As Megan slowly began to gain consciousness that was the first and only thought that went through her head and she began to wish she could stay asleep forever.  She tried to move, but her entire body felt strangely heavy and she couldn't seem to get any of her limbs to cooperate with her.  Weird flashes of memory from the awful dream she'd been having began assaulting her and Megan slowly opened her eyes, blinking against the light.  She turned her head slightly, looking around the room--her brows furrowing as her eyes landed on the figure standing by the window.  "Rachel?" She croaked, her voice hoarse.  I must still be dreaming.  She thought.  Why else would her best friend, who lived in California, be standing in her room?

Rachel turned around in surprise.  "Oh, thank God!" She exclaimed as she walked over to her.  "You're awake!"

"Wh-what are you...what are you doing here?" Megan asked, trying to shake the fog in her head.  She lifted her hand to scratch at her nose but felt something tug her skin.  Turning to investigate she was surprised to discover a needle attached to the back of her hand.  Following the line up, she saw the IV bag hanging above her and more flashes of memory came, causing her head to spin.  Megan desperately sought to separate fact from fiction. 

After collapsing in Scott's room, and hearing Jackson's frantic voice as he called 911, her memories of what had happened next were fuzzy and disjointed.  Waking up inside the ambulance...being wheeled down a long hallway...lying on the table in the operating room...waking up in post-op and not knowing where she was or what had happened...being transferred to the bed she was in now...

She turned back to look at Rachel.  "What..."  She stopped, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.  "What happened?" She asked, opening her eyes once again.  She tried to sit up, but again, couldn't quite get her body to do what she wanted it to do.

"You had surgery." Rachel told her, pulling a chair close to the bed as she sat down. 

"Surgery?" Megan asked in confusion.  That would explain the operating room.  "Why?"

"You were pregnant, Megs." Rachel replied.  "But the baby...it was an ectopic pregnancy and it ruptured." She reached for Megan's hand.  "It was a really good thing that Jackson was there at the house with you when it happened." She continued.  "Otherwise..." Rachel paused, blinking rapidly against the tears that Megan could see in her eyes.

Megan's brows furrowed again as the memories from last night began to get a little clearer as the remaining anesthesia continued to wear off.  She remembered regaining consciousness in the ambulance, and the feeling of Jackson's hand gripping hers tightly.  She remembered the panic she had felt--not know what was going on--but also the comfort and reassurance in knowing that he was there with her.  He stayed by her side as they arrived at the hospital and wheeled her in--the doctor beginning his examination.  He had kept a tight hold of her hand and had only stepped aside after being threatened with being thrown out if he didn't get out of the way.  Megan's heart did a strange flip in her chest as she remembered the terrified look in his blue eyes, along with the overwhelming love and concern for her, and began to feel a little guilty.  Why was she holding on to her anger towards him when it was obvious how much he loved her?  How much he was willing to do for her?  He wouldn't cheat on her!  Deep down she knew this, but for some reason it was easier to fear than to trust.   Facing a life threatening situation made a person re-evaluate the choices they had made in their life however, and suddenly, all Megan wanted was to see him; to feel his arms around her and know that he would always be there to love and take care of her. 

"Is he..." Megan paused.  "Is he here?" She asked, looking around the room. 

Rachel shook her head.  "Jace took him home about an ago.  He'd been up all night sitting in here with you and I told him he needed to go home and sleep."

"JC came?" Megan asked in surprise.  Rachel nodded.  "Isn't he on tour?" Megan asked, confused as to why he would have come to Arizona with Rachel.

"Next week." Rachel replied.  "Remember?  When I got your mom's message last night I told him what had happened and that I needed to get to the airport and he came with me.  I told him he didn't need to, but he said he wanted to be here."

Megan smiled at the thought that JC Chasez--the man whose music and poster Megan has worshiped growing up--was in Arizona right now because of her; had left on short notice while he was no doubt busy with last minute tour preparations because of her.  If her sixteen-year-old self could see how her life had turned out, she would be having an absolute fit at the moment!  Who would have thought? Megan thought as she closed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted and tired. 

"Megs?" Rachel asked, sounding worried.

"Hmmm?" Megan hummed but kept her eyes closed.  "I'm tired." She murmured, her body demanding that she sleep.

"Oh...okay." Rachel replied, sounding slightly disappointed. 

