"Dinner's ready!"

Jackson jumped in his chair as he turned around quickly.  "Oh!" He breathed, putting a hand to his chest.  "Damn it, Megan!" He exclaimed, turning back around and quickly exiting his email account.  "Don't scare me like that!"

"What's going on?" Megan asked as she walked over to him.

"Nothing." Jackson insisted-his heart racing as he fought to act as though nothing really were wrong. 

"Why are you so jumpy?" She asked. 

He glanced up at her and swallowed nervously at the suspicious look in her eyes.  Had she seen?  Had she seen what he had been looking at before he'd closed it?  Could she sense his nervousness and fear?

"I haven't seen you jump that high since..." She trailed off and Jackson pushed away from the desk.  "Well...never." Megan remarked, watching him closely.  "What's going on?" She asked again.

"Nothing." He replied.  "You just...scared me, that's all.  What's for dinner?" He asked, changing the subject.

Megan continued watching him--her hazel eyes studying him closely-as she remained quiet.  Jackson forced a smile, hoping to calm her suspicions.  "Enchiladas." She finally answered, her eyes narrowing slightly as she folded her arms across her chest.  Jackson fought not to grimace.  It was never a good sign when Megan folded her arms like that.  She wasn't buying it.  

"Did I miss an anniversary or birthday?" He asked with a nervous chuckle as he leaned down and kissed her, a slight sense of relief filling him when she accepted the kiss instead of pushing him away.

"Nope." Megan answered with a shake of her head.  "Just had a craving."

Jackson watched as her eyes slid over to the computer and then back to him.  She opened her mouth to say something and his heart began hammering in his chest.  What was he going to tell her?  He couldn't keep lying and saying that nothing was going on.  This affected her too--in a big way--but he didn't want to lose her and he was afraid that when she found out what he had just found out that that was what was going to happen. 

"Ma!  Ma!  Ma!"

Scott's baby chatter suddenly came from the kitchen, interrupting them, and Jackson breathed a quiet sigh of relief.  He needed time to think this through.  He needed time to figure out what he was going to do and how he was going to fix everything before he told her what was going on. 

Without saying anything, Megan finally turned and walked out of the den.

~~~~~~     

Megan was unnerved by what had just happened and she couldn't shake the suspicious feeling surrounding her at Jackson's odd behavior.  What was her husband hiding?  He'd been sitting in there for the last thirty minutes, intently staring at the computer screen, and when she'd gone to get him for dinner he'd about jumped out of his skin.  She'd never seen him so jumpy and on edge before and it scared her.  He was hiding something.  She could see it in his eyes and she didn't like it.  She didn't like knowing that he had stood there and lied to her--telling her that nothing was going on when she knew that something was up.

She went to the oven as it started to beep and opened it.  Pulling out the pan of enchiladas she had made she set them down on the counter a little harder than she'd anticipated in her agitation and Jackson looked over at her in question.

"Sorry." She offered out of habit.  She watched as Jackson turned and began playing with the baby--making funny faces and causing Scott to laugh.  What are you hiding?  She wanted to ask.  Their relationship had been torn apart before because of something that he had kept hidden from her, hadn't he learned that honesty was what she wanted from him?  The sudden feeling of secrecy that had descended between them made her sick to her stomach and the insecurities she'd been fighting a few months ago began to creep back in. 

Turning off the oven, Megan carried the casserole dish over to the table and set it down.  Pulling out her chair she sat down and looked across at her husband, wondering if she should try to pull this secret out of him or just let it go.  Did she really want to know what was going on?  Did she really want to know what he was hiding?  Jackson turned to look at her, a smile on his face and a sparkle in his blue eyes and Megan had to fight the sudden urge to slap him. 

"I think, besides you," Jackson winked at her as he poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher on the table.  "This is my favorite smell." He pointed at the enchiladas.

Megan said nothing, just reached for his plate and began dishing some up for him.  Don't try to be all sweet and charming.  She told him in her head.  It's not going to work this time. 

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked his brows furrowing as he took the plate from her. 

"I'm fine." Megan lied.  If he could do it, so could she, right?  Jackson studied her for a moment then picked up his fork and began eating.  So much for Hawaii.  She thought bitterly.  They were right back to where they had been before with secrets and silence.

"Ma, ma, ma, ma..." Scott began repeating as he picked up the spoon and began hitting it against his high chair tray.  Megan picked up the bottle of baby food she'd set out for Scott.  Feeding him a few bites of the pureed sweet potatoes she spent the rest of dinner trying to avoid making eye contact with her husband. 

"I talked to a few real estate agents in L.A. today." Jackson finally said, breaking the deafening silence between them.  Megan looked up at him, meeting his eyes.  "I was thinking," he continued hesitantly.  "Maybe we should go out there for a few days and start looking for a place.  What do you think?"

"Sure." Megan replied, the shear hypocrisy of the moment making her want to throw up.  If they couldn't be honest and talk with each other and fix what was wrong between them, how was moving to California going to change anything? 

Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this then needs to be.  She thought, trying to grasp onto any sliver of hope that she could as she continued to listen to Jackson and the plans he was making about their move.  She didn't want to let go of the happiness they'd experienced in Hawaii.  She didn't want to believe that her husband was cheating on her, but what else was she supposed to make of his jumpy and secretive behavior?

She couldn't handle sitting there across from him, acting like a happy family when her heart was breaking, any longer!  Megan stood and began cleaning up, ignoring Jackson's intense gaze.

