"It's a proven fact. Guys will always go for the slutty looking one, no matter how much prettier the friend is. If she looks like a prude... they won't even give her a second glance." Cooper smiles proudly, having just watched a drunken frat boy prove his theory.    

"Alright, but what if the slutty one is deformed or something?"    

"Doesn't matter. The one eyed snake can't see. Plus, beauty is only a light switch away."    

"You're horrible." Jules laughs and rolls her eyes.    

Welcome to my life folks.    

Every night after work, my friends and I plant ourselves at our favorite bar, and people watch.     

It's sometimes a little boring and fairly weird, but we're not exactly normal to begin with. We're rude and cynical and pretty damn funny, if I do say so myself.    

Most people would probably call us assholes, and have on several occasions, but we have fun and that's all that matters.     

"So... we meet again." I hear that unfortunately familiar voice behind me and can't stop the eye roll that follows it.    

Three nights in a row, this moron has made numerous attempts at shamelessly flirting with me, and three nights in a row... I've shot him down.     

Why?    

Number one, he's far too arrogant for my liking. He knows just how good looking he is, and he's not afraid to let everyone know it.     

Secondly, I'm just plain old not interested.    

Night after night, I watch men pick up women in this bar and it never fails to turn my stomach. I'm all for having a good time, but there's just something about hooking up with someone you meet in a bar that seems so... sleazy, I guess is the right word.    

And this place ain't exactly four star, if you catch my drift. The paint is peeling off the walls, the floor is covered in a layer of dirt and spilled liquor. Several of the barstools and tables are damn near falling apart, and the distinct smell of tobacco is practically engrained on every surface.    

To put it nicely, the place is a dive.    

The clientele are all fairly middle to lower class, but when you're trying to avoid the uppity, typical New Yorkers, this is the perfect place to be. And that's exactly why we come here. We spend enough time with the high society bitches who come into our store, we don't need them in our free time as well.    

Plus, there's a fight atleast four nights a week, and there's nothing funnier than a good old fashioned bar brawl.    

"Great. I'm jumping for joy." I smile sarcastically as he moves to stand between Jules and I.    

I really wish he'd just get the hint. I mean, I've been as clear as I could possibly be. I told him I wasn't interested. I told him I don't let men in bars pick me up. I've even resorted to some fairly creative excuses. But, he always seems to have a come back.    

I trotted out the usual boyfriend line, didn't phase him. Told him I was a lesbian, he asked if he could watch. When I told him I had several STD's, he promised to wear a condom. I even told him I only had a week to live, he offered to make it the best week of my short life.    

Nothing deters this guy.     

So, either he's incredibly persistent, or really fucking stupid. I haven't quite figured out which one yet, but I'll take an educated guess and assume it's the latter. He just doesn't get it.   

 After my last relationship ended horribly, I swore off all men for awhile. I was racking up one mistake after another and I've just gotten tired of even trying anymore.     

Men are scum. Plain and simple. They're a complete waste of time and are usually only after an easy fuck, so what's the point in stressing over them? I've learned my lesson the hard way many times, and I've finally figured it out.    

The easiest way to avoid getting hurt is to steer clear of every last one of them.    

If I end up alone because of that attitude, so be it. Atleast I won't be left alone, picking up the pieces of my broken heart time and time again.    

"You should be." He grins and takes a sip of his beer. "I don't chase after the same girl too often."    

"Oh, so I'm a special case? Fantastic."    

"Course you are. I wouldn't be here if you weren't." He winks.    

He actually has the nerve to fucking wink at me? Ugh.    

"So...the bar's closing soon." He states plainly. He's trying to sound nonchalant, but I know exactly what he's implying, and it's not happening.    

"I'm not going home with you."    

"What do I gotta do to make that happen?"    

Jules and Cooper try to cover their laughter by coughing and all I can do is roll my eyes. If Cooper was such a good friend, he'd jump in right about now and play the boyfriend card. But, there he sits, watching me suffer sexual harassment from a pop-star.    

Oh yeah...guess I forgot to mention that little gem, didn't I?    

It's true. The jackass who's been incessantly hitting on me is the one and only, Justin Timberlake.    

Bet you never would have guessed that, huh? It shocked the hell out of me the first time too. I didn't expect someone so famous to be so.... desperate and lame.    

You'd think, a man like Justin would be the prey. You'd think women would be throwing themselves at him, and I'm sure they have been, but for some reason... he's only interested in tormenting the shit out of me.     

Honestly, I don't understand it. I'm really nothing special, and I haven't exactly been nice to him. The guy could probably have just about any chick on the planet, but he insists on chasing the one who isn't interested.    

It doesn't make a lick of sense.    

"You really wanna know?" I smirk as his eyes light up. If I'm going to be harassed, I might as well have some fun with it. Right?    

"What do you think?"    

"Alright... guess you'll have to ask my boyfriend here." I shrug and shoot a quick glance at Cooper.    

Justin's eyes widen as his gaze settles on Cooper. I don't know if he's intimidated, or shocked. But either one will work in my favor, and maybe...just maybe, he'll leave me the hell alone.    

Honestly, I'd probably die laughing if anybody was intimidated by Coop. He's scrawny as all hell, and probably more woman than me or Jules will ever be.    

"Funny Em... when did you grow a penis?" Cooper asks lightly, a wicked smirk planted on his face.    

"Ha! Fucking knew it!" Justin shouts proudly and slams his hand down on the table. "I was waiting for you to tell me this was your man. You barely even have to look at him to know he's gay."    

"You fucking queen." I mutter and slap Cooper's shoulder, before returning my attention to my newly acquired stalker. "Fine... you caught me. Look, Justin...this whole thing is flattering, really. But I'm just..."    

"Not interested." He finishes for me and nods. "You've mentioned that. Unfortunately for you...I don't take no for an answer. And, you better believe I'm gonna turn that no into a yes...eventually. Y'all get home safe." He shoots me one last smile and saunters off into the crowd.     

He's determined, I'll give him that much.   

But, this girl is not easily swayed.     

Hell will freeze over, pigs will fly, and worms will grow ears before he gets a yes from me.