting up fronts, tired of prentending it's okay when hell is unraveling at my feet. I whiped the wet off my face along with the hurt and put my foot down. This wasn't me. I don't cry, I don't let these things get to me, and somewhere along the road Derek took who I was and made me into who he wanted me to be. And I was done. "'Licia, can you come get me? I need to get out." I don't get upset, I move on.

That's okay baby cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around

Comes all the way back around