~~~~~~

Jackson watched as Megan stood and began cleaning up the table.  She was mad.  Her jaw was clenched and her chest was rising and falling sharply as she fought to breathe evenly.  He knew he needed to talk to her but, instead, acting the coward, he cleaned up Scott then took the baby into the front room--hoping that by giving Megan some space he would be able to come up with the words to say to diffuse his wife's anger.

If he didn't, all his hard work the last couple weeks was going to go right out the window and was going to be sleeping on the couch.

~~~~~~

Jackson flipped off the hall light as he walked into his and Megan's bedroom later that night.  Megan was sitting up in bed, reading and he stood--watching her for a moment.  A few tendrils escaped the messy ponytail she'd pulled her hair back into, and her glasses were perched on her nose, but she gave no indication she even knew he was there.  Jackson's brow furrowed as he continued to watch her-wishing he were a mind reader.  He'd give anything to know what she was thinking right now.  He cleared his throat, hoping it would finally draw her attention, but she didn't even flinch.  How was he going to talk to her, if she wouldn't even look at him? 

A sudden and crazy thought went through his head and, before he could talk himself out of it, Jackson walked over to her side of the bed.  Without a word he took the book from her hands and tossed it towards the end of the bed. 

"Hey!" Megan exclaimed as she finally looked up at him--surprise and irritation written across her face.  Jackson placed his hands on either side of her face and, before she could say or do anything else, he kissed her.  Good and hard. 

She protested for a moment--putting her hands on his chest to push him away--but slowly she began to relax and he felt her begin to kiss him back.  Tilting her head to the side, Jackson deepened the kiss--hoping to take away all of her anger and frustration.  There were much better ways to put this fiery side of his wife to work.

Megan's hands slowly slid up his chest and into his hair as she wound her arms around his neck, lying back against the pillows as he crawled up on top of her, never breaking the seal of their lips.  When at last she tore her mouth from his, her lungs desperately pulling in oxygen, he opened his eyes and looked down at her.  Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were red, and the angry fire that had been in her eyes all evening was starting to go out. 

"I'm sorry." She told him as she brushed her fingers through his hair.  "I know I've been acting like a bit--"

"I'm sorry." He said, cutting her off.  He rested his weight on his forearms as he hovered above her.  "I didn't mean to snap at you earlier." He cupped the side of her face--his thumbs caressing her cheek as he leaned down and kissed her softly.  "I hate it when you're mad at me." He breathed.

"Then quit doing things that make me mad." She replied matter of factly.  Jackson watched her for a moment until finally, the corners of her mouth twitched upward slightly.  A sense of relief filled him as he noticed the teasing glint in her beautiful eyes. 

"Have I ever told you how irresistible you are when you're wearing your glasses?" He asked as he settled his weight more fully atop her. 

"You've mentioned it a few times." She replied with a smile.

"Then why don't you wear them more often?" Jackson questioned as he lowered his head and began nibbling along her jaw line.  Megan let out a breathy sigh as her arms tightened around his neck and he grinned in triumph.  His crazy idea was working.

"It would take all the fun out it." She replied as she turned her head to the side to grant him better access to her neck.  "I don't want you to become desensitized to them."

He chuckled as he nipped her playfully then pulled back to look at her once more.  "That won't happen." He assured her.  Their eyes met and he studied her for a few moments.  "Are you okay?" He asked, sincerely wanting to know.  Since they'd returned from Hawaii he had noticed that she became emotional over things that before hadn't bothered her, and her mood seemed to change at the drop of a hat.  He had a hard time most days keeping up with her and was tempted to believe that it was just the stress from trying to get things packed and the house ready to sell that had her overwhelmed...but he wasn't one hundred percent sure about that.

"I'm fine." She told him.  Jackson's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at his wife, doubting her answer.  "Are you going to kiss me, or what?" She asked.  "I was in the middle of a really good chapter when you came and interrupted me." She continued.  "So either kiss me, or give me back my book--"

Megan let out a quiet giggle as Jackson captured her mouth and he pushed away his doubts and questions.  If something were wrong she would tell him.  Like you're telling her?  His conscious argued.

Jackson forced the thought away--refusing to listen to that annoying voice in the back of his mind.  It was better to keep quiet, he reasoned.  Megan was already stressed and finding out would only add to her anxiety.  He wanted to keep his wife as calm and as happy as possible. 

Life was easier for him when she was happy. 

