Ever notice how everything makes more sense in the morning?    

No matter how ridiculous or infuriating, after a good nights sleep, you can see clearly and you kind of begin to understand what transpired the night before.    

I still stand by every single thing I said yesterday.  Justin was acting like an inconsiderate prick and I dare anyone to deny that fact. I'm sure even Ben and Trace would back me on this one.    

But... a small part of me understands it.    

Maybe I'm just being naive, or maybe I'm too blinded by my feelings to really see the truth, but I think a small part of him does want to get married. Maybe not now... but I honestly think he wants it.    

But... he's scared. Even though we've been together for more than four years... in his mind, he still has this sense of freedom.    

He wouldn't dream of doing it, but I think he finds comfort in the fact that he could walk away at any moment, and while there would be some considerable damage done... it would just be a break-up.    

It wouldn't carry the weight of a divorce. There wouldn't be any attorneys, or courts. No pre-nuptial agreements. No splitting assets. It'd be a fairly clean break.     

90 percent of men are terrified of commitment. Sure, they can stay in a relationship for years, but once the M word comes into play, they freak out.     

See... marriage isn't just a legal or emotional contract. When the average person thinks of marriage... they tend to think 'forever', after all... that's what that 'til death do us part' thing is about.     

For some reason... men cannot comprehend the concept of 'forever.'    

Even if deep down, they know they aren't able to do it... they like to think they have their options open. The thought that they could still go out and sleep with some random woman is exciting for them.     

And yeah, I know that even marriage doesn't stop most men, but for a guy like Justin, it's the thought that counts.     

For reasons unknown, he's decided that marriage is some sort of death sentence and it scares the living hell out of him. Nothing I say or do is going to erase that fear.    

And I get it, I really do. I even sympathize with him. But... at some point, you have to grow up and stop being afraid of everything.     

If he doesn't grow out of that fear sometime in the very near future, he's going to end up a sad, lonely, bitter man.    

And I really, really don't want to see that happen.    

He shuffles into the kitchen awkwardly before planting himself in the chair across from me.    

"You make breakfast?" He mumbles, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.    

Is it wrong that I'm silently praying he's got a massive hangover?    

"Nope."    

I'm not starving him or anything, I swear. I may semi-understand his side of things, but I'm still pissed and he's still going to suffer some consequences.    

Besides, if he's that damn hungry... he's more than welcome to fix his own breakfast.    

"Why not?"    

"Wouldn't want to ruin the fun of cooking for you." I mutter before rising to my feet and heading for the door.    

Even though I know he deserved it, I can't ignore the guilt that's settling in.     

I know, I know, I know...I should be all about the scorned woman thing right now, but even when he's an idiot, I still love him. And that makes it ten times harder to be mean to him.    

I'm a total pushover, I know.

*****************    

"So, basically... they egged it on?" Carly asks with a roll of her eyes. "Assholes."    

"That's not even the point. It went completely beyond the stereo thing. He thinks I'm some raving lunatic because I want to get married."    

"Most guys do." She shrugs. "And as we both know, most guys are morons. Honestly though, what's the rush? Yeah, you guys have been together for 200 years, but is waiting awhile longer really gonna be a huge deal?"    

"The waiting isn't the problem." I sigh and shake my head. "I just need to know that it's headed in that direction and so far, all signs point to a big, fat, friggen no."    

"Well..." She trails off, attempting to form the right words. "Maybe... maybe it's time to move on then. Why stay together if you want two totally different things?"    

"I love him." I shrug dumbly as a sad smile breaks out across her face.    

"I know that sweetie, but... do you love him enough to give up everything you want? Do you love him enough to make yourself miserable and do what makes him happy?"        

I give her a noncommittal shrug and change the subject as quickly as humanly possible.    

I don't know why, but I haven't really thought about that. I'd say it's fairly obvious that I love Justin. I've stayed with him for four years. I've practically been begging him to marry me and I've always pictured myself as the mother of his children.    

It's not a question of love.    

I'm not even really sure what the question is actually.    

The only thing I know for sure is that I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him.     

Unfortunately, he appears to have plans of his own and they don't seem to include me.