Justin had ended up being late for his meeting, which pissed the executives off, and he had developed a horrendous migraine to go along with the stress.  It wasn’t turning out to be a very good morning, but at least the meeting was over and he could take the rest of the day off.

He contemplated going to the apartment, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to help with Emma much because his head hurt so much.  Instead he opted to go to his house so he could take a long nap and enjoy some quite.  He had so much on his mind, even if he was by himself, his thoughts were big enough to keep him from getting lonely. 

The meeting this morning had shown Justin that he wasn’t very adept at leading a double life.  It was one thing to keep his personal life private, it was another entirely to hide his baby from everyone except a very close few.  He couldn’t explain to people why he was exhausted all the time, he couldn’t share his joy with many, and he had to divide his time so often that he felt like he was always playing catch up. He’d never imagined that his life would take a turn like this, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.  He’d always figured that he would be married and having a baby would be a truly joyous and amazing event.  Of course Emma was an amazing addition to his life, but because her conception happened the way it did, he felt like it was a huge secret instead of the celebration he’d always expected.

He was getting really tired of keeping this secret. 

He just wanted to be able to explain to people why he was exhausted all the time.  He wanted to share with other why he constantly had a stupid grin plastered on his face even with his exhaustion.  He wanted to be able to tell his buddies why he just wasn’t up for partying or clubbing anymore, or why he didn’t feel like taking girls home with him anymore.

He had a drastic thought in his head and he knew that no one in his inner circle would want him to go through with it, but he was getting desperate and he needed things to change.

Justin was relieved when he finally pulled into his driveway and parked in the garage.  He could hear his dogs making a whole lot of racket on the other side of the door and he smiled, happy to be home.

“Hey guys,”  he knelt down to greet both wagging animals, his face getting lapped in the process.  “Good to see you too.”

“I thought I heard you pull in.”  Rachel’s voice broke him from his conversation with Buckley and Brennan.

“Hey Rach.”  He stood, giving her a smile.

“I’m surprised to see you here.  I figured you’d be at the apartment.”  Rachel’s voice was filled with something that Justin didn’t have the energy to dissect at the moment.  She was still fairly sore over the whole Adah thing and she kept telling Justin not to trust the girl.  It was getting slightly annoying.

“I was up until three in the morning with Emma last night.  Adah has her today, so I figured I’d come home and catch up on some sleep.”  He made his way further into the house, heading toward the kitchen so he could grab some food.

“Cool.”  Justin turned at the sound of Rachel’s response, a questioning look on his face.

“Cool?”  He dropped his hat on the counter and ran a hand over his head.  “Spare me the lecture, Rach.  I know it’s coming and I’m too tired to deal with it right now.”  He glanced up and caught her eye, “I know what you’re going to say, anyway.  You can save it.”

Rachel crossed her hands over her chest, her cheeks flaming brightly.  “Apparently you don’t know it well enough.  You’re still not listening to me.”

“Because you want me to ignore my own baby!”  His anger was palpable.  “We have paternity tests confirming that Emma is my little girl.  Adah wasn’t lying.  She’s never asked for money, and-”

“She’s never asked because you just keep giving her shit anyway!”  Rachel cut him off, her arms flailing.

“Fuck you.”  The words were spit with so much venom that Rachel took a step backward, suddenly silent.  Justin’s eyes were filled with a barely controlled rage; his fists were clenched so tightly that the skin was white with strain.  “I’ve made my decision.  Any money I’ve been spending to take care of my daughter is my business.  You can stay the fuck out of my life and leave me alone.”

It took a second for Rachel to find her voice.  “Fine.”  It was a whisper.  “I’m going back to Tennessee, then.”

“Fine.”

Justin was alone in the kitchen a moment later, Rachel’s angry footsteps echoing down the hallway.  He ran a hand over his head again.  His appetite was gone and his head was pounding.  Rachel’s opinion wasn’t a secret, but he couldn’t figure out why she was so sure that Adah was using Justin.  She was there when the paternity tests were looked at; she knew that Emma was biologically his.  Even with all of that, though, Rachel was still pissed at Justin for spending time with Adah or spending money.  It was upsetting and it just made things that much more complicated.

He shuffled his was upstairs to his room.  Drawing the curtains on the window’s and balcony doors, he flopped heavily onto his bed and let out a sigh that came from somewhere around his toes.

He was about to lie down and burry his head underneath the covers, but his phone rang.  It was his mother.

“Hey Momma.”

“Why is your cousin calling me, hysterical, claiming that you’re the world’s largest asshole and she’s coming home to Tennessee?”