~~~~~~

Taking, and releasing, a deep breath, Megan pulled her hair away from her face, secured it back with a ponytail holder and sat back--looking at the computer screen in front of her a few days later.

Since she and Jackson had gotten back from Hawaii,, Rachel had asked her to start working on a logo for the business she was starting and to work on some marketing materials.  Megan had been excited at the new challenge but was quickly becoming frustrated because Rachel had rejected every design idea Megan had sent her the last couple days.  Tapping her fingers on the desk Megan sat for a moment, waiting for inspiration to come.  She'd known Rachel her entire life!  Why couldn't she come up with a design her best friend would like?

She was distracted--that's why.  All she could think about lately was her husband.  She had been half tempted yesterday to hire a private investigator to follow him and hopefully appease her curiosity, but had decided not to--convincing herself she was being ridiculous and paranoid.  Beyond his jumpy behavior a few nights ago, Jackson hadn't given any other indications that anything was wrong.

Pushing the keyboard off to the side, Megan opened one of the desk drawers and took out her colored pencils.  Maybe she'd be able to come up with something for Rachel if she stepped away from the computer and went back to the basics.

"Where's my sketchbook?" Megan wondered out loud, looking through the drawer that held her drawing supplies.  It wasn't where it normally was.  Her brows furrowed as she began rummaging through the piles of papers stacked on the desk top-her irritation growing.  Why isn't anything ever put away? She thought, suddenly frustrated with the unorganized mess she was looking at.

"None of this even needs to be kept!" She exclaimed, looking at the scraps of paper with random notes and numbers scribbled on them.  Finally, pulling the small trash can from beneath the desk--and figuring she'd get a start on organizing the office in order to pack--Megan began throwing away the papers she was going through.  She was about halfway through the first pile when the computer beeped, startling her.  Megan glanced over at the monitor as a new email popped up on the screen.  Reaching for the mouse to minimize the screen Megan stopped, blinking unbelieving at what she was looking at.  Convinced she must be wrong, she glanced over her shoulder briefly, even though she knew she and Scott were the only ones home.  Looking back at the computer screen, Megan began reading through Jackson's emails--the evidence only compounding in front of her.

