All that could be heard was the rolling of the wheels across pavement and the clicking of the keys on his lap top.

Justin sat tucked in his bed, his door securely shut against the inquisition that always awaited him whenever he wasn’t alone.  Tonight he didn’t want to be giving answers; he didn’t want to have to feel their accusing gazes as they followed his every move.

He knew that he had handled this situation with Adah all wrong, but there wasn’t much he could do about all that now.  He had been shocked and scared about everything that was being thrown at him.  He knew that he needed to step up and take responsibility for his actions, and he was going to, he had just needed to get everything sorted out in his head first.

No one could expect him to suddenly drop everything he knew to take care of a girl he’d only met a handful of times and their soon-to-be baby, although that’s exactly what everyone expected.  It wasn’t that he’d wanted to ignore Adah and their situation, he just didn’t know the girl at all.  He knew that he’d wanted to have sex with her, that he thought she was beautiful, and now she was pregnant with his baby.  And then he had to handle going on tour, moving across country for three months.  Did they expect him to pack Adah up and take her with him so they could bond?  Honestly, everyone in his inner circle knew what touring was like.  It wasn’t fun all the time, and it wasn’t relaxing at the best of times.  Did they want a pregnant woman he barely knew to have to endure the constant travel, the terrible hours, and the intense attention from fans and media?

No, he wasn’t going to do that to Adah.  At first it was his fear that kept him from doing much, but then it was his knowledge that bringing her here wasn’t the right thing to do.  If he could, he would be trying to spend time with Adah before the baby arrived so they could get to know one another and try to figure out how this whole parenting things was going to work.  But right now he couldn’t.  Right now all he could do was wait until he actually had the time to spend on her.

And he could read as much about pregnancy and fatherhood as possible.

Justin found another site, this one explaining the gestation process and what to expect each week.  How far along was Adah now?  He didn’t have to think hard because the count down was constantly on his mind.  Seven months.  Adah was now seven months along, or 32 weeks.  He’d learned that if the baby was born prematurely now, it had a pretty good chance of survival.  He’d also learned that Adah was probably growing rapidly because the baby was gaining weight almost every day.  He grimaced at the memory of some of the pictures he’d seen.

Horror movies had nothing on pregnancy photos.

Of course he felt guilty when he read about all the things the father should be doing to help the mother at this point; back rubs, feet massages, special craving runs…but he had to push those thoughts out of his head.  This was the life he led and this was the way the situation went, he couldn’t change that.

Justin pushed the lap top away and let out a deep breath.  This was all so overwhelming.  He was scared and he was nauseous with the thought of being a father.  Even if he and Adah were madly in love and this was something they’d planned…he’d still be scared shitless.

His mom had informed him of her decision to go see Adah, and he was mostly relieved by that thought.  If anyone could make the situation seem possible, it was Lynn Harless.  He knew that he should probably call Adah and attempt to create some form of relationship with her, but he was waiting to be able to see her in person.

Justin knew that he was rationalizing the whole thing, but it made him feel better.

He had taken the initiative to contact Adah’s doctor and set up an arrangement so that when the time came, Adah and Justin could have total privacy while she delivered but her own doctor would be there.  There was a hospital in L.A. that had birthing suits and lots of security.  That was something he couldn’t compromise on, either.  No one could know about this baby outside of his inner circle.  The last thing he wanted was to subject Adah and his child to the craziness of the media.  As long as he could, Justin was going to keep them a secret.

He had also gotten a hold of the contractors and decorators that had renovated his house for him, and they were completing a nursery and a guest suite for Adah.  Justin had no idea if they would be able to work things out as far as any sort of relationship went between them, but she would need a place to stay and a place to keep the baby.  It wasn’t much, he knew that, but it was all that he could do while he was out on the road.  He knew it was time for him to step up and take care of his responsibilities, so he was.  Perhaps it wasn’t like everyone else hoped it would be, but Justin was doing the best he could.

A glance at the clock told him it was just past 2am.  Justin removed his glasses and let out a sign, rubbing the tension from his neck.

If he tried really hard, he could detach himself from everything and pretend that it was all a dream.  Mostly he did this to save his sanity.  He was so scared about become a parent with a woman he barely knew.  Thinking on it too much made him itchy and paranoid.

What if he wasn’t good enough?

What if he sucked at being a father and the baby hated him?

What if he and Adah could never make a friendship work between them?

What if the media caught wind of this?

What if…what if…what if…?

It was all so much to take in.  He had always thought that the family and the kids would come well after he was through getting everything out of his system.  He was closing in on thirty, but he was still no where near ready to quit the music and the movies to focus on family.  If he had his way, he wouldn’t be having kids for another six or seven years.  If he’d learned anything from his mother and father, it was to wait for marriage and family when he was truly ready to devote all of his attention and time on them.  He didn’t want to look back and feel as if he missed out on something because he got married or had kids too soon.

Or course, that wasn’t how things had happened.  He couldn’t blame Adah, and he couldn’t change it all.  He just had to accept the reality of it and move forward as best he could.  It probably wasn’t enough for everyone else, but it was the best he was capable of at the time being.  He’d just have to wait until the tour was over before he could devote all of his attention to Adah and the baby.

Three more weeks.

Three more weeks and he would be back in L.A. facing the scariest moments of his life.

The baby was something he could avoid thinking about, just because it wasn’t here yet.  If he were honest with himself, he was more scared about what might happen between him and Adah.  He hoped that a friendship would be possible, just because it would make things easier.  He had no idea if they would get along, and that truly worried him.  There was no way he could avoid her, or distance himself from her, if things went sour.  They would forever be connected because of their baby.

He knew it sounded silly, but he wasn’t as worried about the baby.  Sure, he had no idea what he was doing as far as being a father, but he knew that somehow it would work out.  Somehow this baby would love him, just for being its father.  He also knew that he had his mother on his side and she would be happy to help him learn about being a father.  So the baby he thought he could handle.  He was secretly wishing for it to be a boy, because he knew that a boy would be so much easier.  He could teach him about basketball and other sports.  He and Paul could take him golfing when he was big enough.  He’d teach him about making good decisions with women (and always using condoms!). 

A little girl, on the other hand…that would be truly difficult.  He didn’t know how to throw tea parties, or braid hair, or pick out dresses.  He had no idea if he would connect with her through sports or music.  What if she didn’t like those things?  He sure as hell didn’t want to think about her growing up and starting to like boys. 

“Justin?”  His mini panic attack was interrupted by a knock on the door and a soft voice.  Rachel had been cautious around him lately and he knew it was because she was upset with him.  “We’re almost at the hotel.  Do you want to check in tonight or just stay on the bus?”

He pondered for a moment.  “I’m gonna crash here, Rach.  Come get me in the morning.  You go check in though, get some sleep.”

He heard her walk away from his door, the speed of the bus shifting as it exited the highway.  There were a lot of nights that he spent on the bus, just because he was too tired to check into the hotels.  The bed was comfortable enough, and it felt a little more private here.  He didn’t have to deal with over-friendly receptionists, or the prying eyes of the hotel staff.  He could just lock his door and curl up with his dogs.

Justin knew that he had a lot of things to fix with his family and with Adah.  Once the tour was over things were probably going to get a hell of a lot harder for him, but he would handle it.