He figured it was about three in the morning.  Adah was asleep in her bed, exhausted from the past day and a half.  Emma had been born after ten hours of labor and she was in desperate need of a good, long sleep.  The rest of the gang had left shortly after the baby had come, wanting to give the parents some alone time.  Plus, it was really late.

Justin sat next to the bassinette where his daughter was laying, her eyes taking in the world around her.

Those words ran through his head at an alarming rate, but he couldn’t find a reason to be upset or scared.  He was nervous, of course, but that stemmed more from not knowing what to do with this tiny, new baby instead of being scared that she was here.  It was a strange feeling, one that he couldn’t really put into words, but it felt like the focus of his universe had suddenly shifted and was now centered around this new life.  His baby.  His little girl.

She already had him wrapped around her finger and she was only a few hours old.

A soft cry came from Emma, so Justin gently picked her up from the bassinette and held her close to his chest.  He was slightly embarrassed to admit it, but the nurses had to show him how to pick her up and how to hold her.  He had younger brothers, but somehow Emma felt a hundred times more fragile than any other baby he’d ever held.  That might be because this baby was his.  Despite the strange situation that brought her into this world, he knew now that he wouldn’t change a thing. 

He started to hum a tune; anything that came to mind.  Emma settled into him, her wide blue eyes staring intently up.  He’d been told that she couldn’t see much at this point beyond contrasted colors and large shapes.  She was probably only focusing on the direction that his voice came from, but that was okay with him.

His eyes scanned her face.  She had tiny ears; something she’d inherited from Adah.  Her nose was definitely Adah’s too, but he was glad for that.  He wouldn’t wish his nose on any one, especially his little girl.  Her eyes, though, those were his eyes and it brought an instant, watery smile to his face to see them starting up at him.  She had his chin, too.  He gently picked up her tiny little hand, feeling a flutter in his stomach as her little fingers grasped his one.  She let out another soft coo and he felt his heart melting all over again.

“I’m screwed.”  He whispered to her with a smile.  “You have me so completely hooked and we’ve only just met.”  He laughed then, “I can’t believe I’m a daddy.  I hope I don’t screw this up.”

Justin held her until she fell asleep, not paying attention to time.  When he was sure she was soundly asleep, he gently placed her back in the bassinette.  He waited, hoping she wouldn’t stir once he put her down.  She didn’t.  He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and made his way over to the pull out bed that had been made up for him.  His was extremely glad that he’d booked this suit for Adah to give birth in.  It provided the privacy that he had Adah needed, but it was also filled with all the amenities that any new parents could want or need.  Part of the suit included a pull out couch for the father, which he gratefully sunk into. 

He felt numb and at the same time he felt more alive than he ever had before.  He also felt completely exhausted, so it wasn’t a surprise that his eyes were fluttering closed and he couldn’t keep them open.  With a small smile firmly planted on his lips, he drifted off to sleep.

~*~

He had only been asleep for a few hours when Emma’s sharp cries jolted him from a sound sleep.  He jumped from the bed, stumbling over to her bassinette to stare groggily down at the screaming baby.

“What’s wrong?”  He asked, as if she could answer.  Instead, she screeched louder.

“She’s hungry.”  Adah’s soft voice floated over to him and he turned to look at her.  She’d propped herself up on the pillows and her arms were reaching out in the direction of her daughter.  “Can you bring her to me?  It’s time for her to eat.”

Justin carefully picked Emma up, cringing as her cries escalated slightly.  “She’s got some lungs on her.”

“Gets that from you, I suppose.”  Adah quipped, her arms still eagerly reaching out for the little girl.  Justin placed Emma in Adah’s arms with a thankful sigh.  “Shhh.  It’s OK, baby.  Momma’s here.”

Although he felt that he should turn away, Justin watched in awe as Adah slid the shoulder of her gown down and lifted Emma to her swollen breast.  The baby rooted for a moment before finally latching onto Adah with a soft suckling sound.  “Doesn’t that hurt?”  He asked, still in awe of the whole process.