Her heart began to pound painfully in her chest and Megan put a hand across her mouth, as the urge to get physically sick almost overwhelming her.  Megan's breath came in shallow gasps as she tried to make sense of everything.  What did it all mean?  Why was Jackson keeping this all from her?  Did he think this could all be swept under the rug and forgotten about? 

Pulling her phone from her pocket Megan dialed quickly and lifted the phone to her ear, waiting for the call to be picked up.

~~~~~~

"Sign here."

Jackson looked at the document that was slid across the table at him and picked up his pen.  "I really appreciate you doing this for me, Brett." He said looking at the guy he'd known since high school.  "I always knew you being a lawyer was going to one day come in handy for me." Jackson replied with a forced smile.

"Just sign the damn form, Taylor." Brett responded, with a roll of his eyes.  "And pray nobody finds out about this."

"I thought you said this would take care of everything." Jackson replied, looking at the other guy in question.

"Technically, it will." Brett nodded.  "But it's not exactly the most legal way to go about doing this.  What is your wife--"

"She can't find out." Jackson cut him off.  "You have to promise me you won't say anything to Megan about this."

Brett blew out a breath.  "I promise." He replied with a roll of his eyes.  "But she's not the one you really have to worry about." He continued.  "If anyone decides for some reason to look at your information and starts comparing dates..." Brett shook his head as Jackson slid the paper back across the table.  "You could be in some serious trouble my friend."

"Well, then I'm just going to have to make sure that nobody has a reason to look at any of my information, now aren't I?" Jackson replied as he looked down at his phone as I began vibrating on his hip.  Megan's name flashed across the screen and his heart jumped in his chest.  He sat looking at the electronic devise, unable to answer the call.  Somehow, he knew what she was calling about.  The call transferred to voicemail and Jackson pushed his chair back and stood up. 

"Good luck." Brett answered, standing as well.  Jackson looked up at him as he clipped his phone back on his belt.  The two men shook hands and Brett opened the door of the conference room they had been in.

"Thanks." Jackson said.  "I'll see ya."

~~~~~~

Megan sat on the couch, her arms folded across her chest--her legs crossed as she watched the front door intently.  After finding Jackson's emails and trying to call him--with no answer--Megan had called her mother and asked her if she could watch Scott this evening.  She was going to confront her husband with the information she had discovered and she didn't want her son in the house in case it turned ugly.

