You Get Me Through

By Mel

I walk lightly down the hotel hallway, anxious to get to the right room. I’m counting the numbers displayed on the doors, getting closer to the right one. I figured this feeling would have faded out by now but it hasn’t. If anything, I look forward to these days, these moments. It’s almost as if my soul anticipates when I’m going to see her, knowing that in a short time, everything will all make sense. I’ll get some time to breathe, some time to not have a camera shoved in my face, be asked a million and fifty two questions, not have to sing, no nothing. I just get to be Justin.

I finally make it to the right room, marked 702 as I place a light knock on the door. I know she’s waiting for me so it’s not long before it swings open and she’s standing there, smiling brightly back at me. I carefully look down the empty hallway, making sure some spastic fan hasn’t followed me and am relieved to see it’s clear. I make my way into the hotel room and close the door behind me and it’s not even three seconds before her arms are wrapped around me and the soft, feminine scent of her envelopes my senses. She feels good in my arms and I use the opportunity to wrap my own around her frame, letting it all soak in. I’ve waited a long time for his.

We don’t pull away right away, instead, we stay like this for a few moments and I feel her arms tighten a little around my neck and I do the same to her waist. She seriously feels too good to let go. I take some time, savoring this moment, making a mental memory to keep inside my head for when I’m away, back to real life and she can’t be here to make it better. Like I said, these moments are few and far between.

She finally pulls away and my hands slide off her waist but I catch one of her hands in mine, linking our pinkies together and holding on. She smiles again back at me and we walk further into the room, where I kick off my shoes before taking a seat on the small sofa in the make shift living room and already I’m feeling better.

We settle into a comfortable silence as she lays back on the pillows, rolling to her side and holding her arms out for me to join her. I move my body, half on my stomach and half on my side as I drape myself over her, head coming to rest on her shoulder. Her hands immediately go to my hair, gently scratching my scalp and there’s nothing I can do to suppress the moan that escapes deep from my throat. This feels like heaven already. She giggles easily and just the sound of her voice has me grinning up at her. Her hands leave my head before making their way down to my neck and shoulders, where her fingers start massaging my sore muscles. I don’t know how she knows, but she’s always on top of what I need. My eyes slide shut as I let my body get lost in the talent of her hands.

“Feel good?” she says softly.

“Mmmhmm.” I moan, my voice mumbled by her chest.

She laughs as my voice vibrates against her skin but she continues.

“You doing okay?”

I nod, not saying much of anything because she knows what it’s like. We’ve been through these conversations night after night and for once I don’t want to reminisce on the drama that is known as my life. She understands and not knowing every current aspect is fine with her because she’s here to get me through, not to pry.

I could sit here and bitch about how I’m sick and tired of doing photo shoot after photo shoot, having to smile my ass off and pretend like I’m fine with everything. I could tell her about how for the last three weeks, every night of my life is spent dancing and singing on stage for millions of screaming fans and even though I do love making music, it gets so old fast. I could mention all of the interviews I do, and how I roll my eyes as I get asked who I’m sleeping with, who my current girlfriend is and if we’re getting married soon. I could also tell you, not her that she is not my girlfriend.

My girlfriend is overseas right now, shooting a movie.

Don’t sit there and think that I’m cheating on her because I’m not. This has nothing to do with sex.

You see, having a girlfriend is still tied to all of the drama that’s known as my everyday life. She’s in the business to so she obviously has her own. She’s been with me through mine so when it all ties together, it’s like one big giant ball of stress. As much as I love her, she can’t give me what I’m getting right this second. Right now, I’m just Justin. Not Justin Timberlake, singer, actor, fashion extraordinaire, and without a doubt not Justin Timberlake, the worlds best boyfriend.

Because I will tell you that I’m not. I can be an ass hole and I’m so far from perfect that sometimes it’s not even funny. I will say I try to be the best I can be and love my girlfriend with all of my heart but this has nothing to do with her.

Yes, back to the other her. The one who’s got amazing fingers, about to lull me to sleep.

Her hands are now working their way to my back, and as small and skinny as her fingers are, they sure feel amazing against my muscles. She knows the right pressure to use, the right rhythm to keep and exactly where to go when I need it. It’s pretty ironic that she instinctively knows that I needed this because I must have slept wrong last night and my back has been killing me ever since. I swear I didn’t even tell her either.