“It doesn’t tickle.”  Adah responded, giving him a smile.  “It’s…interesting.  I can’t say I really like it, but I like being close to her like this.”  She paused to stare down at the now content newborn.  “She’s beautiful.”

“She has your ears and your nose.”  Justin sat down on the bed next to Adah, reaching out to gently touch Emma’s head.  “She has my eyes and my chin, though.”

Adah looked up at him, surprise written on her face.  “I haven’t even had a chance to take all that in yet.”

He shrugged, “I had some bonding time while you were sleeping.”  His finger stroked Emma’s nearly bald head.  “She had dark hair.  I don’t know where she gets that.”

“Most babies are born with dark hair.  It’ll fall out and new hair will grow in.  I’m guessing it’ll be blond.  You are a natural blond right?  Or was that just the bleach phase?”

“Oho, you’re lucky you’re holding our baby.”  Justin laughed, happy to see Adah joking with him.  “I had blond hair when I was a kid.  It’s gotten darker as I’ve gotten older.”

“Same here.”  Adah moved Emma away from her breast with a soft ‘pop,’ moving the now drowsy baby over to her other breast.  Emma latched on again, eating just as eagerly as before.  “She was pretty hungry.  Must get that from you, too.”

“Wow, is this bash on Justin night?”  He was smiling when he said it, happy that things seemed to be so great between them.  He was still worried about their relationship, but he knew that they had time to work through things and figure out what they wanted to do.

Adah gave a small shrug, a matching smile on her face.  “I just thought I’d take advantage since I’ve got Emma.  You can’t retaliate now.”

The mention of the baby’s name brought both of their stares down to the small bundle.  She had detached herself from Adah and was now sleeping soundly, milk on her cheek.  Adah gently used her gown to wipe at the spot, and she lifted Emma to her shoulder so she could burp her.  After, she handed Emma back to Justin.

“She’s so tiny.  I’m afraid that I’m going to break her.”  He cuddled her close to his chest.  “I still can’t believe she’s mine.  Ours,” he amended.

“She certainly is.”  Adah spoke softly, getting sleepy again.

They were quite for a moment, both watching Emma intently.  It was Justin that broke the silence, deciding to spill his surprise for both Adah and Emma.  “So I still have a surprise for the two of you, when we can leave here.”

“Oh?”  Adah vaguely remembered Justin telling her that he wanted to show her something.  Even though it was only yesterday afternoon, it felt like a lifetime ago.  “What’s that?”

“Well…I had some people come in and renovate the upstairs of my house.  I have a nursery between my room and your room, so we can both get to Emma if we need to, but we still both have some of our own space.”

Adah sat speechless, not sure how to respond.  She hadn’t given any thought to her living situation once Emma was born, but she really hadn’t thought about living with Justin at all, either.  She’d just assumed that she’d put a crib in her room at the apartment and look into getting her own space when it was feasible.  Of course Justin would want them close, but still, moving in together?  That scared her, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“Oh…that’s…really nice of you Justin.”  He immediately caught the tone in her voice.  He knew he should’ve talked to her about it before hand, but he also wanted to do something to surprise her.

“You don’t like the idea.”  He stated softly.  He didn’t want to wake Emma.

“It’s not that.”  She started, adjusting herself to sit up more comfortable, “I just…isn’t that a little fast?”

Justin walked Emma over to her bassinette, setting her in gently and watching as she made herself comfortable and sank back into a deep sleep.  He crossed back over to Adah’s bed, not sitting down this time.  He wasn’t sure how well his surprise would go over, but he thought she’d be a little more appreciative about it.  “I just figured it would be the easiest.  Both of us can be there to take care of Emma and you’ll still have your own space.”

“But I have an apartment with Sam and Brett.  I can’t just leave them hanging without a roommate.”  It was a weak argument, but she wanted Justin to see that he couldn’t make decisions like this without thinking everything through.  “I have an obligation to them.”

Justin shrugged, “So I’ll pay your portion of the rent.”

