The saying goes, ‘when it rains, it pours’.  Like, it’s not enough that the weather’s shitty, but it’s so shitty that there’s entirely no visibility, you can’t get anywhere, and the flood warnings are rampant.

Adah James felt that that saying was quite apt for what she was feeling at the moment.

The sun was shining brightly and the temperatures were high enough to fry and egg on the sidewalk.  As Sam liked to put it, ‘it’s hot enough in this bitch to breed sheep.’  The air conditioning was on the fritz and tempers were as hot as the temperature.  Emma, thankfully, was with her father, but Adah couldn’t seem to find relief even in that fact.

The past few weeks had been miserable.  She was completely torn with how everything had gone down with Brennan; she wasn’t any closer to figuring out how she felt about Justin; Emma had been sick and was almost inconsolable; and Sam and Brett were discussing a need for a change.

It was the last fact that had Adah constantly reeling.

Last week they’d called Adah into the living room and dropped a bomb that would make Hiroshima look like a hiccup.  At least in Adah’s world.  The apartment was too crowded, they said.  Things weren’t how they had been in the past, they told her, we’re growing apart.  Brett was looking for condos closer to his work.  Sam was getting serious with her boyfriend of a year and they were talking about moving in together.  It’s probably best you find someplace for you and Emma, they said with sad, forced smiles.  The two of you need your own space.

Adah felt as if she’d been slapped in the face repeatedly.  Her heart hurt.

It had been the three of them for such a long time.  They were all she had.  Sam was the one that pulled her back together when not having a mother was the worst thing in the world.  Sam was the one that reminded her how strong she was.  It was Sam that made her laugh in the face of the most difficult situations.

And then there was Brett.  He was the big brother that she’d never had.  He was the man that held her when she was breaking; that picked up her pieces and defended her honor.  He was the only man she trusted.  And now they were taking that away from her.

Part of her couldn’t help but blame Justin. 

If she’d never met him in the club; if she’d never slept with him that night; if she hadn’t gotten pregnant…non of this would be happening.

If she’d never laid eyes on him…

But, she reminded herself, she wouldn’t have Emma either.

It was tearing her up inside to feel so torn between hatred, anger, lust, and joy.  How could she ever want to undo Emma?  How could she ever be upset with Justin for giving her the most precious gift ever?  But how could she not hate him for coming into her life and turning it upside down like it was nothing.  One look, that’s all he needed to do to completely disrupt everything she’d built for herself.  One glance and her life had been irrevocable changed.

And what about him?  He still went about his business as usual.  Yeah, he was a great father and he’d done a lot for her and Emma, but he could still go about things as if they were normal.  He didn’t have to lose his family and best friends because of Emma.  In fact, his family adored that little girl and he was looked at like some kind of hero for stepping up and being a father.  Adah never once had to make a choice about being there for Emma and all she got was dirty looks and the loss of her best friends.

Life just wasn’t fucking fair.

The tear stains on her cheeks were stiff and she’d rubbed her eyes raw.  Sweat made everything cling to her skin and she felt like she was going crazy.  Out, she needed to get out, but she didn’t have any place to go.  She couldn’t turn to Justin, because as much as she wanted him to make her feel better she also wanted to punch him in the face.

She was too hurt and upset with Sam and Brett to ask them for help.  Plus, they were the cause of most of her anguish at the moment.

And her guilt was too much to go groveling back to Brennan.  It wasn’t fair to ask him to pick up the pieces when she wasn’t going to let him have some in the process.  She was too selfish to give anything of herself at the moment.  She didn’t want anyone else to have a chance to break her.  Not again.

Her phone buzzed on the coffee table, scaring her out of her reverie. 

It was Justin’s number.  She contemplated not answering, but she was afraid that it might be about Emma so she couldn’t ignore it.

“Hello?”  She forced her voice to sound normal, but gravel gave it away.

“Adah?  Are you okay?”  Justin’s concerned tone came over the line and Adah fought against a rush of conflicting feelings. 

“Yeah, just trying not to melt in all this heat.”  She cleared her throat, hoping to sound more cheerful.  “The air conditioner is broken.”

“Oh shit.  You should have come over here.”

She shrugged even though he couldn’t see her.  “I didn’t want to bother you.  I had some stuff to do anyway.”  It was a lie.  Unless you count a pity party something to do.

“Oh, are you still busy?”  He sounded disappointed.  She wasn’t sure how that made her feel. 

“It depends.  What’s up?”

She could hear Justin taking a deep breath on the other line.  “Well, I know I told you I’d take Emma for the rest of the day, but I just got a call from the studio of the movie I’m about to start filming and they really need me to come in.  Rachel said she’d watch Emma for me, but she’s also got to take care of a few things so there’s an hour or so that I don’t have anyone to take care of Em.”  He let out a breath, “I was hoping you might be able to come and hang out here until Rachel got back.”