I try not to think about the busy schedule I have ahead of me for the rest of the week and do my best to push it out of my head because right now is not the time or the place. Right now is my time to be me.

“Did you die on me, Just?”

I laugh softly at her concern but I’ve been still for the last fifteen minutes, my eyes closed, breathing slowly.

“Yes. Just enjoying.”

“Good.” she says before continuing on.

Twenty minutes later, I finally realize she’s stopped her actions and I must have dozed off. I pry my eyes open, looking up at her smiling face and she’s just watching me. My body already feels loose and well rested in just that short amount of time and I know it’s all because of her. Now I know you’re thinking I could get a ‘professional’ massage from whomever I please but this is completely different on so many levels.

“You can stretch out on the bed and we can order a movie if you want.”

I nod, sitting up as she does the same. I take a moment to raise my hands over my head, stretching a little as my shirt rides up over my stomach. I see her eyeing me and I raise my eye at her in question but I know that I can’t keep a straight face and instantly burst into a laugh.

I walk up to her, hands around her waist and I pull her tightly against me again but put enough distance so that I can see her face, my nose scrunching up goofily as our foreheads touch. She’s already laughing at my silly antics and it takes me a second not to crack a joke.

“I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.” I say softy, meaning it.

My statement surprises her a little bit but touches her all at the same time. “You needed me. That’s why I’m here.”

I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like her in my life but I’m thankful I found her. She’s not like other girls. She doesn’t attack my body, begging me for sex or throw her own in front of me, teasing and waiting with want. It’s all simple and drama free. No strings, no questions. Yes we touch, and I’ve even kissed her a few times, just small pecks and tiny busses,  but  it’s never gone further then that. It’s all about comfort and the carefree closeness she gives me.  

“You’re amazing, you know that?” I ask, tucking a strand of her curly brown hair behind her ear.

Her eyelashes blink prettily at me. “Why little ol’ me? I’ve waited so long for you to say those words to me, Justin Timberlake.” She mocks.

“Oh that’s it.” I say eyeing her. She pulls away once she sees mischief in my eyes and begins running towards the bed.

Her laughter echoes through the hotel room as I finally catch her as she runs around the bed, trying to escape me. Once I catch her, I toss her carefully on to the bed, my laughter mixing in with hers and straddle her body.  She looks up at me, chest heaving heavily as I hold her arms at her sides. I let go of one, fingers digging into her stomach and tickling her. Her giggles instantly erupt again as she moves from side to side, trying to escape my grasp on her.

“Uncle.” she calls out, trying to break free, using her one arm to try and push me off of her.

I finally give in, stopping my actions but not moving off of her.

“That was just cruel.” I say.

She rolls her eyes a little, arms crossing over her chest because she’s mad she was defeated. “What did I do? I was feeding your ego, you silly boy.”

I give her a half grin, hand reaching down to move her hair from her eyes so she can see. “Uh huh. I bet you were.”

She looks at me innocently before I feel her shove against my chest and in an instant, I’m on my back, now looking up at her sitting in my lap. I look up at her, stunned.

“It’s not nice to doubt me, Just.”

“I never do, sweetheart.” I tell her, because really I never have.

You see, she always knows exactly what to say to me to make sense of things. And then there are times when I don’t want to speak about work or anything else so I’ll listen to her tell me about her life. She’s been through a lot in such a short time. We’re about the same age but the difference between her life and mine is that she hasn’t lived hers in front of a microscope.

She’s just a normal woman, from a small down in the south and she works, has friends and a family and her own place and lives a pretty normal life. That’s the one thing I need in mine-- normalcy.

I wonder at times what I’d be like if I had never joined MMC and stayed at home, went to college and married some typical girl. I think about coming home from a nine to five job everyday and having my kids attack me with hugs and kisses and greeting my wife in between her making dinner for all of us.

Now she’s not married but she’s had boyfriends before but they’ve never treated her right and in some ways, it hurts me. She’s gorgeous, talented, sweet, loving. I can’t understand what guy wouldn’t want to be with her. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never thought about what it’d be like to take things a little further with her but I care about her too much to do that. I refuse to be that guy who can’t be there for her like she needs, and love her like she deserves. Basically, I can’t be there for her like she is for me. In so many ways, it’s all one big giant ball of unfair.