Looking at her watch, Megan's anger grew.  He was late.  Finally, after several more tense minutes, she heard Jackson's car pull into the driveway and took a deep breath--steeling herself against what was coming.

~~~~~~

Jackson inserted his key into the lock and opened the front door of the house, anxious about facing his wife.  After her initial call earlier, Megan hadn't tried to call him again.  He knew the fact that he hadn't called her back wasn't going to go over very well with her, but he couldn't ignore her any longer.  Walking into the house Jackson stopped as his eyes met Megan's--his heart stopping momentarily at the angry fire that was once more in her beautiful eyes.  Closing the door he cleared his throat nervously.

"Hi." He offered tentatively.  "What's going on?" He asked looking around nervously.

"You tell me." Megan replied tightly.

"What--"

"I found these today." She said, cutting him off as she stood.  She picked up a stack of papers from the coffee table and walked towards him.  "Care to tell me what they're all about?" She asked holding them out to him. 

Jackson took the papers from her and looked down at them.  When he finally realized what he was holding his eyes flew back up to hers.  "Megan--"

"Don't ‘Megan' me!" She demanded.  "What does it mean, Jackson?" She asked, her voice rising in anger.  "I want the truth.  Right now!  No more lies.  No more secrets.  What the hell is going on?  Was it all rouse?" She asked.  "You weren't really going to take me to Hawaii, were you?  That was just something to throw me off, wasn't it?  I knew something was going on!  All this time, I knew!  How could you?" She accused, her bottom lip trembling. 

"Megan." Jackson stopped her.  "Would you stop and let me explain?"  Megan folded her arms across her chest and tilted her chin up.  Jackson jammed his left hand into his hair as he took a deep breath.  "I found Kate." He stated simply.  "But you already know that." He continued, holding out the emails she had printed out.  Megan nodded.  "When she disappeared on me and I couldn't find her, I waited the regulated time and had her declared officially dead so we," he gestured back and forth between them, "could get married."

"But she's not dead." Megan stated, giving him the information those damn emails contained. 

"No." Jackson shook his head.  "She's not dead." He looked down at the emails he'd received from the private investigator he'd hired several years ago when his first wife had left him and disappeared.  "I never thought I would ever get this email." He told her, lifting his hand, his fingers crumpling the papers as he clenched his fist.

"What does it mean?" Megan asked.

"Well..." he drawled and cleared his throat.  "Since I was married to her first and...she's not dead..."

"We're not married." Megan finished for him. 

He nodded.  "It's just a technicality." He rushed to assure her.  "I've already taken care of it."

"How have you taken care of it?" She asked incredulously. 

"Do you remember my friend Brett?  The lawyer?" He asked.  Megan nodded.  "I had him draw up some papers.  That's where I was this afternoon--meeting with him." He explained.

"Is that legal?" She asked, looking at him in question.  He hesitated and she closed her eyes, shaking her head. 

"Don't worry about." He told her.

"Don't worry about it?" She asked him.  "Don't worry about it?!  Are you serious?  Jackson, our marriage wasn't legal!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up.  "You're still married to your first wife!  How am I not supposed to worry about this?!  And what about Scott?  What are we..." She stopped and he watched as she blinked rapidly--her bottom lip trembling slightly.  "What's going to happen?"  She asked him. 

"Nothing." He answered.  "Nothing's going to happen.  I told you, everything's taken care of." He stated as he stepped towards her.  He lifted his hand to brush her cheek but she pulled back and looked at him like he was crazy.  "It's just a technicality." He told her again.  "But if it will make you feel better we can get married again."

"I'm not sure I want to marry you again." She told him and Jackson felt the air rush from his lungs.  His knees almost buckled and he had to remind himself to breath as the pain from her words cut at his heart.

"W-what do you mean?" He asked frantically.  "W-why..." He trailed off, unable to form a complete sentence.

"I can't live like this anymore, Jackson!" She told him.  "The secrets, the silence, always wondering...I can't do it!  It took me finding those stupid emails for you to even tell me what was going on!  If I hadn't found them, would you have said anything to me about all of this?"  Jackson looked at her, wanting to give her the answer she was looking for--but he couldn't.  Not without lying to her again.  "That's what I thought." Megan replied.  He watched as a tear ran down her cheek and he wanted, more than anything, to reach out and wipe it away.  Megan lifted her hand and brushed it away instead then turned and grabbed her purse from where it sat on the coffee table.

"Where are you going?" He asked as she walked past him and put her hand on the door handle.

"My mom's." She told him as she yanked open the door. "That's where Scott is right now."

"Megan, wait." He called out in desperation, putting a hand on her arm.  She stopped but didn't turn around.  "Please don't do this." He begged.  "I...I'm sorry." 

She turned around to look at him and he felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest.  She looked down at where his hand was resting on her arm then slowly met his eyes. "Let me go, Jackson."

He released her--his arm dropping limply to his side--and watched as she walked out to her car and drove away.  He stood in the doorway for a long time, his eyes focused on where Megan's car had disappeared around the corner, gripping the doorframe for support--his mind unwilling to accept what had just happened.  A stupid, reckless, immature decision almost ten years ago had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.  Because of his fear he had just lost the one person who meant the most to him--the one person he loved more than life. 

If she was gone, what reason did he have to continue?

Finally he stepped inside and shut the front door.  Leaning back against it, Jackson slid down until he was sitting on the floor and put his head in his hands-an eerie sense of déjà vu enveloping him as his tears fell.  He'd lost Megan once before because of Kate.  He obviously hadn't learned his lesson about honesty then and so history was now repeating itself.  I should have told her.  He thought.  "I should have told her!" He screamed out angrily as he hit the door behind him and looked at the ceiling.  He leaned his head back as he continued to cry.  Why hadn't he told her what was going on?  Why had he been so stupid?  Why had he thought that keeping it all quiet and trying to take care of everything without telling Megan would be okay?  How could he just let her walk away? 

The regret and self-recrimination was almost suffocating, but it was the look in Megan's eyes when she had told him she didn't know if she wanted to marry him again that hurt the most.  Didn't she love him anymore?  His heart twisted painfully.  And what about Scott?  Jackson couldn't imagine not being able to see his son everyday.  Was he now going to be relegated to only seeing Scott on holidays and special occasions?  Every other weekend perhaps?

He couldn't do it. 

He couldn't stand by and be an onlooker to his son's life.  He needed to be there everyday and he needed Megan--more than anything, he needed Megan.  He wasn't complete without her.  They belonged together.  But how was he going to convince her of that fact when she didn't want to have anything to do with him?  Jackson pulled his knees up and, resting his elbows on them, clasped his hands together and began to pray for the inspiration he needed on how to win Megan back.     