“You can’t throw money at this, Justin.  I understand what you’re trying to do, but you should’ve asked me first.”

He threw his hands up, running them over his shorn head and resting them on his neck.  This wasn’t going like he’d hoped.  “I wanted it to be a surprise.  I’m sorry.”  He paced a little, trying to calm his nerves and settle himself so he didn’t get upset.  “I guess we’ll just keep it as a place for you to stay if you ever need to.”

“I guess.”  Adah didn’t want to tell him that she was uncomfortable with the idea of staying with him at all.  She had made a rash decision to sleep with him all those months ago; she didn’t trust herself not to do anything stupid like that again.  Of course Emma was a blessing, but she was a blessing born of a bad decision.  Adah and Justin weren’t friends and they weren’t a couple.  Living together would be awkward, uncomfortable, and she was afraid that it would put undo strain on the fragile bond they were trying to build.

“I was hoping we could figure out this whole parenting thing together.”  He didn’t look at Adah as he said this, ashamed that he was so afraid of not doing something right with the baby.  He didn’t want to admit to her that he was scared shitless and had no idea how to take care of his daughter.

“We are going to do this together.  We already are.”

“Yeah, but I was hoping that you’d be at the house with me.  What if I take her for a night and something happens?  Or what about feeding her?  You’re going to breast feed, I can’t help with that.”

She sat silently, taking in his words and hearing his worries.  She understood, and she thought he had some valid points, but it still didn’t sway her feeling that living together was a bad idea. 

“I can use a breast pump, and you can use a bottle.  And I’m sure your mom will be around to help you out.  Plus, it’s not like you can’t call me…”  She trailed off, actually taking in the thought that she’d be giving Emma up for a night.  She hadn’t considered that part of it.  That by not living with Justin it meant that she would be without her daughter while Justin was taking care of her.  And she couldn’t expect Justin to allow Adah to take Emma every night without having something to say about it.  He was her father and he wanted to have time with her, too.

“We don’t have to decide right now,” he conceded.  He didn’t want to fight about it and he was too exhausted to think anymore.  “We should probably get some sleep, anyway, while the little one is out.”

“Yeah.”  Adah sank into her bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin, lost in thought.  Justin said nothing else as he shuffled over to his bed, plopping down with a heavy sigh.

He knew that Adah had a valid reason for not wanting to live with him.  He agreed in a lot of ways, but Emma made things different.  They would be living together for her sake, not theirs.  They would need to be near each other so that Emma could have the best care possible and both of her parents.  He wanted to raise her together, not separately.  It worried him, too, the thought of living with someone he didn’t really know.  But it worried him more thinking about having Emma without Adah there to help, or not having Emma while Adah took her turn.  He didn’t want turns.  That wasn’t fair to their baby and it wasn’t fair for either of them.

This time his sleep was much less peaceful, his thoughts running rapidly through his addled mind.

~*~

Three days later things still hadn’t been settled between Adah and Justin, but it was time for them to leave the hospital.  Sam, Brett and Brennan had showed up to help Adah bring everything home, and Lynn was there as usual.  She had been smitten with her granddaughter from the moment she laid eyes on her, as Justin had expected all along.  He was glad his mother was there, though, because it was going to be tough watching Adah drive away with their baby.  He’d gotten spoiled over the past few days having both of them mostly to himself.

“Where’s that hat I just had?”  Justin watched Adah search around the room.  She still looked exhausted and he was sure that he didn’t look much better. 

“It’s on the bed.  You put it there when you changed Emma a little while ago.”  Lynn answered the frantic mother.  She stood from her seat next to Justin and made her way over to Adah, gently lifting Emma from her arms and giving Adah a half hug.  “Go take a seat, darlin’, you look like you’re about ready to fall over.”  Lynn ushered Adah over to the seat next to Justin, satisfied when the girl sat down with a sigh.  “There, Grammy will take care of the little one, won’t she?”  She cooed, her focus entirely on the newborn.

“She’s a Godsend.”  Adah commented, gladly sinking into the cushions of the couch.