I don’t know how she does it, other then the fact that she has a pretty mobile career as a writer but all I have to do is call her and she’s here. Thankfully, after a pretty stressful week on tour, we happened to be a few states away from her and I called her spending about two hours complaining about this and that until she promised me she’d have a room at the next hotel stop. I didn’t even have to beg. She just knew. I swear, it’s a gift of hers.

Anyways, back to the now.

She’s looking down at me, playfulness etched all over her porcelain features as I anticipate her next move. She finally relents, hands on her hips.

“What do you want to do?”

“You’re doing it.”

She looks at my questioningly, trying to keep a straight face. “You want me to straddle you?”

I let out a small gust of laughter. “Well now that you mention it..”

Her eyes roll, knowing I’m joking. “Whatever, Justin.”

I look up at her, face somber and serious as my hands go to the exposed flesh of her tanned legs. Her eyes trail to my hands and suddenly she’s silent, smile no longer there.

“You know you’re gorgeous, so stop it.”

She shrugs a little, brushing off my statement. “If you say so. Do want to watch a movie still or what? I could order a pizza.”  she says, climbing off of me.

I sit up, upset that she‘s just brushing this off. I feel this strong urge to make sure she knows exactly what I was getting at. She’s standing in front of the TV, fiddling around with the remote and viewing the pay-per-view movies the hotel provides. I grab the remote from her hands easily, tossing it to the bed across the room. She turns to look at me, question looming large.

“You don’t want to watch a movie?” she asks.

I shake my head, taking a step closer to her. “Nope. Not right now.”

She looks around the room nervously. “Okay..”

I take another step closer. “You need to know something. First of all, you are beautiful. I don’t want you to ever doubt yourself again. You have to be one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. You care for people, you’re paitient, you’re kind, you’re sensitive, sexy, sophisticated. You listen to people with not only your ears but with your heart. You give honest, helpful advice. You’re the entire package. You’ve got the softest hair I’ve ever felt in my life and don’t tell my girlfriend this but you’re body is amazing. Any guy would be lucky to be with you, to wake up with you in their arms every morning.”

She’s standing there, lip nervously between her teeth. Any normal girl I’d expect to maybe burst into tears, maybe even come at me with some kind of sexual ploy but not her. I can see that deep down, she’s a little surprised but touched at the same time.

“Thank you.” she says, her voice cracking a little bit.

“You’re welcome. Don’t forget it.” I say placing a small kiss on her cheeke. “Now, how about that movie?”

She smiles a little, going back to the bed and reaching for the remote.

I take this opportunity to plop back down on the middle of the large king size bed, leaning against the head of it and adjusting the several pillows to make myself comfortable. She brigns up the movie menu, handing me the remote to choose. I frown as she takes a seat at the edge of the bed on the farthest side of me.

“Why are you so far away?” I ask.

She shrugs a little. “I don’t know.”

I laugh, missing her being close to me already. “Well come over here. I’m not going to bite you.”

She slowly scoots across the bed until shes beside me as I finally pick a movie as the opening credits start up. I slide down on the bed so I’m laying down, head propped up on the pillows as I pull her against me, her back to my chest, my arms wrapping around hers. I feel her instantly relax as a soft sigh escapes her lips. Her hands go over my arms, holding me too and I know that all of her insecurities are gone.

That’s the thing I love about her. If only just for a little bit, I don’t have to worry about who I am. I can pretend that maybe I’m just a normal guy and that to me is a beautiful thing. I feel like maybe I’m meeting up with a friend, perhaps a love interest and I’m just fine with the closeness and the lack of drama and stress in the air. If I wanted to vent about the shit that went on this week, I know she’d listen to every word I said, making her own comments as I went along, making me laugh at her snide remarks or nod in approval at the words of wisdom she chose to give me. It may not be the most recreational away to go about things but I’ve come to realize that nothing in this world is perfect.

As much as I hate some of the things that come along with my career, she always remindes me of the all of the good. The wonderful things too. There are times where I find myself feeling a little guilty for this, for spending random moments with her in different hotel rooms, different cities, and the fact that she will just drop whatever she has to be with me. Then there are moments like these when we’re wrapped up in each other, watching a movie with no conversation needed and that’s when I know that this doesn’t just mean a lot to me, but to her also.

Somewhere along the road, our paths crossed and I believe that she was sent to me to get me through this crazy thing we call life and I was sent to her for reasons that only she knows. One day I’m determined to find out exactly what those reasons are even though I’m pretty sure I know.

Because I know as much as she helps heal me, I think I help heal her too.