"Sorry..." Megan trailed off as whatever pain medication they had her hooked up to, suddenly kicked in--her body relaxing completely as she willingly surrendered.    

~~~~~~~~~

Jackson stood, leaning back against the wall in the shower as the water falling on him slowly turned cold.  He had gotten home about forty-five minutes ago--the car ride mostly silent as JC drove the ten miles from the hospital back to the house--and had forced himself into the shower, hoping the water would wash away his pain as easily as it did the grime from his body.  His head was pressed back against the tile wall, his eyes closed, as he relived the nightmare of the last twenty-four hours.  Having Megan walk out on him was one thing, but watching her lying on an operating table, bleeding to death in front of him, was entirely different.  In both cases he was the one to blame for her pain and the guilt was beginning to eat him alive.  If he had just been honest with her she wouldn't have walked out on him.  If he hadn't gotten her pregnant, she wouldn't currently be fighting for her life. 

As the water turned too cold for him to handle-goose bumps beginning to break out over his body--Jackson finally turned it off and got out.  Reaching for his towel he wrapped it around his waist and went to stand in front of the sink.  His hands gripped the countertop as he hung his head.  Please.  Help her to be okay.  He prayed.  If she lives through this, I'll step back and give her what she wants. I promise.  He found himself bargaining with God.  It had been obvious last night when she had taken off her wedding ring that Megan wanted him out of her life, so that was what he was going to do.  It would kill him, but at least he would have the assurance that he couldn't hurt her anymore.  If he truly loved her like he claimed he did, then he needed to do whatever it took to make her happy--even if that meant stepping aside and letting her move on without him.

A sudden knock came at the bathroom door, startling him.  Wiping his hands across his face to remove the tears, Jackson reached for the doorknob. 

"She's awake." JC said.  "Rachel just called me."