“Yeah, she is.”  Justin looked over at her, realizing that Adah would never get to share this moment with her own mother.  “I’m sorry your mom can’t be here.”  He said softly.

She shrugged, willing the tears to not fall.  “It’s OK.”

“No, it’s not.”  Justin’s tone was sad as he answered her.  “I’m sorry about the other day, too.  I guess I just wasn’t thinking about how hard it would be for you to move from your apartment just because I didn’t want to be alone with Emma.”  It was honest, but it was still hard to say.

“You don’t have to apologize.  It was a really nice gesture and I know what you were trying to do.  I just don’t think it’s the best idea right now.”

It was Justin’s turn to shrug.  “I don’t want to take turns, Adah.  I don’t want to pass Emma off between the two of us.”  He kept his voice low.  He didn’t want anyone else in the room to hear their conversation.

“Then we don’t.  We figure something else out.”  She was getting defensive, but she was sure that it was the lack of sleep and the strange imbalance of hormones from giving birth.  “I don’t know the answer, but I don’t think living together is it, either.”

“Who said we have to live together?  You’ll still have your apartment and I’ll still have my house.  You just have a room there so you can have your own space.  I don’t know what else to do, Adah.  I don’t know how else we’re supposed to take care of Emma together if we’re not at least spending some nights at the same place.”

The conversation ended when Lynn brought Emma back over, handing her to Adah with a soft smile.  “I think she’s hungry.”

Adah smiled down at the baby, hearing her soft wimpers as she tried to root at Adah’s chest.  “I think it’s Justin’s turn to feed her.”  Adah had been using the breast pump she’d bought over the last few days.  She wanted to get the feel of it and she wanted Justin to have a chance to use a bottle while they were still in the hospital.  The lactation nurse was extremely helpful at showing both of them how everything worked.

Justin gladly accepted his baby girl, bringing her close so he could kiss the top of her head.  “Where’s the bottle?”  He glanced around, taking the bottle that his mother had just retrieved from the counter.  “Here you go, Emma.”

It was quiet as everyone watched Justin and Emma together.  It was obvious that he was completely in love with that little girl, and everyone was happy to see that he’d taken to fatherhood so well.  He was nervous but he was trying and that’s what mattered at the moment. 

While he was feeding Emma he thought about giving the baby over to Adah and having them leave to go back to her apartment.  He didn’t like the idea and he kept racking his brain to come up with another one.  He understood her aversion to living together, but he really couldn’t see how else things could work out.  He supposed he could sleep on her couch some nights, but that would still mean that he was invading her space and that they’d be spending a lot of time together.  He thought about giving her the guest house, but Rachel would have something to say about that and he really didn’t want to piss off his cousin.

There was one more thought, but it would probably upset Adah just as much as all of the other suggestions he’d made. 

Justin had done a little searching around the other night while Adah and Emma slept.  There was an apartment for rent in the same building as Adah, and he’d seriously contemplated buying it so he could be close.  It would be a risk as far as keeping this private, but he didn’t care too much about that.  All he really cared about was being close to his baby.

Emma finished the bottle, letting go of the nipple with a soft pop.  Justin gently picked her up and placed her against his shoulder, patting her back like the nurse had shown him before.  He waited until he’d heard her burp and then he settled her back down into his lap.  “We’ve got some things to figure out, don’t we Baby?”  He grinned as she gazed up at him.

“It’s time to go, Justin.”  Adah’s voice broke him from his thoughts and he glanced up at her.  “We need to check out now.”

He nodded, lifting Emma and bringing her over to the car seat that was waiting.  Adah helped him buckle the now sleeping baby into the seat.  “I’m coming over to your apartment.”  He stated, hoping it would piss her off too much.

She stared at him, shrugging as she turned away.  “Okay.  If that’s what you want to do.”  He couldn’t quite figure out her tone, but he wasn’t about to fight with her, so he let it slide and followed everyone out into the hallway carrying the car seat as he went.

He was a little sad to be leaving the hospital because he knew that their happy little bubble was about to burst.