Adah knew she couldn’t say no.  It was her baby, too.  “Of course.  When do you need me?”

“Oh, thank you.”  It came out in a rush of air.  “I’ve got to take off here in a minute, but Rachel can stick around until you get here.  Can you come soon?”

“Yeah,”  Adah licked her lips.  “I’m on my way.”

They hung up the phone shortly after, Adah’s body feeling numb from the onslaught of emotions she’d been through.  She went into her bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, trying to hide the puffiness of her eyes.  Hopefully she could pass it off as the heat’s work.

~*~

The brunette eyed her wearily. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like shit.” 

Adah gave a wry smile and walked in through the door that Rachel was holding open.  The last time she’d been in this house was when she’d told Rachel that she was pregnant with Justin’s baby.  She was at least grateful that things between them had gotten better since then.

“Thanks, I think.”  She walked into the kitchen to find Emma sitting in her high chair, eating a handful of blueberries.

“Everything okay?  My idiot cousin didn’t do something, did he?”

Adah couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that suddenly Justin was the bad guy.  The role reversal felt strange.  “No, he didn’t.”  Not really, anyway, she thought.

“Then why do you look like your puppy just got run over by a truck?”

Adah’s face contorted, “that’s a terrible image.”

“Sorry,” Rachel shrugged, “It’s true, though.  You look like shit, Adah.”

Adah busied herself with wetting a paper towel so she could clean off Emma’s face and hands.  She then lifted the little girl out of the chair and brought her close to her body.  Perhaps the baby could shield her from all of the pain.

“There’s just a lot going on right now.”  She confessed, taking a seat at the table.  “I’m not really sure what direction is up anymore.”

“Shit, Justin told you about going public, didn’t he?”

Adah’s head snapped up, her eyes wide and she clutched Emma a little tighter to her chest.  “What?”

“Oh…uh…maybe he didn’t.”  Rachel looked ashamed and she tried to back pedal, but there was no taking it back.

“He wants to what?”  This time Adah stood up, pacing the tile floor.

“Listen, Adah, he hasn’t decided anything yet.  It’s just been something that’s been on his mind.  I’ve told him it’s a terrible idea, but he’s stubborn as fuck.”

“Well get him un-stubborn!”  Emma started to fuss as her mother became even more panicky.  “Shit.  I can’t deal with this.  Not now.”

“I’m sorry, Adah.  I didn’t mean to make things worse…I just…from the way you looked I figured he’d told you…”

“No, no, he didn’t tell me.  I was upset because I had to break things off with a guy I really enjoyed the company of, and my roommates just told me they aren’t going to renew the lease on our apartment so I need to find some other place to stay.  I don’t have a fucking job right now.  I can’t deal with this shit too!”

Emma’s wail started slowly, building as her mother’s rant continued.  Rachel was quick to grab the crying baby from Adah, who was too upset to calm herself down. 

“Why in the world would he want to do something like go public?”  Adah pulled at her hair, her feet still pounding back and fourth.  “He’s just going to create a shit storm and then no one will leave us alone!  Emma doesn’t need that kind of upbringing.  It would just make life way more fucked up.”

Rachel let the other girl vent, watching as the tears rolled and the explicative’s flew.  She shushed Emma, bouncing the crying baby into a soft hiccup.  This was way more drama than she wanted to deal with at the moment.  She had a meeting to get to and some errands to run.  She wasn’t prepared to play therapist today.

“Adah…”  She called softly, interrupting the pacing.  “Adah, please calm down.  You’re scaring Emma.”

“Fuck.”  Adah sat down hard, giving her little girl an apologetic look, her eyes shifting up to Rachel’s.  “I’m sorry.  I just…I don’t know where my head is at anymore.”  A few deep breaths later had Adah calming down.

Rachel thought quickly.  “I’ve got to run some errands.  Why don’t you come with me and we can talk?”

“Talk?”  Adah looked at the other girl as if she’d grown three heads.  Since when did Rachel want to talk?

“It sounds to me like you don’t have anyone else to vent to.  So, why not?”

The girl had a point.

“I thought you needed me to watch Emma, though.”  The baby in question was now chewing on the cuff of Rachel’s shirt, drooling happily.

“I can reschedule the meeting.  I think you need me a little bit more, at the moment.”

Adah found herself agreeing before she could really think it through.  She was desperate for company right now, and Rachel was right.  She needed to vent.  She needed to have someone to talk to and right now she was out of options.

“Okay.  Let’s go.”

A few minutes later the two girls left the house.  Despite the bright sun beating down on them, Adah couldn’t help but feel that it was absolutely pouring.