~~~~~~

"Why aren't you ready?"

JC looked up from his bowl of Cap'n Crunch-his eyes meeting Rachel's Wednesday morning.  "I don't have to be at the station for another hour." He told her, looking at the clock on the wall.

"What?" She asked, looking at him in question.  "What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" He asked, taking another bite of his cereal.

"We've got an appointment in twenty minutes." She told him.  "I thought you were down here because you were ready to go."

"Go where?" JC asked, utterly confused.  "What appointment?"

"To pick out flowers." She told him.  "I told you about this last week!" She exclaimed.

"That was today?" He asked, and Rachel nodded.  JC slumped down in his chair as he blew out a breath.  "Rach, I can't..." He shook his head.  "I can't go."

"What do you mean you can't go?" She asked, putting her hands on her slender hips.  He watched as her jaw clenched and he swallowed nervously.  Rachel was a force to be reckoned with when she was angry about something.

"I can't go." He repeated dumbly.

"Why the hell not?" She questioned.

"I've got like three radio interviews with the guys today," he began, telling her his plans for the day.  "And Tyler's in town.  I don't get to see him very often and I--"

"Fine." Rachel cut him off as she turned around sharply and began walking towards the garage door.  "Forget it."

"Rachel, wait!" He called out as he stood and walked around the table. 

"Save it, JC." She told him slinging her purse over her shoulder and he stopped short in surprise.  She never called him ‘JC' anymore--it was weird hearing her say the name now and he knew it wasn't a good sign.  "Have fun." She offered, the sarcasm all but dripping from her words.  "I'll see you later." And with that she left. 

JC stood in the middle of the kitchen looking at the garage door for a moment then finally turned and went back to the table.  It was moments like this that made him regret not hiring another personal assistant when Sarah had left last year.  At the time he had figured that with the group getting back together, Jive would once more be hiring someone to keep track of their schedules and, with Rachel around, he didn't need one more person around telling him where he needed to be everyday. 

Boy, was I wrong.  He mused.  He felt bad about bailing on the appointment she had set up but there honestly wasn't anything he could do about it.  Reaching for his phone lying on the table he flipped it open and quickly sent Rachel a text.

I'm sorry.

When she didn't answer in her customary timeframe he sent another one.

I love you.

Again, no answer. 

Picking up his spoon, JC finished his cereal then stood and put the bowl in the sink.  She just needs time to cool off. He reasoned with himself. Grabbing his phone he headed upstairs to hop in the shower.  He would give her a few minutes--enough time for him to take a shower and get dressed--and then give her a call.  He'd make it up to her.  How, he wasn't quite sure yet, but he was confident he'd come up with something.  It'll give me something to do while everyone talks to Justin. He thought with a roll of his eyes as he stepped into the shower.  I don't know why they even have the rest of us there...