Justin let out another sigh, this one sounding eerily similar to a profanity.  “We going into a fight.”

“I figured that one out, Honey.  I’m not stupid, you know.”

“Sorry.”  Justin was getting truly tired of women.  Lately his life seemed to be overrun with them.

“What happened?”

“She’s still pissed off at me for having anything to do with Adah and Emma.  She started to harp at me when I came home today and I told her that I didn’t feel like dealing with her lectures.  Some nasty stuff was said, I told her to butt out of my life, and she said she was going back home.”

The silence on the other end lasted for only a moment.  “She’s still giving you a hard time?”

“Yes.  I don’t know what her hang up is, but I’m tired of her telling me that I’m doing the wrong thing.  I’m just trying to take care of Emma.”

“She sounded really hurt, Justin.  I’ve never heard Rachel that upset before.”

“Yeah, well I’m hurt too, Mom.”  He tried to control his anger, but he was still riled up from his fight with Rachel and he was sick of dealing with everyone else’s opinion about how he should live his life.  “Everyone’s got advice on how I should live my life.  First people were pissed that I wasn’t taking responsibility for my actions, and now I’m getting shit on because I’m actually taking care of Emma and helping Adah out, too.  I don’t know what else I can be doing, but I’m really tired of everyone telling me that I’m fucking up.”

“Don’t yell at me, young man.  I’m not the one you’re angry at.”  Her voice was hard as steel.

“Sorry Momma.  I’m just really exhausted with trying to make everyone happy.”  He fell back into the pillows and squeezed his eyes shut.  This was not how he pictured spending his afternoon.

“Rachel is just worried about you.  Having a baby is a big deal for your career.  She’s probably just concerned that you might compromise what you’ve worked so hard at.  Remember, Justin, she’s been with you through all of it, every second.  She’s just making sure that you’re not being taken advantage of.”

“Yeah, but she knows that Emma is my daughter.  She saw the test results.  Why is she still being a bitch about Adah?”

“Don’t refer to your cousin like that.”  Justin held back his comment, knowing that he really didn’t want to piss of his mother.  “I can’t tell you why she’s acting that way, Justin, I just know that you could have handled it a lot better.”

“Right, I know.  I’m sorry.” 

“You should call and apologize.”  Lynn’s voice was still hard, but not quite as angry as before.

“I’m still pissed of, Ma.  I don’t think calling her right now would be a good idea on my end.  Besides, I don’t appreciate the fact that she’s still giving me so much shit about Adah and Emma.  I’m doing the best I can.  She’s my baby and I’m going to take care of her.  It’s the right thing to do.”

Lynn let out a sigh of her own.  She was sure that her son and grown up, so why was she still playing mediator between him and her niece?  “Justin, I just know that you are going to regret pissing Rachel off like that.  She’s your cousin and your personal assistant.  Shutting her out is a very bad idea.”

“I’ll just have Trace step back in.”  It was an obvious fix to him.

“Right, Trace, the guy who has been spending all of his time getting your clothing line off of the ground. He’s not going to be able to step back in, Justin.  And I’ve got too much going on to help you, too.  Rachel is your best choice.  You need to fix things with her, and soon.”

“I’ll call her later, okay?  I didn’t get any sleep last night and I’m still pissed off.  Calling her now would just make things worse.”

“Okay, I’ll call her back and tell her not to leave.  You can talk to her tomorrow.”

Justin made a quick decision.  “No, let her go home.  She needs a break.  I’ll be able to handle things for a week or two.  I’ll fly down to Tennessee in a week or so and talk to her then.”

“Are you sure?”  Lynn was concerned, but she also knew that when Justin got an idea in his head it was pretty damn difficult to change his mind.

“Yeah.”  He yawned, “I need to get some sleep, Ma.  I love you.”

“Love you too.” 

They hung up the phone and Justin tossed it to the other side of the bed.  This day just kept getting worse and worse, and now he had even more on his mind.  He felt bad that he’d upset Rachel, but he was just as pissed off.  Why didn’t she have to call and apologize to him?

Add to all of that, he was still feeling like he wasn’t happy with the way things were going at the current time.  He didn’t want to keep secrets anymore, and he wanted to be able to share his baby girl with anyone he wanted to, not just his inner circle.  Of course he knew he ran the risk of subjecting her to the media frenzy that followed his life, but he also knew that he couldn’t do this for much longer.

Justin let out a frustrated grunt, suddenly aware that sleep was going to elude him again.

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