The Little Things
By: Mel
I sit here overlooking the park laid out in front of me, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the colors of nature. Summer is almost here and just about everything is in full bloom. The air is just right, not too hot and with a light breeze blowing from the north. There are birds chirping and the sound of kids playing on the playground reminds me exactly where I am. It’s relaxing in some ways. Others might not agree with me, but that’s fine. This place holds a special place in my heart. I like to think of this as our spot.
I cross my legs, making myself comfortable and as soon as I turn my head to the left, I see him. I can’t prevent the smile that creeps upon my lips as I take in his outfit. He always dresses so relaxed when he’s home and I can’t blame him. He deserves to be just Justin for a day. He’s sporting his typical baggy jeans and a black t-shirt with some writing on it; probably a clothing line I have no idea about. His hair has grown out some and is beginning to curl again. The only thing new is that he’s started to wear glasses on a daily basis. They kind of hide the specific features of his face but I know that they’re all still there. Glasses or not, he’s still Justin.
I stand as he approaches me and easily slide into his arms as his slides around me, holding me close to him and taking everything in. The first thing I notice is his scent. It hits me like a ton of bricks and I have to tell myself to not fall into this, to him. He smells clean and masculine all at the same time with just a hint of something woodsy mixed in. I don’t care what it is because to me, it’s all Justin and what I remember him by.
I try not to get lost in the feeling of being close to him, but it never fails. I can’t stop them; the rush, the security he brings me, something always just tells me I’m home. Call me stupid, but I’ve never once told him how I feel. I know, before someone tells me it’s my own damn fault. I’ve thought long and hard over it and it’s just something I can’t do. We’re like the best of friends. Plain and simple, through thick and thin, we’re friends. I kind of look at it as deeper than that in some ways, almost like soul mates. I don’t believe that title is restricted only for a lover, but friends can fit the mold too.
Justin has seen me through everything. Through heartbreak after heartbreak, to finding my first love, (or so I thought), changing careers, going back to college, losing loved ones-- you name it. He’s been there. You might find it hard to believe that’s possible because yes, he is ‘the’ Justin Timberlake. Man who’s sold a bajillion albums, won more awards than I can count, sold out venues across the world and made teenage girls to the elderly pee their pants while he dances and sings on stage. The same guy that is so talented in everything that it makes everyone sick. Yup. That’s my Justin. The multitasker. I’ve made up for it though because I’ve been there for him also.
He’s had ups and downs. He’s broken up with some big A-list girlfriends and I’ve even watched him cry himself to sleep. I’ve rode hours on that damn tour bus with him while he drank and acted like a fool with his guy friends as I’d just shake my head and laughed at him. I’ve watched him be Mr. Cocky around people and act like the world revolves around him, but the man makes logical sense most of the time. I’ve had my moments of wanting to slap him silly all the while wanting to fall into his arms and never let go. I’ve just never got there.
You see, right now he’s happy. I can see it in his eyes. He takes a seat next to me on the bench and it’s written all over his face. He’s been home for a few days now so I know he’s caught up on his sleep and is well rested. He runs himself to the bone day after day so I’m glad he came home. Regardless of sleep, I can hear the happiness in his voice. He’s been seeing someone new for about a year now-- an actress once again, but this time is different. He kind of glows when he talks about her. I’ve watched him go through girlfriends as often as I change my socks, but this one seems to have that ‘it’ factor he’s always been after. I’ve seen them together and can tell she loves the hell out of him. He deserves a good girl. Even though I feel I could easily fit that bill, I don’t push and I don’t even attempt it because I’m fine with this. For example, the look he just gave me after bringing up a story from last time I went on tour with him, that ended in that deep chuckle he does-- yeah that makes everything worth it to me.
We stand up and begin to walk the park, his arm around my shoulders in a friendly gesture and it just feels right. We’ve always been the touchy feely type of friends, nothing more than that. I’m not saying I’ve never kissed him because I have, but it was usually brought on by some drunken dare. Kind of like it happens and you move on. Only me being me, I never forget it. No, I don’t spend countless hours reminiscing over it like some obsessed teeny, but I hold it close to my heart because just like the others, it means something to me. I know what his lips feel like, taste like and just knowing is enough to push that curiosity out of my mind.
As we continue to walk, my arm around his waist to balance out everything, he tells me about his latest project, a movie no doubt. I swear this man has no limit. He just goes and goes until there’s nothing else for him to do. It’s something to admire about him, not that I need anything else to add to my list. I start to tell him about the latest dirt in my life, or stresses if you will--and it’s the feeling I get right there that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
He turns to me, that look on his face serious as ever and makes sure I hear what he has to say because we both know that he’s right and it’s just what I needed to hear. He always has this way of reassuring me, letting me know that everything is going to work out, but it’s not like hearing it from a friend. It’s different when it comes from Justin. He just has this amazing way of putting things into perspective for me.