~~~~~~~~

As Jackson and JC stepped off the elevator and began walking down the hallway towards Megan's room, the men could hear laughter floating through the partially opened door.  Jackson slowed down, watching as JC reached the door first and raised his knuckles to knock before opening the door wider.  JC turned to look at Jackson in question, but Jackson motioned for him to go ahead.  He was suddenly nervous about seeing Megan again and needed a moment to gather his courage.  She was awake--he could hear her talking to Rachel and JC--and he steeled himself against seeing the anger and pain fill her eyes when she saw him.  Finally, taking a deep breath he squared his shoulders and walked into the room. 

~~~~~~~

Megan and Rachel both turned as a knock came at the door and Megan's heart fluttered nervously in her chest.  She was only slightly disappointed to instead have JC walk into the room.  Megan watched as Rachel's face lit up with a smile and she observed her best friend affectionately greet her fiancee, once again wondering what her teenaged self would say and do at the scene in front of her. 

"It's good to see you awake." JC said as he turned and smiled at Megan.  "We've all been pretty worried about you." 

Megan felt her cheeks warm slightly as she smiled back at him.  "Thanks for coming." She told him.  "I know you didn't have to and it...it means a lot."

"Where's Jackson?" Rachel asked, looking back towards the door.  "I thought he was with you." She told JC.

"He is." JC nodded.  "He was right behind me." They all three turned to look at the door again as the man they had been speaking of finally made his appearance.  Megan's breath caught in her throat as she looked at him and she suddenly wished she could walk over to him and throw her arms around him.  He looked about as bad as she felt, but she'd also never wanted to kiss him more than she did right at that moment. 

Rachel quietly cleared her throat, breaking the tense silence that had descended in the room.  "We're going to, uh...leave you two alone." She said, grabbing JC's hand and pulling him towards the door.  "We'll be back." She promised as she and JC walked past Jackson--who remained immobile in the doorway--and disappeared, closing the door behind them.  Again, a tense silence filled the room.  Megan attempted to shift slightly from the partial sitting position she was in, but sucked in a breath as the pain from her incision caught her off guard. 

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked in concern, finally speaking as he took a step towards her. 

Megan nodded.  "Are you just going to stand there in the doorway?" She asked.

"I don't..." He paused.  "I don't know what you want me to do right now, Megan." He finally admitted and Megan's heart broke with the knowledge that his hesitance and uncertainty were entirely her own doing.  She didn't blame him for not knowing what she wanted when she had been throwing so many mixed signals at him that last couple days.

"I want you to come here." She told him quietly, her eyes never leaving his.  Slowly, Jackson walked towards the bed, finally coming to stand next to her.  He watched her, his blue eyes studying her carefully.  "Hold me?" Megan whispered, the tension between them intensifying.

"I can't." Jackson replied.  "You've got to stay in bed."  Megan gingerly scooted away from him--closer to the far edge of the bed-watching as Jackson's brows furrowed in concern.  "Megan..."

"I seem to remember," she began as she lay back against the pillow, her heart pounding and her breathing heavy at the energy and exertion it had taken to move that small distance.  "We were able to both fit in a hospital bed once before."  She saw something spark in his blue eyes and knew he was remembering the time when he had been in the hospital after a car accident a few years ago and had wanted her to get in the bed with him.  "Please?" She asked.  "I promise I won't tell the doctor."  She finally saw the corners of his lips turn up in a small smile and knew she had won. 

Jackson glanced over his shoulder at the closed door then gingerly lay down on the narrow bed beside her.  Turning on his side he reached out, sliding one arm underneath her head while putting his other arm around her waist--being careful of where her incision was-and rested his head on the pillow next to her.  Megan closed her eyes, a shiver running down her spine as she felt his warm breath against her neck.  She turned her head slightly as she relaxed against him. 

"I'm sorry." She whispered and she felt his arm tighten slightly around her. 

"Kate means nothing to me, Megan." Jackson quietly stated.  "You have to know this."

"Then why all the secrets?" She asked, not wanting to ruin this moment between them, but needing some answers.

"Because I knew how you would react if I told you." He admitted.  "You threw me out of your life once before because of her and I didn't want it to happen again.  But it did anyway."  He remarked.  They were both quiet for a moment.  "Why don't you trust me anymore?" Jackson asked finally breaking the silence.  Megan opened her eyes, looking up at the ceiling.  "What did I do?"

Silence again fell between them until, "Nothing." Megan breathed out.  "It's not you, it's me." She finally admitted.  "I don't know what's happened lately but..." she paused, swallowing against the sudden lump in her throat.  "I've been struggling the last couple months," she began again, her voice wavering slightly.  "Feeling secure in our relationship." Jackson's arms tightened around her again as she continued.  "I feel sometimes that I'm...that I'm not good enough for you; that I'm not the wife you deserve.  I know I can be moody and irritable, I haven't lost the last ten pounds of my baby weight from having Scott last year--and I don't think I'm going to--and sometimes I really hate cleaning the house, so I don't.  You started working more and staying at the office later and later every night and we quit...you didn't seem to want to touch or be close to me anymore and my insecurities multiplied.  Then all the secrets started and I just couldn't handle it.  I went to your office one day to surprise you and take you out to lunch but when I got there I heard you talking to another woman about what some plans you were making and how I wasn't going to find out about anything..." she trailed off, trying to gain control of her emotions.  "That was the night I was crying in the bedroom and you told me about Hawaii, but the damage was already done.  I started having flashbacks of when my father left and I..." She sniffed, bringing a hand up to wipe at the tears streaming down her face.  "Then I found all those emails about Kate and how you were trying to set up a time to meet her.  I know I should have asked you what was going on instead of yelling at you but I got scared and I couldn't...I couldn't be the one that was left again, so this time I did the leaving-thinking it would make things easier.  But it didn't." She told him, her voice thick with emotion.  "It didn't."

"Megan," Jackson began.  "You have no idea--" his voice cracked and he cleared his throat.  "No idea-how much I love you, and how sorry I am that I have done anything to make you question that.  Ever since that day we met at the bookstore, I haven't been able to look at or even think about another woman.  When you walked out last week..." he stopped, trying to gain control of his own emotions.  "I sat down and cried like a baby." He admitted.  "I don't care that the house isn't spotless-it's a house, not a museum!  And you're wrong.  You don't need to lose any weight.  I can't lose you, Megan." He bent his head, his lips brushing along her temple before he rested his forehead there.  "Please, tell me I haven't lost you."

"I think we need some help." Megan told him.  "But I want to try."  She pulled back slightly and turned her head to look at him.  "Would you be willing to go to counseling with me?" She asked.

"Yes." He nodded.  He removed his arm from around her waist, instead placing his hand on her face-cupping her cheek.  "I love you." He vowed.  "And I'm ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get us back to being ‘us'."  Megan blinked back the tears that came at his admission, her heart skipping at the intensity of his gaze.  They stayed like that for a few moments, their eyes never leaving each other's.  "Can I..." Jackson trailed off as he stroked his thumb across her cheekbone.

"Yes?" She breathed, instinctively knowing what he was going to ask her.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked hesitantly.

Megan swallowed nervously as butterflies suddenly appeared in her stomach then slowly nodded her head.  She closed her eyes as he leaned towards her and softly pressed his lips against hers.  Her heart momentarily stopped at the contact, but Jackson pulled back after only a second and Megan opened her eyes to look at him in question.  "You can kiss me more than that, if you want." She told him. 

"I don't want you to overdo it." He replied.  "You just had surgery and I know you're tired.  I just--"

"Shut up and kiss me, Jackson." Megan interrupted him and he took no time in doing just that.  The kiss was slow and sweet as he moved his mouth against hers-slowly building in intensity and passion-and Megan knew, in that moment, that everything was going to be okay.  They had a long road ahead of them, there was no question about that, but the love was still there between them and, with a little professional help, she knew they could overcome this and become stronger.  Together.