Chapter 3.
Everytime.
I don’t know how I managed it, but somehow I got past the next few months after Justin and I broke up. I mean, after we ‘officially’ announced our break-up I was so shocked, unable to fathom the idea that he was no longer mine, and it hurt me like crazy.
“Brit?” My mother’s voice broke through my thought of Justin once again as I sat with her discussing the opening of NYLA, but in reality my heart and soul were not really there. I had gone though a lot these past few months, with ‘Crossroads’ doing so badly and me and Justin breaking up, I wasn’t sure of who I was anymore.
“Yeah mom?” I asked, still half in a daze. She smiled sweetly at me and pulled me to her in a hug.
“Are you okay hunny bunch?” She asked and I smiled, I liked when she called me that, it was a name she gave me when I was younger.
“Not really,” I said and looked up at her. “I can’t believe he’s no longer mine.”
“I know honey, I know,” was all my mother said, now here was the thing she knew what had happened, why we’d broken up and I guess she was still a bit angry about it.
“Anyway let’s continue with this,” I said and tried to refocus on the meeting. She sighed, but agreed to do it. Knowing full and well that I was not in it 100%.
After that it was the opening of NYLA in June and I was in New York, trying to avoid publicity. Because I had been taking the break up like shit, and had cried myself to sleep every night I had released two new singles, both of which weren’t doing very well and I was a mess.
On the night of NYLA’s opening I went out to the eatery with my mom as my date, and tried to have fun. But it really wasn’t working. The press kept on hounding me with questions about Justin and me, and I kept avoiding the questions, saying that he and I were still together. It was still to painful for me to think about him as gone, so I called him.
“What do you want Brit?” he asked, his tone was harsh, and after what I’d done to him I half expected it but I was still upset.
“I...” I began but he stopped me.
“You want? Wanted to finally admit to what happened?” he asked, and I heard myself whisper a ‘yes’. “Yeah well it’s too late for that.”
“J, I’m sorry,” I whispered but he just snorted. I began to cry.
“Cry Me a River Brit,” he snapped and slammed the phone down. That was the beginning to one of our many pointless conversions.
The next time I called him I was back in LA with my mom and not doing much, maybe a few appearances here and there but my mind was constantly consumed by Justin and what he was doing.
“What is it now Brit?” he asked the next time I called him. I sighed and wondered if this was how it would always be.
“So are we going to continue acting like this towards each other?” I asked rather annoyed by him now.
“I don’t know Brit, until you admit to what happened then yeah I guess so,” he replied shortly, I took a deep breath in.
“J I just want to talk,” I replied and he snorted.
“Talk? About what? I don’t wanna hear it Brit, unless you want to talk about how you fucked up then don’t bother calling me,” he snapped and again put the phone down on me.
I sighed and wished we could just go back to the way things were, but we couldn’t.
In August things began taking their toll on me, I was tired and frustrated, and everything to do with Justin had just got my head on a roll. I decided to stay away from the spotlight as much as I could and go back home with my mom.
While out there I heard from one of my friends JC Chasez, Justin’s best friend from Nsync. He said Justin was releasing a new solo project and just thought I should know.
“Why do you think I should know?” I asked JC as I sat on my end of the phone fiddling with the cord.
“Oh, just because. You always told him he should go on to bigger and better things,” JC replied lightly.
“Well um, thanks for, um, telling me, I guess,” I said unsure if it was what I should say.
“Yeah, no problem Brit. Hey also I wanted to give you a heads up of the VMAs,” JC answered and I was curious now. “Have you got you invite yet?”
“Yeah, I got it in the mail yesterday,” I said and reached over for the letter that was sent to me by MTV. “Why?”
“Well, I just wanted to warn you that J will be there, we all will except Lance and J will be premiering his new stuff,” JC said, I took a deep breath in.
“Thanks Jayce, thanks for telling me,” I replied and I heard him chuckle lightly on the other end.
“No problems Brit. Take care bye,” JC replied and before I could answer he hung up. As soon as he hung up I felt a good sense of calm come over me, well at least there was something to look forward to right? I would be seeing Justin again, very soon.
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