We continue talking, stopping by the bridge and leaning against the railing, looking out at the water before us. Everything about this moment feels just like home when he makes a joke, a remark making fun of me like he always does, as I slap his arm in defense and he laughs, pulling back, that glimmer shining in his eyes. Sometimes I think we both go back into child mode when we’re together. Almost like our youth never left us even though it’s been several years since he’d pull on my hair if I wouldn’t let him use the swing I was on.
He fills me in on a new song he’s been working on and my ears perk up instantly because music to me, is life. It’s just an extra perk that Justin Timberlake is my best friend. He knows what it means to me though because he never fails to tell me, letting me have the first listen so he can get my opinion. I’ve even helped him a few times with writing, just lending my advice for lyrics or tweaking a thing here and there. I couldn’t have been more honored at that moment. Two hearts beat as one and mine beats to the rhythm of a song.
I’m brought back to memories of when we were young, before he went off to join *NSYNC we’d sneak out of both of our houses, and get into some kind of trouble with Trace. Some people thought of us as the typical small town trio, always together, always causing trouble. It took me the world’s biggest backbone not to bawl my eyes out in front of Justin when he did leave to join the group. I cried-- don’t get me wrong, but I saved the water works for after he left. I couldn’t prevent the trembling lip and the occasional tear that escaped my hazel eyes, but he was firm to tell me that we’d always be friends. I figured he’d run off and become this big musician and forget about me, but he never did. I was never more than a phone call away from him or a plane ride and that’s another thing I love about him. He’s loyal to me.
It’s not long until we’ve already made our second lap around the park, stopping at the same bench we met at as my limbs fall heavily onto it, he falling heavily into me. I smile as the weight of him rests upon me and can feel him relax. He needs to relax. I let him enjoy it. His head rolls onto my shoulder and I can’t prevent my hand from coming up and resting in his curls. I love the way they feel. They’ve always looked crunchy with all the shit he puts in his hair, but I’m always shocked to find out that they’re soft.
Silence overtakes us, besides the constant sounds of the park, providing an easy soundtrack to the moment. It’s not long before his voice fills the void. Soft and gentle against the air. “I’ve missed you, girl.”
I smile because I know exactly what he means. “I’ve missed you too, J.”
His hand rests lazily on my knee and I don’t think I could bring myself to move even if I tried. His touch is addicting to me. “You know the offer still stands for you to move out to Los Angeles with me.”
I nod against his head and chuckle just a little. As great as that would be, it’d be torture on my nerve endings. Distance makes the heart grow fonder as they say. “You know I would, but I’ve built my life here in Tennessee.”
He nods and I swear I just saw a little bit of hurt etched across his gorgeous face. No, I’m just delusional, I tell myself, but his stare doesn’t end right there. He sits up, grabbing my hand in his and I have to tell myself to calm down. He’s just being friendly. This is no where out of the friend repertoire for us. Hell I’ve seen the man naked! “Is that really it? You know your job can be pretty mobile.”
I’m honestly shocked by this because he’s never been this adamant before. Yeah, he’s asked and I’ve honestly considered it, but it’s just never been the right time in my life. I bite my lip, taking in his words carefully and wonder if this is the right moment to maybe just hint how I feel about him, but I know in the back of my mind, I need to keep my mouth shut. Bad things can happen when we speak. Another part of me tells me that this is Justin and he wouldn’t place a judgment on me no matter what. He’s my best friend and I love that about him. Yes, I love him. Sigh. I go through the mental argument with myself of wondering if I really have romantic feelings for him or if they’re just really deep since I’ve known him for most of my life. Yes, I’ve had boyfriends in the past, even a fiancé at one point, but everything comes back to him. Sometimes I hate feelings. They just get us into trouble. I finally cave. “I’ll think about it.”
That answer seems to appease him for the moment because he smiles and pats my leg. I let out a silent breath, glad the conversation is over and I can stop the mental argument with myself. He stands and once again, his arms come around me and before I know it, my cheek is laying against the soft cotton of his shirt, entranced in the scent of him. His big hands come up to my back and make small soothing motions, causing my skin to take notice. I swear I could stay here all day and never tire, but I come to my senses and snap back to reality because this is Justin, my best friend-- not my boyfriend.
As much as the truth of it sucks, I’m a grown woman and bring myself together, trying not to be affected as he kisses my cheek quickly like he always does when we say goodbye. I always wonder if this feeling I get for him will one day disappear and find myself hoping it’s sooner then later. He’s got a girlfriend and he loves her. I can respect that. I think we choose moments in our lives on our own and deep down, if I wanted to tell him how I felt, I would. Everyone has a path and I think if Justin was meant to be with me romantically, then he would be. I’d rather have him as a best friend than not at all, and for that, I know I’m one of the luckiest women in the world.
I watch him shuffle away a little before he stops and turns around mid-step, but continues to walk backwards slowly and he winks at me. I smile, grinning like a fool because it’s the feelings I get from the little things like that, that I wouldn’t give up for the world. He may not be my boyfriend or my husband, but like I said, he’s Justin and he’s my best friend and just like all of the others, I’m happy with the little things.
